Another Follow up to How to Politely Change Plans with a Friend

If she's going to act like that, she's not a true friend. I would send her the Easter email. If she doesn't respond, I'd be done....

There are easier people to be friends with out there.
People who are easy going, who give as well as take, people who understand when a husband has to work on a Monday and would never change their plans from a Sat because of that consideration, people who don't hold silly grudges, etc.
Find them!
Let this one drop.

Assuming that she just didn't get your message, my hunch is that she got miffed when you attempted to draw an appropriate boundary. People with boundary issues tend to do that (get upset when asked to observe the boundaries of others).

I've gotten to the point where I just don't have room in my life for people who cannot respect/honor reasonable boundaries. Really what is the point? I don't want to entertain that kind of dysfunction anymore.

I don't think I'd send another message - the ball is in her court.

JMO.

I wouldn't play "Chase me" with a friend. I think she is giving you every clue possible that your friendship has run its course.

Leave it as it is....."the ball is in her court" There really is a season for all things including moving on and going separate ways.

Oh whatever! That would be my response.
She does not seem like a good/nice friend.
I would just go on my way.
How RUDE, and that is putting it nicely.
She is not high maintenance, she is just opportunistic. For herself.
And if she doesn't get her way, then she has no regard for anyone else.
That is not a friend.
I would not miss her at all.
I would choose not to be her doormat.

If you are so inclined, you could send the email. If she doesn't respond at that point, then she is trying to tell you a message that she does not wish to be friends anymore. If she is that offended over somthing so stupid and reasonable for you to request, then I just wouldn't have time for her either.

If my phone still aint ringing, I assume it still ain't you, the great philosopher, Randy Travis.

Huh. I reckon she's p.o.'ed.

Smile. You get to choose how you feel. This is only an effective punishment if she lives in your head. Do you care enough to reach out again? It's a question on you can answer.

Hi ES,

You could send her a Happy Easter. But be prepared to receive the same treatment.

I can only think of two scenarios for this: either she just doesn't care or she is mad and 'done' with you. She doesn't see her rudeness, she doesn't see that you have gone above and beyond in trying to reach out, offering an olive branch.

She doesn't see her need to apologize. Likely because she may not have the awareness to realize she was really in the wrong and that she might have come off as rude and demanding toward you.

A few years ago I was in a similar situation. I won't go into details, but I was beating myself up over a friend who felt justified in treating me terribly over a misunderstanding. EVEN after I had apologized... nothing. I was pretty much agonizing over it and finally asked my husband what I should say or do.

He gave me good advice: Don't call her, let her call you.

I'm not friends with this person any more--I'd say we are friendly acquaintances at this point, but I am glad I stopped trying to 'fix' something I really wasn't the author of. Deciding to not spend my efforts on that person and to keep investing in healthier friendships was helpful. I hope that your friend can come to her senses, and I hope that you can come to a sense of peace that sometimes we outgrow our friendships and that's okay too. She didn't handle her disappointment well, and seems to me (from your previous posts) that maybe she has bigger, deeper problems than you changing a date. But it's probably easier for her to get mad at you than to take a good, hard look at herself in the mirror.....

I

a simple "happy easter" email (short and sweet) would be fine.

but please don't waste your time or break your heart chasing after this girl.

she hasn't figured out what's important in life. it is sad but she's not going to change on your timeline. she is being immature and petty - and putting "partying" not only above her child - above her friendships! come on, is that the kind of "friend" you really want?

sometimes we miss how we think someone should be or how they used to be. the person she is now, obviously doesn't value you, as much as you value her.

don't buy into the drama or her tantrum. you have more important things to focus on. she is treating you crappy - rise above.

I would reach out again if you consider this woman to be a good friend. There is no harm in taking the high road and following up to confirm plans and let her know you are looking forward to having a chance to visit.
If she chooses not to respond, then she will have made her decision.
I think you did a good job of respecting your family by changing the date, and your friend needs to honor that.
Best wishes.

well, it would be nice, i guess, but i'm with B. if someone is that hard to deal with, i'm just too lazy.
khairete
S.

It's sad--she doesn't seem nearly as concerned about continuing this friendship since you had the "nerve" to express an opinion / place a restriction on HER plans.

If I was in this situation?
Ball's in her court.
So the next move is hers.
Good luck.

Honestly, if this friendship means something to you and you don't want it to sour, I would CALL her instead of emailing. I suppose she could always continue to snub you (if that is indeed what she is doing) by not picking up the phone or not returning the call if you leave a message. But I'm guessing that maybe this whole thing doesn't completely have to do with you. Maybe there is something else going on with her? I don't know. I went back and read your original question, and I really think you did nothing wrong. So for her to get all bent out of shape because of that? It doesn't add up. Something else is up. Maybe when you talk to her she'll open up about what it is. If it does turn out to be all about you (in that she's actually pissed about the change of plans - which I think is ridiculous by the way, but whatever) then talk it out with her. In the end, if she doesn't agree to drop it, then maybe that is the time you need to let go. Good luck and keep us posted.

I hope you're not surprised that she hasn't contacted you. Go back and read the answers to your first question. Most of us have told you that she only thinks of herself, and that means that she doesn't care about you unless you can do something for her.

She's a user.

Please stop trying to push this one-sided friendship.

Dawn

She is trying to punish you. Don't let her! She is a dramatic kind of person. She thrives on drama and will expect you to be worrying and wondering what went wrong etc. She wants you to play this cat and mouse game----Don't. I would shock her and not do anything. No email, calls, etc. Let her get a taste of her own medicine. See when she calls you.

Then when she does, you can simply say that you tried to connect but she wasn't willing to go along with the change in plans. etc.

Let it go~ If she is worth it, she will contact you and try to re-build friendship. If not, consider it a blessing in disguise.

Sorry she sounds like a selfish women. Not much of a friend if she cannot understand WHY you changed your plans. One sided friend, she will always treat you like this. Let her go. Find another friend who will be a true friend.

Why not?

I mean... Here's my feeling:

"He who takes offense when it's not intended is a fool, he who takes offense when it IS intended is a greater fool." Brigham Young

This cuts both ways.

You couldn't play hard Sunday, maybe she took offense to that. Maybe her plans just left that as the only day she could see you.

She hasn't gotten in touch with you for 2 weeks. Maybe she's trying to be offensive in "payback", BUT maybe she thinks you don't want her around since you "blew her off" (IF she took it that way), OR maybe she's just busy or sick.

Notice all of the ifs & ors? You don't know what's going on with her, so you're assuming the worst. Maybe for good reason, or maybe just because you're feeling guilty for saying "no" for the first time.

So why NOTsend her a happy Easter message?

Because she MIGHT be trying to snub you?

Or because you actually don't want to be friends, anymore?

How about a note asking if she has decided on her plans for the weekend. Let her know that you understand but need to know so that you can make other plans if she is not coming. Tell her you are saving the days.

Don't take it too seriously. Some people like to party on their bdays.

What is the friend/son situation? I don't get it. Anyway, did you confirm that there are no emergencies and this isn't related? If she is being 'cold' because you can't party then consider the parties done. That is seriously sad.

Let it go. This isn't a friendship worth salvaging.

You can take the higher road and treat her like you would normally treat her. If you normally send her something then go ahead and do that. I think keeping the line of communication open is good. BUT if you just want to be done then don't bother. It's hard to acknowledge when you've outgrown a friend, especially one that has been through thick and thin with you.