Another Baby - Dallas,TX

I am in the same situation as you just a little different. I want to have another baby but my fiance does not. He has two boys from a previous marriage and I have a daughter from a previous relationship. The subject gets brought up every so often and he told me that he does not want another due to how much money it takes to raise another one. I see his point but he also understands my point. We have times throughout the year where we have none of the kids and realize that we need that time together and whatever happens we will deal with it whether we get pregnant or not.

FWIW, I married my husband when he had 2 kids with his ex, our first was unexpected, second even more so. I was sitting here thinking that if I had an only child, I could afford to take him to Jump for Joy. At $24 a visit, though - it just doesn't happen. Forget the zoo, and don't even get me started on college funds. Ours are 2, 5, 11, and 13. They better study hard and get good scholarships. Extra curricular activities are tight, too - both because of time and money. As an almost only (my siblings were 20 years older than me)I was able to do different activities every day of the week - my kids get to read and run in the sprinkler, although we splurged on a pool membership this year in place of mine and my dh's parent day gifts. I have to drive a gas guzzling van instead of an efficient little civic.
Also, what happens if your second baby is born with some special needs? (Mine was). Working suddenly wasn't the option that we thought it would be.

I understand where you're coming from - I was there. I'm with your husband now, though - I had my tubes tied to prevent any more surprises (we've gotten pregnant with condoms, the pill, and IUD just doesn't do well for me).

Another idea might be for you to go back to work to pay things off, then the two of you start trying again. It puts a bigger age gap between your kids - but it also means that the time and money constraints are spread out further apart.

S.

I agree you need to do alot of praying. Hopefully he will change his mind. You have to understand his side and that since your son starts school in the Fall he finally saw a light at the end of the stay at home tunnel :). If you have another baby then it will be another 5 years of not working. Maybe you could met halfway and work part time if you have another baby. I don't know if you can do that or not, but maybe it could work.

All I can suggest is prayer on this decision. I can understand where your DH is coming from especially during this economic situation the nation is starting to feel. I have been a SAHM for 8 years now and tried to go back to the corporate world when my son was 3 but then we found out I was expecting our second so I quit working and it has been tough..sometimes very tough.

Just pray on it and pray with your husband if possible.

J.

I'm in the same situation just backwards. My husband really wants another child now and I don't. It's not that I wouldn't love to have another baby because we have a 1 year old girl and I want a little boy too. The thing is, that I want to be more settled when we do it. We live in a large 3 bedroom apartment so we have the room and we have a nice truck so plenty of room for more toys and things. The problem is my husband just had back surgery and we're still paying off the bills from our first child. I would like to have any unnecessary bills paid off before we have another child. I don't want to have to deal with anything except the necessities like electricity, food, etc. I want my children to be able to have the life that I did and even better. I will tell you this though, I was an only child and I was spoiled rotten which was nice but I would trade everything I had growing up to have had a sibling to fight with and tell secrets too and even play jokes on and vice versa. I found out when I was about 16 that I had a brother and he was put up for adoption because my mom was only 16 when he was born. He and I are very close now but it makes me sad to listen to his adopted sister and brother talk about all of the things they did when they were younger and he and I don't have any stories. We're making some but it's just not the same as it would have been. You should talk to your husband about you getting a job and saving some money for another child. Maybe then he would be more accepting. GOOD LUCK!

If it is the money he is worried about, well here is my saying..
if you wait till you can afford a child, you will never have one.

We have three children (four but one of them is waiting for us in Heaven) and honestly, the first one is the hardest...after that things just come together. You learn to use coupons for those diapers, but formula in bulk, etc LOL Things just get easier! A single child works for some but if you honestly feel incomplete, sit him down and ask him to just think about it, not to say no right away but to take your feelings into consideration and just think about it for a few weeks and then sit down and talk about it again. Decisions like that should not be made overnight anyways. I am a stay at home mom and at times, it can be hard. Especially with prices of everything going up!! But I babysit my nephews and a neighbors child during the week to earn some extra money and my kids love having other kids around to play with...it also makes games like duck duck goose and hide and seek alot more fun! : )

Good luck to you guys!!

My husband was dead set against another child after our first, (he has two from before our marriage). I wasn't sure what I wanted just after we had our first. Then I began thinking. If we only had one, who would be there for him when we are gone. I told my husband that Daniel would never have someone to wake up with on Christmas morning as say, "Do you think Santa's been here yet? Let's go see." He would never say to his sibling, "I won't tell if you won't." There would be no one to tell on him if he skipped school. There would be no one on the planet who know's just how he feels and what he misses when I am gone. He'll have his half siblings when his dad goes, but no one when I go. He may be married with children of his own (I hope), but no one who knows just how he feels. I explained all this to my husband, and before I knew it, he was talking about the next one. FYI...he asked about having a third not long ago. This time, I'm the one not ready yet. We probably will have another, just not now. Maybe if you come to him with more than, "I really, really want another baby", he'll be more willing to listen.

Good luck. It is such a blessing to watch your children play together and love each other.

Hi A. I understand your situation because I was like you last year until I made my husband understand that when you have that feeling that need to be mom again it's hard to just get it out of your mind because he used to said it's just in your mind it will go away, thank God he understood my feelings and now I'm 4 months pregnant with my second one I have a 4 year old girl I hope this time to have a boy. I used to tell him he was just thinking on what he wanted not even count on me talk to your husband open your heart tell him how you feel I know it will work

You should sit your husband down and talk to him about why you want another one and ways to work it out. But if he is still dead set on not having another then I would drop it. There is nothing that will ruin a marriage faster than when one doesn't want another one and the other keeps pushing the issue or gets prego w/o trying to prevent it. I'm a strong believer that unless you are both in agreement about another one then you shouldn't have another one. Your marriage is more important than a baby that's not even conceived yet.

I agree with your husband that you should not go back to work, that would be depriving your son of his mother. This would be a big step backward.

On the other hand I feel your pain about wanting another kiddo. I have a 2 yr old and want another. Every time I mentioned it to my husband he would say let's just wait until she is 2, then that would come and he would say let's wait for this, for that, etc.. There was always something! Finally I sat him down and talked to him about what his hesitation was, and we hit every objection one by one. I also let my husband know that I wanted him to be ready to and that I had been waiting forever for him to be ready for #2, but he also has to take in consideration for my feelings because I was looking after his by waiting it out. We are now trying for #2 and are both onboard and excited!

All you can do is ask what his reservations are and try to tackle each objections. Did you guys talk about this before marriage?