Toddler Traveling Abroad with In-laws?

Over my dead body would anyone be taking my child out of the country for 4 weeks without me. I would clearly state, no you do not have my permission. She can certainly cancel, she'll just lose money. Oh well, that's her fault.

Does he have a passport? If not only you and hubby can apply. If he does have one, who has it. I hope you are holding it. Lock it up in a safe deposit box

Am I understanding this correctly that the child would be with their father for the 4 weeks? That this was planned so that dad could have more than a few days with his son before he would have to head back to work?

Your MIL deceived you and purposely went behind your back. She bought a ticket for a 2 year old and not for you.

DO NOT GIVE IN to this. It will happen again and again, and it is so disrespectful and dismissive of you. I can't believe it's good for the child either. You say "it seems" your husband knew nothing about this - but does that mean you think it was possible and he didn't tell you? That's a red flag for me.

I would tell your MIL that it's too bad she can't cancel the ticket but she should have consulted you the second she came up with this scheme, and long before she got to the point of investigating flight times and dates. She is the one who entered into a non-refundable arrangement, and this is not your fault at all. Don't allow her to guilt-trip you.

She cannot take the child out of the country without your permission, including written documentation. Don't give it.

Some other thoughts: Has your MIL even spent that much continuous time with your child? Has she cared for him, by herself and without you, for so much as a long weekend? Does she have any idea what kind of energy it takes to keep up with a 2 year old all day long, for weeks on end, especially one who is jet lagged and in a new environment and missing his mother and his toys and so on??? For that matter, your husband who thinks this is a good idea - has HE done non-stop child care without you? I'm sure he misses his child, but this is not how he should fix that problem!

Say no. Stand your ground.

One more addition. Say no to listening to her. Set the boundary by saying, "I'm not going to talk about this again. If she insists hang up or ask her to leave. Do you live with her? If so, go to your room.

Added: after some thought. Are your in laws wanting to take your son to be with his father? The answer is still no for all the reasons below. If they bought a ticket for you, I might be less adamant if this was planned as a happy surprise for you. It wasn't! Feels to me that your in laws and husband are putting you outside the family.

If you have a passport, updating it will be easy to do. Pay for expediting your application. So......the fact your passport
And visa have expired is not a reason to exclude you.

Why is your husband saying it's a good idea? Is your marriage strong? Is it possible he plans to keep your child in Argentina?
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I suggest your in-laws are manipulating you and your husband. It's important they are not allowed to make decisions for your family. If you let the toddler go, you are giving them permission to do this again. Your in-laws are also deciding when your husband visits. It is not your responsibilty to deal with their loss of money. The loss is the result of their choices.

I also suggest it's important for your children to spend time with their Dad.

I now realize that you are talking about a toddler. I suggest that studies have shown that long absences from mother is not good. A toddler is still building his relationship with you. Leaving with his grandparents for 4 weeks will affect your toddlers sense of security. If you need back up, talk with your pediatrician.

Why would grandparents want to take a toddler for 4 weeks? Will they bring him back?

I suggest your husband is taking the easy way out with his parents. I suggest you write down the reasons this doesn't work for your family and have a long conversation with your husband. It's important for your marriage to make this a joint decision.

My short answer: No way in heck would I ever allow this in my own family.

Longer answer: The fact that your MIL bought the tickets without even consulting you first is extremely manipulative and entitled behavior. If you let her go through with this, as Marda P. said, you are giving her permission to do this in the future, and she will get the message that she can walk all over you and do whatever she wants with your child and family. She needs to learn that she is not the head of your family, and that you will not allow her to bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with. A 2-year-old cannot handle being away from their mother for that long, it feels like abandonment to them. Don't be afraid to follow your mothering instincts and say no!

Say it more strongly. Say things like this: Nope. No. ABSOLUTELY NOT. She is NOT going. So sorry you got your hopes up, but No. No way in hell. My husband may come visit us here in the US. No, you are not taking her out of the country. She is not going with you. Use your ticket for someone else if it is unrefundable. You should never have bought an unrefundable ticket without having permission from me to do this in the first place. My daughter goes NOWHERE without me. Be strong. Be stronger with your language if you need to...such as: I AM APPALLED that you think you can do something like this. Don't worry about it that she cannot be refunded...it's her own fault. Be unavailable if she refuses to listen to you. Keep repeating these things as needed. Don't feel bad. Don't feel like you are in any way responsible. Your husband needs to support you and be on your side on this. If needed threaten to call the police. If you have to DO call the police. This could be thought of as kidnapping. This woman is trying to manipulate you. Set some strong boundaries. You are in control and the answer is NO.

You are the mother and your MIL has zero authority or power. None whatsoever. I would never allow someone to TELL me they were taking my toddler anywhere, be it around the block or out of the country.

You say, "No, he is not going." and "That you wasted your money on a nonrefundable ticket is not my fault."

If your MIL is bonkers and tries to physically take your child, call the police. I'm not kidding. Never leave them alone with your kid. If you live with your in-laws, it is long past time to move out and get your own roof.

As for your husband, you will have to deal with him separately. He should be appalled by his mother's behavior.

I am always flabbergasted when I hear stories like this. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, who assume that just because they have purchased a ticket that they will be allowed to take a minor child on some trip without ever asking the parents' permission before making plans.

The idea that she purchased this ticket without ever consulting your or your husband is presumptuous, to say the least, and completely manipulative. Then, to try to guilt you into acquiescing by saying the ticket is non-refundable is mother-in-law behavior at its worst.

There is no way my toddler would ever be allowed to go anywhere, much less to another continent, without me for 4 weeks. Your husband will be working, so it's not like he will be caring for his child during the day, and it's not even clear if your husband is working in Argentina or somewhere else in SA.

Say no. Absolutely no. Not even up for consideration. End of story. Then, when your husband gets home, you two must have a serious discussion about how you handle major decisions like this going forward. It cannot be grandma calling the shots in your marriage and making these decisions with you being bullied into going along after the fact.

Stop it now, or your mother-in-law will be ruling your marriage for the rest of your lives, and as your children get older, she'll likely go to them first, putting you in the bad guy position of having to say no after grandma has promised them something grand.

I haven't read any other responses yet, and I realize my words are very strong here, but that's because I feel so strongly about issues like these. You are the parent. You make these decisions. No one else gets to muscle their way into your marriage and usurp your parental rights and authority. Stop it now.

I would say "Betty, you should have asked before purchasing tickets for my daughter. No, she is not going to Argentina for 4 weeks without me. You should have asked first". If she complains about the nonrefundable ticket, repeat the above.

4 weeks is a long time to be away from parents AND especially in another country. I would not be comfortable with that AT ALL. No no no.

My daughter spent 3 weeks with my mom and dad. She was in second grade and my parents lived in Buffalo! That was too long for ME!!!

Omigosh no. Nonononono. And can I add....no. For so many reasons, ranging from the young age of your child to in-laws overstepping to potentially kidnapping. There's a reason every single person responding is saying the same thing. This goes way beyond reasonable. Too bad she cannot cancel. That is not your problem. Maybe next time, they'll consult you first. If you give in, next time, they will NOT consult you first and this will keep happening (if they even bring your child back from this first trip). This is a "NOPE" on so many levels. Fight this battle.

Wow that's crazy! I assume by SA you mean South America and not Saudi Arabia? You know, it would have been reasonable if they had asked you and your husband first and offered to take your child down to spend time where your husband is working for a reasonable amount of time (like a week or two) and then your husband still planned on coming to visit so that the three of you could spend time together as a family. But this plan? It's just crazy - not only do they have complete disregard for you as a mother, but they also apparently don't care about whether or not you, as a wife, get to spend time with your husband! Just...no.

Say no, and as others have said, put her passport in a secure location. Perhaps by losing money on the ticket your in-laws will learn their lesson that they can't railroad you into decisions, but I doubt it. Stand your ground.

I'd say "NO. Not going to happen!" - and lock up the passports and birth certs.
Don't let your child out of your sight and make sure all daycare/schools/activities know in writing that you are the only person who can pick your child up.

Additional:
I'm so glad you stood your ground and told her No!
Your child is YOURS to raise and spoil as YOU see fit.
If MIL wants to raise more kids maybe she should have some more or adopt - but your child(ren) are not under her jurisdiction.

HELLLLL NOOOOO
DO NOT LET HIS HAPPEN!!
A) Your child needs you
B) I would be terrified that you will never see your child again
C) Why on earth did she not consult you in such a huge decision?!?!
D) To now manipulate you with guilt that the ticket is non refundable is disgusting

Your MIL is out of line.
I would almost be glad that she will lose money on the ticket so as to teach her a valuable lesson. Shame on her.
DO NOT let this happen.
Do NOT be afraid to put a stop to this
Be afraid you may never see your baby again!
I'm sorry this is happening to you but do not let it continue.
Never be afraid to stand up for your child (or yourself) EVER!

Yea, I'm with every other person on this board. That's a big NO. Four weeks apart is a very long time especially at this young age when the attachment is forming. So to MIL: "I'm sorry you bought non-refundable tickets without speaking to me first, but traveling is hectic and stressful, and I am not comfortable with my child, at this age doing so without me, especially to another country. If you would like to discuss re-booking the tickets for a time when I am free to go with, than we can do that, but in the future, I would really appreciate it if you would consult with me prior to making any decisions as I am the mother." And for your husband: "I am sorry you can't get more time off, and I recognize and am happy that you too would like to spend more time with our child, but children, especially at this age, need close consistent availability to their primary attachment figure (which is obviously you if your husband is working abroad), and for the sake of our child's sense of security and attachment, we need to make due with your allotted visiting time until I can re-up my visa.
Fathers are hugely important, and should absolutely spend as much time with their children as possible, but in this situation, Skype calls and videos from him, while in the comfort of your consistent arms are definitely going to be better than for your child to not have access to you for 4 weeks! It sounds like whatever happens, you and your MIL need to have a conversation about boundaries!

Oh, hell to the no.

Excellent reasons listed below. Are you concerned that they won't bring your child back for some reason?

Does your toddler already have a passport? If not, you can ask to be notified if *someone* applies for one for him. *Both* parents must authorize/show parental consent, and the minor must apply in person, from what I'm gleaning from this site:

https://travel.state.gov/content/childabduction/en/preven...

https://travel.state.gov/content/passports/en/passports/u...

Not sure why you can't apply for another visa though. It doesn't sound as though there is a waiting period, but I didn't delve into those specifics. Maybe if you can find a way to go, it will help.

Also, although it has been many years, I do remember needing a specific form to allow my husband to take one of our kids on an excursion into Canada when we were on a cruise. We both would have needed to sign it if the grandparents had been taking him on the side trip, however.

Good luck - you and your husband really need to be on the same page so that you can present a united front.

Tell her no. She bought a ticket she cannot cancel without consulting you? Sorry, but that's her problem. And that is NOT normal behavior. YOU are the parent. How dare she think she can take your child without your permission? I also want to understand what makes your husband think that his toddler's 4 week absence from his mother is a good idea? And he is also away? And it's OK that you weren't even consulted? Something smells here. I agree with securing your child's documents and taking significant precautions in regards to anytime your child is not in your physical care.

"That's so nice. We aren't going to do this right now so please contact them and change the dates of the trip. I will travel with him when we come there". Period.

If you are not comfortable with this and she didn't even think to ask you about it then there's no way you should cave and let him go. She'll think it's okay to do this over and over again.

And if your husband is there and that's what she's planning on doing, taking him to visit his dad then why in the heck wouldn't dad want both of you to come? Is there anything going on that you might not be aware of? Like dad is going to keep him there and file for divorce or something? If kiddo travels you travel with. Period.

Having in-laws who are problematic of my own, I think you need to stand up for yourself. If you don't, this will only get worse.

You don't mention if your MIL has a history of doing this kind of thing. Or if your husband usually goes along with it. But your MIL thinks she can make decisions for your family which is crossing the line. I know you get this - you're wondering what to do.

You say no. You say it to your husband and to your MIL.

The problem is - this could cause friction in your marriage. I wouldn't worry at all about what your MIL thinks or if she looses money. Tough.

But if your husband stands behind his mother, and not with you, that's a serious marital problem. All you can do is tell him how you feel - not only about your MIL making decisions for your family - but also that he supports her decisions, not yours. Stand your ground.

It must be hard to do this long distance, to have this discussion. Just stick to the facts. Leave emotion out of it. Just say that it's not right for your MIL to act like she has control over your family, as if she has that right, and that your decision is no. You are the mother. Not her.

Good luck. Your husband should support you of course. If he doesn't - then that's a bigger problem. There should be no them against you. Just stand your ground and I would have a huge talk when you see him next.

Bummer that she did that.
I wouldn't let my two year old out of the country for a month without me.
No way.
Guess she's out the money for a plane ticket. She should have asked you BEFORE she bought the ticket.
You and your husband need to get on the same page and then HE needs to tell his mama that is not a good idea.

No is a complete and reasonable sentence.

Your MIL definitely overstepped.
It's simple - No.
Stand up to her now, or you'll regret it.

welcome to mamapedia.

What a shame you have no say in your child's life. Your mother in law is in charge, isn't she J.?

Why did you allow your Visa to expire? That's NOT a good thing.

Your husband is in Saudia Arabia? and they are going to Argentina? Um. if they don't have legal custody of your son, they shouldn't be allowed to take him outside the country. Why not contact a lawyer and see what rights they have to take your son out of country?

Nope. I would not let that happen, it's too bad she's out of the cost of a plane ticket but that's her fault for not checking with you first.
And if they're all mad at you well too bad, again that's her fault not yours.

Glad you decided to be firm. Your inlaws should have asked you for your permission first before buying the tickets. Toddlers don't need to travel abroad without their mom for four weeks to learn to be independent. What a ridiculous reason to try to get you to let her go!

Obviously your in laws are very overtaking. No way I would let my child go with them. You do not know if they will bring the toddler back. You seem to be very young. Are you financially dependent on them?

Are you living with them right now?

I don't get this question. You are here in the US on an expired visa, so you can't travel. Your husband is where? SA to me means Saudia Arabia, not Argentina. Please clarify this. They want to take your son to Argentina, WHY?

I would tell my MIL "thank you so much for thinking of Julio, however, I'm sorry you'll be out the money. My son is NOT traveling outside the country without me. You can reschedule it to another date when I can go too."

I smell something stinky here. You need to get your visa updated. NOW. that is VERY irresponsible of you. And you need to talk with your husband about WHY he is okay with his parents taking your son out of the country for 4 weeks. That would be VERY traumatic for a 2 year old to be away from his mom for that long. NO. You say NO.

Is SA South America? So, he would be with his dad for 4 weeks? If so, that makes it marginally better. But it's still a HUGE over-reach for her to book tickets without asking you. I would tell her that at BEST she has to delay the trip for a few months until you can come. She will have to pay change fees. It's also completely within your prerogative, as the custodial parent, to just say no, the toddler isn't going. If she's loses the $ on the tickets, due to change fees or outright cancel, that's her problem, not yours.

While I would have been thrilled if anybody had offered to take either of my children on any sort of vacation, especially four weeks out of the country, I would not have been happy about not being consulted in advance. Tell them the child is too young to be away from you for so long and this vacation doesn't fit into your plans. Say you are very sorry that she will lose the money, but that is why we ask before we make such plans.

I'd tell her to remove the ticket for your child. That you will take her when you can travel again. That's ridiculous. No way would I allow that kind of manipulation.

Truly unbelievable! Too bad your MIL will be out the money. Hope this taught her a lesson but clearly she thought she was going to get away with this atrocious behavior. I also hope however that this does not cause major issues in your marriage. It's very concerning that your husband thinks it is a good idea for his mother to take your son to South America for 4 weeks without you.

Does the child even have a passport?
Agree w/the others - NO!

NO my 2 year old is not traveling out of the country without me. Period the end.

I'm the same mom that threw a fit when DS's estranged grandparents took him to the airport to see the planes when he was three during their unsupervised visits. This is way before 9/11 and they could have just as easily put him on a plane with them to anywhere and I would not have known where to begin to locate my son. This is the same child they rejected from birth until he was three when they had the epiphany that this would be their only grandchild. When he was 10 they did take him to Aruba and another trip to Hawaii too. My son loves to travel and I love not having to pay for all of his vacations. It's a win win now but it was a long road getting here. I'm glad I was tough when I needed to be. My son knows he can count on me even about his grandparents or father. I'm that kind of mom.

You be that kind of mom too and don't apologize for it.

So your MIL would be taking the child to visit your husband? If so I see no reason not to allow it, if it was just a sight seeing trip I would say no of course, but if your husband is comfortable with it I would respect his opinion about it.

Unless of course your marriage is not stable and you think there may be a chance of him keeping the child out of the country and not returning, but only you know the state of your marriage right now.