My son is now almost 6 months and unless I am constantly entertaining him, he kind of throws little tantrums... i.e. - crying, arching his back, long intense grunts, etc.
Am I spoiling him by constantly pandering to him. Everything I've read said u cannot spoil a baby, but I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing...
I am at home with him all day and I do not mind playing with him and entertaining him, but I worry I give in to easy. Like when we are playing on the floor and he rolls from back to belly, he'll play on his belly for a little bit and then begin to cry and squirm and lift his arms and legs up and just begin to throw a little tantrum until I pick him up, instead of rolling then from belly to back, which I have seen him do, but only every once and a while. Should I let him struggle more? Because sometimes when I do that, he just gets worse and worse until it's full on tantrum, crying harder and harder.
Oh, and one last thing, he is sitting up very well already on his own, very good at balancing himself, but the rolling from belly to back doesn't seem to be coming quite as easy.
Ok, sorry, NOT "tantrum," fussing...hard.
Thank you again for any helpful feedback.
You aren't spoiling him. One thing you could do instead of picking him up when he starts to fuss on his belly is to help him roll from his tummy to his back. I used to do that with both of my kids. It was a game to them and they loved it!
At this age, what you are calling a tantrum (no, it's not a real tantrum, sorry) is about your son expressing his needs.
1. "Mom, I am bored and need something to distract me"
2. "Mom, I am overstimulated or stuck or frustrated I can't do something I want to right now"
3. "Mom, I need to be held,please. Ready for some physical contact."
When my son was this age, I wore him a lot, or if I couldn't put him in a pack, I put him in a safe place where he could see me and just did what I needed to do. Sometimes that meant putting him in a safe place on the floor (on floor pads), sometimes, that would mean putting him in the stroller propped up in the kitchen so he could 'watch' me.
If he's trying and crying, pick the poor kid up. He's doing something new. Could you learn a new skill while you were angry and upset? Nope. Not likely he will either. So, no harm in picking him up, taking him to look out a window, distracting him for a bit and then setting him down in a safe place while you take a few minutes to get another few things done.
Six months... so little. They still need our soothing and comfort and the reliability of our being responsive to their needs.
I think it depends on what else he's doing during the day. For example, if he's on the floor, is he on one of those mats with different surfaces and textures to touch, a mirror to look in, etc.? If he's on his back, does he have one of those baby gyms above him where he can look at shapes, reach/touch, make something swing, etc.?
On some level, frustration makes kids try to do more things. But of course, if it's way beyond their ability, then a little help is fine. There's no benefit to a full-on tantrum (which is not a term a lot of people use at this age), but there are disadvantages to bailing them out with every single moment of frustration.
If you can add in some calming and encouraging words, telling him he can do it or that you will be there in a minute, that will prevent him from expecting you to bail him out at every turn. That prevents (or helps to prevent) the habit of throwing tantrums all the time to get his way (which will make you crazy when he is 2 and 4 and 7 and 9). If you see that he wants to roll from belly to back and can't quite do it, give him a little push or boost without picking him up entirely - and then if he gets a new perspective but seeing different things that interest him, he may learn that it's within his power (or soon will be) to change things under his own power.
So instead of picking him up every time, can you substitute an item to keep him interested or redirect him? Also, pay attention to whether he is teething - that can make kids super cranky until they get one of those cold teething rings. If a crying fit doesn't stop or can't be comforted, consider a physical cause - and those should be addressed sooner rather than later because they really aren't behavioral or tantrum-type problems.
No, you are not spoiling him. You don't need to let him struggle more. He's only 6 months.
Maybe it's just me, but at 6 months I didn't think they could have tantrums. Mine would cry if there was a need not met. Mine would fuss if they were on their tummies too long. And I had to help them if they weren't able to get it quite yet. I let them struggle tiny bit, but if they were getting upset, I'd help them.
Sometimes they were overtired or they had maxed out their time at a certain activity. If they were in a swing too long, they'd squawk. So I'd change things up. That was that whole phase - moving babies from thing to thing as I went through my day. I played with them at times - but I didn't entertain them. I had swing, bouncy seat, activity mat, stroller, high chair, etc. that I would move them around with me - I wasn't really entertaining them so much as popping over to check every few minutes and to let them know I was right there.
So no I don't think you're spoiling your baby at 6 months. That's just my opinion and experience. You can encourage him to self soothe for sure but if he's upset and arching back and crying - I would be picking mine up :)
Nope.
You're not spoiling him.
You're doing fine!
There's a difference between just letting a baby struggle and helping them become more independent.
Can I suggest you go to parentcenter.com and sign up for thier emails? They have you sign up by your child's birthday and then you can get daily, weekly, monthly messages about what your baby should be doing, what's coming next, what to do if that next thing doesn't come. It's a great source of help because you know where your baby is on their timeline of development.
Something else to think about is maybe part of this is his personality. One of my kids was like this and the other (who I did the same things with) was constantly easy going.
If you need more time to get things done, consider wearing him. I wore both of my babies in a Bjorn and then an Ergo. They get to enjoy contact - which is good for them and you can have both hands free. You can't do all things - don't cook, do other dangerous things while wearing him but you can shop, fold laundry, vacuum or sweep floors, etc. Being on their backs too much can lead to a flat head - happened to baby #1, but I learned and didn't have with baby #2. Do you have a playpen where he can sit and play with toys? Talk to him - he can be in a safe place and you can narrate what you are doing. Mommy is folding her t-shirt, mommy is folding baby's onesie, oh, look, doggy just walked by, what is doggy doing... You can even read a newspaper to a 6 month old and have them be entertained. This is how babies learn language. Hang in there. I actually loved from about 4 months to 18 months, fun to be with, you can figure out what they need most of the time and they aren't talking back to you yet.
I know people say you can't spoil a baby, and maybe it's not spoiling, but when you get them used to having constant attention, they are used to that and will be very unhappy when they aren't getting that attention. So, maybe it's getting them into a habit (of being constantly entertained) and not necessarily spoiling, but children should learn to entertain themselves just like they need to learn self-soothing when they are put in bed.
