Am I Spoiling Her?

Babies are not fruit - they don't spoil with too much handling. I held my daughter every minute that I could when she was a baby, and I don't regret a moment.

You cannot spoil a 2 month old baby. If the Moby Wrap works, go for it! Pick her up when she starts crying - it is the start of her learning to trust you to respond to her needs. If she were 2 YEARS old and expected you to pick her up every time she cried, that would be spoiling - at 2 months, no way. The way I look at it is they spend 9 months being carried around inside you, they cannot be expected to be happy laying somewhere on their own right after they are born.

You hold her, she smiles. You leave her down, she cries. You don't need a book, or an expert tellilng you what she needs. She is perfectly capable of telling you.

I used a sling to carry my second son so that I could get stuff done and tend to my first son.

Soon enough she will want to be doing what big brother is doing and will not want you to carry her anymore. Enjoy it while you can.

You are not spoiling her, shes just an infant. However, if you need to set her down or in a swing so you can tend to your toddler, take a shower/cook and such, then do it.

Also, keep using the baby sling, baby wearing can be very helpful.

To help with toddler jealousy, let him help you with things, involve him when you cook, let him cuddle next to you while you feed thr baby, be sure you have plenty of time for him, especially when dad gets home, he can hold the baby so you can have one on one time with your son.

On weekends, I take my children one at a time out for ice cream, then to run errands. They love mommy dates.

Babies don't get spoiled. Until she's at least crawling, using her hands, and able to communicate a bit, your daughter has no way in the world to meet her legitimate needs by herself. In addition to food and cleanliness, she depends on you (or other big people) for physical comfort, social interaction and mental stimulation. Providing these things will keep her developing at her most optimal rate.

Some babies get bored more quickly and yell sooner. For a whole range of reasons, they experience more need than other babies – it's really not their fault. It makes for greater demands on Mommy, though, and on older siblings.

Wearing your child is great, for as long as she likes it and you can manage it. That will also give you more opportunities to do things with your son. You can tell him that when he was that little, you carried him all the time, because that's what a baby needs. Be sure you are making time for him, too. He needs to know the baby has not displaced you in his heart.

Good advice from the other moms already! If you are able to carry her around with you, by all means go ahead. However, if you need to put her down to take care of your son, do laundry, take a shower, or whatever else you need to do to keep your life running smoothly, then put her down. She will quickly learn that Mommy always comes back! If you're able to help her learn to self-soothe little by little, that may help (binkie, lovey, a special blanket). But no, you really can't spoil a newborn. Enjoy her while she is so soft and snuggly with that wonderful baby smell! Mmmm! ;)

I carried all of my children in a sling most of their infant lives. I picked them up when they cried, I fed them when they were hungry, and I slept with them because it made them feel secure. You should be able to attend to your son while wearing your baby. Start involving him in the household chores (folding, mixing, putting things away), talk to him often when you feed the baby. Let him nap with you in the afternoons.

NOT ONE of my kids had separation anxiety when they went to preschool. NOT ONE of my kids had problems sleeping at friends' houses or staying with a babysitter. Why? Because I filled that need when they were babies and bonded securely to them, so they became independent in their own time and felt secure enough to do so because I never "forced" them to be independent too early.

That said, your sanity comes first. If you need to put the baby down for a few minutes and stick your 2yo in front of the tv so you can go outside for a breath of fresh air to keep you from breaking down or hitting/yelling at your kids, DO IT. Letting your baby cry for a few minutes while you take a much needed break is a better choice in that situation than taking out your frustrations on the child.

My SIL used to tell me that my daughter would need to be surgically removed from me because I held her constantly!! I didn't care though. You are her mommy and as long as you are both happy don't let anyone tell you different. Even now my DD is 7 and she still loves to be right by me when she is tired and we are very close. Its a good thing. The housework will get done eventually and they are tiny for so short a time. Enjoy it. Get your son involved too and have big snuggle sessions on the couch with them both. :-)

I don't believe you can spoil a baby at 2 months old. You hold that baby all you want.

I would work with your two year old though... keep him involved with being a big helper with the baby, and make sure you spend quality time with him when the baby is sleeping or not fussy. Give him some time to get used to having a new sibling. If you include him in caring for the baby I'll bet he'll get over his jealousy.

My kids are 21 months apart and great friends :)

Good luck!

Good luck!

I'd be more worried about the jealous older child and finding ways to make him feel loved and the center of some of your positive attention than if you're spoiling the baby! And I don't mean to suggest that you are not attending to your son. I don't believe you are spoiling her!

simple answer, no there is nothing wrong with it. Your 2 year old might think so. You can't spoil a 2 month old. I haven't read the other comments and I am sure that there are a LOT of mothers who disagree with me, but I was in the same position not five months ago. (I now have a 2 and a half year old daughter and a 7 month old son) I was worried about spoiling him as well, but really it was just worrying. I held him a lot, and did as much as I could to get as much time as possible in with my 2 year old, while he napped and such. It is VERY HARD, and I will not lie to you, but it won't last forever. The older your infant gets the less she will need/want to be held. (as I type I see my little guy happy as can be reaching and grabbing for toys laid out for him on the floor.) My Daughter is less jealous of him now, and they both get their "cuddle time" in.
Don't stress about having your daughter attached to you for a little while, it won't be forever.

Oh Just as a note, I have a Moby style wrap, although mine is by Gypsy Momma, and it was a life saver! If you don't have one, I recommend them so much! There are even sites online that tell you how to make them, which, believe me, is actually super easy, and the tying is also easy once you've done it once or twice.(again there are sites that show you how to do that too)

You are doing nothing wrong. She is dependent on you and rightfully so. It takes a lot of time to transition from the womb to life outside and no you are not spoiling her. Use your wrap, meet her needs and she will develop trust. This trust develops self confidence and from that a very independent person. Children whose needs are not met become distrustful and very codependent individuals. Keep up the loving work, mama!

I call the 2-4 month age the "holding period". I know I held mine all the time. They would stay in a toy for a few minutes, but had much rather be toted around. I just did what they wanted, and you should do whatever your instincts tell you. You are not going to spoil her. When she gets about 6 mos, she will be interested in other things and will want to be held less.

Hold her as much as you want because as you know they don't stay that small for long.

no girl, nothing wrong w/holding a 2 ms old constantly. i hate it when people say a baby that young's being spoiled. they've only been ALIVE in the world for 2 ms for crying out loud! now...if the baby's 2 YEARS old...different story. she needs you so much right now and you're creating a bond where she can count on you, get to know your smell, love you, etc. you're def not spoiling her sweetie, don't let anyone tell you that hogwash at all! i also think she's too young to cry it out. i don't think i did that w/my little angel (2 yrs old now) unitl he was much older, approx 6-8 months, when he at least knew a little bit more about what was going on around him. keep up the good loving work momma, you're doing fine! :)
i know it's exhausting and you can't get much done, but you'll make it. we all do somehow, even though we don't remember how later, we all manage it, and you will too. now go love that sweet little PRECIOUS girl. :)

What you're doing naturally is called attachment parenting, and it's a very gentle way to raise your child. Carrying your child in a sling is a big part of it. I raised my daughter the same way, also just because it felt natural to me to respond to my child, and she's a great kid. She's 3.5 years old, smart as whip, super affectionate, and doesn't give us any disciplinary problems. She might just be an easy kid, but I think the fact that's she had her needs met her whole life probably contributes to her easy going nature. And she has gone to daycare 3 days a week and a nanny the other 2 days while I work full time, so it's not like she's never had adversity or had to wait. A lot of the well-meaning parenting advice I received was more about my convenience than about meeting my child's needs. Do what feels right to you as a parent.

Moby's are great... and infants NEED that constant closeness and skin to skin contact. You cannot spoil a baby with love and attention. With the Moby, you don't have to tell your 2 y/o to wait as much now... so everyone will be happy.

My son was very similar. He LOVED being held, you coudln't put him down at all. You are not spoiling, you are doing what she needs and wants. I beg of you not to let your child CIO at such a young age. After 5 or 6 months is more appropriate for CIO. I am not saying don't put her down for 5 minutes while you do laundry or what not, but intentionally leaving such a young baby to cry is cruel.
With my son I got a baby carrier so that I could do everyday things around the house. Cooking I put him in his bouncer, but he still cried. It happens. But now that he is walking he loves to come up to me and snuggle. Then he'll run off and play, then 5 minutes later he'll come back for snuggles. LOVE IT!

Updated

My son was very similar. He LOVED being held, you coudln't put him down at all. You are not spoiling, you are doing what she needs and wants. I beg of you not to let your child CIO at such a young age. After 5 or 6 months is more appropriate for CIO. I am not saying don't put her down for 5 minutes while you do laundry or what not, but intentionally leaving such a young baby to cry is cruel.
With my son I got a baby carrier so that I could do everyday things around the house. Cooking I put him in his bouncer, but he still cried. It happens. But now that he is walking he loves to come up to me and snuggle. Then he'll run off and play, then 5 minutes later he'll come back for snuggles. LOVE IT!

It is impossible to spoil an infant. This is the time you are forming bonds and building your baby's security. Also there is research that shows it is not healthy (physically or emotionally) to let an infant cry it out. so hold hold hold.

my MIL did that to my son, carried him too much that all he wanted was somebody's arms. I couldn't do anything because he would cry, when he started entertaining himself with toys it got a little better but it was so hard. I eventually had to let him cry it out while i was doing stuff around the house, i always did check on him and he was fine, just wanted to be in my arms. Now he's walking and running and he doesn't want to be held but those months were so hard for me. I told myself that i would never do that again or let my MIL do it again. Still mad at her for doing it. Anyway, your daughter is so young, she will only cry very little if u start now. Good luck

she's awful little to spoil her. don't think it's possible, really. but then i never had a baby that would freak out as soon as i put her down, either. i think for your own sanity, and to be fair to your son, a little moderation might be in order. but that's just because i have an overdeveloped sense of justice lol. i don't think it's right to sacrifice my sanity for my kids! and as the mother of one high-maintenance 4 year old, i can not IMAGINE having an infant and spending 24/7 attached to him/her. i think it would be terribly unfair to the older child. it won't hurt her to cry for a bit if there's something you need to get done. it's all about finding that balance. you'll get there. you're still new to the "mom of two" thing. hang in there!

not at all. baby carriers will be a lifesaver!

you could use a sling like what you bought--an ergo or a moby wrap, then that way you can both hold your daughter AND attend to him. Then whenever you can, maybe an hour a day, or a few hours on weekends, spend some time with just him while the SO or a friend watches the baby.

p.s. You can NOT spoil her--she's 2 months old. I think spoiling is more like after a year? Some kids are more sensory-needy than others, as are people when they grow up!

.

Strong arguements can be made for and against. I say go with your gut. However, I'd be concerned that you are giving your son what he needs too. Make sure he gets enough one-on-one time. I'd even tell the baby once in a while (for your son's benefit to hear, of course), and when she is not crying "Baby I can't hold you or play with you right now because big brother and I are playing." This will go a long way to making him feel special too. I'm sure right now he's concerned you love the baby more because he doesn't understand - making sure he is shown he is still special too will go a long way.

People in africa and other places like that carry thier babies all day long on thier backs. Their culture and lifestyle allow for this to be possible.

In America it is much harder to do. But I guess it is still possible.

Whichever you pick- you just have to be prepared to continue to do it. So if you want to carry her around all day, you can, but know that she will get accustomed to that- and humans certainly ARE creatures of habit. Even babies are creartures of habit. She wont like it when you try to abruptly change course one day, or want to leave her with a freind or relative to go on a date with hubby. That is where the wheels fall off the bus.

Personally I dont think I would have been able to handle having my babies on me 24/7. They get heavy, its very hard on the back, and it is draining.
Personally i think it would have been harder for me to do it that way.
I kept a journal from day 1 of thier sleep -wake cycle- and when I knew the time for them to sleep was approaching- there was no "guessing" why they got fidgety or grumpy. Immediately they were laid down for their naps. I had the nappingest kids around! But very happy, well rested kids.

Carrying a baby all the time is spoiling her.

How can anyone spoil a 2 year old? And as far as your son being very jealous you know loads of hugs will get you through that hurtle. My sister told me not to spoil my baby like that once and he kept crying and crying, found out he wet himself all over and was shivering cold. I never listened to her again. Follow your own instincts and just love, love your children.

She's 2 months old-they're right, you cant spoil your child. I know how hard it is to hear a child crying. I was so worried when my baby was born that she might get so use to me carrying her or that she may never sleep away from me. But she didn't. I was always there for her when she cried, I never left her crying even for a minute. Yet to keep me also sane, I made sure she knew how to settle herself to sleep since day one. If she cried, I'd pick her up rock her to calm her down then I'd put her back to her crib. Just to establish to her that I will always be there for her. I probably did that several times in the beginning until she just understood she would need to sleep in her crib. And I had to do the same thing again when she moved in to her own room. She cried and cried and I came back for her every five minutes reassuring her that I was there for her no matter what. And those tough times only lasted a night. Also, I made sure that her crib was warm so that when I transfer her, she was still comfortable. I actually use a hair dryer to warm her sheet before I transferred her. I think mostly she didnt notice she wasnt leaning into my warm body anymore. Another thing I did when she was a baby was play music for her or have a special toy she could play with everytime I need to get something important done. Sometimes those toys only lasted a month, then I would have to buy another interesting toy again. The only downfall to this is it can get pretty expensive.
Its hard being a mom of two. Its something I am not capable of that is why I only have one. So I salute you. To be able to give everything to your children and still be able to love yourself is something every mother juggles around with. Don't feel guilty and don't let the other person's words affect your way of being a mother. Too bad whoever said that to you, must not have felt so much love for their child that to them, to carry a child when the child is in distress would only mean to spoil them. For sure you are a good mother juggling things around.
The wrap will definitely help with your older son. The other comment about explaining to your son how he needed you when he was a baby is right. My child loves to hear stories about her being a baby. I tell her stories of how she was always hungry yet she couldn't stand up and get her own milk so we were always there to help her. I think it makes her feel loved. Just like we forget how it was to play like children, for sure your son doesn't remember how hard it was to be a baby. When your baby is asleep, have one on one time with your child and do special things with him that he knows is something you can only do with him. Tell him secret things like stories of him as a baby or even stories of him when he was in your tummy so he can also feel how special it was to be a baby and how special he is too. Hopefully by then, it would help him look at his sibling the same way, protecting her because she is just a baby.

Spoiling her no....this is like a stage, in my opinion. As soon as my son could crawl he became mister independent. Of course there are times where he still wants to see what I am doing when cooking or on the computer but for the most part he wants to check things out for himself. I think she has really bonded with you and needs a bit of the security. The jealousy is another issue all together and I wouldn't be one to recommend how to handle that since we are only considering to have a second. But don't feel bad about holding your daughter...she will soon be crawling around trying to play with her older brother. By the way, I used a baby björn once my son weighed enough for it. That was great because it would make him fall asleep and then I could unclip it and put him down for a nap. Then I would have two arms and my body free. --V