Advice on Getting 11 mo.old to Sleep N' Crib?

Check out "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. This has been very helpful for us - and it is a great reference that goes way beyond infant years - there are sections on up through adolescent sleep habits too.

Dr. Weissbluth acknowledges from the beginning that there are many different parenting styles, but addresses how to work to achieve the main goal - the sleep kids (and we all!) need. So, that said, I don't feel like it is a preachy, one-way only book. Yet it has proven SO accurate for our family!

Good luck! Sounds like you're doing a good job!

Oh, H.! I feel your pain! We are in the same boat (and the same town about 30 miles east of Cleveland). I have a six month baby girl who naps in her crib without a problem, goes to bed at night in her crib the same way, but wakes up and won't go back to sleep during the night. The minute I take her into our bed, she's asleep in no time. I can flip her from side to side, and she doesn't flinch! I think you're 100% right -- they love their mommies! I love my sleep, so this isn't working well for me either, as it's not for you. I don't get much sleep when she's in my bed with us, so I have made a concrete decision that she's in her crib one way or another. I'm reading Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. It's got some good advice in it. I got it from the library. We've tried the "cry it out" thing for a short period, but it just escalates and gets even worse. Does your daughter use a blankie or stuffed animal? We've been using one that I actually slept with and carried around with me to get my "scent" on and she has been doing better now that she has it. She puts it right next to her cheek while she lays there and sucks her thumb. I don't pick her up out of the crib or talk to her at night when she wakes up. I make sure she's okay, lightly covered, has her blankie and I leave. She gets so mad when I leave, but she's getting better. I actually sat on the floor for two hours and looked over her bumper pad to watch her to see that she wasn't covering her face last night!! Yes, on the floor for two hours. I didn't let her see me, because when she does, the screaming starts all over again. After 3 hours and 15 min., she went to sleep. Another thing is to make sure she is very scheduled. We're working hard on that. First, get her up at the same time each day. Get her food and nap schedule down to a science and stick to it. Her body needs to know when food and sleep are coming so she can function. I've read that several times, so there must be some validity to it! Good luck and God bless!! We will sleep again some day soon!

The only thing I can say for sure is that you should not give any milk at night. She doesn't need it and it may be waking her up. I know you will get plenty of responses about letting her "cry it out" but I have never been able to do that. My kids are all great sleepers so don't think that if you help comfort them to sleep that they never will do it on their own.

Try elevating the head end of her crib about 3-4 inches.

Also try adding some egg shell foam under her sheets. Our 20 month old got into the habit of waking up and not going back to sleep unless we put her in our bed with us, and we think it was because our bed was softer than hers.

It is hard to watch your baby cry. It is easy to co-sleep. It is not good for any of you.
I saw this once on a talk show ??? and tried it with my son. It works. Easier than you think.
When she wakes, go in to her. Rub her back, sing slow low songs, lay her down, cover her, reassure her she is alright, it is time to sleep now. This has to be a calm time. Stay with her for a moment, reassure her, rub her back gently. Do not pick her up unless she starts screaming or something like that. If you pick her up.... make sure she is okay health wise, comfort for a moment and put her back in the crib. She needs to see the crib as a safe place. She needs to be in the crib when she goes back to sleep. She needs to be alone. She needs to wake up there alone. If she wakes again, go in to her. Do it all again. Do not take her to your bed. You may have to do this a couple times in one night or a couple of nights in a row, but then it will be fixed. The sooner you start the better for everybody.

Hi H.!

My baby co-sleeps with me it started because I wanted my husband to be able to sleep since he is the one earning all the money!We also had some events going on that made me want to have him close to me. I have the same concerns but think about this...
some cultures actually intentionally co-sleep. Example: my husband works with a man from India. They sleep with their children until they are 3 years old at that time they put them in there own bed and according to him it is an easy transition(takes about a week or so but not a big deal)
I don't see my baby accepting it that easily but he is only 9 months. I would like to get him in his crib by summer(he and I are both hot tamales!!)From what I've seen on super nanny(I know, silly but she's pretty good!!) if you could lengthen the time between when she wakes up and when you go rescue her from her crib, she may start to settle back in and go back to sleep.Also, does she have a full tummy when you put her in her crib? A totally dry diaper? That's suppose to help too, less things to wake them up!!

Here are some books also:
The Attachment Parenting Book : A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby (Paperback)

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night

Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping (Paperback)

Good Luck!!
K.

I loved reading "Good Night, Sleep Tight" and still refer to it. I don't know your baby but this is what worked for me. My daughter is very active and easily stimulated. One night I tried sitting by the bed but it only made things worse. I would try picking a couple of nights where your husband doesn't have to work the next day and let her cry. I don't mean abandon her in the crib. I mean go in, pick her up, reassure her, and put her down. First time 5 minutes, then ten, then every fifteen after that. It's pretty painful listening to the crying but it took my daughter two nights of crying for an hour or maybe a little more before she was completely broken of her habit. After that it was blissful and we're both grateful for the sleep. She consistently sleeps through the night. I have a friend who half jokes that any child's behavior you don't like can be cured in three days. That was true for me in this case :)

Sorry to tell ya H., but you've got her trained already!! Put her in her crib, turn the monitor off, shut the door and leave her to sleep. Yes she might cry and cry a lot but you are not doing her or you(in the long run) by having her sleep with you. Picture this: baby in her (strange)bed, mom and dad in their bed, baby wakes realizes mom and dad aren't there, baby cries, wait cry more, wait,here comes mom or dad-SUCCESS!!It works every time,huh?? Stress or no stress-STOP IT!!
Start tonight BEFORE everyone else goes to bed that way the crying should be over by the time your husband needs to go to bed.
Lots of luck,
R.

They are only babies for a little while. My advise is to enjoy having her in your bed. My children are 8, 10,10, and 12years. I miss them wanting to sleep with me. Just relax it wont last forever.
Melissa

hi i have a four year old and he has been the same way since birth. he will scream for hours in his room and then come in our room and sleep in five min. my other child sleeps in his room just great and does not want to even try sleeping with us. so i think it is just certain kids. my four year old has sensory issues and loves a lot of pressure. so there for that is why i think he sleeps so well with us and as long as we don't mind i don't find a problem with it.my son sleeps sometimes by himself and others he sleeps with us. sleep to me is more important. we have tried everything to letting him cry and everything it does not work.at least for us it did not.we finally put a tv in his room and that helps alot. but not always.i think some kids just need more attention.

Hi H.,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you are doing, rest assured. Our son had colic and we went through the same thing. My husband too, was working 2 jobs so I could be a SAHM and he needed his sleep. She will grow out of this and quicker than you think. When she naps during the day do you put her in her crib? That was a first start for me. Then I moved to when he was crying at night I would go in and soothe him but lay on his floor and he knew I was there. He'd go back to sleep quickly then I returned to my own bed. If that doesn't work, don't worry. She will want her own crib before long.

Hey, just a note about the co-sleeping. Most babies that dies because of co-sleeping situations die because there was also alcohol/nicotine/drug use involved on the parents' part. At almost a year, there is almost no risk of sids anymore and you really don't need to worry about it. I understand why you want your bed back! But don't let people's negative comments get to you.

My kids are now 16 & 14, but I remember those early nights well. My daughter, the oldest, tended to cry more during the night. Even though her baby bed was in our room, I would still put her in bed with us when she cried at night. I slept better and so did she. It helped because her father agreed with my decision to put her in bed with us. After she was a little older, she started sleeping through the night, and I never had any problem getting her to sleep in her own bed.

Sorry to say, but if sleeping alone in her crib is what you wanted, you already made it hard. Cosleeping is fine if that is what you want. But you chose to colseep and don't want to. Now you are either stuck with what you are doing or need to let her cry it out a bit. I doubt it is all attachment to you. I am sure she is attached to you, but the waking up after an hour or so is habit. Habits are hard to break. You will have to loose sleep over this and not bring her into bed if you want it to stop. It might take weeks.

I am just going to say that my husband and I raised 6 children and lost little sleep because we always put them to sleep in their own beds and then they were always welcome in our kingsize bed in the middle of the night.
Sleep was most important to us, and it all did not last "forever".
You are doing the right thing for you at present.

H., you have gotten a lot of advice so far and I agree that if you want it to stop you have to let her cry it out. I let my son sleep with me because my husband was gone at night and he still sometimes gets into our bed, he's 9. It drives my husband crazy. The only other thing that I would suggest is sleeping with one of her blankets for a couple of nights and then put it in the crib with her. Maybe smelling Mom would be enough. I firmly beleive you should do what is best for your family but make sure you and your husband are on the same page. He still needs to feel important too. Men never really grow out of needing to feel babied!
Good luck!

Hi H.,

In my experience, there are set-back to the whole thing constantly. It isn't anything we do "wrong" and it really irritates me when people imply this.

Children go through growth spurs and changes, phisiological, psychological, emotional... as they comprehend the world they live in.

My daughter was taught to sleep in her bed for naps and bedtime around 8 months.
I could theorize in a million ways why this has changed over that time - she's 20 months now.
I blamed it on my MIL a few times, for I know she picked her up and brought her to bed with her. I know this is where it started ....

But, I gain nothing by placing blame.

Either way, since, she does what you're describing, she wakes up screaming at the top of her lungs (and I have an 8 month old too) and she'll scream for AN HOUR, 1am, 3 am, varies each time and just when I think we've tackled it and have continued to be consistant, it happens again.

My hubby and I made a rule, she's NOT getting picked back up again. We let her cry, he walks in and lays her back down once, if she freaks out, he won't go back in.
She will usualy drift back to sleep.

My Dr recommended going into her room and sitting there until she drifts back off but I said NO WAY, I have another baby and I have to get rest.

So, basically, we're letting her cry and drift back off. I try to explain it to her at night not to wake up crying, that she's safe. She has gotten much better. When she wakes up nicely, we give her a lot of praise, but she understands a lot more at 20 months.

Each person has to do what they need to for their specifi needs but I can tell you I am pretty confident most books, maybe with varied approaches, will tell you to let her CIO... and it DOES work, with consistency.....

I know its hard... I took a tylenol PM for a few nights and put in some thingys to muffle noise and I don't know if she cried, she was fine in her crib, but she hasn't done it in a few days since we decided to just let her cry ;)

I hope it is permanent!!

I certainly hope that you didn't feel the need to apologize for co-sleeping. There is NOTHING wrong with it. If it works for your family, that's all that matters. Don't worry about what other people say. That said, yes, I LOVE co-sleeping. In fact, we just started putting our 16 mth daughter in her own bed. With her in bed with me, I slept great. I knew where she was & if she woke up, she either fell back on her own, or we'd cuddle & she go back to sleep. If she was in her bed, I couldn't leave the room without her screaming & if I stayed in, it sometimes took a couple of hours for her to go back to sleep. Now, she's get a bottle (ohno :)) & goes to sleep. If she wakes, she comes to bed. If not, she is in her bed till morning. Right now, it's been 50/50. Also, I will not let my kids cry it out. I personally don't believe in it & why should they have to. As you said we all value our sleep. With CIO, it can still take a long time for them to fall asleep. It's not always as hard as everyone makes it sound to get the kids to sleep in their own beds. Yes, some people have nightmare stories, that doesn't mean that you will. If you really want her to sleep on her own, try CIO. But, in my personal opinion, please don't worry about "what might happen". I don't mean to sound preachy or anything, but really, don't apologize for what you are doing for your family. Also, if it works for you, do it.

Go to Barnes and Nobles and there are plenty of really good books on "how to get your kids to sleep" or whatever you want to call it. Just look in the parenting section. You are definitely at a point now though you need to do something about it now or it's only going to get worse. You have to remember there are key things kids live for and what they all need.....structure and schedules.

I think you are being too hard on yourself for co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is the norm in many places in the world. There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping, if everyone involved is ok with it. (And I think it's fine for children to "get used to it" as long as its working for everyone.)
However, if you are not happy with it (forget what anyone else says), then it needs to be changed. I did a gentle night weaning plan with my child, when our situation stopped working for me. It's Jay Gordon's plan, and you can find it here: http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
Granted, he was older when I did it (and the plan is not recommended for children under 1 year old at all). Although I think it is a good plan, and is respectful to both the parent's and the child's needs, I did revise it for my family. I never got to the part of the plan where I was supposed to not hold/pick up/cuddle my son to help him get to sleep. It's something that I like to do, and something that my son used to like a lot. He's now outgrowing the need to be cuddled to sleep, and most nights falls asleep without touching me at all. He sleeps in a separate bed in my room, and this arrangement is perfectly fine with me.

Good luck, and feel free to message me if you want to.

From what I have seen you two (being the parents) are going to have to sacrifice some sleep in order to get your daughter to sleep in her crib. I know this isn't the most delightful answer but I really think it is the only way she will learn to sleep by herself. Right now, from what you described she probably does not even know you are wanting her to sleep the whole night in her crib. Or you could just let her sleep with you. That is up to you. I do not look down on letting the child sleep with you, but if you want it to end then you need to take the measures to do it. My sister-in-law is 13, has her own beautiful bedroom but still sleeps with her mom and cannot sleep unless she is with her. My mother-in-law thinks you should let them sleep with you as long as they want to, but I just think that would damper any intimate time you could have with your partner. So really the choice is up to you.