Advice Needed... 2 Turning 3Yo Girl Won't Talk in Her New Daycare

She's fine. She is getting adjusted to a new situation and new people. Some people as slower to adapt than others. It is my guess she is probably an introvert which means she processes life internally. As long as she can convey her needs and wants she will be fine. She doesn't necessarily need to talk to make that happen.

I'm an introvert and throughout my life when I meet new people my first response is to fall back and be quiet especially when there is a room full of people. There are times when I can be quite talkative and seemingly outgoing in situations where there are tons of new people but in most cases I know weeks in advance that I will be in that situation and can prepare myself accordingly. After that interaction has ended I rush back to my cocoon to rejuvenate. Most people that know me would guess I was an extrovert but I'm just a really well adjusted introvert.

My guess is she needs more time and more patience. As long as her silence isn't a problem she should be fine.

She is still transitioning. It make take another month or two. If she is kind of quiet by nature anyway, this does not surprise me a whole lot. There was a new little girl who joined my son's preschool class this summer (she was not quite 3 yet and on the young side of the group - many in the group were at least 6 months older) and I dont think that little girl talked much at all for her first 3 months or so. She is still pretty quiet. You can tell she is happy and not scared or anything, she is just a quieter and shy personality.

I am sometimes surprised how long it really takes for a young child to feel totally comfortable with a new enviorment, like day care. My son has been going to the same place for over 2 years. At the end of the summer he transitioned from the Jr Pre room to the regular pre school room. The rooms are part of a "cottage" system so they are open to each other and my son had many many times played in the regular preschool area. But when it was time to move into that room full time, he had a rough go for about a month. I was so surprised b/c I didnt think he would need anytime at all. But there are more new faces, more teachers, different routines, etc. and he just needed some time to get used to all that.

So I guess what i am trying to say is: I think this sounds normal. Keep in close contact with her teachers so they can let you know how she is coming along. As long a there is progress (even small progress) I would not worry too much, she probably will need several more weeks, maybe even a few months, to really get adjusted.

I suggest that you relax and let her adapt at her own pace. When you keep trying to convince her everything is OK you are unknowingly giving her the sense that everything is not OK. Otherwise you wouldn't be trying so hard.

I would do what you can to make mornings not a huge rush. Even if it means you get up earlier to do things in advance so you can let her take a few more minutes to get ready. I would be cheerful when dropping her off and cheerful when picking her up. I read my DD The Kissing Hand and even at your DD's age, it might help. I'd ask the teachers if she participates and plays with other kids and if she's doing some things, then let her take her time. When you get home, ask her to tell you about one good thing that happened at daycare or the name of any of her friends. "DD, I saw a blond girl sitting with you in the blocks. Do you know her name? Is she fun to play with?" I also like the idea of whispering if she's too shy to speak up. Maybe start by whispering your "bye, I love yous" and she'll get the idea.

In a way her world has been turned upside down. She will adjust. Give her lots of hugs and she will understand soon this is the way things are now. It's part of the adjustment peroid.

There is a condition called selective mutism that is not uncommon in children under the age of 5. Kids describe it as the words just get stuck. Mostly they outgrow it by 5.
Tell the daycare not to draw attention to it or try to force her to talk as this will make it worse. Give her non-verbal ways to communicate (pointing, sign language that the day care can understand, etc). She will relax and eventually start talking. Til then, you can ask her how her words feel today and she will give you a gauge of how verbal she will be for the day.

There was a little girl in my son's kindergarten class that had selective mutism. She wouldn't talk to anyone at school, it lasted a couple of years (there were reasons why, but I won't go into it). Non-verbal communication worked great, but she did eventually learn to whisper in her teacher's ear if she needed to, so that might be an option you could give her, to help her make steps toward overcoming this.

Relax, step back, and allow her to move at her own pace. 2 weeks for her to adjust seems a very short time.

I would suggest since this is sort of typical for her, she might grow up to be an introvert, then at least give her a month to 6 weeks. She may just be sizing everyone up and taking her time.

Hi, Michelle:

Your child is adjusting to the change.
She is also grieving too.
Notice the way she is coping.
This will be the way she will cope
when she experiences stress.

Good luck.
Thanks for caring.
D.