I have a good friend, one of my best friends, actually, who asks me about 3 to 4 times a year if she can drop off her son at my house so I can drive him to preschool while she goes to a doctor's appointment. The preschool is in a neighboring town and it was about 10 minutes away from our old house, but last we moved across town and now it takes nearly twice as long to get there. Also, I have a 2nd grader who is picked up by the bus at the same time that my friend's son should be in school.
I could take him to school first and then drive my own daughter to school and then head on to my class, but that makes for such a hectic morning. In my head, I keep asking myself why my friend can't ask another preschool parent to take him instead of me. Am I being a bad and inconsiderate friend for thinking so?
She does have a chronic medical condition and the specialist she sees is almost 2 hours away. So, she schedules her appointments early enough so she can get back in time to pick him up at preschool in the afternoon.
I do need to bring it up with her, you're right! We also have a dog now and they are not dog lovers or even likers by any stretch of the imagination so it makes it much more stressful with our dog barking because she's anxious around people who are anxious around her.
eta:OK, so the other half of you who just responded are right too! See? It's like one voice whispering in one ear "yes!" and the other voice whispering "no!" I already do that to myself on my own! lol. But all of these opinions are good - they help me break down the situation more so I can make my decisions and not lose sleep over them. :)
Thanks!
Lets see:
Best friend
Chronic medical condition
3-4 times a year
I wouldn't think twice about helping out a best friend in her situation
Totally not inconsiderate (is that a double negative?)
However - if she's going to the Doc 3-4 times per year, maybe she has health issues? And I would add that she may not be trying to take advantage, so much as she's trusting her most prized "possession" to you.
Up to you to continue or not - but I know that we're very careful with asking someone to care for/transport our son. So I would view it more in the vain of "It's an honor, but it comes with a cost." Only you know if the cost is too high.
If she is that great of a friend then I would try to help her as much as possible...perhaps you tell her that her child will be late to preschool because you have to put your child on the bus at the same time... since this is only 3 or 4 times a year, I would try to do it if I could....
Momnipotent,
(LOVE the name, btw!)
"Am I being a bad and inconsiderate friend for thinking so?" Heavens no! But you agree to do it. She may be unaware of WHAT a hassle it is for you.
Why not just let her know that it's tight getting 2 kids to 2 different places, across town at the same time?
She'll never know if you don't tell her!
Of course you're not a bad or inconsiderate friend. You're having to go out of your way to help her out and perhaps she just doesn't understand the logistical issues you're dealing with.
That being said, if it were ME in this situation, I would suck it up and do what I could to help out. You said she has a medical condition, so presumably she's got some stress in her life from that. She asks you for help because she trusts *you*. Sure, she could ask another parent from the pre-school. But what if that parent cancelled at the last minute or forgot completely on the morning of or just never showed up or...or...or...? Then she's scrambling right ahead of a two hour drive, a doc appt and another two hour drive. Sounds like a nightmare to me. She knows that YOU'LL get it done. You're a reliable, close friend that's proven over and over that she can count on. If one of my best friends asked this of me only 3 or 4 times a year, I would bend over backwards to help her. Now if it were every week, or even once a month, THAT'S a different story. But it's only 3 or 4 times a year. You're under absolutely no obligation to help her, but I think it would be the kind thing to do just that.
Why aren't you asking HER why she can't ask another preschool parent to take him instead, she's a friend so she should understand, right? The next time she asks say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I really can't. Hopefully another parent at his preschool can?" And smile, in politeness, not vindictiveness : )
Perhaps if she scheduled appointments around when he was in school she wouldn't have the need to inconvenience you.
Since it's only a few times a year I would probably still do this favor for your friend. Suppose you drive your child into school that day instead of having the bus pick him up? That way you can loosen up the schedule instead of having to live by the bus schedule.
The problem is that things have changed since she started this arrangement with you. You moved and she hasn't figured out exactly how this arrangement effects your schedule. I'd say it's perfectly alright to speak with her before she calls for the next favor to let her know that since you've moved you can't get her son to preschool anymore. This will give her time to look elsewhere for childcare.
No, she is taking advantage of you and althought when you lived closer, it may not have been an big deal, well, now it is. Just tell her you are unable to because of the distance. Why can't she take hom to the doc appt? I mean is it something major that he can't go with her? And why can't she schedule the appointment AFTER she drops him off at school? This just doesn't make sense. Regardless, I would just tell her you can't do it anymore and suggest she makes her appointment so she can drop him off herself. Good luck.
Ask yourself this: 'How would I feel about this if she died today?' I know, kind of morbid, but it puts it into perspective. Whatever your answer is, is how you should move forward.
IMO, it is only 3-4 times a year, so I would do it. But I would do it even if it were more times. I had the honor of taking my grandfather to his VA monthly visits that last 6 months of his life. It wasn't convenient at all, but I am sooooo glad I did it.
If it's only 3-4 times a year, it might be easier to just keep doing it. BUT I think it also makes sense to tell her that, with your move and your child's schedule, it's making it hectic which isn't relaxing for you, your daughter, or HER SON. Suggest that she could make it easier on her own child by finding a preschool parent nearer the preschool, and maybe she could either reciprocate for a parent who could really use the help, or she could bring that person a coffee on her way to her doctor's appointment. I'm also curious why she doesn't make her doctor's appointments a half hour later in the day. Perhaps if she tried these other methods first and just used you once a year as an emergency back-up, it would make sense.
Any clue why she's doing this? Does she figure you want the contact or is this her way of staying in touch and making sure she is still important to you? Do you do anything else together that is fun and more balanced? See if you can help each other out in different ways that don't occur at "chaos time."
Sweetie, your asking if your being bad and inconsiderate...I think your friend is...my god NEVER would I of kept asking my best friend if she could continue to keep taking my son if I knew she had moved..not even if she was my best friend....can you see if maybe she can ask someone else to take him..I'm sure she has made friends there, just ask and see. I hope she is paying you because I think you surely deserve it...hugs, L.
