Just a Rant.. Need Some Advice

In my area, the school is responsible for transportation. Perhaps you could ask the teacher if any other parents near you transport kids and whether you could have them assist for a week, and you repay them when you have a car?

Most areas have taxis...I am not familiar with your area. Other than that, I suggest you start saving for a car of your own, and/or have a back up plan for the future. I week lost in kindergarten might be negligible. But as kiddos get older, not so much.

This is no excuse for your daughter to miss school.

Can she not ride the school bus or you walk her to/from school?

Why can't you drive BIL to/from work? It is not something that is going to be a routine thing, you are talking a week or so. Sometimes when we are a part of a team, we do some things that are not our favorite things to do.

Ask your nephew to take your daughter this one week to help you out and do something nice for him such as filling up his gas tank or something like that.

You feel that this situation sucks for you but look at it as being a team player. This is not a permanent situation, can't you manage to do without the car a week or drive BIL? You have 2 good options but you just don't want to. Why is it necessary for you to have the car when you SAHM only take daughter to/from school for 1 week. It is not like they are asking you to make a change forever.

Another option is to rent a car while one is in the shop. The other 3 adults in your family are working 1-2 jobs each to keep things going financially and keep the family stable. I would do whatever I needed to do as a SAHM in order to work with them so their jobs stay secure and the income to the family does not change.

Mandy,

My God. The crazy...sorry. Not to be mean.

First. Your FIL's car needs to be fixed. Period. End of story. Find a shop that you can afford and get it fixed.

Second your BIL's car - if the damage is covered by insurance then he should have a rental car.

Third. You may not like the idea but you can drive your husband to his second job so your daughter can go to school. Is there NOT a bus service for her?? Have you looked into public transportation or even Uber??? What about asking one of the other parents in the school to give her a ride this week??

what I do NOT understand is why you live 45 minutes from your daughters school?!?! Why is she NOT attending a school closer to your home???

If you are living with your family to save money? This is the time to sit down and look at your budget and figure out where all your money is going. You have a multi-generational home, obviously. Something needs to change. Your husband is working 2 jobs and you can't afford your own place?? Or to get your FILs truck fixed?? Come on. I get being a SAHM. I'm there - i'm lucky enough to be a work from home mom.

Get your priorities straight.

In MY opinion? Your daughter should be in a school closer to home.
Your FIL needs to get his truck fixed.
YOU need to get your life in order. Either save the money to get you a car or move out on your own. I don't know the whole story. This story sounds soooo immature. Sorry. That's the best way to describe it. You're whining. Stop whining and get it fixed. With that many people living in the home AND WORKING?? Come on - either get the cars fixed or buy cars that are dependable. Live closer to your school. Make hard decisions. Is this arrangement worth it? Doesn't sound like it is.

Mamapedia is a national forum so 99% of us aren't going to know what you're talking about with comments about St. Clair and Waterford - so that's not helpful. Maybe if we knew how many miles are involved, it would help.

I'm not sure why you should "be the one that should go without the car" - your child has an obligation to be in school. I don't think kids stay home for a week or there just because someone has a transportation problem. That's a ridiculous habit to get into, and I think you'll regret it if you give in to the temptation.

Anyway, is your child in public school? Is there no bus transportation? Or do you live too close to qualify for it? If you live in MI, I can see why you wouldn't walk in the Michigan winter if it's a long walk (over a half mile, say) and if you have a younger child in a stroller in the snow!

Or is she in private school and therefore you have to drive her no matter what?

Either way, wouldn't you have a list of other parents in the private school or at least know your neighbors by this point in the school year? Couldn't you implore someone to help you out, and offer something in return (a week of carpool duty, a play date or two, or a home cooked meal)? Or can't you ask your nephew to do 2 days and another parent or neighbor to do 3 days?

I also think your brother or brother-in-law (you use both terms) should ask the shop if they have a loaner car - or someone can go to a "Rent-a-Wreck" type place and get a very low-end rental. Someone in this family needs to deal with car repairs responsibly and not expect the child to stay home from school.

I think you're so annoyed at being taken advantage of on more than one occasion, that you aren't able to think clearly enough to find a solution.

Surely, four adults can put their heads together and devise a plan. It's not about who deserves it or who is being childish. It's about compromise. I would imagine lost days of work equals lost wages, so everyone must get to work. Could someone rent a car? Could a neighbor/friend take your daughter to school? Ask your nephew--I'm sure you could compensate him with an iTunes or Gas gift card. How about some combination of the above suggestions?

I rely on people frequently because I'm unable to drive because of my health. It's really no big deal if you help them out in return.

I'm not sure why you lent your brother your car if it's going to cause problems. The only childish part is offering to do a favor for someone, then complaining about them after the fact.

Who actually owns each car? In whose names are the registrations, insurance, etc? Who pays for any car costs (car payments, insurance, titles, taxes, license plates and registration stickers)?

If these items are not clearly defined, they should be. If you're going to share a home with 2 relatives, certain things need to be talked out, just like when you're sharing an apartment with a roommate. If your brother-in-law simply says "hey, my car's in the shop, give me your keys", what would happen if you said "no, I need my car to take [your daughter's name] to school and you may not borrow it. Talk to the shop or rent something or take the bus." Or does he ask and beg and you feel bad and give in? Or does your husband or father-in-law put pressure on you to give up your car?

Who owns the home? Do you and your husband pay rent, or the mortgage, or are you allowed to live there rent-free?

Where does your nephew live? Is he reliable? Do you do things for him sometimes? Why do you hate asking him to help with transportation?

Are there no school bus possibilities for your daughter, or do you live in a remote area with no bus service and no car pool possibilities?

I think you need to sit down together, as a household, and talk out a few things. Your father-in-law owns a vehicle that doesn't work. It sounds like your brother (or is it your brother-in-law?) has frequent car troubles. You have a child who relies on you for school transportation. People work quite some distance from home.

So, work out which cars are the responsibility of which people. Work out how to fix the truck. Work out the school transportation issues (either insist that you have your own car for bringing your daughter to school, or sign her up for the bus, or find a carpool, or homeschool her). Decide what happens when one car breaks down (and it might be yours or your husband's) and how to rearrange things when one car is out of commission. Figure out what all the car costs are, and determine who's responsible for them.

Time for a family meeting. Put things in writing so they're clear.

i'm not sure why it's even an option for you daughter to miss school. if she were in pre-school it would be one thing, but she's enrolled in school and expected to be there.
no, your brother-in-law doesn't have a right to your car. it's nice if you lend it to him when you don't need it, but since your daughter is not on the bus route (i guess), i'm not sure why it's assumed that you don't need it.
your father-in-law and brother-in-law need to pay to get their vehicles fixed. if that's going to take time, they should be tickled in the meantime if you let them borrow yours sometimes to help out.
stand up for yourself.
ETA after reading your answer to yourself, i'm more confused. if YOUR car died last year, what is the one you're using now? if it's not your car, then no, i guess you don't have a 'right' to it.
maybe give your nephew gas money, and think twice about having your kid in a school where you have to transport her if transportation is hinky.
it really does seem as if this could have solutions if everyone worked together, driving your BIL to work and dropping him off and picking him up and so forth.
ETAA now i'm even more confused. if your daughter's school is only a mile away, why can't she take the bus? or you could walk with her if the weather's not bad. i mean....
a mile?
khairete
S.

So you have an option of asking your nephew, but you don't want to ask him; nor do you want to drive your BIL to work every day. Sounds like you're not much of a "team player." Yes, I think you should ask your nephew to drive your daughter to school and back so that the working folks can have the running vehicles. This is only for a very limited time. If one of them loses their job because they can't get there, there will be long term consequences.

Well, if you want food on the table then yes, you're being selfish.

If you want utilities on then yes, you're being selfish.

I'm sorry, you want people to TAKE OFF WORK so you can have a vehicle for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon?

Call the school and let them know you'll be without a vehicle. Call a parent of her friends and ask them if there's any way they can give her a ride to and from school at least one day. Call a couple of them and see if they'll share.

Get a taxi, take a bus and walk some of the way, call the district bus barn and talk to the office manager to see if there are buses in your area that pick up kids, ask one of the adults in the household going to work to drop her off at school on their way to work OR at a friends house that will let her ride there with them. Then ask whomever gets off work first if they'll go pick her up from a playdate with a friend. Find a mom that will let your child come over for a playdate until someone gets off work.

When my daughter moved into a new house that elementary school had no slots for kids in her son's age bracket. He had to go to elementary school across town. The bus barn told my daughter to get him to the local elementary school at 7:15am and he could ride the bus with the jr high and high school kids to through their stops and they could drop him off at his school across town. Same thing coming home. He'd be at the local elementary school around 4pm in the afternoon. She didn't want to walk him to school at 7:15am so she had a pity party and kept him home. Got in big trouble eventually.

There are a bunch of ways to work this out. Think outside the box. I bet you can get him a way to and from school and it not take money out of the household.

One of the obvious thoughts are why aren't you playing taxi driver and taking people to work then kiddo off to school then pick everyone up in the evening? All that takes is ONE vehicle. Not even two.

If this is public school - they are obligated to provide transportation - a bus - to and from school.
Private school doesn't have to.
What would concern me is not so much bus to/from school but - what if they call and you have to take her home cause she got sick?

Your brother (in law?) needs to learn about car pooling.
He needs to pay a co-worker to take him to work and bring him home.
He's an adult? Well he should act like it.
He needs to solve his problem without inconveniencing the rest of his family.
And since he damaged his car, HE can get a rental if he can't find a way to car pool.

Can you take him and pick him up from work? Not ideal, but an option, right? If it's his car that is in the shop, I think it's his issue to solve. Since you live with them I think the right thing to do is probably offer to help, especially if you are living rent free (no idea if you are or not). You shouldn't have your child miss a week of school however. I also find it curious that there are no other options. If your child doesn't get offered a bus then you must live close enough to walk to the school. You can walk your child to and from school. It might be cold, but it's a viable option.

I guess my first thought is if your family isn't there to help you then who is? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You reap what you sow. You get the idea. It's only for a week or so, no big deal. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. What if you had to work too, then what would you do? I assume if it was your car you would hope your family would step up and help. Good luck.

Updated

I guess my first thought is if your family isn't there to help you then who is? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You reap what you sow. You get the idea. It's only for a week or so, no big deal. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. What if you had to work too, then what would you do? I assume if it was your car you would hope your family would step up and help . Good luck.

Updated

I guess my first thought is if your family isn't there to help you then who is? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You reap what you sow. You get the idea. It's only for a week or so, no big deal. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. What if you had to work too, then what would you do? I assume if it was your car you would hope your family would step up and help . Good luck.

When I was little, I took the bus EVERYWHERE.. rain or shine...
and today, going to a community college.. I just took a 20 min ride on one bus, then transferred to another that then took one hour to get to the college.... that was just one way.... then I had to do the same to get home...
IF you are near bus lines.. then take her via the bus... if it's only for one week, then at least you know there's an end in sight.. I know some people who drive their kids to school, one hour each way... and that's for the entire year... I would just try and grin and bare it.. again, it's for one week... it's better than your daughter missing school...

Your brother needs a rental and may be covered on insurance. You "shouldn't" be the one to go without a car if it is yours and you need to transport your daughter. There is no reason for her to miss school.

I don't understand why you need to give up your car? Do you own the car? Did your brother or BIL ask to borrow your car? Perhaps he can take public transportation to work. Can you drive him to the train or bus station?

You could rent a car - that is what I have done when mine is in the shop and I need one for work. You could use the school bus. You could use Uber or Lyft or take a cab to take her to school. You could find if there is someone who lives nearby you with a child in kindergarten who wouldn't mind taking your daughter to school for a week if you got her to her/his house. You do not have a RIGHT to a car. You are four adults. Surely you can figure out a solution.

How far do you live from the school? My kids walk to school. When they were little I walked to school with them. If it is too far to walk can she take a school bus? In my school district either you live within walking distance or a school bus is provided. If that is not the case could you take a transit bus with her? Does she have any friends she can car pool with? Offer to pay your nephew if you don't like asking for this favour. I mean, nobody has a "right" to a car to drive their kid to school. Plenty of people do not have cars and their kids still go to school.

bus services? carpool? rent a car? have any of these things been considered? is there other family that could assist with the child to school and back? and whats wrong with asking the nephew to bring the child to school?

My husband likes to ride the bus or ride his bike to work. I think the person with the child should have the car...you get priority bc you have to get a child to and from school and to and from activities. Is there a bus that your BIL can take?

TY LADIES. for taking time to respond to my question with other options... we have figured out the car deal for the week.. His car happen to break down with fact of going to fast and was on ice.. he did 2,000 work of damage to the car.. Lucky my daughter is on winter break till tuesday morning and i will only have to be with out a car till night when my husband is home..

I live to far the school and she cannot be bussed ,. cuz of where we live i had to get premission form the school for her to go there .

Currently we cannot afford to rent a car cuz money is low.. yes i am saving up for a car . Tax time is right around the couner.. My car died on 10-31 of last year..

I have talked to my father in law . He is lending is son his van that running to get back and forth to work and school,my husband and i will share his car till monday .. He does work in st. clair but also work kroger at night and i can take him and drop him off if i need to ./ that is down the street ..

My brother in law works to far to ride a bike to waterford.. I have asked my nephew a few time to pick her up for me . I dont want it to be come a habit for him to do that for me . She is my responability to take care of..

If nothing changes buy tuesday to have a car to take my daughter to school . I will ask my nephew to pick her up for me..

I started typing and then saw your SWH follow up. I was going to ask how far you were from the school and if it was safe to walk it.

Our house is situated just under a mile from the elementary school. The kids in this neighborhood are classified as walkers, too close for a bus. We are a one car family and my husband left for work before the rest of us had to be up for the day. I walked to kids to school and back twice per day for many years. Rain, snow, shine - no matter the weather, we were out walking in it. In a typical 5 day school week, it meant I was racking up almost 20 miles.

It was good exercise that I couldn't decide to skip doing since it was absolutely necessary. I need to force myself to get off my backside regularly and go outside now. Heh. My kids also built endurance so they were not the type to collapse in the grocery store and complain of tired legs. Bonus!

It is important to note that lack of a vehicle is not considered an excused absence when the child is classified as a walker, so it would be marked as a truancy. You will want to either walk with her or hire a ride for her should you be without wheels in the future.