Hello ladies. I am starting to think my 5 yr old daughter is going into some sort of depression. She used to be a happy go round kid but always kind of reserved and quiet and it took her 3 weeks to adjust to other children in preschool when she first went in at the age 3. She loves school and does well and gets along with all her friends there. She's very smart and a good polite kid, and always shares with others. Lately, however, she's become withdrawn, says that people say mean things to her, that she's stupid (don't know where she gets it from), wants to do nothing but watch tv and play games on her phone. I have to force her to play w toys (every once in a while she'll go to the toys on her own, but usually just turns on the tv first thing in the am) or draw, or even play with other kids at a park. She's lazy and discouraged, and when I tell her to do things, she gets this depressed look on her face and cries a lot over little things. She barely laughs. I don't know what to do. I take her out and we do things with her and her baby sister, and she seems to be having fun and be at peace but then minute we get home she goes sad and quiet and wants to be left alone. She doesn't want to stay with daddy, says he is mean to her, and my husband and I are separated but still living in the same house for now. Anyone else dealing with similar issues?
Your daughter is sad and unhappy and having a hard time expressing her feelings about the separation. She thinks if she was smarter or better, then her dad wouldn't be planning to leave. You need to get some family counseling and some counseling for her so that she can deal with what is going on in her life. good luck.
I was going to say 5 seems like a tough age on emotions and say to give it time. My youngest I feel like was so sensitive sometimes that I worried too. But this does sound more extreme and I agree with others that something is going on re: Dad. Could be your separation, could be he's doing something etc. Kids naturally love their parents so much that I can be such a bad mom and my kids get over it so quickly. It doesn't seem natural at all that she's this down at home and says it's bc of dad. Not wanting to stay with Daddy does raise some flags. I'm sure it's not easy but I would try some counseling with her even if it's just to help her adjust to the divorce. It may be just that. A 5 year old in our neighborhood went through that and it definitely affected her. Good luck. I"m sure this isn't easy at all.
I agree with the others that you need to find out exactly what she means by daddy "is mean" to her. I also agree that this is a serious red flag and you have to get to the bottom of it in a very gentle, unalarming way.
She could be depressed or probably mostly confused about the state of things. You and her father are separated but still living in the same house. That's confusing for me, I can imagine how confusing it is to a 5 year old.
Counseling is definitely in order.
And I also agree that you need to keep the tv off and her off the phone. And why does a 5 year old have a phone? Have you heard that people are actually having to PAY for someone to counsel their kids through withdrawals from electronics? Go ahead, take it away and see if she doesn't REALLY act out. Why? Because she's going through withdrawals. Laugh now but you won't be when you finally get up the courage to take that phone away!!
talk to the Pediatrician.
TELL the teacher, that your daughter said she is being teased etc.
It is the Teacher's job, to observe and handle and evaluate the behavior amongst her student interactions.
The school Counselor, can also be told. At my kids' school, the School Counselor for the Kindergarten kids, DOES that. Too. Per any student concerns.
You need to tell a Professional at school.
AND document what your daughter says about her Dad's treatment of her.
Document it. For yourself.
This is not normal.
ADD: I don't know how I missed the part about "her dad is mean to her", but you REALLY need to know EXACTLY how he is "mean". Withdrawal like this around a parent (or anyone the child used to be comfortable around) is a RED FLAG.
Not to be alarmist, but this could be anywhere from mean like yelling, etc., or mean like inappropriate. Somehow you need to get her to tell you what exactly is the "mean" behavior. Reassure her that you will NOT get mad at her and that you need to know so you can help things get better and stop the mean stuff - but that you need to know what the mean stuff is.
Original: Talk to her teacher. Talk to your pediatrician. This doesn't sound normal.
Please don't say she's lazy. If she's truely depressed, then it's not lazy, it's lethargic.
Good luck!
Since she seems fine when she is out with you and her baby sister, but changes so dramatically when she gets home AND says her dad is "mean to her", I'd start there. Have you noticed her interaction with her father yourself? Ask her HOW he is mean to her? This is sending warning bells to me.
I also agree with Patricia - talk to everyone who has usual contact with her. At this age, she's not lazy or things like that. Children this age behave first - reactionary- there's reasons for their behavior, in other words.
When time is quiet and still and no stress,I would ask her some questions without being alarming or accusatory and she may open up more about what's going on.
Best of luck!!
L.
Why does a five year old have a phone. Take that away. Prevents her from interacting. You and your husband are separated and live in the same house and you wonder why she is unhappy. Sounds like some counseling is in order ASAP. As far as her Dad being mean, he may just be asking her to pick up toys, etc. ask her what she means.
Something's definately wrong. You might want to consider taking her to a psychologist, not a therapist or psychiatrist. It could be a number of things. Also, you need to find out exactly what is going on at that preschool. Something changed. She said about people saying mean things, which is a clue she might be bullied at school. If she doesn't have to go to preschool, I'd take her out and teach her at home so she's ready for kindergarten. If she does have to go to preschool, I'd change preschools. It sounds like she's being heavily bullied. When a child is heavily bullied, they develope and extremely low self-esteem which can be extremely dangerous later on. Loosing interest in things can be depression, but can also be brought on by bullying to the point that she feels she "can't do anything right." Keep in mind that teachers can be bullies too. Crying over little things is a sign of stress and feeling overwhelmed. If she's heavily picked on at school, then comes home and Mommy and Daddy aren't getting along..she has no sanctuary. It could even have something to do with you and your DH's relationship. Get it checked out ASAP. The long you wait, the more ingrown the problem will become.
