Okay Mama's - I'm looking for opinions. I know what are state law says about the issue and it IS allowed. However, there are many complications with our issue and we are still in court. Given limited time with the children, especially after the mother commited custodial interference, the issue came up with the eldest son (early elementary school) that his step father spanks him. My husband does not like this. Especially due to the fact he has joint LEGAL custody and feels when his son misbehaves, he should hear about it and handle it with the mother. Well, I've posted before about how the mother is doing bare minimum on court ordered phone calls. So, phone calls aren't happening and visitation is well over 100 miles.
Too make a long story short, our state approves stepparents spanking children HOWEVER the mom has interfered so much and not allowed the biological father to even be involved. When the child is visiting and my husband raises his voice the child will start crying and say, "Please no scary things" (spankings). I've read different reviews about how they should and shouldn't be allowed. Mainly they should be because they are the one there most of the time, however, that was not my husband wishes. What are your thoughts ladies? Brainstorming for court.
That really stinks. That would be the DAY, a step parent disciplined OR spanked my child! I don't blame bio dad for being ticked off.
It may be legal, but that doesn't make it right. :(
Unfortunately I'm going to go against the majority here. I believe in spanking. Not for every infraction, but I do believe there are times when things are serious enough and you have to get your point across NOW that there is nothing wrong with a spanking. I know I would not be pleased if someone else were spanking my child, but like you said, visitation is well over 100 miles away, so how is your husband going to be involved in the discipline? Even if the child is only sent to time out, if he doesn't stay there and has to be continually put back (like in Supernanny, he, he), it's the stepfather that has to do it. Likewise, if the school calls and needs a parental meeting, that will have to be stepdad as well since it would take your husband what about 2 hours to get there. So, again, I would not want someone else spanking my child, but the parent who is present is the one who has to implement and discipline. If discipline only consisted of a stern phone call from dad, you're not going to really get anywhere with that and discipline would be a joke. Sorry, but I think if stepdad is there, then he has to be able to implement discipline. I do, however, think you should try to get an order that stepdad has to attend parenting classes so that he might try to develop an alternate method of discipline.
sounds like your family needs a mediator and family counseling.
you all need to get on the same page in discipline.
If a child says "no scary things" I would be upset as well. It sucks that parents use children as a weapon in divorce. When in reality it's the children who end up getting the short end of the stick in the divorce.
Talk to the courts about getting a mediator. If they won't do anything, then you might have to talk to a lawyer or call CPS - especially if there is bruising or red marks left on the child after the spanking.
We would be in court tomorrow! Of course it may be due to me beating the hell out of the stepparent. Your husband and his attorney need to take them to court and demand an amended custody document stating that he is NOT allowed to hit the child.
Oh gosh, I agree with so much in response here. Parenting classes, a mediator, counseling, court. I have to agree with Susan, if my ex had a new spouse that spanked my daughter she would have had to relocate to another country!!! Oh Julie, you are so right!!
He has joint legal custody, what about physical custody??? I don't know who moved but I would be near my child and so was my ex-husband. He has to fight for the rights, protection and contact with his children! The "please no scary things" is just breaks my heart. Your husband raising his voice seems inappropriate with this child.
I would work on this every day, all day since the children are with these people the majority of the time. Good luck
If you are brainstorming for court, a child psychologist or counselor should meet with the child a few times for some assessments as to how the child's mental health is.
Your post is a bit abstract and confusing, but I'll take a shot at this. (You know, this is largely anecdotal, by the way.) I personally do not use spanking as a disciplinary technique. I believe that there are better ways to help children learn to mind (and why they need to mind). I do think, though, that to make a case that the stepparent is causing a child fear and hurt, you will need to have a more impartial expert such as a child psychologist spend some time with the boy. The school counselor may help. What we also have to realize is that separated families do not usually consult back and forth regarding discipline, at least not to my knowledge, unless it's on a serious issue. So expecting the mother (who is already not on amicable terms with your husband) to call and consult on disciplining the son is probably not going to hold up in court. So, like I said, get the experts involved. Otherwise, it all sounds like hearsay. Sorry.
This may be one of the things outlined in a court document since there are differing views.
Talk to the lawyer and see if there is a way to include in any custody settlement, just like visitation schedules are spelled out to the T in hostile cases, make discipline be spelled out too.
As you pointed out there is no legal recourse from the state, but perhaps if it is put in the court papers between the parents, there will be more of an effort to keep the bio-father involved in the discipline and prevenet SF from going straight to the spanking.
I would also include in that madate GROUP parenting classes - you, bio dad, bio mom and step dad. That way you all can work toward a standard of care for this child that is consistent.
Best.
Legally, there is nothing you can do. There is nothing stating the child is being badly beaten, and the mother has no legal requirement to discuss discipline in her home.
No, the spanking should not be happening. Especially for a child that age. Goodness.
