My son is 9 months old and breastfed. We have co-slept since he came home from the hospital due to the ease of breastfeeding, nurturing him, as well as because it was the best way to ensure sleep on the nights before long days at work for me. It has come time for my husband and I to get our bed back! Believe it or not, but even a king size bed is no place for a dog, two adults and a squirming baby. I am especially concerned because he moves around so much now (both in his sleep and when he awakes). I think we will all get a better nights sleep with him in his room. Two night ago, we put him in his crib asleep and he stayed there from 11pm-5am. Last night we started at 8pm and didn't get him calmed down and alseep (even though he was very tired) until around one. He slept from 1am until 5am when I gave up (after dragging a mattress into his room. The next few days I have 10 hour+ work days ahead of me with little or no breaks. I am exhausted and frustrated. I'm not sure what methods to try or what we should be doing or expecting from our precious little one. It's killing both my husband and I. Do we let him cry? Not make eye contact? Wait until he's asleep once we rock him? HELP!!!! Any ideas, suggestions or thoughts on what we should do and/or expect from him. Thank you! We are willing to do just about anything, but most importantly, we want him to feel safe, loved and not as if we have simply forgotten about him.
When my Aunt had problems getting her son to go to sleep in his bed she let him cuddle up with her silky nightgown that she usually wore and he went right out. He needed something familiar with him in a "strange" place. Plus it smelled like mom.
I would really try to get a good bedtime routine down too. That helps a lot.
Good luck!
Hello E.. I have a 19 month old daughter that I still hold in my lap until she is asleep and then put her in her crib. She still sleeps all night in her crib. I know eventually she will grow out of wanting mommy to hold her until she's asleep, so I don't mind. I love the bonding time I have with her. Just a suggestion! She was also breastfed until she was 6 1/2 months old and she did co-sleep with us until she was about 4 months old. Hope that helps! ~M.
Our daughter never slept with us but she did stay in a bassinett next to our bed for the first 4 months while she breastfed. When it was time to move her to a crib, I started out by putting her in her crib for naps during the day. Then when it was time to transition to the crib, it was a smooth transition. I know that it will likely be harder for a 9 month old but I think a slow transition may ease some of the trouble. I also ready the Healthy Sleep Habits book another poster suggested - and I used that along with the techniques in the Baby Whisperer and they both worked really well. Good luck!
Hi E.,
My daughter is now 9 years old, and I can remember how it was for me like it was yesterday. My x-husband and I had the same exact problem. It was convenient for breastfeeding the baby to have her sleep with us and for me having to go to work everyday. It was very hard at first on us and the baby to break this habit. Once we did it and things worked out I wished we had did it sooner. Unfortunately there is no easy way to get your baby to adjust to the change. Your baby probably has gotten use to having a warm body next to him as well. I can only tell you that it does it better each night and you just have to keep it up or you'll never get him out of your bed. He is going to cry and have a fit, but it does get better. It hurts as a mother to see and hear your baby crying and having a fit because he only wants back what he's use too. Don't stop trying. Good luck!!!
L. M.
I have a 9 month old in bed with me still breast fed exclusivley and I work a career job too :) I know exactly what you are talking about my little guy sleeps sideways :)
Have you thought of a co sleeper or a portable crib or pack in play in your room next to your bed? could help with the transition. :)
I have an 8 1/2 month daughter and sleep trained her using Ferber at 5 months. This did involve crying with 1 min, 3 min and 5 min checks the first night and then 3 min, 5 min, 7 min checks the second night and longer intervals each subsequent night. Took a week but was well worth it. She now sleeps 7 pm to 6 am straight. We coslept until 3 months when I moved her to the pack in play in our room with minimal difficulty. Then moved her to crib in her own room at 5 months and did the sleep training which was a hard 5 days and we have had good sleep since. She was still nursing at night 1-2 times until about 6 months when she just stopped waking on her own. The Ferber book is very informative "Solve your childs sleep problems" We did have her on a sleep schedule prior to doing the progressive waiting technique (putting in crib drowsy but awake). I think since her body was used to going to sleep at certain times with us rocking and carrying her it helped when we stopped those things
If the idea of cry it out doesn't sit well with you, there are gentler more humane methods that work. "The Baby Sleep Book" by William Sears and "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley are good resources. Good luck!
Oh boy...
My husband and I had the same issue around that age with our now 16-mo-old twins (who now sleep in their own beds w/o a fuss!). Here's the thing - it's really hard, but you have to get tough. Imagine your son not as a sweet, angelic itty bitty, but as a teenager who wants to go to an unsupervised party. You know what is best for him, but he will protest anyway. "Protest" is the key word here...in baby lingo, that means "cry." It feels heartbreaking, yes, but really it's the only way they communicate right now so for me, I imagined my boys saying "mad" things instead of heartbreaking "you don't love me..." things. Your baby will not feel abandoned if you do this right! :)
The book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" saved us!!! Another great one "Baby 411." They are awesome and incredibly helpful. My best advice is to purchase those because there's no way to sum up everything in an email. I will tell you IT WORKS!!!! If you can suck it up for 3 rough nights, it is sooooo worth it in the end. Think about it from his point of view...he's probably not sleeping well either. Remember, you are reacting on pure emotion, not what's really best for your baby when you run every time he cries. Part of your job as a mommy is to build him to be an incredible and strong person and that means independence!! I know it is tough, but hang in there and I swear, the books work if you follow them.
Feel free to keep in touch if any of this helped, even if you just need to vent. I remember feeling like I was losing my mind through that process of the boys moving out of our bed. Stay strong!
whatever you do, dont rock him or you'll be doing it every night. i think the first night went well cause it was something different then the second night he realized this is for good lol. do you have a bedtime ritual? bath, book bed or something? i think its going to be hard no matter what but if you stay consistent with whatever you do, it will get easier but i dont think you can expect it today. sorry. my opinion and i know others will strongly disagree, is let him cry it out. i dont think it teaches them you wont be there at all like others say. i have a 8 year old and 6 year old and they both definately feel i will always be there for them. but it was hard to do.
good luck!
First thing, don't replace one habit with another - for example, by rocking him to sleep you'll continually have to do it - plus he will not learn to put himself to sleep. Are you familiar with the Ferber method? Do a google search, if not. Essentially, what it means is you put your son in his own bed, awake, and leave him - even if he's crying. You allow him to cry for a set amount of time (I started with 3 minutes - which will seem like an eternity), then you go in, settle him as quickly as possible, then leave - if he cries again, allow him to cry for 6 minutes this time. Back in, settle, out & allow to cry for 9 minutes...You get the picture! This may take several hours, so maybe a weekend night is best to start this - because once you start, you can't give up - this will just teach him that if he keeps crying, you'll give in & he'll get his way! But then on night 2, it will probably take less time, night 3, less again, and so on, and so on. I'll tell you, it's absolutely heartbreaking, but remember you are doing this for the well-being of all of you!! Hang in there & good luck!
