My daughter is in 1st grade. She would like school if I was there by her side. But since I am only in her classroom an hour a week, she constantly tries to stay home sick. I do work at the school 2 days a week. On those days she comes into my room during both school recesses to stay with me. We are together a lot of the day, everyday. She likes to be physically close, plus have all my attention. When I show her brother affection or am talking to him instead of her, she creates a crisis. We are very close, but she ignores her friends anytime I am near which is often. Like yesterdays submision, she doesn't like after school classes b/c she would rather be with me. That includes sports, art, dance...anything. She also acts out for me and is very difficult, but is not difficult at school or for my husband. I have a home based business, besides teaching 2 days. So, either my husband or I are usually home with her. Any advice would be great. ~ Thank you.
That sounds very tough. I would be getting very stressed out, but you must be very relaxed and fun to attract all her attention. I would need some down time myself. No advise, good luck!
Tricia
my daughter was the same way. She went to a private school for kindergarden..b/c she could not of handled a big school. After that year we enrolled her in public school for 1st grade. She cried for an entire month every day when I would drop her off and pick her up.It was hard. When she realized that she had to learn to comfort herself, she began to get a little stronger. She eventually liked school(she would have preferred to have me with her)
About half way through the first grade, we took her to counseling. She only wanted to be with me. She did not even want to spend the night with Grandma. Slowly, with the advice of our counselor, we began to go more places without her..dinner, store, walk...short periods of time away. Leaving her with family where we knew she would be safe. It was as hard on me as it was on her. Daddy was stronger that I was. After a little while, she started to want to go to a friends house, or birthday party without me-for shorts periods at first. It only got better..slowly.
The counselor explained to me that the seperation that is healthy between parents and children happens slowly as they get older and by the time they are 5-6 years old they should be able to comfort themselves(with in reason). I learned that I was hurting her more by protecting her from feeling sad or scared. (We both had counseling that year).
One of the most important gifts I want to give to both of my children is self confidence. I have now learned that by pushing a little they learn to depend/comfort themselves which creates strong, independent, confident kids/adults.
Always let her know you love her..Hang in there.
Hi M.,
Normally I would say to work on helping her to be more independent. That is still a good idea. However since you have another child who isn't so dependent you may want to seek professional counsel. Another thought. Look at the differences in how you respond to your older child and how you respond to her. This may give you a clue.
D.
When my son was a baby I worked full time. He had no issues with others caring for him. Now I work from home and he is 5 and throws fits when I drop him at preschool. After about 10 minutes he is fine. Then he doesn't want to leave preschool when I pick him up. You need some time apart, yes she'll throw a fit at first but in the end it will improve.
You are going to be crying in your milk, when the sad day comes and your little girl will not have time for old mom. time is preious with our children, life goes fast ! and they are only on loan from God . Be happy your baby love you ! Love is a blessing , count your blessings ! K. E. Pool
I have a daughter who used to be a bit like yours who is now 6 1/2 as well. She was very "high maintenance" and needy. I have two other children as well so the competition for my attention was high although I am a 100% committed stay at home mom. This daughter, and actually all my kids, prefer to stay home than do just about anything. I think it is because they are so comfortable at home and all their needs are met. Same with being with me. All their needs are met. Is this the case with you too? I found that the more attention I gave her, the less needy she became,over time. Sometimes, it was so inconvenient like when I am in the middle of cooking dinner and she is right under my feet being needy. I would tell myself, when she's 15 and off with her friends, I will miss these days and she won't need me so much but right now she does. So I would turn off the dinner, look her right in the eyes, listen to her, sing with her, read to her, give her my full attention (whenever possible) and this seemed to help. Sometimes, she seemed to get her fix and then off she'd go. She also tried ballet and even wanted to do the class, as long as I stayed to watch, but sometimes she just wanted to sit with me and watch the others do it. In the end, after paying for the costume and going to all the rehearsals, she refused to participate and clung to me the whole time no matter what I said or did! Now we have a sense of humor about it and just try to give her everything she needs whenever possible. She has come a loooong way. Good luck, M..
Hi M.,
I too have a child who is attached and dependent on me. She is 9 years old now and doing fine, although she will always be more dependent on me than her sister. She has friends at school but actually prefers to be at home, a real homebody. When she made the transition to first grade it was very difficult for her. She would cry and plead with me to stay in class with her, and I did for the first three weeks because she was beside herself, I mean totally hysterical! Then I decided to help the teacher each afternoon for about an hour and a half. It was rough those first few days when I left her there in the morning but slowly she understood that she could count on me being there every afternoon. As she became more secure that I'd be there each day, she began to become more confident and spend less time with me in class, and more time on the playground. She needed to feel that I was there no matter what so that she could move away from me when she felt the urge. I know that she is very concerned with the issue of power and control, and that will never change because she came out that way! But I think she will learn to use her strengths as she grows. I guess my advice is to do whatever you can to reassure your daughter that you are going to be there NO MATTER WHAT, so that she can feel like she has some say and some control over her life. If she has that need, fill it to the best of your ability so that she can move through these phases with security. Then she'll feel safe to move on, knowing you are always there.
Best to you and yours!
Does the teacher or principal have anything to say about it? Often they are good resources for what works in these situations because they have seen so many kids of that age who have the same issue. They might have good advise on getting her to become more independent.
Hi M.,
I would suggest that you enroll her to after school activity (even though she doesn't like the ides,find the activity that she will enjoy the most), it will create a short time separation between the two of you and she will meet some new friends her age that eventually she will get to realize she cannot be with you all the time. I also discover based on my own experience that pampering them(too much)is not good at some point. We can show them all our love and caring but not to the extend of over pampering them.
Have a great day!
e!
