Twin Seperation Anxiety

You have to sit down with her and explain that as she gets older they will be spending more and more time apart while at school. This gives her the opportunity to meet new people and still see her sister while at school. She will miss her so much that they can spend EXTRA SPECIAL time together when they get home. I would definitely suggest telling the teacher. Find out of their lunch is at the same time....

W.

I have a twin brother and we were together until 3rd grade when we moved to a larger school that had more than one class for each grade. The school counselor thought it was best for us to be in different classes. My parents had divorced so that's why we moved. All of the transition was really hard on me. I think it would have been better if we had been put in the same classroom. In the long-run, I was fine. But I do question the wisdom of separating twins. I think I would have actually been more outgoing if I had had the comfort of having my brother nearby.

Do they really have to be in different classes? Or could the school make arrangements to put them together?

If separating them really seems best for whatever reason, they will adjust and be fine.

Until I had my first child three years ago, I was a first grade teacher. I would definately make the teacher aware that she is anxious about starting school, and that it stems from her not being with her sister. After school you should talk to your granddaughter about what makes HER class different than her sister's (and make it seem more fun in her new class). As she meets new friends in her class, encourage her to invite one over after school to play for a few hours. Hopefully this should encourage her to become less of an introvert and help her make new friends outside of just her sister. I had several sets of twins during my years of teaching, and they were always separated into different classes. It does actually help the children. I hope she does well.

although my twins were a boy and girl, now 39, I put them in the same class for the first grade and never put them together again. They spent all the time together at home and even shared the same bedroom for awhile.
As soon as they were put in differt classrooms they began to flourish in school, had different friends and blossomed they had to make friends because they didnt have each other to rely on. They were never in the same class again. My daughter told me this as an adult.
Good luck, I know that it must be hard on you but they will do just fine

What a predicament . . . I feel for you. I'm also a grandma, but all 3 live with their parents : ) -- 170 miles away : (

I think this is one of those 'simple, but not easy' situations. I'd give a matter-of-fact explanation to BOTH of them that, although they'll always be super-close, life will present many circumstances that they can't be together. Be sure to 'accentuate the positive', though, that this lets them each build upon their separate personalities with lots of other cool kids/folks/teachers/people and they'll have so much more to talk about and share with each other when they DO get together!

Since the school has already placed them, I don't think I'd have them reassign their classes, but I definitely WOULD speak with BOTH teachers and come to an agreement of some sort as to what to do if one twin TRULY needs the other. They'll have to learn SOMETIME to be content while apart, though (and probably the sooner the better since separation will only bcome MORE difficult if they keep growing more and more dependent upon each other as a 'counterpart'.

P.S. After reading responses from other twins, I may digress a bit about not having them put back together.

It really does depend on several things, though. I was just thinking about it from the angle that if you have the school system to 'move' one of them this year, they might think that they can get their classes changed every year (kind of like with pre-school, which isn't required, but if a kid starts and then doesn't like it and the parents let him quit, he thinks he can quit again the next year when Kindergarten IS required).

Also, if this is causing YOU more grief than it's worth and you don't feel confident that you can 'make the best of the situation' and stay postive about it (I mean TRULY positive and not just trying to 'sound' or 'act' positive for the girls' sake), then by all means ask for different arrangements at the school! Their (and your) peace of mind really DOES matter!

Speaking as a twin myself...I can not understand why they have separated them in the first place. That's ridiculous! My sister and I were in all grades together k-college(by our own decision). We are each others best friend. We didn't have to deal with peer pressure because we always had someone to feel connected to. (We did have other friends) I remember in 6th grade when the school "thought" it was important to separate us-that we wouldn't be well rounded human beings if we didn't learn to be without each other...well they ended up putting my twin in all the wrong classes and had to end up putting her back in my class. We didn't cheat off each other. We actually we great study partners for each other. Most of the people making those separating decisions are not twins themselves. My sister and I are perfectly fine human beings...both with our own families and we actually live on opposites ends of the country-missing each other terribly, but still living as normal human beings. :o) My suggestions is to demand that those twins remain in the same class. I just can not understand why so many people are dead set on interfering with such a special and unique bond/connection that only twins can have and can continue to have if they just let them develop it their own way. I'm extremely passionate about this...the girls will grow up and someday may decide to try different classes-that decision should be left up to them, not a bunch of school administrators who are not twins nor even know your grand daughters. Fight to keep them together-you wont regret it. Good Luck.

In my opinion, and I am an identical twin, twins should not be seperated until they are old enough to really make the decision on their own.

My sister and I were seperated in 2nd grade and absolutely hated it. It's a miracle that we passed 2nd grade. At least once a week one of us would call home "sick" because we knew if one of us got picked up they would also pick up the other one.

In third grade we were back together again. We didn't start getting seperated again until middle school and that was only for electives. In high school is when we had completely different schedules except for our honors classes. Then we were roomies in college, but have two different degrees.

We have both turned out fine and we now live 2 hours away from each other, but we talk on the phone every morning on our way to work and at least two other times during the day.

If you do decide to seperate them, definitely let the teacher know what has been going on at home (I am a teacher and this stuff is important info to have). Let both of the teachers know, even the teacher that has the twin that doesn't seem to be bothered by this.

What a shame that the children are so close that educators feel they cannot thrive together. I wish I had some words of encouragement. Is there no way you can go to the school and encourage them to put them in the same class. It seems a shame to seperate them if they do well together.

Definitely tell both the teachers about it and work really closely with them. If the teachers are more informed about the situation they can better know what they are dealing with. The school will need to be sensitive to their needs...especially if they act out in any way. Another good resource would be the school counselor. They could even arrange a little time for them to be together during the day until they get used to things. In other words the more info they have the better.

I also think it is awesome you are taking care and raising your grandchildren and enjoy it so. Thanks for being such a great parent!

I am a first grade teacher and I am just curious as to why the twins are being separated. In my experience, I don't recommend them being apart unless the parents request it.

I have found with the school system that they often have "cookie cutter" reactions to everything. They expect all children to be cut out of the same mold and need the same things. Children are all individuals and twins are unique children. They have a special bond that no one quite understands unless they are a twin.

I have found that you have to be your children's advocate with the school system. You have to express your wishes in a kind, respectful way and stand your ground firmly. As parents/ grandparents we often have a "gut instinct" about what is best for our children. Schedule an appointment to talk to the teachers and the principal and don't be afraid to go above their heads as far as you need to go to do what you think is in the best interest of your granddaughters. Bless you for raising your grandchildren!

I have an identical twin sister and like your granddaughters, we were separated after kindergarten. My mother tried to fight this but the school system wouldn't budge. So, thirty three years later....my sister and I are fine. We're still best friends and even own a business together. If I were you, I'd definitely ask if they could stay in the same class until they are more ready to be separated. If the school won't honor your wishes, stay in touch with the two teachers and make sure they know how your granddaughters are reacting. And then, know that kids are incredibly resilient and your two girls will weather this change just fine, I expect.

My husband is an identical twin, and they were finally separated in 2nd grade. The separation was tough at first, but they did well after the first couple days.

Both my husband and his brother dreaded being apart, and they joke about having said they wouldn't go to school if they couldn't be together. Within a couple days, they were able to make separate groups of friends that blended well, but they both admitted that this change was good for them. They spent the evenings talking and laughing about what their different friends did, and they stayed close to each other despite different classes. As they got older, they each had different interests and took different classes to meet their own career interests.

The boys knew they were great as a team, but being apart helped them learn they could be great on their own, too. They were each successful in their own areas, and they developed more self confidence, too.

Being apart now will definitely help prepare them for growing up. They'll probably cross paths at school now and then, and they'll be excited to share details of their days with each other.

I do suggest that you talk to the teacher about this. Any time something is really bothering your child, being informed will help the teacher help your granddaughter.

I know this situation will be tough for your granddaughter to deal with right now, but with your support and the teacher's, she'll do well in her own class.

I'll keep you guys in my prayers...

I would go and talk to the principal and explain that they have never been seperated and tell them of the anxiety that you are dealing with now and tell them that you know your child and they are not going to do well seperated.
I would definitely talk to them and see what I could do about putting them together.
You know, there are alot of studies on twins in situations like that.....I would look on the computer and see if I could find anything to support my story and print it out and take it when I went.
Good luck. I hope it all works out.

As a professional educator I'm wondering why they are being separated in first grade. It seems this will cause undue frustration at a very crucial time in their lives. Please insist they stay together until they are older and THEY wish to be in different classes.

B.,
The school definitely needs to be informed. I would go so far as to request the school keep them together until they are more ready to separate. More experts are saying twins should have each other's company for as long as they want it.

Wow, I've read some of your responses, and I'm going to have to disagree with most. I was a sixth grade teacher, and I've had many twin students. Some of them had never been in class together, and some had been in class together since kindergarten. The one and only time we allowed twins to be in the same class was when they both required extra reading help, and I only had an assistant during one class period, so to receive extra help they had to be in the same class. I'm sure a lot of it just had to do with these girls' personalities, but it was a nightmare situation as a teacher. They used each other as a crutch, and they were very good at scheming together. Of course, your grand daughters are probably nothing like that.

Personally, I don't see the problem with twins having a little time away from one another....a little time to make separate groups of friends and experience things they can later share with the other twin. I'm not a twin myself, but I am expecting twins in October. I just feel like, based on my experiences with twins in the classroom...and there have been a lot, there's absolutely nothing wrong with twins being separated for a few hours a day. Of course, it will be rough at first, just like any new experience, but they'll get used to it, and this way they'll probably be compared less and less.

Anyway, to answer your question, I think you should inform their teachers. If they're compassionate, maybe they could allow the twin with the anxiety to visit her twin halfway through the day, so she has something to look forward to. Maybe they could be allowed to sit with one another at lunch for the first few weeks? Surely, the school could give them a little leeway to make the adjustment more smooth. Good luck!!

I am going to be in this situation next year and can't wait to hear the responses to this. I am sorry that I don't have any advice for you but to keep encouraging her but not to push too hard. I am starting to learn that the more you push a situation the harder the child pushes back. I do think the teacher needs to be aware of the situation and hopefully she/he will make the effort to help her become a more independently-social child. Best wishes to you! How fortunate you are.