4 1/2 Year Old Son Still Will Not Go Poop in the Toliet . . . HELP!!!

My daughter didn't have a problem going poop in the toilet, but she does get constipated. My daughter is 5 1/2 now, but when I took her to the dr. about this whe was 4 years old. My dr. told me to give her Myralax. You use a half a cup in the morning before you feed them. It will take a few days for the stool to become soft. This might make it easier for him to poop. The dr. also told me to stay clear of any foods that would cause contipation. Hope this helps and good luck.

Patience. =) And try not to make a very big deal out of it. When he sees you getting stressed, he gets stressed, which means it is harder to do what he needs to do! Just give him time, he will figure it out eventually...
Here is a funny story that should make you feel better.
When my daughter Bekah was three (she is 6 now) we were at the stage you are now, she was just starting to get the idea of what she was supposed to do. One day she came up to her dad and tugged on his sleeve, "Daddy, I pooped in my pants." *Big sigh from dad* "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." They were in the bathroom, dad cleaning her bottom, washing out her panties and Bekah pipes up with, "Daddy, I'm sorry I regressed". My husband stopped dead still and LOOKED at her. "WHAT did you say???" She rolled her eyes, pointed at her panties and said, "Well, I was pooping in the potty but now I pooped in my pants, I regressed!" *blink* My husband looked at her again, shook his head and said, "Daughter, you scare me." =)
Smart kid, comes up with the oddest things...and still occassionally has accidents in her pants. Gotta love her!
It won't last forever, just take deep breaths..oh wait, shallow breaths..and give him a BIG hug when it does it right.

Same story as ours. My son starting using the potty for number 2 when he turned 5 (number 1 at age 3) and it was his decision that he will go on his 5th birthday. All kids are different. Rewards, bribes, punishment, badgering, and pushing often does not work with strong willed and determined kids. It is best to leave them alone and let them come up this idea. Potty training is really physical readiness, we don't train kids for that. Your son has already accomplished physical readiness so compliment him for that. A lot of kids who may seemingly be fully potty trained at age 2 or 3 but often have accidents in underpants and wet bed at night even at age 7 or older. So again, your son deserves compliments for not doing that. And going in diaper or potty is simply a matter of choice. Many kids are not ready for big potty just as they are not ready to leave bottle, breast, blanky, or other reminders of babyhood. Don't we like to hang on to our favorite things? Okay agreed that we gotta prepare kids for this big world out there that has already decided (with limited research) what should be done by what age.

So, simply, tell your son once that kids his age should be going in potty and it would be good if he decides to do that too. Tell him the benefits of going to potty - no dirty diapers, no too much poopy butts, can do it all by himself, and so on. And tell him to let you know when would be good time for him to start doing that. Birthday or another special day. Let him choose it and have him mark the calender. It should be his decision. One gentle reminder closer to that date would be ok. And everytime he achieves something or does something else, it is better to say you must be proud of yourself, you did it all by yourself, rather than I am so proud of you. It sounds like as if it is our achievement than of our kids.

Another idea would be to have your son make this decision with his dad. Tell your husband that you plan the whole thing as a secret to surprise you. We use the secret and surprise trick in many other areas such as brushing, eating, getting ready, etc. For kids, everything has to be a game or fun and that is what life is about. No boring lectures about what is right and wrong and we should do it just because rest of the world is doing it this way. Right? Wrong :) The independence to choose and develop ability to think and make own decisions is far more important than following orders. Okay, I should stop lecturing too. Take it easy, good luck, keep up the good diet with lots of water and fiber.
-Rachna

This is what my doctor told us and it finally worked. Make sure that he eats some type of veggies or Applesauce with dinner and also has a beverage etc. about 15 minutes after Dinner take him to the potty and ask him to just sit on the potty. Tell him that he doesn't have to go, you just want to make sure that he doesn't have to go. Give him a coloring book and crayons, or a book and make him sit there for 10 minutes. If you need to, turn on the shower. He will eventually go. If he doesn't go the first night, wipe him anyway, and say "good job' and tell him see, you don't have to go, we just want to make sure. The next night he should go and there afterwards. He may not want to do it but it will train his body to go at the same time every night. It works. Don't forget to use the shower if it isn't working. This will trigger him to go everytime he has to take a bath or shower also.
Good Luck!

It is the one thing they can have control of; going or not going poop. Kids hold poop until they can no longer hold it and then that makes it more painful to go. One boy I cared for for over 4 years did this but he had a big stress in his life with Mom having breast cancer. When there is stress, potty training goes. I have had serveral children who would wait until they went home from day care, asked for a pullup and then would go to their room and poop in the pull up. One Mom ran out of pull ups and he went to the toilet and did after that. Children are so unique.
Try taking the pressure off to perform and just don't react to this happening. Say little, get him cleaned up. Some doctors recommend a little help (prunes, prune juice, constipation medication and then the child has to go so bad he cannot hold it. Then when he goes it will not hurt this time and then he will go again. NO medication please without suggestion from his/her doctor. Give lots of praise for going pee pee in the toilet and then say very little or no conversation about accidents. He must feel badly about doing this as kids do want to please their parents the most. And do not put pull ups on at night. If the child is in cloth, stay in cloth. At Target they have cloth with plastic over. One little boy right now when he comes in cloth, he stays dry all day. When he comes in pull ups he wets and poops in them. It confuses them. Target also has Gerber five ply cotton training pants 3 for $5.99. They are thicker in the middle.
F.

F.

Hi N.,

This is such a common probem for young kids. So, know that he's normal :O)

If you work full-time, then that leaves him in daycare??? Perhaps he is insecure to go potty at Daycare. Some kids, mine included, will wait until they are in their own home to go big potty. One of my boys did the same thing as your son, so I let him take his Gameboy in the bathroom to play with while was trying. Eventually he was "distracted" enough that he went poop by himself. I learned that I didn't have tell him to "push", but if he sat there relaxed long enough, then poopoo's came out all by themselves :O)

It takes awhile. Longer for some. Be patient.

You don't want him to have a complex, and certainly don't let him catch you talking about it in front of other adults.

Maybe tell him he's in "training" to be a responsible Kindergartener. He cannot go to the big school unless he can go potty in the bathroom only.

Only mom's can have poop conversations :o) Hang in there!

~N. :O)

Hi,

Below is a response I sent to a similar question last year. It is sooo hard. I have been in your shoes.
Good luck and be patient!!!

My previous response....
I feel for you!!! My son went through the exact same thing. He just started pooping on the potty about 2 weeks ago!! It is a very long story....but I NEVER thought we would make it through. I was very frusttated and felt like we tried everything. He is 4 and has been pee trained for about a year. He too would not poop on the potty. In the beginning he would wait until nap time or night time when he had a diaper on and poop then. Then it came to the point where he didn't need a diaper for those times anymore. He would start to ask for a diaper. I tried to get him to sit on the potty and tried many different methods....but nothing worked. He would get all upset and so would I. He would hold it for days. So the dr. told me to back off and started him on a stool softener. I did slowly get him to move from only pooping in diapers to pooping in a pull-up in the bathroom (easier to get on and off). He refused pull-ups for a long time. I finally got to the point when he needed to poop he had to go to the bathroom, get the pull-up, put it on and do his bussiness in the bathroom ( a ton of work for him...you'd think it would be easier to just poop in the potty :)). This took awhile to get him to do. Very small steps. This lasted for months. When I would try to push it, it was traumatic for him and I. For me it just wasn't worth it. Finally about 1 1/2 months ago my husband (I'd been trying for months....) got him to sit on the potty with the pull-up on to poop. We did this for a couple of weeks. I could feel like he was coming around and feeling more confident about it. Then I told him we only had 5 pull-ups left. When those were gone he had to poop in the potty. Every day we would talk about how many more pull-ups were left. We finally got to the day none were left. He got a bit upset, but nothing like the past. The first day he didn't go. The second day he said he needed to go. I told him he knew what to do. He got a bit upset, but nothing like in the past. He sat on the potty for a bit, but wouldn't go. I told him we would try later. About 30 minutes later he told me he needed to poop. I again told him he knew what to do. And he went to the potty and did it!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I thought this day would never come. He got a huge smile on his face and said "That wasn't so hard!!!" It was a priceless moment.

Anyway....it is a control thing and for some kids a fear thing. And your child will do it when he is ready. You can only do so much. I do know how frustrating it makes travelling and having a babysitter more difficult (most expect kids at this age to be pooping on the potty...), but hang in there. He will get to a point that he will do it. For my son the key was to do small steps at a time and once he was comfortable with that move onto the next step.

For me potty training has been the most difficult aspect of parenting....I know some people say their kids were trained in just a few days and I think I had a totally different view of potty training until I was in the midst of it. It was much harder than I ever thought it would be, but I made it through (my son is a twin, so I was doing two at the same time....)

Good luck and hang in there....do know that you are not alone...I have found that this happens to many kids....people just don't talk about it much.

J.

My son wouldn't go on the potty either. When I knew he had to go, I sat him screaming on the toilet, put ear plugs in, sat on the floor of the bathroom for 45 minutes while he screamed. Finallly a big poop came out and we rejoiced and celebrated. I held him afterwards. We only had to do the 45 minutes once. The time got less and less, and now he is fine and goes everyday.

If he's not going daily, then his stools are probably hard and hurt to come out. My grandson had the same problem. We gave him mineral oil to soften the stools and then put a stool under his feet while he's on the toilet so he feels more secure and has some support when he pushes. he will feel more comfortable with his feet on the stool rather than dangling. Once he feels comfortable on the toilet and he has a bowel movement or two that doesn't hurt, he may come around.

Hi, your son might be allergic to milk that causes him to be constipated, and that will hurts when he goes, that's why he's complaining. Try to give him 1tsp karro syrup 2 times a day and see if that will make him go regularly maybe that will help. Good luck. Let me know if that worked.

This is a common problem with children. Have you observed him when he goes off somewhere and goes in his pants? The reason I ask is that I happened to notice a younger child in my care recently as he was pooping in his diaper, and was paying attention to his stance as he did it. The child's knees were almost up to his chin, and he made sure he was stooped in such a way as to almost double his body up, pushing his upper thighs against his abdomen. I am wondering if this stance perhaps is part of the reason they resist the toilet. Perhaps the muscles used in pushing the poop out aren't quite strong enough at younger ages, and they use this means to help push it out? 4 1/2 seems a bit on the older side for this to still be a problem, though I have seen other children at that age still resisting the toilet. It might be a good idea to do as someone else mentioned and check with your peditrician to see if there is some problem.... and you might ask if my theory has any merit.

You should take him to the pediatrician and find out why it hurts his stomach when he tries to go, and why he is going only once every three or four days. If nothing is physically wrong, maybe the pediatrician can prescribe a stool softener, so at least it won't hurt him to go.

It also sounds like it has become a "power struggle" of sorts. If there is no physical problem, and there's no pain when he goes, try to downplay his "accidents." Don't get angry when he poops in his pants, and don't let him know how exasperated you are. There's a wonderful book called "Everyone Poops," that you might try reading to him. My kids loved it.

Here's a link to someone else who had the same problem:

http://www.mamasource.com/request/6389651840929103873

We are also very troubled in the potty department for our now 5 year old son. In September I pulled him out of preschool because he kept going in his pants there. Then, in January, we put him back in preschool with the condition that he couldn't have any more accidents, and he has finished the year that way- no accidents at school. After the first three- four weeks accident free, I really thought we had turned a corner. After the initial success, tough, he has also reverted. Like you, I am at my wits end. He was running around naked last week after playing in the wading pool. Thank goodness we were outside! He had a poo hanging from his backside, so I made him come in and sit on the toilet. He sat for 5-10 minutes crying, then for another 10-15 calm minutes with a book. He wouldn't/didn't go- then, after another 15 minutes or so off the pot, the same thing happened. We also make him clean his messes, sit on the toilet every day after lunch, and praise successes like crazy. At his well-child check in March, the Nurse Practitioner said it was nothing to worry about yet as long as he was going and not withholding. Being patient is getting harder and harder for me!

I am sorry not to offer you better advice, but I know you will find some comfort knowing you are not alone.