Help with Finishing Potty Training?

It's a power struggle. Do you have another younger child that he could possibly be jealous of...? We went through this with my son who will be 4 in September. My son is all potty trained now but we went through a lot of poopy diapers to get there! I think you should give him back his diapers at night. That seems a bit cruel and you don't want him to hold it and get constipated. I hear this is awful and happens quite often to kids. What I would suggest is spending some extra time with your dear son reading or doing flash cards or drawing or playing games. It sounds as though he is upset about something and feels he's not getting the attention he wants. This is what I do with my son when he acts out. Whenever my son starts misbehaving, it always goes back to my husband and I being extra busy and not spending enough one on one time with him. It always works to spend more time with him. He'll cooperate better with you if he feels valued. Good luck.

I view potty training as 3 steps to master: 1) pee in toilet; 2) poop in toilet; 3) no diapers/pullups needed at night.

You hit the nail on the head when you said, "he has very good control." You were talking about his ability to hold his poop for 3 days, but really he IS controlling when and where he poops, and by expecting/coercing him to poop in the toilet, it has set up a power struggle. For whatever reason, he and his body are not ready. But as you know, it is not healthy for him to hold the poop for a long time, so you have to create an environment in which he feels he has control but is willing to poop more regularly.

I think you need to step away from pressuring him and don't worry that he is almost 4. This is more common than you think.

First, I would alleviate his stress by allowing him to sleep in diapers or "nighttime undies" (pull-ups), and assure him that it is just fine if he needs to poop at night in the pull-up. YOU need to be ok with this. Really, it is no big deal to have him in diapers/pull-ups at night, and you probably should keep him in pull-ups until he is fully pooping in the potty.

When he gets used to wearing pull-ups at night, I would tell him that if he needs to go poop during the day, it would be great if he could ask for a diaper or pull-up and he can go poop in that if he doesn't want to use the toilet.

For us, our son trained US to let him do this! He was peeing in the potty fine, and wearing undies, but when he had to poop he would say, "I need a diaper!" then go somewhere private to poop. Afterward, we would change and wipe him, then back into the undies. This went on for several months without any pressure for him to poop on the potty and then one day -- boom! -- he pooped on the potty and was so proud, and he has never worn a diaper since.

Good luck.

Pooping is very hard for young ones to learn to do in the toilet for various reasons. Some don't care, some are afraid to because they see the poop as an extension of their body, and a thousand other reasons. My son won't poop in the toilet yet either and he will be 4 on july 22nd (next tues). He has been being treated for constipation since January. I wish I had an answer to getting them to poop in the toilet, but I would strongly encourage you to, if he will only poop in a diaper, to give him the opportunity to do so every day. I know you just want this to be over with (I do too), but holdin poop can cause constipation and BELIEVE ME, that is something you DON'T want to deal with. It is disgusting and a total pain and it takes a very long time to clear. Just a little friendly advice, not trying to tell you what to do, but rather share an experience, so you can avoid a worse situation. Hope I've helped.

My older son was afraid to poo in the toilet when he trained to pee in it. He would constipate himself for days at a time, while begging for a diaper. I refused. He eventually pooed in his underwear regularly for a month (which was disgusting). BUT, I required him to clean up the mess, and gave him a cold bath to clean himself with (which my mother did to my sister when she did the same thing thirty years ago). He eventually got over it and started pooing in the toilet.

For my second son, I used the Toilet Training in Less Than a Day book, which worked like a charm. It trains for pee, but just like they said in the book, poo followed naturally. You might try reading that book, and doing the procedure (even though he's trained for number one). It is such a positive experience, it might just do the trick for poo.

Another thing to try might be some semi-big reward, such as some toy he's been wanting, or a trip to his favorite kids restaurant or a movie. Put the toy somewhere that he can see it all the time, but can't get to it. Once he poos in the toilet for a week, say, then he gets it (or gets to go out). Taking cues from the book, you might have his favorite characters call him a few times during the week to tell him what a big boy he is and how proud they are of him if he actually does it (have a friend or your hubby call at a specified time to talk to him, in character).

J.,

My son is 4 1/2 and has only been potty trained for about 4 months. While in the process of getting him out of diapers and pull-ups we had a conversation at dinner. It went something like this:

"Is there anything at all that scares you about going potty in the toilet?"

shy I think I'm in trouble now nod.

"What scares you?"

From here I don't remember the answer, but it took a few more questions, and advice from this site to figure out that we had monsters in the toilet that were trying to get my son/his poop. We set up a step so he could get up on the toilet seat safely to squat on the seat to poop. This way he could see the "monsters" and tell them to go away before they got to him. Thinking back on it now, I think that the splashing of the poop into the bowl onto his backside was what was scaring him. From the day we set the step up he no longer pooped in his pants.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

My daughter would pee in the toliet and wear undies until she needed to poop. She would come into the house, go to the bathroom, take off her undies and put a pull up on to poop. She didn't want to mess up her pretty undies. I let this go on while talking about how she should go poop in the toliet for a week. When I told her "no" and hide her pull ups, she tried to put one of her brother's pull ups on. I took them away and told her no more. She was over 3yrs old and was being stubburn. She went looked at me and got on the toliet to go poop. It helped that her brother was starting to potty train and she didin't want him to be a big kid before her. My kids are only 20 months apart.
At night you could give him a diaper, but during the day have him in undies and watch for when he acts like he needs to poop and take him to sit on the toliet. Maybe use a potty chair instead of the big toliet. Put a step stool in front of it for him to lean on while sitting on the potty chair. This could make him more comfortable since you said he like to lean on his toybox to go.
I hope this helps. Good Luck.