16 Month Old Bully

Hi L.!

I can't imagine how hard it must be to hear your child is biting other kids! My son does in-home daycare, and recently started screaming fits. I worked at a daycare throughout my 4 years at college, and biting was pretty much an everyday affair. They have to share EVERYTHING and battle for attention. Biting is a way to protect their territory and themselves. So as much as it sucks to hear, biting is a phase that most day care children go through.

I recently read a book called "Parenting Young Children". It brought up an interesting point. Young children are going to yell and say no because we constantly tell them no. No is a word they hear ALL THE TIME! It suggests putting yes into more of our sentences. For example, instead of saying no when my son takes, let's say, the remote, I could say "Yes, I know you like the remote, but it can ochie you Christopher. No more ouchies. Let's play with your _______". That way, I am acknowledging his feelings, which may lead him to be more cooperative in the future.

My son screams when he wants my attention, or wants something done his way since he's such a "big boy" now. Maybe your daughter bites and throws tamtrums because she needs more personal attention or one-on-one time or is angry she can't communicate what she wants and needs as effectively as she wants.

Since my son's tantrums started I try to acknowledge his feelings a lot more. If he's screaming for my attention, I ask myself what could be bothering him; is he uncomfortable in the situation we're in, have I been trying too hard to get chores done and he's hurt I haven't played with him, etc.? If he's screaming because he wants something, I ignore him. It usually stops quickly when I ignore it.

I also get down on his level, and tell him to stop very firmly and somewhat loudly, just enough to startle him. It gets him calm enough for me to ask him what's wrong and what he needs. He can usually then let me know what he wants by pointing, guesturing, or signing.

That's what I do. I hope you find something that works for you. Good luck!

It sounds like what you are doing at home works much better then what they are doing at daycare... so I would definitely inform them of this. I have an in home daycare and I have an 18 month old that is just the sweetest thing but when she gets upset she screams louder then any child I've every heard. I literally have to get her to open her eyes and look at me (I have to ask her to look at me a couple of times before she actually does) and then she calms down almost instantly and we talk about it. At that age it is so hard and the world does start to become a little stressful. I would ask the daycare workers to do what you are doing at home. Some kids need a secluded time out while others (and in my opinion most) simply need a little chit-chat as well as a relax/regain time. I also feel that it is important to not just say NO but instead explain that we don't bite at daycare or anywhere because it hurts.
I wouldn't worry too much. Biting and temper tantrums are normal for this age. Just continue to work with your daughter on it and try to explain things to her.

I would follow the lead of the daycare...if she begins to throw her fit they put her in a place that is "her own". When she begins to do this at home put her in her bed and allow her to have her fit. It is not very easy reasoning with a 16 month old but if you are consistent with the consequence of the fit then she will learn that it is not acceptable to do those things.

Have you told the day care what you are doing at home and asking them to do the same? Ask them if they can set her in a chair when she bites, if this is stopping her from hitting her head at home, maybe it would work at school. Athought throwing fits are a normal thing for this age, hitting their head until they hurt themselves is not. I would be concerned about that aspect of it.
Saying NO sternly to the biting and sitting them in a "time out" or "naughty chair" is the best thing to do.
Best wishes

I don't really have any good advice on your question.. But I did read the responses and I wanted to fill you in on something I experienced. When my daughter was that age and she was bad I would make her sit on her bed until she was behaving well enough to come out. That backfired on me. She began seeing her bed as a place to go when she was bad. She then in turn wouldn't sleep there. So hindsight tells me I would find a neutral place for her fits. Something that isn't "hers". I hope that makes sense. My daughter was never a biter but she had plenty of kids at daycare that were. Her daycare had a three strikes your out rule, for the protection of the other kids. So you may contact your doctor sooner rather than later.. Good luck.