My ds is 13 months old. His new thing is fit throwing. He is not my first child, but my dd never acted like this. If he doesnt get his way, he goes absolutely beserk. Earlier today my dh was having a milkshake, it was almost gone and he let ds have the last few sips. So ds wanted more, and there was no more, my husband said he went totally bonkers, screaming for over 15 minutes, pointing to the cup, and carrying on and on. He said he tried to show him there was none left but it didnt help and also tried to give him a cup of milk, which he slapped and tried to throw. He called me and I talked to ds on the phone which distracted him and he calmed down.
Then later in the day, he dumped one of my potted plants and threw dirt everywhere, obviously a big no no. So I told him very firm, no no touch, bad touch, you dont touch mamas plants, ect, and placed him into his playpen while I cleaned up the mess. He went totally crazy, screaming and stuff. Then he started ramming his head as hard as he could into the side of his playpen, head butting it and screaming. I picked him up because I was afraid he was really hurting himself and calmed him down.
These fits/tantrums seem to be increasing and happening more and more. Hes so young, I cant reason with him. The other day we were at the mall getting hot pretzels, he smelled them and saw me with the bag and just started screaming like a wild animal until I gave him a pretzel (he was going to get one anyway, we were walking to a table to eat). I.dont know what to do about these fits, my dd never acted like this. Is this a phase or what?? He is too small to understand timeouts, which is the form of discipline we normally use. Redirection does not work on him at all, I have tried that as well, daily. I.have even tried putting him in the timeout corner, which he thinks is hilarious, and then he runs back to continue his naughty business. Its a good thing he is so darn cute. Any advice mommas? TIA
Thanks everyone, seems this is more typical for his age than I thought. Since my first never did this, we were shocked and worried when he started this behavior. He knows no words yet, and hasnt taken much to sign language, so hopefully when that starts, the tantrums will decrease. Its just so hard to let him scream, it looks like his little heart is breaking, but I guess thats what he needs.
He just 1 years old.Hes still a little baby.Its normal.Wait till hes about 3 or 4 and it will cool down.Its nothing serious.
One of my kids had really bad tantrums. I would let her cry it out in an area that was safe (not near the fireplace).
If she did not get attention while she was in a fit of rage, the tantrum would stop after 4 minutes (which felt like 10 minutes).
Tantrums are good for social/emotional growth. It's his way of saying that he wants what he wants...but, he doesn't have the language to say the words (yet). Try to ignore them while he is crying.
If I gave my daughter attention during a tantrum, she would have them more frequently. I think 13 months is too young to sit in time out.
If my daughter wanted to go outside and I could not get outside at that exact time...I would tell her that we would go outside after _____. She would scream. I would look at her and tell her that I couls see that she was angry, but, it wasn't time to go out yet. I talked about the feelings !!!!
Then, I let her scream it out. I walked away. She realized she was not going to get attention or get her way. They subsided after a couple of months.
1. Give no attention for tantrums, walk away. Never laugh, smile or give him his way. Those reactions reinforce the behavior.
2. Do not reward with the item he's demanding even if he calms down. He'll see he got his way and the next tantrum will be even worse.
3. Work on redirection/distraction. Just because it hasn't worked doesn't mean it won't. It may take months, by which time he'll be ready for time-outs, (experts recommend 18 months) but you need to be consistent with your method.
4. At this age for time-outs you physically have to hold him there in your lap, he hasn't a clue why you put him there. If you put him down somewhere have it be behind a gate so he sees he's missing out on something for his behavior and can't just run back. That won't be halarious to him.
5. Stop saying dd didn't do this, they're two different persons. Focus on traits and behaviors one-on-one, what works with one child won't necessarily work with another. My parents had 11 of us, none of us were or are the same. There's no one parenting method, if there was none of us would be here ;)
First off, if he throws a fit do not give him the item, even if it was intended for him. Second, do not give him attention when he throws these fits. Put him someplace he won't get hurt like a soft sided play pen and ignore him until the fit is done.
As a reminder, a 1 year old needs distraction, before you just ignore. A 3 year old you ignore..
Typical behaviors, He is only 1, so hard for him to control himself since he has no words and only knows what he does and does not want, but cannot communicate.
Imagine being in a foreign country and desperately needing something and no one can help you solve the problem. They do not understand you, you do not understand them. You become frantic and then angry, then helpless.. That is what he is feeling.
The good thing about a 1 year old is they have a short attention span. Use that to your advantage. Take him out of the situation.. meaning outside, or a a totally different room.
Begin a new activity and all of a sudden he forgets why he is crying. Maybe play some music and start dancing.
Put him in a swing outside.
Go for a walk..
Put him in his crib and place a blanket over YOUR head.
Walk backwards with him in your arms.
Spin around with him in your arms.
Turn on a water faucet and let him fill up a small cup..
Give him something to chew on.
Make a funny sound with a container of rice.
You get the idea. His attention span is about 1 minute. Use it..
I agree with the recommendation that you ignore him or with Laurie A.'s ideas for distracting him. Don't try to convince him to stop. Catch his attention with something silly or interesting and if he doesn't stop completely ignore him. Walk away. He will not hurt himself if the area is safe. When he started ramming his head against the side of the crib he would be highly unlikely to seriously hurt himself. One good hit that hurts and he'll stop.
Running out of the time out corner worked. He came out in a good mood. Tell him he doesn't need to go back. Don't make it a regular time out. Consider it a way for him to calm himself down.
Don't give him the pretzel or anything else when he's tantruming. He'll connect getting what he wants with throwing a tantrum and continue to do it.
Toddlers love to have tantrums for an audience, so don't be one for him. Ignore, ignore, ignore needs to be the game plan.
To illustrate my point, you might want to watch this little video of a toddler who is very obviously having a tantrum for show... it is hilarious! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk-OfmmRaqs
My third is kind of like this, his nickname since birth has been 'baby Hulk' bc you don't want to see him when he's angry!! I was at a loss too but he is mellowing out, I have just always held him and helped him calm down and just given lots of affection. Now due to the fact yours seems to be hurting himself I think finding or creating a safe place where he can have his cry might help, like a high chair against the wall or something, but as I said I just did the holding and comforting thing and now at 15 months he is so much more chilled out, good luck!
Of course it's happening more and more - it's working.
He did not know he was going to get a pretzel anyway, so what you taught him there was if he screams and acts like a wild animal, he's going to get what he wants.
Likewise, when he doesn't get what he wants from dad, dad is going to go round and round trying to please him.
Yes, it is definitely working for him. In his mind, it ain't broke and he's hoping you don't try to fix it.
The next time he throws a tantrum like that, ignore it. Do not pick him up because you're afraid he'll hurt himself. If he gets a goose egg, oh well. It probably won't be the last one.
When he threw that tantrum at the mall, he should have gone straight to the car and into his car seat while you stood OUTSIDE the car ignoring him.
It's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen overnight or in two or three nights. IF you're consistent, then it will stop. But if you give in just one time, back to square one you go!
Cheryl is so right....it's working.....which is bad for you because it'll be harder to break. Ignoring or giving the opposite response of what he is looking for is the best way to handle it. My son used to throw fits like that too, and I absolutely ignored it....each time you give in, the line has moved in his favor. One time he was told no (he was 2 years old btw) and I had company over. and he started that fit (probably thinking she won't let me act like this in front of people and she'll break down quicker) So he's on the floor kicking and banging his head...and in the calmest voice without even stopping what I was doing I said "ooh honey, make it a good one, Tim and Sarah haven't got to see this side of you yet" and I'm not even kidding that he stopped....glared at me....and stomped off to his room! LOL
