My husband passed away last year. we fought melanoma cancer for two years. This was our second marriage and we had only been married for almost 5 years. We didn't have much time together. My question is this. A blast from my past call to send his regrets. He began texting me and one day he told me he had made a mistake letting me go. I believe I am falling for him. Is this wrong? Is it to soon? Has anyone been here? My kids are encouraging me to be happy. My son told me not to wait till it was to late. lol
One thing about love is that it doesn't operate on our schedule; and when we reach a certain age, we don't have to wait as long to know what's what. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but I am glad to hear that you have found new and viable companionship.
Evaluate your heart and soul, and take it one step at a time. You can always turn around if you find that it's not right.
Take good care!
My heart goes out to you. I have no personal advice, but wanted to tell you not to let others tell you when you're ready. You will know....and I am proud of you for asking for your kids perspective--that is so important! I'm sure you will receive resistance from some fam and friends, but hang in there..
I've been there, my husband killed himself in 2002, i didnt date for about 3 years after that. There is no "correct" amount of time that you should mourn a loved one before you move on with your life. If your kids are OK with you moving on and you feel in your heart you are ready then go for it! You only have one life and i'm sure your late husband would want you to live it.
I agree with your son...Don't let something that may be happening pass you by...life is too short to dwell on the past. You have mourned your husband and you have your children's blessings. Live your life and be happy.
Good Luck!!! ;-)
I agree with a previous poster who said there is no set amount of time to grieve. Everyone is different. Now, if he passed away last week, and you were asking this I would question if you loved him, but you said it was last year. If you feel comfortable dating again, go for it. If you don't, then tell him you're not ready.
Either way, you're kids want you to be happy and sometimes, that's the greatest encouragment you can have.
If you feel ready, then you are ready! If you are unsure if you're ready, but don't want to wait until it's too late, then be honest and commuincate that to your "friend" and let him know that you would like to take it slow. This will be a werid transition, but listening to your gut on this. Good luck.
No, it's not wrong to feel like you're falling for someone. We were not designed to be alone. "Too soon" is a relative term - only you will know if the timing is right. Besides, its not like this person is a stranger you just met last week. This is someone who you had a relationship with before. Your kids just want you to be happy - whatever you decide, just make it a decision that makes you happy. It does not dishonor your husband or his memory to start dating again now. Just take your time and proceed at your own pace. Best of luck! :)
A year is a respectful time to wait and it sounds like you are a loving person. If you feel comfortable with the idea of dating again, your children are encouraging you, then go for it! You deserve to be happy again. When my dad died, I wanted my mom to be happy again but I also wanted her to be sure she wasnt clinging to someone just to have a 'man in her life'. I wanted her to know she could survive on her own, and when she realized that, she realized that she could move on to a future without hang ups from the past. Hope that helps! Best wishes for a blessed future!
As you already know life is to short if happiness comes along go for it. You are not betraying your deceased. He too would want you to get on with your life and grab hold of all happiness you so deserve.
Anita
There are no rules for this stuff! Follow your heart and if you are happy and your kids are happy then I say go for it. Your kids are really strong indicator that this thing is really cool. So I say no, it isn't too soon as long as your heart can handle moving into a new relationship. Enjoy it!
Life is short. You have had a hard two years taking care of your loved one in their last days. Don't you deserve some happiness and fun? Be careful, there was a reason he is now a "blast from your past." CB
Go for it! But take it slow. Trust your instincts. I am sure that your husband would not want you to be sitting around mourning for him. No, you will never forget him. Your heart will always hold that special memory.
Hopefully, your new (er, old) fellow will understand that your husband will always be a part of your lives. He's a part of your history. Your past away husband is not there to compete with the new man. He is there to enrich your life for however many years you have left on this earth.
My cousin lost his wife after a 7 year battle with cancer this past Sept. He remarried in Feb. Quick, yes. But, he had been grieving for her for 7 years already. They knew from the diagnosis that she would never survive with the type of cancer she had, no one had.
Every person has their own timeline to follow.
they say to wait at least a year..you've done that. just don't give your heart away that easy. take some time. get to know this guy again. don't set yourself up for heartache.
I'm sure your husband loved you very much and would love to see you happy. Go for it if YOU feel you're ready. Your kids are right in wanting you to be happy. Good luck!
I don't think it is too early. You do what you need to do for you. Don't worry about what anyone else says. It is natural to want to be with someone. We were not created to be alone.
Good morning Annaesposito,
I don't think that there is anything wrong with dating again or you being happy. We, as women, try to take care of everyone else and often times we neglect the most important person...us! If your children are encouraging you to be happy...then the worse that could happen is that you find that you don't like dating this guy...again. But dating should be perfectly ok. Life is too precious...live it the best way you can and the most correcf way you can. Enjoy life...you only have one!
I don't feel there is any set "mourning" period, but a year is a perfectly respectable time from all public opinion (if you are worried about how other people would see it). Think about it this way, would your husband want you to spend the rest of your life lonely and alone? If you were both on second marriages to begin with, I'm sure he understood the desire for love in life. If something happened to me, I would want my husband to find love again rather then mourn away his life.
I agree that you should take it slow. Also, you want to make sure that this person is one who can handle the fact that there will always be another man in your life who you will love and is not someone who will see your lost loved one as someone about whom he'll be jealous.
Go for it, if you are ready and your kids are fine with it, I think it is time for you to get on with living.
I am very sorry to hear about your husband. We lost my father to melanoma last year after a 3 1/2 year fight. It is a very aggressive cancer. If you feel ready, then the time is right. You have to follow your heart. Only you know when it is the right time. You have the right to be happy again. Go for it, good men don't come along every day.
Dear Annaesposito,
I'm sorry you had such a rough time then lost your husband. Since you already know this other man, he is a good friend at this point. You are very fortunate that your children are encouraging you to be happy. There is nothing wrong in having friends and support. Since I don't have personal experience with this situation, I suggest you talk a few times with a therapist who can help you through the grieving period, then you'll be able to "blast off" with the old friend without carrying the past trauma along into a new relationship. I would be comforted knowing I was not rebounding but starting anew. Good for you!!!