Hello,
My son has the opportunity to go to Germany on an exchange . He would stay three weeks with a host family and we would then host a student for three weeks here in the U.S. My concern is that he is only 11 will have just turned 12 when he goes. Does anyone have experiences to share about their child going to a foreign country (good or bad)? My knee-jerk reaction was fear, so I'd like to give it a little more thought as he really wants to go. Any experiences or advice would be much appreciated!
Thanks,
Meghan
Well for me, I think it is to young. My daughter is 11 getting ready to turn 12 and I would not do it.
I just don’t know. Most of the exchange students my friends host are high school age.
Good luck to you
I wouldn’t be comfortable at this age doing that. Personally, I have never heard of a middle school exchange. Its always been high school age.
My nephew did this last June but was 17 at the time. He spent 3 weeks in France. Loved it!
I have a pretty responsible 11 yr old son but there is NO WAY I would send him on an exchange program with a strange family in a country that is thousands of miles away. I have never heard of a program for such young children.
I have no experience, sorry, my boy’s only 5,but there’s no way I’d let him go at 11. And I’m pretty sure my mom wouldn’t have let me go when I was that age either. That type of experience will be much more meaningful & memorable when he’s a Jr or Sr in high school. I know he’ll be disappointed but you can help him work thru that. Just my little ol opinion.
That seems a bit…young. I don’t think I’d let my 11/12yr old spend 3 weeks with total strangers in another country. There will be opportunities like this when he’s older (like 17). I didn’t know programs like this existed for kids this young…
I used to direct study abroad programs in the former Soviet Union with high school and college kids. The youngest I ever took was 15. My daughter will be 12 this year. There is no way in HELL I would send her on a program at this age. I know way too much about these things. We had kids getting drunk, getting hurt, parents trying to call us every day (taking our attention away from what we needed to do in front of us). Germany is not the former USSR, of course, but let me repeat. There is no way in HELL I would let my 12 year old go.
By the way, if you do somehow consider this, research the program thoroughly. There are many disreputable companies that will flatter you that your kid is really smart and ready, but they really just want the money.
Friends of ours sent their 12 year-old daughter to Australia for several weeks. She had a great time and all went well. I’m not sure I would send my almost 12 year old for that long, but not because of her, but because I would miss HER!
You don’t mention the name of the program involved – and if there is NOT a solid, reputable and well-established exchange program involved, run for the hills. In fact, run anyway, because none of the established, time-tested exchange programs would send a kid as young as this overseas on his own. Even if he really wants to go, be the adult here and say no.
What is this “opportunity”? Is it through a school? Will other kids be going along with adult chaperones from the school, adults they already know and whom YOU trust totally to oversee your kid for three weeks while your kid’s in another household? Or are the kids just sent totally solo, no group, no chaperone they know? Is there a program like Youth for Understanding or AFS involved? (There isn’t–because YFU won’t take kids under 15 and AFS also only does high schoolers.) Is this something independently arranged by some parents? Would you get information on the host family? (Could you trust that he would indeed be with that host family, or could he be shifted off to a different one at the last minute?..) Too many questions. No reputable program does this with kids below high school age.
Before someone posts how “kids this age travel alone all the time in other countries,” we’re not talking about sending a kid on flights alone to stay with relatives or friends on the other end. What would concern me is that this is being presented as an “exchange” making it sound like it’s a solid exchange program of the type I mentioned above, when it may not be at all like that. If you have more information, please tell us…
Go with your gut, mom. He’s only barely 12 – the opportunity to travel and be an exchange student WILL come up again. It’s not like he will never have any chance to travel abroad ever again if he doesn’t do this particular travel at this age.
I believe in these programs and went to Japan on one for eight weeks. But I was 17, not 12, and I traveled with a long-established program (YFU) that specialized in Japan-America exchanges and which gave us three days of cultural preparation in the U.S. before we left for Japan. I had a fantastic experience. But your son needs to be older to do this. At the very, very least, it helps if he’s older because he will be less prone to homesickness after three weeks–and yes, even the toughest kid can get homesick in another culture after three weeks, no matter how long he’s spent away from you here in the U.S.
Wow that’s young! I did two exchanges. The first was for four weeks when I was 15 and the second was for a year when I was 17-18. I would probably wait a couple of years so your son could really appreciate the experience even more than he would now.
My opinion: this day and age, there is no way my son would be going overseas without me. However, a few items I can think of, right off the bat: how many days/weeks has your son been away from you (how to handle homesick)? How does he handle responsibility? What is his motive for going to Germany? Experience-culture-Germany is the country this program is going to? I guess if my son really wanted to study abroad, I think that he would get a whole different experience when he is 17 vs. 12. My kid was happy to go to camp. I don’t think mine would have gotten as much out of it then as now…I’m sure there will be more experiences in his future. Good luck deciding.
I am torn on this. My time overseas was the best experience of my life, and Germany was a dream, I absolutely loved it. But, I was an adult. If my child was 15 or 16 I would be less conflicted and would more then likely let him go, my cousin did an exchange program to Brazil at 16 and had a wonderful experience. But, 12 seems so young still, I would be very hesitant, but I also would not want to deny my child the experience of living in another culture, you really do learn so much about being a member of a global society. This is a hard choice for sure.
I personally would not send my kid, if he/she were 12 years old… on an exchange program, much less to a foreign country.
NOT at all.
And what organization is this with?
WHO is the Host Family?
How much do you know about that organization and program?
Even if you know a lot about it, I still would not send my kid, overseas, at that age.
Even if a kid wants to go, at this age, it is up to the parent… to GAUGE it and decide. The parent, decides.
And exchange programs do occur as well, at older ages.
This is not a one time only thing.
I just read a news article the other day, about a 16 year old that was in Italy for an exchange program. He went missing. And was found, dead. Somehow. They don’t know what happened. Neither did his Host family.
Sure, that is only 1 story.
But anyway, I would not let my 12 year old kid, go.
We don’t have much information about the type of program or the language requirements, but in my opinion that sounds too young for this type of experience. My family hosted three foreign exchange students when I was a kid, ranging in age from 15 to 17. The older one did much better than the younger two although granted it was for months, not weeks. My 17-year-old son is going to Spain at the end of March with his school Spanish trip for almost two weeks and I have complete confidence in the program and the chaperones, but I wouldn’t let him go if he was 12. He will be spending a week with a family and even he’s a little nervous about it. I lived with a Danish family for a semester in college and it was a great experience, but there’s no way I would have been ready or would have appreciated the experience in middle school.
I will say that in this time, war is everywhere, terrorism is everywhere.
There is no way I’d let a child go anywhere without either me or another adult along side him.
Talk to other parents who have had their kids in the same, specific program your son is considering. You need solid, personal referrals here, not vague advice from strangers on the internet!
Child in this house would not be going. He is young and we live in a crazy world. Too much going on overseas
I’m with AKMom. Tough choice. Great experience but he seems young.
Where we live, you have to be 15 to go. 12 is SO young. I know it’s only 3 years difference, but a lot happens in those years. Even at 15, I’m not sure I’d be comfrotable with that set-up. I’d much prefer a large group of kids going. And if that were the case, I’d be all over letting my kid get that experience. But not just my kid going into a stranger’s home. Too much danger out there.
HOWEVER, I agree with Mamazita. Talk to people who have done this exact program, get their views on it. We know nothing about it and they know everything.
Good luck - this is a hard one!
Has he ever been away from home before, for at least a week or two? Sleep-away camp, staying in someone else’s house (not a parent or grandparent), church program? How does he adjust to new kids, new surroundings, new sleeping arrangements? Has he flown alone before? (Unless this would be with a group and there would be an advisor tagging along, that would concern me.) How adventurous is he with new foods? Does he eat what’s put in front of him at your house or at someone else’s house? I’m going to assume that this is not a German-immersion program and that the host family speaks English well - so many Europeans do, especially those who host exchange kids. My neighbors hosted a German student (although she was a junior in high school) and her English was excellent, in fact barely accented. If they don’t have excellent English, that’s a huge added problem.
My concerns would not be so much in the areas of airline safety or any of that, if he would be accompanied on the flight, but I would worry about delays and any changes/transfers if he’s alone. I would be more focused on the adjustment process. I think kids are all excited about adventures, and then when the time comes and they are in someone else’s house eating their food (types, cooking methods), and not in their familiar environment when it comes to TV and computers and play time (not to mention missing their parents which they won’t admit to up front), the bloom fades off the rose pretty quickly. If it’s stressful for them, they get nothing out of the experience, and it can spoil their taste for travel and new experiences later on.
I do find it very unusual that any group is sponsoring international exchange travel for students this young, frankly. I would think there might be some kids who could flourish (and maybe yours is one of them) but I would imagine it’s far from common. By this age, my son had been to overnight camp for 4 weeks and had flown for a 1-week program in Bermuda with his grandmother on a special Elder Hostel program (with all kids and grandparents, plus special supervision) - all I worried about was the snorkeling part and even that was stressful! But I doubt I would have sent him away for 3 weeks.
I’d sit down with the trip organizers and address your concerns, find out how they have dealt with American kids who’ve had little or no experience with jet lag, international travel, foreign foods (and it’s not enough tif they say “Oh, they have McDonald’s in Berlin” because he’s not going to eat there 3 meals a day!), and find out how good the host families’ English really is. Families in our town have hosted Japanese students for 3 weeks at a time (and they are quite a bit older than your child), and they’ve been told that the kids speak English. What they’ve found is that the languages are so completely different and difficult to learn, the accents so strong, and the teaching was more classroom-based than life-based, so the kids have little conversational experience. Add to that the fact that everyone they meet puts “like” in a sentence 20 times, and it’s a whole new language! Imagine trying to translate this: “So, then, like, I go, dude, no way!” (And that’s our fault for letting kids say “like” and “I go” all the time - but it is the reality!)
Good luck with whatever you decide. If you decide “no”, then brace yourself for the disappointment, and let your child work on the areas of concern, starting with some real-life experiences he navigates on his own. You’ll help build confidence and independence, and he’ll be better prepared for the next opportunity.