12 seems a little young. I had an exchange student for a year, and witnessed the families of other exchange students. Some weren’t great. I also heard some exchange horror stories from my exchange student. Like one family who make the student share the family’s bath water! As well as doing some weird things about the food. She refused to bathe there and eventually ran away.
Anyway, not to scare you, I think exchange programs are great, but I would research the organization carefully. I do think 12 might be a little young.
Hi Meghan,
I worked in international exchange for over 15 years. I am happy to exchange private messages if you wish.
Most reputable exchange programs usually require participants to be 15 or 16. Take this into consideration. They set the minimum age in order to continue having a good reputation. In my opinion 12 is too young.
Other items for consideration: does he have any experience or family in Germany? Does he speak any German? Has he travelled internationally before?
IF you decide to let him go, please thoroughly check out the program. Look into health insurance, emergency assistance insurance and repatriation insurance. Make sure that both is mother and father have passports before he leaves the country (I have dealt with parents who didn’t even have a passport who were trying to make it to their child’s bedside and missed their child’s last moments on earth because they failed to be prepared for an emergency. There is nothing sadder than this.) Talk with the agency about how the pick their host families. What will they do if your son is not happy with his host family? Are there provisions for dealing with this?
One of the things we always discussed in our pre-departure orientations was that you need to remember to trust your gut when you are overseas. You have lost some amount or all of your ability to understand what is happening around you as well as your cultural understanding (gestures, nuances, etc.). As humans we are still animals and we can chose to listen to our gut/intuition. If it feels unsafe, it probably is and you should get out of the situation. Would your barely 12 year old be able to do that? Can you as his mom do it now? If it feels unsafe to you now, than tell him that the opportunity to go to Germany on exchange will be available when he is older and more able to take advantage of it.
Again - if you wish to private message me I would be happy to answer any questions. I worked in high school and university exchange.
Cheers,
Christine
I went on an exchange program to Sweden when I was 16. I look back now and think how young I was at THAT age. I can’t even imagine doing it at 12. Way, way too young.
It’s an amazing experience, but it’s really best for an older child. Something to consider: When I went, the adult representative who accompanied us got off in Finland. I was mature for my age and I was put in charge on the spot to make sure those getting off in Stockholm after that were met up by their host families, before continuing on to my own city of Goteborg. Crazy stuff like that can happen and I can’t imagine a 12-year-old being ready for that.
There are a lot of exchange programs out there, so it’s not like if you pass up this opportunity there never will be a chance for him to participate. I’d just wait until he’s a bit older.
Thanks so much to all of you who replied. The trip is put on by my son’s school and teachers travel with the kids - however while they are there they stay with a host family and attend school and trips where they see the teachers from their school every day. Still, my gut says this is too much for him at 12. I was honest with him from the start that this is way out of my comfort zone and that I would certainly support an experience like this for him when he is older, but for now we’re going to have to pass. He was sad at first, but he understands and appreciates that I really tried to give some thought with an open mind. In the time that I was thinking about it, he had a foot injury, lost his backpack and never once brushed his teeth without being told for Pete’s sake! In some ways I imagine it would force him to take a crash course in self-sufficiency, but at what cost? I would be a basket case. Like I told him, I wouldn’t let him stay at a stranger’s house for three weeks DOWN THE ROAD, let alone across the ocean where I wouldn’t be able to help. I never had the guts to go when I was in high school so I was second guessing myself. I really appreciate you all taking the time to respond!