I breastfed my son until he was two. Weaning was natural and easy. One day he just stopped asking and I never offered again. Now 5 years later he has suddenly developed an interest in breastfeeding again. This seems very strange at 7 years old. Nothing has changed in his home or school life. He's an only child and so I'm not currently breastfeeding another baby where this would otherwise perhaps naturally come up.
For the past few weeks he has been asking once a day or so if he can breastfeed and he makes partial attempts to start to do so on the outside of my clothing (like going through the motions of pretending to do so 1 inch away, but not actually doing it). However, he's not very insistent about it because I'm very insistent that he is far too old to do this and I move him to a more appropriate position, like comforting hugs instead. He accepts this, but continues to let me know he wishes he could breast feed. Is this a normal development stage where older kids sometimes want to do baby things even when there is no other baby around? Or is it something I should be concerned about? Anyone else experience the same?
RESPONSE TO YOUR RESPONSES :): Wow, 6 responses in 1 day. This is a great site! I have heard about children regressing to babyish behaviors in general due to anxiety. My son has ADD. So, I do wonder if somehow this may be playing a factor. Anyway, Marda: I like your suggestion to read a book about anxiety in case that is the issue. Doris, no, obviously I don't let him do it. I will mention it to his ped. Veruca: lol. Leigh: No, not a troll. He's not around any babies. However, yes it's entirely possible his 1st grade friends have talked about it. He also does have a vague memory of breastfeeding. I did breastfeed him kind of late until 2 years old. I didn't believe that he remembered but then he described where the chair was that I used to breastfeed him (in a house we don't live in anymore). So, I realized he does remember. We have had numerous conversations about appropriate touch and it is confusing for him that babies can breastfeed but he can't, but I have been doing exactly as you said, explaining it's only for babies to get food. Suz: Perhaps, but I tend to agree with those that think it's just a phase. Talkstotrees: Thanks for helping me feel less concerned. He is very easily redirected and I will definitely keep the conversation open. To all responders: Thank you so much. I'm going to follow the suggestions. Hopefully it just naturally goes away over the next few weeks, but I'll have a chat with his ped. too.
This is unusual but normal I think you are handling it well by giving him attention while diverting his action. If you haven’t had a kind and direct conversation with him about why this inappropriate I would do that now.
I suggest that when children this age want to be a baby they are in need of extra loving attention. One reason he may be doing this is he feels he’s not up to being a 7yo child. I would listen to what he says about the way he feels. Perhaps read a book in which a boy near his age is anxious. If you can’t find one the two of you make up a story. You start by saying something like (have son give a name) is feeling anxious. Then talk about what that means and have him tell the next part of the story. Go back and forth until it feels like time to switch.
Another reason which has little to do with anxiety or insecurity is that he’s exploring what it’s like to be a baby. Kids learn by trying on roles. You could have a conversation about what it’s like. Keep in mind he doesn’t remember his babyhood. Include stories about him when he was a baby.
I suggest that this is not a cause for concern. He will move on to other things.
You say that it’s been once a day or so for the past few weeks. That’s a lot. If I were you, I’d talk to your ped. Under no circumstances should you let him near your nipple.
Since this is a first post, and because of the unusual content, be aware that you’re going to get people here wondering if this is for real or if it’s a troll post. Sorry if it’s real and you hear “troll” called but we do get posts on here that look normal but seem a bit sensational.
Assuming this is for real: You say nothing has changed but the fact this has come up suddenly makes me wonder what he’s hearing when he’s not around you. If he’s in school (first grade, since he’s seven?), is it possible that he has friends or classmates who have a new baby sibling at home? Do you know if moms of his friends might have had a baby recently, or is there a new baby cousin in your family, etc.? Is he in a day care where there are infants so he might be more aware of them than other only kids who aren’t around babies at all?
He might be hearing from other kids, especially other boys, about how they have watched mom breastfeed their baby sibling, and he might have enough vague memory of his own breastfeeding to think he wants to try it again.
You are right to redirect him as you are, just be sure you’re clear and firm about appropriate touch. Have you talked with him in general yet about appropriate and inappropriate touches, and noted that this applies to him touching others as well as his being touched by others? Use the “bathing suit” rule – you never touch anyone in a place that a bathing suit would cover on that person, and on a “girl” (including mom) that means the top as well as the bottom. He may ask why it’s OK for babies to suckle but not for a kid his age to suckle or to touch you there, and yes, that’s confusing for a child to process, but you will have to stick to explaining that babies get food there and when a child is old enough to get food other ways, it stops for good. And he’s old enough, period.
If your son persists at this, you may need to involve a counselor. I would think this will fade pretty soon, unless there is something going on at school or elsewhere of which you’re not yet aware.
some reversion to younger or even babyish behaviors isn’t unusual.
but i have to say, i’ve never heard of a 7 year old behaving this way.
something’s off.
khairete
suz
I’m with Marda. I have heard of this, and it’s not unusual. Keep redirecting, keep the conversation open, and this phase will pass. I understand why it would seem concerning, but it really isn’t unless he’s refusing to be redirected or something. It’s ok that he’s exploring this, it’s your job to make sure he gets through this phase appropriately
its a phase, children who were breastfed as babies find comfort in handling your breasts, my daughter is 4 , she was breastfed as an infant and she thinks nothing of handling my breasts, she doesnt try to latch on, but she will sit on my lap and handle my breasts through my clothes..so what..it offers hers comfort..no big deal..i guess its like a lovie that goes everywhere to her. karin h.
I agree with redirecting but also explain to him that you no longer have milk as milk is for babies and when they get older, they can drink regular milk and the milk in your breasts dries up.
I’d suggest that you sit him down and explain exactly why babies are breastfed and what happens when they are weaned and why at 7, it’s just not something that is possible to do (no milk). Give him the facts - once he understands it’s not an option, hopefully he will become disinterested.
I would tell him firmly it’s not polite to raise my shirt, etc. Even as a toddler nursing I’m sure you told him not to disrobe you and at 7 he can understand that even better. I would have a consequence for that behavior. I would also tell him that his mimicking behavior is not appropriate and he needs to stop or there will be a consequence.
I would then sit down with him and ask him where he got this idea, if kids were talking about bodies at school, and does he understand that he is too old and his actions are inappropriate? I’d reiterate that people have private parts and for women and girls that includes their chests.
Nursing is also a comforting thing and for a while after being weaned, my DD wanted to pat my stomach like she had as an infant. It was no longer appropriate and I had to be firm with her (then 3-4 yrs old). If she makes a comment now (we are in swimsuit season) I may say something like “would you like a hug?” or “would you like to hold my hand?” to give her some comfort vs allowing behavior I don’t really want to continue.
We live in FL and the children have a component of “sex ed” every year in school, including kindergarten. It is VERY age appropriate here. My son is 2nd grade and they discussed breasts (both male and female) this year. He told me that he knew everything they talked about - but they did discuss breastfeeding in the curriculum. My son was probably right, as he has a baby brother who I nursed for a few years and his friends’ mothers are still having babies (and nursing).
Ask whether it was part of health at school? Christine
