Y16 Years Old Girl Kissing a 17 Year Old Girl After Having a Boyfrien for a Year

It’s possible your daughter is gay or bisexual and is just now feeling comfortable enough to say it out loud and show affection to another girl. It’s also quite possible that she has had a lot of stress to deal with lately (moving to another state, changing high schools), and she is just in the process of finding herself.

Right now, she need you to just Love her, support her and let her find her way. Whether she is gay, straight or bisexual, she is your daughter and she needs your love and support. As long as she isn’t doing anything dangerous or unhealthy, try not to worry too much about it.

I would probably be keeping an extra eye on this girl that she has befriended, since the girls met in rehab. I’m not saying that there’s anything bad about a girl she needs rehab. It’s just that someone who is in rehab is also dealing with something, and it’s best to keep an eye on everything.

Sexuality and sexual preference are fluid and changing, especially among young people trying to figure out who they are. Can you say more about why you are so upset about this? You say you are leaving out details - but why? Are they relevant?

Whatever her sexual orientation is, it's set. She may not be fully cognizant of what that is, or she may not be comfortable expressing it, especially if she expects disapproval from you. Maybe she's experimenting, maybe she's a lesbian but thinks you'll be happier with bisexual, maybe she's bisexual.

Your job is to believe her and support her. Your other job is to talk about sexually responsible relationships, and to make sure she doesn't get in over her head with any relationship. But kissing? That's pretty routine among kids who are 15/16/17. If you push her away, that will be the worst decision you could possibly make. If you don't know anything about gay and bisexual relationships, LEARN! Go to the local PFLAG chapter where you will find many people who understand your discomfort and will help lessen it.

What is the difficulty? Is she having a hard time accepting her sexuality? Are you? Just be supportive and let her figure out who she is.

What is your question?
If she goes either way - then she needs a chaperone with everyone - boyfriend and/or girlfriend.
She's a minor and can't give consent and even if she can't get pregnant with another girl she could still get STDs.
Take gender out of the question - and just treat her like you would if she were still seeing a boy - even if she's seeing a girl.
Continue with the therapy - and make sure you get some too - so you get the tools you need to see you through this with her.

i think you're grabbing the wrong end of the stick. the issue isn't your daughter being bisexual (she may be, or may just be exploring, which is actually a healthy phase), but her depression is much more important than her kissing a girl and liking it.

my focus (without knowing more) would be to find her more opportunities to widen her social circle. whatever her interests are, foster them. if she likes horses, get her to a barn. if she likes hiking, find her a teen hiking group. martial arts. band. soup kitchens. stuffing envelopes for political candidates. even if she doesn't actively participate at first, keep her busy and in situations where more friendships can develop.

moving is necessary for many families, and yeah, it can be super difficult for teens who are establishing their tribes. support her in developing herself first as an individual. that may mean accepting girlfriends as well as boyfriends.
khairete
S.

I would be the most concerned about the depression.

Rehab centers encourage people not to "make friends" with other in care with them...like not continue to see each other once you get out of treatment there and continue treatment at home. Because you don't want to continue to feed each others issues. You need to get back in with friends who encourage you but don't share the same issues.

Get her involved like others have said in activities. Volunteering, martial arts, music, painting, etc etc...get her out of the house and in classes. You know what she likes find the classes or volunteer times and just go.

She can then start making other friends. I would try to slowly cut back on time spent with this other girl not due to any sort of crush but due to them both being clinically depressed.

If she is bisexual or whatever that will work itself out over the next few years when she is healthy mentally and can make good choices for herself. Now you need to help her make those choices while you can and help her manage/conquer the depression.

Basically, don't worry about her sexuality...DO WORRY about the depression and getting through that. Hugs!!

Why was your daughter in rehab? Is she using drugs or alcohol? Suicide attempt? I would talk to the therapist about all of this, meaning your concerns, her sexual identity, and the fact she is dating someone she met in rehab. As others have pointed out, you're not supposed to get involved with anyone in rehab, and that's what she is doing. Maybe they are both enabling each other's recovery, so it may not be horribly bad, but the therapist needs to be aware of who she is seeing, because if things go south, it can lead to catastrophic circumstances for both.

In the meantime, this could be a phase. She might love this friend because she feels she identifies with her, listens to her, and understands her, and so she is unsure of how to express her love or is infatuated and confused about it all. Maybe the friend is influencing her. She may be experimenting, or she may truly be bisexual. Listen to her, be open and accepting to her, and don't judge her, whatever the case may be. That might make her become more depressed and isolated, which then makes her become closer to the other girl and drives her further away from you and her family.

I'd be more worried about her state of mind than who she chooses to make out with. Talking about protection with partners (regardless of their gender) and the dangers of promiscuity is a good idea. She also needs to be involved in activities so she can make friends and get out of that feeling of isolation and loneliness. It might also help create distance with the friend, because if they become very involved with each other and view each other the sole reason for existing, assuming the relationship ends, it could leave them with a lot of anger, emptiness, and suicidal ideation because they have lost their identity and everything around the world revolved on the other person. Obsession and infatuation are very strong at this age.

I am not sure what your question is as you don't actually ask one.

Your daughter is seeing a therapist for clinical depression who has already given you their interpretation of what is going on so are you just asking for other people's experiences?

What's difficult, is you are having trouble accepting her sexuality, perhaps you would benefit from some time spend with a therapist of your own. There is no harm in discovering one is bisexual or gay. I hope you'll give her a hug and let her know that gay is ok. If she is depressed and isolated, she needs your love and acceptance more than ever before. Does she like her therapist? I'd be concerned about the therapist labeling her "confused" If its not a fit, find someone else, someone supportive of LBGQT persons. She should be encouraged to be herself, period. If her only friend is one girl from a rehab center, she needs to get out into some other circles, asap. Sometimes treatment friendships end up being not so healthy. You never know, but it would do her good to branch out. School, activities, volunteering, maybe a part time job. I can only imagine how hard it would be starting over in a new state at 16. It's going to take time and effort for her to cultivate new friendships. You can facilitate her getting out there in places to make connections with kids her own age and help her find activities she is passionate about so hopefully she can meet some kids with similar interests.

My guess? The new "friend" is bisexual and because your daughter feels like she needs to identify with this girl, she is emulating her beliefs.

I'd focus on the depression portion and just smile and say you love her no matter who she loves when she talks about her current sexual identity. Don't make it into a crisis (because it isn't) or confuse it with other issues having nothing to do with it.

BTW - at this age, sex, love, attraction, lust - all are very confusing issues and sometime kids "love" a friend, but don't know how to express it except for sexually. As long as everyone is consenting to what is going on and no pressure to do whatever is applied, it will all work out in the wash.

There seems to be so much missing from this story.

It doesn't matter if your daughter is bi-sexual, does it? You still love her for her, right?

WHY is she seeing a therapist? Did that start before or after her kissing girls?

What exactly is your question? HOW do you want help?

Let it go, dad. Your daughter will be what she is going to be, regardless of whether or not you like it. It's okay if she is looking for another identity while she deals with her depression. What will NOT be okay is if you try to crush this.

Be supportive of her. If you aren't, you will hurt her psyche and destroy your future relationship. Maybe not today, but when she can finally get out on her own, she will remember how worthless you made her feel about being bisexual, and she will pull away from you. Teens do that anyway, and that's normal. But don't invite it by not accepting her now. It will hurt you both.

PFLAG is a resource for you. Use it. And show your daughter AND your wife lots of love. Be a good role model for her of how a man is supposed to treat a woman. It will make a big difference in the long run as she navigates her early adult years.

This girl could be her crutch.... maybe they have alot in common and they just click. This could either be healthy or dangerous. Or it could just be a phase. I went through a face similiar with girls when I was younger. Im now married to a man and have two children. I would try not to worry too much about it momma unless you seen signs of worsening moods or depressions... or behaviour that is unlike her. Good luck!!