Would You Go? - Davis,CA

I would also go just because my kids asked. They also probably feel the awkwardness of being around "family" they don't see often and possibly miss you being there as a buffer. I find it easier to be in family social situations with my immediate family around me so I bet they do too. It's possible they get fed better and have a better time when you are around and recall that from years past.

One day they'll be pushing you away, so I'd take advantage of the times they do want you close. It goes by very quickly.

You and I have a lot in common. Every year we go to Christmas with my husbands family. Every year I completely dread it. But I go every year. What I have learned is that I just focus on my daughter and let him visit. I get along with my MIL and FIL just fine, but the rest....I could not care less about. They never accepted me and that's ok.

However, if they ever started dismissing my daughter, then they would see a whole different side to me. One that they would actually have reason to dislike. :)

Eh, what about if you go you and make plans to do things with your hubby and kids that take you out of the house. Hikes, bike rides, picnics, etc.

Turn the time into a family vacay - not an in-law and family vacay. Limit your time with the in-laws by simple going off and doing your own thing.

Oh, and bring a crock pot.

You have escaped this trip for years - go once, on your terms - and then give yourself another multi-year pass.

I would go simply because your kids want you to. They will probably get to a point in their lives as many kids do when they don't want anything to do with you. Enjoy the fact they want to spend time with you and just focus on them during the trip. After all, it's just a few days.

No, I would not go.For all the very, very good reasons you have listed.

If your husband wants to do a 'family' thing, if it were me, I'd welcome him to organize something for "our" family specifically. Not out of spite, but "honey, you are welcome to...." and let him know that you are feeling a bit cramped with all of your work. This would be a kindness on his part to be gracious about you staying home.

For what it's worth, I let my husband and son go visit the in-laws on their own. Win/win. Zero guilt.

Your kids really want you to go, I'd go for their (and hubby's) sake only. Plan it like it's YOUR trip, and do things that your family will have fun doing. Let the inlaws come or not as they choose.

Your kids want you to go, and your husband would like you to go? I would go, if for no other reason than to spend time with them. I would go into it knowing what I know prepared to deal with it, preparing the meals and caring for the kids, because, frankly, they are your kids and you and your husband should be the ones responsible for their needs and care. Ignoring any comments about the kids or replying, "Hey, they're kids!" and letting it go.

Life is too short not to make every memory you can, no one is promised tomorrow, you never want to live with regret.

I would not go, the kids want you to go so you can be miserable with them, they dont know this, they probably tell you, "its more fun when you come"...HA! let the kids know they don't have to go and see what happens. Do they like to go? if not then why should they go too? From what you say they won't be missed...although that would mess up your time.
Heck I would not go, you'll see them at Christmas where you can at least escape and go to the mall!

I would go this year and change my attitude. Research the area, I don't believe there is nothing to do. Tell your husband this is a family vacation and no long bike rides unless its early AM and kids are sleeping. If he has gone without you the past three yrs he prob. has changed that pattern. In 3 yrs your kids have grown up a lot and are less hyper" less needing a nap, etc Take the kids for hikes and day outings. Again, where is this place that there is a casino but nothing else to do. No fun museums or playgrounds or lakes to swim in? Of course you dont have to go every year, but maybe you should try it again now that kids are older.

I would go. Your kids want you to go, and it will make your husband happy. It is only a couple of days of "torture" if you go, rather than a longer period of feeling guilty (torture) for not having gone if you don't.

SWH update..~ Sounds like a decision!

I would stay home. This is a good time for dad and the girls to spend time together..

Plus EVERY year? I would consider every other year. And take my car, so the kids and I could go and do something when they are at the casino.. or husband is on his bike ride.

This is not like you will be home eating bon bons.. you are trying to get organized for your work..

Go--take some of the paperwork ect that you need to do with you. When they take off to the casino and leave you alone do your paperwork.

Take some 'make ahead meals' such as a pot of soup, spaghetti sauce, potato salad, deserts. If you don't have a grill there take one along. I have a little table top grill, works great. When it's dinner time light the grill, get out some hamburgers, hot dogs ect, grab some potato salad, jellos, cut up raw veggies. Hubby can do the grilling and it's a quick eacy clean-up.
You can also take along some breakfast quickies like pastry, quick breads ect.
Talk to his Mom and say you will do the cooking and they can do the clean-up. I would also ask her how important it is for your family to be there with them. Explain that the disorganized schedule is hard on you and the kids because they are set on a schedule and you need to keep close to that schedule.

Feeling guilty is not a sign. You get to choose whether you go or not.

Maybe if you..... "hate the thought of wasting my whole weekend gritting my teeth at their comments and trying to fake enjoying myself, and wishing I had stayed home after all.".... that is a sign your husband and kids should go because they want to, and you should stay home if that's what you'd really prefer to do.

Go. Sometimes we have to do things that we do not want to for the sake of others and this is one of those times. It will only be for a couple fo days. HAve one caveat for your husband though-he cannot leave you to watch the kids so that he can do whatever. He wants you to come because you are a family so you will all stick together as a family there.

I am like you and really value any days I get at home child free. But it sounds like this time the kids really want you to go. Plan to go this time and spend time doing as many things with the kids and your husband as possible. Your kids want to build some memories up there with you. Talk to your husband about planning an activity out of the house a couple different days before or after you return so you can make up some time with doing your business stuff.

Go for your husband and kids...in-laws can be tough (mine are!) but they are still family. Even if you don't consider them YOU.r family, they are family for your kids and husband. As they get older and develop stronger relationships with grandparents/aunt it will be important that they don't sense too much of a chasm between you and them...that just makes things more difficult for your kids...
Just tell your husband he needs to buy you a massage for when you get back...and maybe request that he take the kids for several hours the following weekend so you can have some "me" time :)

I think this year you should go.
Because after this year, your husband and you and your kids will be doing something else somewhere else for vacation every other year.
You guys deserve to do something that's fun for all of you.

I've really found that as my kids get older situations like this change, and for the most part get much easier.

I don't know the ages of your kids but unless they are toddlers, I would go and make good memories with them.

Go into it planning easy meals that your family likes, and be prepared to nicely smile tell your husbands family they can fix their own dinners. Be upfront and say "we" will be eating lunch at 11:30 because that is what works best for the kids you are welcome to join us or eat later.

Bring a good book ( a rental house in a quiet area sounds like heaven to me) and some craft activites for the kids. If your work is portable bring some with you and work on it in the early mornings or in the afternoon when things slow down a bit.

Those comments about hyper kids may be changing now too as the kids age, and if they Are still saying stupid stuff chalk it up to their ignorance and forget it.

and try to find some time to give hubby a little kiss while everyone else is in the other room.

I'd research the area and try to find fun things for your family to do while everyone else is off at the casinos, etc. Maybe send out an email ahead of time and ask those who will be there to help come up with a menu for the week, so that you can plan the grocery shopping, etc. Maybe ask each couple/family to take 1-2 days where they cook breakfast, or dinner, etc.

As for not having things in common. That is tough, but not an insurmountable obstacle. The very first Thanksgiving that I brought my (then fiance, now husband) home he broke the ice right away by playing a group game called "Mafia." This is something he ALWAYS does when coming into a group where he doesn't know many people. It is a really fun game, and even your kids can get involved. Maybe you can find something that you can do together, even if you wouldn't normally try to engage with them.

i feel for you.
i would either go but only for a day or two, or have my husband take the kids. you can show your love and respect for his family in other ways.
take vacations that you love and look forward to.
khairete
S.

I would go.....whose going to cook? You can make it an organized event and when the rest of the family is out of the cabin, enjoy your down time.

I would stay at home and let hubby and kids go. They won't starve if you are not there to cook for them. When they get hungry they'll find something to eat or tell dad to feed them.

I would seriously just stay home and let them go. It's one of those things that they will remember with fondness when they are adults and you don't have to be there to manage it all.

Don't go. Save yourself the headache.

just my opinion