Would This Hurt Your Feelings or Am I Way Too Sensitive?

Next time you're having an intimate moment, say something like "Oh babe, that's great--but it's just not like (insert ex boyfriends name here)."

You've put in 10 long years trying to please him with this cake.
Next year order a cake and let him criticize the bakery!

OMG! you did this for ten years!?!? I would've stopped at 2, 3 tops. Next year ask him what kind of cake he wants. If he says strawberry shortcake, hand him the recipe and tell him to make it himself.

If I said that to my wife? She would pick the cake up and dump it. Either in the sink, the trash or in my face. And NEVER again would she make that for me.

If I asked - I would get "the look" - that makes my little guys hide!! It's THAT scary!!

How incredibly rude. No. You are not being sensitive. Your husband is being an a$$.

Let's just say you are a better woman than I. You tried that recipe at least 8 more times than I would have. Also I am not entirely certain I would have had the restraint to keep from stabbing him with the cake knife after round three of the criticisms. I think you should find some other dessert for his birthday and move on to greener pastures. Also don't stoop to his level by hurling mud over your birthday cake. In any other situation you wouldn't do it so now doesn't make it any more off limits. Happy baking for next year.

YES! YOU ARE BEING WAY TOO SENSITIVE ! ! !

But it is only because you don't understand him and can't read his mind.

The reason your cake doesn't taste as good as grandma's is because she added something you will never be able to. Her love and the special pleasant memories he has of her. But that's ok. Your kids will grow up feeling the same way about you and some of the special things you do/cook.

Keep right on cooking the cake as you have in the past and tell him you cooked it like grandmas because its his birthday and in honor of his birthday and the special memories he has of grandma. Tell him you know it isn't quite as good as grandmas, but you love him so you keep trying.

Just so you know, our tastebuds change every 7 years. The new ones are never as acute as the old ones were. By the time he is in his 50's they will have changed 7 times. The brain remembers the ones that were tasting the cake grandma made when he was a boy.

My grandma made chocolate brownies. She made them for me. I got to lick the mixing spoon and the bowl and she would often leave a little extra for me on the spoon and bowl. She died of cancer (cigarettes) when I was a teenager. I'm a pretty good cook and I cannot equal what she did.

Don't worry about not being as good as grandma. You can't compete with the memory of a ghost. Just love him and be glad he loves you and keep making the cake. ;~)) (BTW, you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.)

Good luck to you and yours.

I'm sure your cake is better than hers, because you are trying so hard. But, He can't say it's as good as hers. It feels disloyal to him.

Just like if you have a signature dish you make for your son, when he gets married, she will never be able to make it like you do.

He is not just talking about the cake, he's talking about the way it smelled in grammas house, the way he sat at the kitchen table while she made it. He probably hand picked the strawberries for her. All the intangibles.

He's right. You can't compete. And you shouldn't try. Make the cake in tribute to his gramma. Call it Grammas Shortcake when you make it. Make jokes about her leaving out the "secret ingrediant" when she gave you the recipe. If you don't set yourself up for a comparison, your feelings wont be hurt. If you handle it any other way, you are stepping on the memory of his gramma.

Come up with a new cake to be your signature cake. Something that noone will ever make as good as yours. Give him that on his birthday and make Grammas cake at Easter or when it wont be such a contenious issue.

You reached a great conclusion. Don't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. That's a (joking but true) definition of insanity. Your husband blew it, even after you gave him 10 chances to be gracious.

Sometimes childhood memories are sweeter than the reality. In all actuality, your cake is probably just as good.Memories are funny things.

Please stop making that recipe! Your husband is so unfair about this. My own husband and his siblings NEVER said anything about the cake that was made in the family in honor of the one grandma made when she was alive. Everyone was just thilled that someone was willing to try to make it.

If you don't make your own signature cake, how will anyone ever remember your special cake? Or are you not allowed to have one?

:(

Dawn

Dude - I'm sorry, but I'm throwing the red flag on you.

You failed to tell Husband that he crossed a boundary line, 9 years ago if I do the math correctly.

Everybody is given a pass to cross one of my boundaries - once. After I tell them, hey, not cool - it is then MY responsibility to enforce MY boundary. You should have taken whatever action you feel you need to take - 9 years ago. You woulda had 9 years of fond memories of the two of you cooking together trying to perfectly match that damn recipe! :)

He should just shutup and eat the cake. Geesh. Nobody EVER makes it just like grandma!
L.

This isn't about the cake. It's about why your husband chooses to be nasty when he could be nice. Whatever is going on, I'd stop making the cake.

Put RUM in it!!!!!!

Well.... all I knew how to make when I got married was chicken fried steak, cream gravy, mash potatos (or rice), green beans (or corn). We had it for a month! Finally hubs says "can't you bake a chicken like my mom's?" That was the last time I made that for him and its been 25 years!!!! I do hold a grudge. :):)

To answer your question, no I would be hurt too. You should have stop making this for him 8 years ago! You are setting yourself up each year to be pissed off. STOP! Either find a different recipe or order a cake from the bakery. I don't make a birthday cake for my husband because we have the SAME birthday! So, I will not make my own cake!!! :) Kroger's does!!!!

First, you are NOT being too sensitive. And second, you are WAY nicer than me, I would have stopped at year 2. As others have said, what he remembers is not the actual cake, it's the memory. He remembers loving it as a kid or a few years back or whatever. There would be no possible way to duplicate that, it is in his head.

I'm sure he is a nice guy, but he is being mean about this. My hubby went through a time of critiquing my food. If I asked how dinner is, he would say it was missing this or that. I finally told him, "when I ask you how dinner is, the correct answer is delicious, thanks for making it". Period. If I made something that didn't turn out, I will admit it, it is not for him to criticize me. And since I'm the only one who cooks, he figured out pretty quick that picking on my food was a bad idea.

Going forward, I would just make something else. I'm not for revenge or saying he should make it himself (not on his b-day anyway). Just let him know you'd like to start a new tradition and you'll be making something you know he'll love.

And I would mention that it hurts your feelings when he criticizes your cooking, and to refrain from that in the future...... (or else.....jk).

Buy him an Entenmann's and tell him to have a great day :) Maybe after that he won't be so critical. If he complains, give him a ho-ho the following year. He'll learn.

Next year buy him a pound cake or angle food from the 'day old' bakery rack at the grocery store, top it with strawberries and whipped cream and put a candle in it.

Don't say a word. When he asks about grandma's cake tell him he will have to wait until he sees her again to get some.

Solution? Next year he gets one of those nasty supermarket cakes straight off the shelf. Seriously! Just do it once. With a smile on your face, hahaha :)
P.S. You're a wonderful wife for putting up w/ this poo-pooing for 10 years ...

I have an uncle who is especially good at this sort of "diplomacy." He would have said something like, "it isn't at all like my grandmother's, it's better. I love it because you made it." Really, it costs nothing to give a compliment and make a person feel good for their efforts. My hubs has a number of good qualities, but this sort of finesse he lacks.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Okay so if he's been saying this for years... no matter how hard you try and with good intentions... and he still COMPLAINS about it... saying yours will never be as good as his Grandmas.... I WOULD STOP MAKING IT FOR HIM.
Too bad.
Enough is enough.
I would have went on strike. By now.

Geez, ain't your Husband just so PICKY AND UNGRATEFUL!
The nerve.
Can't he just be GRACIOUS and thank you for your thoughts and ALL that effort you go through???

Good grief.

Next time, he can buy his own cake.
Or have no cake at all.

If he is this picky about a cake... I can only imagine how picky he is with everything.... all the damn time.
How horrid.

He needs to stop being such a BABY about it.
What does he think he is... Royalty?

And by the way, what does HE do.... for YOUR birthday?

Yes, as you said, your Husband is a JACKASS.

I would be a little hurt, but not too bad. I would have given up long before you did, though. Yarrmatey is right..it is his grammy, and it has fond memories of it..maybe that's the special ingredient you can't add? :)

I think you're sweet for trying to make it for him, but there's nothing wrong with finding a new recipe to make. Then he has nothing to compare it to!

Well, I know I'm a horrible cook. Hell, even I won't eat my food sometimes. Lol. So no, my feelings wouldn't be hurt but I can see why yours would.

I just wanted to say that this totally reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Marie gives Debra one of her recipes. Debra keeps trying to make it, but it just doesn't have the same taste that Marie's does. Debra even breaks into Marie's house to see if Marie left something out of the recipe, but the recipes are the same. It's later revealed that Marie put fake labels on Debra's spices, so Debra was using the wrong spices every time she tried to make the recipe. So funny!

Your hubby is remembering it different than it was and/or his taste buds have changed. Some of what he is remember is not the cake but Grandma herself.

Once you calm down tell him that you understand that you are never going to completely duplicate grandma's recipe because realistically you are not her AND he is not your grandchild. Tell him that you are willing to make it for him going forward only if he stops comparing the two.

Next year, ask him if he wants you to make it or some other cake.

The first year I knew my husband, I made him his favorite cake for his birthday- a pineapple upside down cake. e told me it was almost as good as his mothers. That was the last time I made that cake.

Yes, it would hurt my feelings, I really take pride in being an excellent cook. That's probably why I don't even attempt the homemade polish foods my hubby grew up on.

However, I would also be straight up honest with hubby and tell him that it hurts my feelings when he tells me that.

You are being crazy sensitive, in my opinion. It isn't about the cake it is about grandma! He is right...you will never make it as well as she did. Why? Because you aren't his grammy. It is tied to memory and isn't a personal attack on you. If you don't want to make it for him, don't. If you do make for him realize that it isn't going to be as good as grandma's and that is ok.

ETA: I do think your husband should have just kept his thoughts to himself to spare your feelings if he knew it would upset you but I still think you are overreacting unless he said it just to anger you.

Does he say it wistfully like he is remembering good times with g-ma or does he said it like you fool, you can't get the cake right? I think that it would be important to decide what his mind frame is before tarring and feathering the man.

I think you should stop making the cake. You will never be able to live up to his expectations because to be honest, his tastebuds have changed. Some of the physical changes that occur due to aging involve a reduction in the number of taste buds on the surface of the tongue. With fewer taste buds, the foods we eat can seem bland or tasteless. In the nose, aging cells responsible for our sense of smell (Olfactory cells) become replaced more slowly or not at all.

So you're probably perfectly replicating this cake, but all he can taste is the difference that he doesn't understand is his own body getting older. (Why do you think a lot of older folks love to drench their food in Tabasco sauce? So they can TASTE something...)

Anyhow, I'd make something that's all your own, so you don't have to compete with a young man's memory of a taste he'll never be able to have again.

Wow that would sure hurt my feelings! I say forget it! Next year he would have a store bought crappy cake and see if that suits him! How mean! Im sorry your feelings were hurt.

No, in all honesty I would never try to make it thinking it could ever compare - it's not the taste he wants, it's the memory. He may even be up set (guy upset not women upset) that you are even trying to 'replace' her memory by making it year after year and he does not know how to tell you to stop. Make it when you feel like it but know that it may be HER receipe but it's not HER shortcake.

Well gee, I just wouldn't even make it for him again. If he asks why let him know why.

My mom told me that, waaaaay back when, she would bake cakes for my dad - using box mixes. And his reaction was always, "That was good, but there's nothing like a cake made from scratch, like my mother used to make."

So one day, she went to the effort of making him a cake from scratch - and got the same song and dance. And when she told him that it wasn't a mix, he didn't believe her. Even went so far as to check the trash can for the empty box.

So that was the last time she made him a cake from scratch.

I believe you're dealing with a combination of fond memories and changing taste buds, but I would be hurt and frustrated if that was the reaction year after year, too. Bake another kind of cake that he likes!

(Frometoz made me giggle, but that probably wouldn't have a positive effect, lol!)

This is one of those where i really feel i have to know your hubby and hear his tone of voice for myself. Because I could flip from you being too sensitive to him not apprecaiting you super quick.

He could just be analyzing the taste like a dectective helping you to find a clue as to when you've stumbled upon the correct formula. similar to saying Grandma's had a bit more of a vanilla taste, or something like that that maybe he doesn't know to suggest. So he might not even realize that it sounds like a critisism to you.

Or if he is really complaining about it, maybe he never liked grandma's all that much but just likes the memory of her making it. somethign like that.

I think it comes right down to you asking him, what would you like for your birthday? you don't seem to like it when i make you your grandma's shortcake, would you like something else.

On last what if... are you making it out of season? I like watermelon in july but the thought of eating it in December makes me want to puke. If he is remembering shortcake on a hot summer day after playing in the fields and coming in to grandma's house for some delicious shortcake, it might "taste" different being served to him in March.

I would just like to say, I would love you to make me dessert, anytime! Strawberry cake sounds very yummy

My feeling wouldn't be hurt because I would have stopped "trying" to duplicate Grandma's shortcake after his first rude reception of my gift.
Sorry--your husband is acting like a brat and he doesn't deserve a shortcake. Again. Ever.

Well....you are probably being oversensitive but he is also being a jerk.

On one hand you don't do this every year because of him, *you* want to make it like grandma. He is not holding a gun to your head, you are choosing to do this knowing it will never measure up, ya know? You are setting him up to disappoint you, that isn't fair.

On his side, is he two? Does he cook anything himself? I use a recipe but I can assure you it never turns out exactly every time. Never! If you have made the recipe ten times it has matched one of the times his grandma made it he is just too stupid to know that!

I have made many of my grandma's recipes, I have done them exactly like she taught me, they don't even taste like when I made them with her. Why? All psychological.

Anyway either stop making it or stop asking if it tastes like grandma.

The fact of the matter is he has grandiose memories of this perfect cake his grandmother used to make for him. You will NEVER be able to duplicate it, no matter what, because you'd be competing with his memories, which are obviously clouded (I guarantee if his grandmother came back and baked him one of her own, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between hers and yours).

Next year, offer to make him the Granny cake: "Did you want me to make that cake for you this year? I wasn't sure since you're never happy with it." If he wants you to make it, he DOES like it (he just has a really insensitive way of showing appreciation). If he says "Yeah, you can skip it this year..." then go ahead and buy him a supermarket cupcake and stick a candle in it. Stop the effort. But I BET he chooses YOUR cake...go ahead and give him a little guilt trip (it's so hard to make, you NEVER like it, I'll NEVER be able to make it like your grandmother, even though SHE taught me how).

And, of course, someday, you'll have a DIL or SIL who complains that the shortcake THEY make *just* doesn't taste as good as yours.

You are not being too sensitive. Either Grandma left something out or hubby refuses to have you top Granny. Either way, stop busting your butt. Next year buy a cake and be done with it.

Do something special for him that only you can do on his birthday..... wink, wink.

I would have been hurt by his comments to but he won't ever like it because his grandmother didn't make it. That's all. If I were you don't think any more out of it and start making a new tradition that is all you. Take the recipe and the pastry knife, tie a nice ribbon on it put both in a shadow box of sorts and hang it there in the kitchen for him. Then proceed with your new tradition. Find something else that he likes whether it be food or something else altogether. Good luck!

I wouldn't have continued to make it after the first comment. Seriously. My feelings would have been hurt the first time and that would have been it!

Next year make him something totally different and make it your "new" birthday tradition. My husband LOVES cheesecake. I tried to make one while we were dating and literally set his oven on fire. While laughing hysterically at me and making jokes left-and-right and bringing it up constantly seemed funny to him, my feelings were hurt. Never even tried to do it again- instead I order one from the local bakery and save myself the stress!

Ah, your hubby is being an insensitive GUY!!! I am sorry, it is totally understandable that your feelings were hurt. But some guys are totally clueless (my apologies!). They completely fail to understand the whole "I am doing something special for you, so you should thank me for it and not criticize" thing. My husband is the same way. But I see him do it to other people too... His sister came to visit, cooked us a brisket - as my husband requested it, in the style of Grandma Dorothy. My SIL slaves over the meal, it is delicious, and my husband says, it's good, but of course not as good as Grandma Dorothy's, and goes on to detail the ways in which his sister failed to make and cut the brisket exactly like Grandma Dorothy used to! I hope you can smile about my situation. Thank goodness my SIL has tough skin, so she let it roll off her back, but I would have been hurt in a similar situation. My suggestion: stop making grandma's dish - especially for his birthday, when you are trying to do something really special. Make your own special cake. Then, perhaps, when you guys are in a good mood, try to explain the social niceties of being appreciative when someone tries to do something nice for you. Hugs to you! :)

wow i can't believe you stuck it out for 10 years!! next year, definitely make a different cake. or buy a cake. and if he questions you, tell him straight out it sucks when you put so much effort into trying to bake the shortcake and keep getting told it's not good enough. i'm sorry your kind gesture wasn't appreciated :(

Yes, I can see why your feelings are hurt. After a couple of times, your husband should have just been polite and said, yes honey, this is delicious.

However, your husband has decided to be truthful, instead. The cake isn't like Grandma's. (And maybe part of that is the effect of childhood memory.) So, assuming he is correct, and he is just making a clinical judgment that it's not like Grandma's, try not to be hurt by the fact that it isn't.

Did he not, however, say, thank you, even though it's not like Grandma's, it still tastes great? Did he give you no thanks or compliments? If not, he definitely needs some training in manners. Good luck at that one. Men who weren't trained by their mothers can take a long time to train.

Try to let go of the hurt feelings, but don't bother to make Grandma's cake again. Either buy one, or use a different recipe entirely. You are quite the trooper to make the effort for a ten years in a row.

Riley - LOL.

shame on your husband, he should appreciate the gesture. And no, it probably will never be exactly the same as Grandma's. You can both accept that, and he can stop comparing it to Grandm'as every year and appreciate the effort without comments about how it stacks up. That's just plain rude.
Or you can accept that it won't taste like Grandma's and start making something delicious of your own, that tastes like your own.
I'm surprised you've kept it up many years. After 1 or 2 I would've been skipping the cake completely.

This is a very simple problem to fix. Just. Don't. Do. It. I would stop making the strawberry shortcake and tell him that you just cannot hope to live up to his expectations. If he is lucky, he would get a cake a la Publix for his next birthday. I say screw it.,

So way back when, when you started making the cake did he ask you to make it or did you think you were going to be the awesome wife and just make it for him knowing how special this cake is to him? Maybe he doesn't want you to make it? Maybe he'd just rather have that fond memory of Grandma's cake. Because obviously he's making it so you'll never live up to that memory. If you really must make him a special dessert I'd start a new tradition and make something completely different.

I don't think you're being too sensitive, I would have been a little peeved at his lack of appreciation of a very special attempt to make his fave. However I'd have said F$&@ the strawberry shortcake by year 2.

My DH criticized my cake making abilities long ago. After so many years I gave up.
He's lucky to get a pan of brownies (which apparently I make a-okay) for his b-day.
Men!!!

Regardless of how well you make the cake, you need to talk to your husband.

Tell him that it really hurts that he never thanks you for making his favorite cake. That you have tried for years and you KNOW you aren't his grandmother, but you'd like just a little appreciation.

Buy him the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman and let him know that one of your primary love languages is "Words of Affirmation." Tell him "one of the best ways you can show me you love me is to tell me HOW and WHY you appreciate me."

And, unless he specifically asks for it, do not make the strawberry shortcake again. OR have your daughter make it (and just DARE him to say something unappreciative to her!).

:-)

I would tell him that you accept that you made it differently than Grandma (even if you followed the right recipe maybe her oven was different or something) but that you find HIS comments rude and insulting. What would Grandma think to know that he can't even be kind to his wife for doing something special for him on his birthday?

We long ago taught the kids to say nothing or "no, thank you" vs "Ew! Yuck!" at dinner to avoid insulting the cook. If my 3 yr old can get that, so can your husband.

He's lucky you are even going to bother making a cake at all.

I dont know if your being too sensitive or not.. but it would bother/ piss me off!!

I would just stop making it for him from now on and next year he when he asks about it I would gently tell him since I can't come close to your grandma's and you seem ungrateful about it I thought I would make you something I am good at. Then smile and walk away. If that doesn't make him wake up nothing will!

Yes, my feelings would be hurt. I can't imagine my husband being so persnickety. And if he was I would stop doing it and go about my merry way.

it would bother me too. So, to answer your question, I don't think you are being too sensitive. next year, buy all the ingredients, and leave the non perishable ingredients on the counter next to the recipe, and a note that says "since mine isn't good enough, maybe you can do better!" and not even mention his birthday.

I think you found your answer. Next year bake something else, or better yet, have his mom bake the cake for him.
I would be hurt too.
You have being doing this cake for 10 years and even "if" it really doesn't taste like his grandma, the comments are uncalled.
If anything you are being too nice because honestly I would have stop doing the cake long time ago.

I would say you are starting a new cake when the next year comes around and do one you do well with and say this one has your love added just like Grandma's had back when she did hers.

Totally and completely agree 110% with 8KIDS DAD. Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

I would be pissed and hurt if my husband was to say that to me! He can at least appreciate that you are trying!!!

I can't duplicate the pastries my grandma made...and thank G-d for that! They were rocks!

Time to make something for him that is your very own!

Well, I do think you might be a little too sensitive about this.
It's not that you FAIL, it's just that for some reason, his grandmother's can never taste the same because it isn't her making it.
Now that she's gone, he probably misses her being able to make it for him.
I felt the same way about my grandparents. Nothing in the world tasted better than the things they made for me. My grandfather was famous for his Million Dollar Salad. We have all tried making it for family holidays. It's a pretty simple recipe, but, we all basically end up commenting about how it just doesn't taste the same.
And it doesn't.
He's not here to make it for us anymore.
He had some kind of magic little love spell that he put on it that none of the rest of us could ever duplicate.
That doesn't make us failures.

It's not that you fail, it's just that he has the fond memories.
You can't compete with someone who's gone and can't even stick up for you or defend herself.
In his mind, it's highly possible that yours just never will taste the same.
It's not because you aren't good enough.
It's a memory he hangs on to.
I would continue to make the cake, in her honor, and say, "Honey, I know this will never live up to your Grandma's, but I gave it my best try. How nice to remember her when I make you your favorite cake."

To me, it doesn't have to be the end of the world.
My kids think my mom makes the best spaghetti in the world and no matter what I do, I doubt I'll ever change that. It's not HOW it's made, it's who made it.

Please try not to be so offended.
You're so sweet to try and I bet your husband, whether he admits it or not, really does appreciate it. Saying that it's just not quite as good is not meant as an insult to you, but a recalling of someone else so special in his life.
You are his wife. You don't have to try to compete with an innocent emotion.

Best wishes.

Next time don't make it. buy him a cup cake and be done with it.
yes that would hurt my feelings, if he didn't at least tell me it was tasty.

I personally would play with the recipe and make it my own. Instead of torturing myself trying for 10 years to duplicate the same recipe and still it's not exactly how he want's it.
Just don't do it on his birthday anymore.

Oh gosh, stop doing this to yourself! It's not you! You aren't doing anything wrong, but you will never be able to duplicate grandma! That's just the way it is! I can't make a simple 4 ingredient dish my grandma made the way she made it, and neither can my aunts or my mom. It just isn't going to happen. I can't make my husband's mom's dishes exactly like she did either. Time to let it go and make a great chocolate cake or whatever else flavor he likes for next year and beyond.

He does not deserve the delicious cake you made from your heart..

Next year IF you decide to bake from him.. Bake a completely different item.

I'm feeling very lucky right now that my MIL & my husband's grandmothers are terrible cooks. Sorry, sweetie, but you're setting yourself up for disappointment. 10 years is a long time. My feeling is that sometimes the ingredients we use today aren't exactly what grandma used back in the day. We have family recipes that are like this - even my mother can't duplicate one of her own recipes the way it used to be from when she was much younger.

Buy him a cake that you think he'll like and if he doesn't like it, have him take it up with the people at the bakery. I'm actually not much of a baker (I love to cook) and my husband knows that if he is mean about something not coming out right, I'll never bake again - smart man, that husband of mine.

My husband once told me cards were a waste of money but I told him I still appreciate them. He didn't get them this year. If they are a waste of money, we don't need to do that.

I would never make him a cake if he complained once about it. I think he may have even ended up with some of it in his face. The fight would be fabulous if my husband said that to me when I tried to do something nice.

I'd be hurt by the comments. Most likely since his Grandmother didn't write anything down she did leave something out or didn't get the correct measurements. Make some other type of cake for your hubby's birthday and save the strawberry shortcake for when you feel like making it.

I wouldn't ever make another cake for him! What a jerk!

Hey!

First of all, bravo to you for even taking this kind of emotional baking project on. Secondly, remember that food and memories of it are often more about the moment than the flavor and food itself. Our tastebuds actually change over time, so what he was eating when he was ten or fifteen is actually going to taste different now - particularly if not surrounded by the same environment he was in when he first ate it. Even if his grandmother made it. Particularly if she made it in your kitchen and not hers so that he would not be surrounded by the same visual and other reminders. There is a good chance that the grandmother did leave something out, not on purpose but as something she would do if something was not quite right as she was cooking. My grandparents did this kind of thing all the time (particularly when making pastry). In short, his tastebuds are probably old and you are already fighting an uphill battle with a slightly fussy recipe from someone who cooked out of her head.

So, now he needs to accept that you are just going to start your own food traditions and come up with a new dessert that he likes. You might also have a side conversation about being gracious about your efforts. He seems a little clueless about being sensitive to the amount of energy and emotion you are expending.

Good luck!

D.

My feelings would have been hurt the first time and I probably would have tried one more time and then yelled at him for saying that. I wouldn't make it again. You were just trying to do something nice for his birthday and he didn't even appreciate it. Yep, I would have laid into my husband pretty hard. Maybe next year, treat him to dinner instead.
Maybe his tastes have changed. I know there are things I used to love when I was younger and now I wonder why I ever ate it. It doesn't taste good now. If he says its not quite right, to me it sounds like something is missing like its been left out. Maybe Grandma did leave something out on purpose.

My friend stood over me one time while I made cookies from her fail safe recipe. I used her measuring cups, her ingredients, her flatware, everything. She made sure of it.

They turned out crepes with chocolate chip lumps.

I can make anything. I cannot make cookies from scratch. As long as they come from a roll named Pillsbury I can make cookies just fine...

It may something as simple as the eggs he grew up with were straight from the chicken or the milk was straight from the cow. There is no telling but something was different.

I make my moms strawberry cake for myself on my birthday. If I get a white cake mix that has pudding in it the mix then the cake will taste nasty and it will fall apart right down the middle.

It is subtle differences. I would never make the cake again. He has 2 hands, let him make it from now on or have his mom make it for him. I bet he won't tell her it's not right.

So I know you've already have come to your own conclusions on how to handle the people. I have a baking tip for you. Get a oven thermometer and check to see if your oven is accurate. You wouldn't believe the problems you can have baking because of the temperature (baking is all science everything needs to be spot on). Once I figured out my oven needed 15 more minutes to reach temperature that the oven preheat ding, everything started coming out better. Good luck! I hope your husband figures out you really just want a thank you for your effort.

Yep, you will never make it the same and that is ok. If he can't enjoy it you are right to make something else. I doubt she left anything out - but there are always tweaks. My grandmother has a recipe we all love and no one can duplicate - and we can still ask her questions. A cup was her favorite coffee cup. A teaspoon was the actual spoon from her drawer (not an actual teaspoon). Then there is the fact that it had to look the right consistency or you add a little more milk/flour etc. Those tiny little things aren't in recipes. I get missing somthing you loved from you grandmother and being sad that it will never be the same, but he doesn't need to take it out on everyone. I would be upset too, but try not to take it personally as it is more about him missing her than about you. Good luck!

Frankly, you've been doing this for 10 years. Does he appreciate the effort? (Do you know?) Or are you annoying him by putting so much pressure on yourself (and him, btw) by trying to perfectly replicate something that can't be replicated. It can't be replicated. Stop trying.

You are being too sensitive. Next year, ask him if he'd like _your_ version of strawberry shortcake or if he'd prefer some other favorite cake (or a pie, or pudding, or whatever), and let it go. If he chooses the strawberry shortcake, take it as a compliment, even if he says it's not exactly like his Grandmother's.

Well my grandma does leave things out of recipes so people cannot repeat them like her. Maybe that is what his grandma did too, however he is being a jerk I would be offended too. Honestly I would just stop making that cake every year, but that's just me, I haven't read any responses but maybe someone could suggest something less spiteful :o)

I agree with what you've decided. Frankly, I wouldn't put up with his hurtful comments. If he asks where the shortcake is next year, you can tell him that he had made it so clear that he didn't like your version that you had decided not to put the effort into it. I'll bet he'll be disappointed!

Don't be offended or even mad. Make your own memories with your husband at his birthday (that is what i hear him saying to you) you have not failed in his eyes , I think you are being too hard on yourself and taking it too personally. i know and dont ever want to take away from my husband how much he loves his mamas chicken salad i love it too and know that there are things that I make that she can never compare to that he likes me to make. I would think me trying to make her chicken salad once she passes would make him very upset and sad to think about her and i would never try to live up to that pressure...

Well, that would be the last time I ever made that cake. Well, for this husband :)

Face it, the cake made by grandma will never taste the same because she didn't stir in any of her love. You can't replicate it so don't try. He should, however, be pleased that you are trying.

In Italian families, sauce recipes are passed down from grandmother to daughters and so on and no two sauces ever taste the same.

Honestly, I would tell him that you know you will never be able to reproduce grandma's cake (and as someone who enjoys baking, I can tell you that two people making the same recipe, it will never turn out exactly the same) so you are going to quit trying. Then ask him if he would prefer that you find your own recipe for this type of cake, or just make a different cake all together. Then, if he wants you to make your own, you can even still use grandma's recipe (but not tell that part) then if he comments on how it is not like grandmas, you can smile and say "of course it is not like your grandma's - it is my cake!"

Remove the expectation that it should resemble grandma's cake and he may find a whole new appreciation for it :)