Worried About Bullying, and Daughter Adapting to Kinder.

Little kids are very vocal and if something is going on when she is on the playground someone will here about it. I would not say anything right now except that she is going to have a great time at school. It may scare her if you say anything then it will be tough for her to go. When you pick her up from school always ask her how it went and if she got to play fun games with the other children. There is always some kind of supervision on the playground and they usually don't let the kindergartners out with the older kids. If you let her experience everything brand new then she will adapt as needed. She will go and make friends just fine.

I think you should wait to have this discussion until she is comfortable and use to going to kindergarten. Imagine... you are about to tell her that you are going to drop her off at a place where most likely there will be a child or children who will be mean to her. I think her anxiety level will rise and you will have a difficult time convincing her that school can be a wonderful place to learn and make friends.

Most schools have programs to address the problem of bullies and most kindergarten teachers are experts at providing a safe environment where all children feel good about themselves.

I am not saying yoiu should not eventually have this discussion, I just think it is a lot to take in as she begins this new journey.

Good luck.

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I agree with Chantal. If you bring this up now, it may cause her to be afraid of going! Let her get settled in. Over dinner, you can ask about new friends, who she likes, is everyone nice, what are the class rules, what happens when you break a class rule, etc. K is pretty tame.

To be honest I have really not seen much bullying in Kindergarten. They are still so close to preschool its almost more of the same kind of stuff. Hopefully your school has an anti-bullying program. Ours does and the guidance counselor really talks to the kids about how to voice their concerns to eachother and what to do if they are being bullied.

My best advice would be to just keep an open dialogue of conversation with her. When you are putting her to bed lie down beside her and talk about her day. Then ask about her new friends and ask if they are nice to her and to the other kids. Really let her talk and you will find out so much. My son and I have this ritual and he is 8 and still looks forward to our "talk time" every night.

Has she been to preschool at all? Most likely she has seen someone be mean to another child at one time or another. Maybe not outright bullying but at least some little stuff. See if you can get her to tell you about an "incident" and work with her to see what she would have done. If she has never encountered another child taking a toy away, or cutting in line, or pushing at all then maybe go to the library and see if there are any books to read with her and discuss. I know we have a Berenstain Bears book about teasing that is a good discussion starter.

Good luck,
K.

Tell her the minute that someone starts bullying to stop it. And then tell her it is okay to tell on them even if they threaten her with all sorts of terrible things.And tell her she does not have to believe them under any circumstance, be it telling her or anyone she knows that they are weird, or different or that they have to do what they say. The bully is most insecure and is trying to make themselves feel better. There is a woman who does talks on bullying and I cannot remember her name, but if you look up bullying you might find some of her hints. She is a writer and former victim of bullying. Hopefully it will never happen but sometimes the worst part is when the bully believes it is okay to continue. So it is up to (yes even us as adults) to STOP IT. AND NOW.

I agree with Chantal as well.

I think you need make school a positive. If you start to tell her about the negative things that can happen at school, she'll be afraid and nervous. Let her go - and learn what goes on at school. Every classroom has rules that need to be followed. One of those is no name calling. Another is to share nicely. The list goes on.
I'm sure she has contact with other kids. She knows how to deal.
Relax... she will be fine.
LBC

I also believe that you should wait on having a bullying talk with your daughter.

Some schools have a bullying program that they introduce to the students.

I would just keep an open line of communication with your daughter on how her day goes and what she did and how she liked it.
Then if she mentions anything ask her if she talked to a teacher.
Alot of times the teachers catch things that most people don't and are able to help the kids with the issues.

You never want to tell your child that the new place she is going and is excited to go to ..... You may be picked on or hurt or teased.... That will make them too scared to try school or going new places... because they will always be worried about bully's and not be able to enjoy the new experience.

From day one the only thing I have told my kids is I love them and love talking to them about everything... but if there is something that they need to talk about and for some reason do not feel comfortable talking to me... please find the counselor or a teacher they really care about and talk to them. They need to know that it is ok to talk to another adult besides mom and dad if there are problems. Just keep telling them over and over that you are there to talk to them about anything!!!!

I agree with Chantel about waiting so she doesn't fear the worst in school. Dawn mentioned taking a picture of her getting on the bus, which is great! I also recommend taking a picture on the first day at the front door each school year next to the doorknob. That way you can see how much she has grown each year. With our two kids, I had them stand together so it was fun to see that comparison as well.
Get to know her teacher and the other parents well for a great year!

Explain to her that children sometimes do and say things they don't mean. If a child is upset they may act out because they don't know how to express their feelings. If someone is bothering her then she should walk away and play somewhere else. If pestering continues then get teacher involved. You want her to be able to handle her own problems if possible. Don't want her to be a tattletale because she will be teased about that also. Hitting is a different issue as safety if involved.
Walk away is my mantra.
good Luck

we had a neighborhood girl bullying my 3 year old (the girl was 5) . having grown up in the country with no one but my sibs to worry about it was a new experience for me as well. i lectured my son several times about how NO ONE is allowed to be mean to him, and how he needs to tell a grownup if someone is not nice to him, even if it is another kid. he did a couple times thank goodness, and i also kept an eye on them when they played together. after a couple times of calling my son home after she was a complete jerk to him, she got the hint and doesn't ask to play anymore. i know this doesn't help much with her being away from you during school, but at least you can talk to her and give her the lecture, and hopefully she would tell a grownup if someone was being mean to her. i felt it was my job to teach my son some self respect and NOT to let people treat him badly.