Working vs Staying Home with Kiddo's

Hi,
I think you have covered all of the bases- and you know what you are up against. I stopped working when my twins were six months old, and have continued to stay home through two more children. I think it is impossible to do it without some loss of self esteem- staying home does not offer the same sense of accomplishment- or importance. That said, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I no longer wear "nice" clothes everyday- but I have four wonderful, happy children- and I have had the wonderful opportunity to watch and shape the way they grow. I don't think one solution fits all- and every Mom has to work out what is best for her and her family. Best of luck, whatever you choose!

PS- I volunteer outside the home, which helps provide the adult interaction that you miss sometimes when you are with kids all day. This is always something to consider instead of working- even a few hours a month can make a difference!

M.,
I had my children later in life. I had a very high paying profession for many years. I took a long time to answer the question, "What do you do?" Without saying, "But I used to..."
At some point you realize real self esteem and confidence comes from within, not from what you do or what other people think.
You are fortunate to have you mom involved. I did not want stangers raising my children or witnessing them doing things for the first time.
I will never be able to regain the career success after being away so long and unable to keep up with technology changes. But I will never regret staying home.
I did miss adult interaction. I got into a home-based business that I love, quite unintentionally. If you would like to know about it, I would be happy to share.
Don't forget about the power of prayer in making a decision.
Hope this helps.
Victoria

You have to decide what is right for you and your family. Everyone is different.

My situation I worked had no choice and had my oldest in daycare. I hated that, and I feel as if I never saw her and let other's dictate her upbringing in some ways.

My current situation is I am a stay at home mom now my oldest is in elementry school but now my baby 15mos.has been home with me since day 1. I am a stay at home mom and love it. I am filling that empty void I had with my first. I couldn't imagine working right now you couldn't make me. I am happy and my children are happy but this is what works for OUR FAMILY. I've never been career orientated or anything I'm a mommy at heart I don't want a office job or this or that I want my kids. Some days I feel guilty not working as financially it's not always a breeze but this is what works for us at this moment.

Just think about what works for your family and go with it. I don't think there is a right way or wrong way to do this.

It sounds to me like you are struggling with something I recently struggled with- coming to terms with something you really enjoy that doesn't satisfy your initial goal. It is hard- because the emotional side of you feels one way while the rational side feels another. Take some time, sort it out- and what you might find is that through all of this- your goals in life have changed and that is ok! You will have to weigh out all the costs and benefits and make those decisions.

You've got many options and given your time line, I would just keep them all open for now.

Say the estimate of 1 yr to solvency and strength for the new venture takes a little longer - 2 instead of 1 year. Now your kids are 6 and 3...In school and contemplating pre-school making time you'd actually be at home with them limited. Another thing to think about -- Flex schedule. My employer and many others are very open to flexible schedules and not just for mom but dad too. Maybe 1-2 years from now, at annual review time, propose a flexible schedule that gives you more time at home but allows you to pursue your professional interests. My kids are 4 & 9 and for a couple years, I work from 8-4 M-Th and do project work from home as my schedule permits. It is perfect for volunteering at school, getting to appts, making meals, helping with homework...

Whatever you do, keep your future plans to yourself at work. You could be passed over for opportunities/first in line for layoffs if they suspect your time there is short.

I know it is something others have probably pointed out but you can always find another job...your kids will only be little for a limited time. In my case, I was working full-time and then had my first child, at which time I took a 6-month leave and never went back. I've worked part-time outside the home since then, but quit most of it once my 2nd baby was born. I do think it can collapse your self-esteem to some extent but as long as you look at staying home with the kids as work, and are open to trying new things and meeting a few new friends, it can make life a lot less stressful for the kids. However getting everything done is not something that will happen...whether you work outside or inside the home. You just have to do what is best for your family, and whatever that is it is not always the same for everyone with little ones.

Hi,

I was given a piece of advice while pregnant that really helped me think about things:

Your *best* day at the office will never compare to your *worst* day at home.

On bad days, I think back to the best day I had in my 10 year career in academics. And the advice is true. Because even on my worst day at home, at some point I will get a hug. At some point, I will hear "I love you, Mommy." And that helps.

Whatever you decide, don't feel guilty. Working moms raise wonderful kids all the time. Stay-at-home-moms raise lousy kids all the time.

Peace,
M.

Hi Marie Chantel,
It can really be a hard choice. I was in the same situation about a year ago, so instead of quitting completely, I took a part-time position. I work 2 days a week outside of the home. The other days I work from home with my kids by my side and I love it! Working from home is also an option as you can still have adult interaction, but have the wonderful opportunity to raise your children. If you are interested in learning more, I would be glad to talk with you. Good luck with your decision. I hope this helps make it a little easier!
A.