Work & Family Balance

Its not about the amount of time you have with them, its how you spend the time that you have with them. I work 40 hours a week also, I have a 1 yr old, a 12 yr old and a 14 yr old and one in college. I just try to spend as much time with each of them as I can. WHen I get home from work, they come to my room and we talk about their day or I go to their room if they are doing something. Then while Im making dinner, they either help or just come downstairs and we talk while I cook. The baby is with me pretty much wherever I go. She and I go to her room at 8:30 to read a book together and have out timr together. so its basically just that you try to get as much time in where you can. We have to work so theres not much choice in that. Just make sure that you do what you can when you can and that will be enough for the kids. In my case, just showing interest in their day to day stuff is quality time.

Hi! It's very hard, isn't it? I took a year off after my 1st, and then went back for 2 years. I'm currently a SAHM now and I also have a 10 month old. I FEEL your pain. For being such a "superpower" the US has horrible maternity leave. It's a joke! Look at Norway. They get a year!

Of course, you can try to find something more flexible, but it's hard. You can try the hospitals, telemarketing from home, the party things etc. Try www.wahm.com

Many Moms HAVE to work. And the important to remember is the QUALITY, not quanity. Take care!

Hi J.! Let me just say, it isn't easy! We used to live in Northern VA and after my son was born, I worked it out with my employer that I worked three days in the office and two days from home, which was really great. But, after a while I realized I wasn't really spending quality time with my son when I was home. I was just keeping him occupied while I worked and eventually (I worked 10 hour days), became too much as well because I felt so guilty for working from home while no one else at our office did, that I would work even harder and would put in 50 hour weeks. Working 10 hours, picking him up from daycare three days a week, fixing dinner, getting him ready for bed, normal household chores...there was NO time for my husband and I, so we moved here to southwest VA so we could afford my staying home while my husband worked. I know it can be done because I did it for the first 6 months of my son's life, it's just very difficult. You have to get use to being EXTREMELY tired and having no time for yourself. It does get easier as the children get older though!

Hi. I am a full-time student and a single mother of a 4, almost 5 year old. I have had hard times with figuring out quality time. But, I actually set a scheduly. I cook dinner. We eat. I exercise. We play one or two games, and then I read to him before bed. I read one to two books, sometimes three. He enjoys game time, and loves me reading to him. Friday is movie night. I am a member of Netflix, and we watch a movie every Friday night. Then, the rest of the weekend is all about him. He seems to enjoy the times we do have. I think it is working well. Maybe you can try that?

J.,

Hi. My name is K.. Let me say it isnt easy. I am a fulltime firefighter, fulltime EMS and fulltime private protection. This is my first night home in about two weeks. I have two boys 9yrs, 8yrs. I have had this schedule for about 2 yrs now. I have just recently finished EMT school so now I have a third job. It is hard. But I have made it a point where I make sure I spend every free minute with my boys. And if im at work they atleast come see me at dinner time. Unfortunately there is no real science to this type of thing. its what best works for you and your family. and with my schedule im never home on weekends hardly. this is the first weekend since the beginning of january. but when i started firefighting 3 yrs ago i had promised myself that my children would still cont. to have a mother and not just a hero in their eyes. And i make time to visit at school. Next friday i am to come in and talk to my youngest ones class about being a firefighter and also working in the EMS field. So i find every little minute i can to be with the boys. if you have any questions or concerns feel free to email at ____@____.com. i have always worked crazy hours since i had my boys. sometimes nights or days and sometimes both. so it has become second nature to me really. good luck and congrats on the little one.

K.

Hey,

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I'm a full time working mom to a 9 year old daughter with ADHD and obsessive compulsive disorder and 7 year old son. I am also 19 weeks pregnant. I would love to stay home and give my kids the one on one they need and deserve, but financially that just won't work for us at the moment. I spend as much time with them between when we get home and bed time. I then stay up a little too late trying to have quiet alone time (my husband is in the Navy and is currently deployed). All I can say is take advantage of your weekends. Sometimes just renting movies, making popcorn and hanging out in the living room is as good as anything else. As for maternity leave you really need to speak to your supervisor about their policy. Ask them about FMLA also. All companies are different as far as leave though. The last job I worked didn't offer paid maternity leave and the current job I have has a great maternity leave policy. I hope this helps some. Take care and good luck.

I had the 40 hours a week and it wasn't for me, my kids will only be young once. I have started selling Pampered Chef to help with money and I'm making more than I was with a 40 hour a week job. I do 2 to 3 shows a week and I usually make 300 - 500 dollars a show. My husband has really enjoyed having a stay at home wife with a Pampered Chef business, I try all the recipes out on him first!!

Of course the evenings are weekends are enough! I was a SAHM for 7 years. I put off going to college when I had my son. Then I got pregnant again and put it off a second time. My kids were never in daycare until this year. I went to school at night so hubby could take care of them and just started working in August of 2006. Let me tell you their social skills have improved 110%. My daughter has always been real shy and she has come out of her shell. We just moved into this house it will be 2 years in February. My son would sit around the house and mope. He would not go out and make friends. But I have to say it is being in daycare. He has tons of friends around the neighbor now. Not everyone can afford to be a SAHM and not everyone WANTS to be a SAHM. Don't beat yourself up for working. I felt extremely guilty at the beginning but speaking from experience it has really been good for them both!

I am in the same boat. I am a single mother of a two 1/2 year old. I work 40 plus hours during the week and then on the weekends go to the laundry mat for several hours since the house im renting doesnt have washer and dryer hook ups. And I clean the office for extra money on the weekends which is another 3-4 hour job. I have learned though that is not necessarily the AMOUNT of time but the QUALITY of the time. I make sure, that NO MATTER what is going on in the evenings, I spend at least one hour focusing on her and what she needs and what she wants. Thats not during bathtime, dinnertime, cooking, or eating. But I include her in everything that I do have to do in the evenings. She 'washes the dishes' while I cook. She helps clear the dishes. And i sit with her during bath time even if she pays no attention to me and plays. On the weekends I take same time to just go do something with her, the park, shopping, whatever she wants. Those little moments are the important ones, not the amount of time I can spend with her.

You just do it. All time you spend with your kids is "quality". If you are with them and engaged with them then it is "quality". As to "flexable maternity leave" I am not sure what you mean by that. By law, they have to give you 6 weeks. I got eight by telling them that the daycare I had chosen would not take my kid until he had had his first round of shots. As to 5-9 pm. My 6month old goes to bed around 7, so I only get about 1.5 hours with him at night, but we get up early and hang out then. But remeber, it is also important to spend time just you and your spouse. Having a new baby is a really happy thing, but also really stressful on your relationshilp. You can do it!

When I had my daughter, i wasn't able to stay home with her, and did work 40+ hours a week. Until you get a routine down pat it will be hard, but after that it gets a lot better. Actually it was really good for my daughter who went to an in home daycare, because she got to "socialize" with kids her own age. I actually felt a little bad about pulling her out of daycare at first, so she went one day a week after I had my son, just for playtime!
T.