Why Not Just Get Together and No Presents??

It seems that everyone is having a hard this year we all know that christmas comes every year.I have suggested to my inlaws that we buy for the kids only this year and they were accepting to that.That way we adults don't have to feel guilty on buying a cheap gift that may not be used nor do we receive another useless gift.The thought was there but i'd like to spend the extra few hundred dollars on my own children.My side we are doing children as well and since we have a christmas with my mom and dads family fids only on one side and the other is usually a drawing for the kids.This year I want to make it as special as possible for my children.

Last year I finally cut thepresent buying craziness. I made a home made pan of lasagna for each of my brother's family's. I froze it, so they could have it whenever they wanted. I included some of the frozen garlic bread, etc. That was a gift for the whole family, so did not buy for the kids.

Hey S., I agree with you about the whole gift buying thing, money is tight all around. Maybe purchase gag gifts. I actually was going to suggest to my family that we pull names or not buy gifts, it's not 2 many of us anyway, but I was going to suggest maybe help a needy family or something like that. I'm actually going to take my 15 year old daughter to Children's Hospital, they have a tree that they put in the lobby where kids have put their wishes, and you can go and select a name to make a sick child happy for the holidays. Hopefully your husbands family will join you all at your house, sounds like a really fun time. I think sometimes we forget just what the whole Christmas Holiday is really all about.

Well considering my Husband just got laid off, and half of the family losing there jobs we are just buying for the kids. And not a lot at all. Im sure everybody understands. Times are tough. My kids are little so they probably wont even remember it. Good luck!

You go girl!! After all isn't that what Christmas is really about? Family and celabrating the birth of Jesus? We are doing this with my family this year, we are only buying gifts for children under 16 (there are 5) and setting the limits low. My Grandparents are on a really tight buget this year and with all the grandkids grown and out of school (except for 1 and then 4 great-grands) all us older "kids" will buy what we want and we end up stressing over what to get. I think your suggestion of games and good times is great. You could suggest that each family (if you have more than one) bring a game and a dish to share. I just sent out an e-mail to my family and said that times are tight and lets just get for the little ones and everyone was for it. I'm sure once you ask everyone will think it's a great idea. Another thing that my oldest girl's Girl Scout troop is doing is they are going to do the dirty Santa game with a gift, but the catch with the gift is it has to come from the dollar store! Or I've seen a suggestion of home made baskets for adults, soaps, towels and that sort of thing in them. Good luck!!

Hi S.- I think alot of people are struggling with the same thing. My family has decided to adopt a family. It is a nice way to help others without spending a lot. You might think about it.

Here's an idea you or others might like. I suggested to my husband's family that instead of giving "gifts", we would give pictures of our own families. The first year we would buy a frame for the picture and wrap up the framed picture, one for each of the households. Then, each year, every family would go get updated pictures made to replace in the frame. Didn't have to be from a fancy place, Wal-Mart pictures would be fine. Then each year, we'd wrap the new picture to exchange with the families. As the younger ones get married, they start providing pictures of their new families. This way, everyone would always have updated pictures of our family members, there was not the pressure to find a gift each person would like, it doesn't cost a lot since it's just one picture you give per household, and we still have something to unwrap. Would your families go for this?

My husband's family shot it down. I was really disappointed. They said it was because his dad doesn't have anyone that he lives with so he shouldn't have to take a picture by himself. WHATEVER....we don't do it and I still wish I had pictures of each of the individual families throughout the years. Please let me know if you think your family might like this idea...I think it's great but maybe I'm nuts! LOL!

Good Morning S., there is nothing wrong with letting family know you will be starting your own family traditions this year. Perhaps you may go over later in the afternoon or evening to visit.

Every year since our Gr daughter was born, Tia is 9, our youngest son's family have stayed over night on Christmas eve. I Loved seeing the kids faces in the morning after Santa had been here. This year I told them it was time for them to start their own traditions and come over here Christmas day after 11 am and we would all have dinner around 1 or 2. Then there is still time to visit the outlaws..lol We will still go to my brothers Christmas eve and do our small gift exchanges. No matter if we go or not we always buy a little something for Nieces & Nephews, or I make them something.

To us S., the gifts are about remembering God Gave us His most precious Gift of all, His Son.
It's not about how big or small they are, it's about family and time spent together. Remembering all the blessings God has blessed us with through out the year.
We always have a "Happy Birthday, Jesus" cake too.

God Bless S.,
K. Nana of 5

I went to my mother in law many, many years ago & confided in her that I felt guilty at the time that all my husbands sisters were spending $ on our children when they couldn't afford to take care of their own children. As the family just kept growing & growing it was just getting out of hand. So we decided it would end. His mom told everyone that the gift exchange would have to stop. I went to my mom and siblings & we decided the same thing. It just had gotten completely out of hand. While I was having my children, my sister was having grandchildren & where does the buying end? So it just evolved into getting together, no gifts. Everyone was relieved on both sides of our family to finally put an end to it. Now when I give gifts to our family, it's when I see something that reminds me of them, anytime I feel like it. It's fun to send a gift to someone in June or July. We live states away from all our extended family now, but I call them all on Christmas, send them cards & express my love to them. Christmas in my opinion, needs to be about the Savior & what gifts we can give to Him.

You tell them just like you told us here, honestly and kindly. But do it SOON, because most people are already making plans, and may have already begun shopping.
You may be surprised to find that many of your family will be relieved to hear your suggestion. They may be struggling with money this year, too.

I get very depressed during the holidays because in my business I can count on parents not paying me or passing bad checks during the holidays. I never feel like I have enough money to even buy the most basic of gifts for my own family let alone anyone else. I think I've just decided to go out and buy Christmas cards this year and hand them out this year.

SADLY...even making things like cookies or fudge and giving them out is expensive. By the time all the ingredients, nice plates, colored ribbon and fancy colored glad wrap can add up big time.

As others have said, it's even worse this year. I've had so many parents that are laid off. More of my moms are taking kids to their relatives in order to avoid daycare costs too.

Suzi

You can have the kids make things, probably with things you have in the house. Like craft things, paintings, decorate snow flakes. My aunt and uncle framed something like this of their daughters when we were younger and we thought it was the coolest thing. I know in my family these things are way more valued then monitary things. Especially if the kids do something different for each person. It makes them feel special to the child. If there are kids that would be coming over, then you can leave the stuff out and let them make things for gifts, too. Kind of like a little Kolidescope. A child's art is the best gift ever and your families will love them...and if they don't then they are crazy and who cares what they think

I don't think there is anything wrong with that at all. I would not even be appollogetic because its a choice and a rational one. Asking everyone to be able to get together is still nice, you could even make it easier on yourself and say that you will have appetizers and make the main dish and ask everyone else to bring a dish to pass. For a fun evening, apple cider, hot cocoa, candy canes, pop corn and maybe a christmas movie or just christmas music on in back ground.

I think that Christmas has become too commercial and we lose the true meaning...so much of the focus is a gimme gimme...what did I get...and I don't know about you but that is not what I want my kids thinking Christmas is. So Good for you, I hope you have a wonderful Merry Christmas!

If their are children they won't even miss out on opening presents if you have some fun things to do for them, make some cut out cookies and let the kids help decorate them.

Read the night before Christmas and have them pass a tiny stocking every time you say the word "the" and have a small treat in it ( like a dollar store goody or even a few pieces of candy)

Michaels has a web site that has holiday craft ideas.

The things you can do are only limited by your imagination.

Merry Christmas however you choose to spend it
B.

I think it is a great suggestion if your family will go along with it. I tried to suggest drawing names once in my family and it was shot down pretty quick. So we just get one gift per family instead of something for everyone and if I can't find something that I like for someone, I just don't worry about it. Give me's get nothing in my oppinion so if they want to be selfish, then they don't have to have a present from me. We do what we can afford and if they don't like it, well, that is their problem not mine.

I have said this for the last several years. I love Christmas and having the house decorated. But, I HATE buying gifts for people. It is not the money issue, but shopping in general. I have always said I would rather have a big get together with friends/family and enjoy that time together. I have cut way back on gifts for my two boys because by the time you add the grandparents gifts in their collection of gifts they are getting plenty. The grandparents have also cut back. Times are tough for alot of us. Everything cost more than it did before. Start a new tradition, and not make it so commercial.

God bless you in the holiday season.

It's great to hear someone else say this!! I just said it to my husband the other night (and he thinks I'm a scrooge)
I love Christmas, I love being with family, but the shopping for everyone (adults) stresses me out big-time. I came from a family where it was about Christmas spirit, but hubby's family is all about gifts! Now that we have a daughter and I'm not working, things are tight...and we have the same problem as to how to approach the subject with his family. Our daughter is the only child/grandchild/niece in both of our families. I wish there were other kids around, then we could just buy for the "kids". That's always fun!
Glad to see there are others with the same Spirit!

I just came out and told my parents, siblings..basically everyone in my family that this year we will only be buying gifts for our children because money is tight. I kind of did it as a heads up..don't buy us a gift because we won't be buying you any. I thought it was nicer than everyone getting us something and getting nothing back, or my children not getting as much as they should.
Good luck!

Great idea - just make sure that you present it all in the right fashion to the group. Some people might get their feelings hurt. It works great with my family. We have a "Rob your Neighbor" game with everyone who has graduated from high school. We each bring a $15 gift certificate from our favorite store or restaurant and trade away! The younger kids all still get small individual presents. It is a lot of fun for everyone. Now, my inlaws on the other hand......grandparents love to buy a gazillion presents and there's only 4 grandkids! It ends up getting crazy. But, their other son doesn't like to buy presents for anyone else. He is an artist and I have explained that we would LOVE to have something creative from him, instead of store bought, but he isn't interested in that either. Everyone is different, so we just let it go. Have a happy holiday no matter how it turns out.

Well you be honest about it to start with. My husband's family has been swapping names for years IN ADDITION to doing the Chinese/swap present. When you consider every present is about $25 per person that adds up really quick! And that didn't even include the presents for the in-laws. Not to mention, if you do it on both sides of the family, it's INSANE!

When my husband was deployed I told them I couldn't afford to do the Christmas but the kids and I still went by. I was SHOCKED they all still gave us presents. And not a good shock either. They might have intended well but I certainly felt inadequate and like a charity case (even though we showed up AFTER everyone else's presents had been opened...so it made it all the more embarassing). If your family can't accept what you are telling them and come to an agreement, then quitely bow out of the festivities. That's what we are doing this year and just focusing on our own family (important since he was deployed 30/36 mos).

Another option is if folks still want to draw names, keep it just with the folks that want to do it...they can open their presents early and others can arrive after that has taken place so there are no awkward feelings (which happens mostly b/c of the kids, not the adults).