Why Do I Still Have Difficulty Knowing My 9 Mo Old's Cues?

I think I always just kind of guessed. I don't think I ever knew. Since he is 9 months you should start doing some baby sign language (just a few signs that will come in useful to him as he gets older and can do them to tell you what he wants). Just do them as you talk to him. More. Milk. Up (to be picked up). Sleep. All done. Those were the ones that came in useful with my son once he could do them.

T.,

you seem to want to be this "perfect" mom. None of us are "perfect" we guess.

You need to breathe and stop trying to be perfect. You already grasped his sleeping cues.

Stay calm. Breathe.

For me? I knew there was a problem by the pitch of the cry. I learned that over time.
We all do the typical check - diaper, food, gas. You can do it too. Sometimes they just need to be held.

You've got this. Stop trying to be perfect and just be mommy.

There may be a few people out there who are baby whisperers (or claim to be), but most of us just guess at cues. Seriously - infants change so fast that by the time you figure something out, that phase is over and he's on to a new and different phase! Absolutely keep trying and do your best - I know that you are - but it's really not easy, even if books and TV shows try to make it sound like it is.

Not only that, but everything I THOUGHT I learned the 1st time didn't work for my 2nd one because every baby is different. So I had to wing it all over again.

I guess I don't really have advice except to say that what you describe is really what most moms feel like most of the time. It's not you!

It took me 4 months before I was able to distinguish what cries were for what. The crying all sounded the same to me. I was home with my son all day and yet my husband noticed immediately the difference in cries.

I stopped thinking about it and thinking how horrible I felt for not knowing my baby. It came to me then. One day it all clicked. Just breathe, stay calm, you got this.

I figured it out with my second. Lol. Seriously though - it's hard with your first - and if you overthink it (as I did) it doesn't help. Mine had a touch of colic and I went through a long phase of not knowing how to soothe him. A well meaning person asked if I had him on a schedule and so I put him on one/routine. At first I was comforted and felt Ok I've got this, but became a slave to the routine and in the end, I lost whatever instinct I had - or so it felt. Finally I gave up and everyone was happier. I just trusted my gut. That's what I did with the others and it worked so much better.

If it were me, I'd just do what feels natural to you and see how he does. It does get way easier from 9 months on - if that helps. He will be more able to communicate his needs to you.

Not sure that was helpful - but just wanted to say, you're not the only one :)

Talk to your pediatrician about getting into a parenting class.
Infants aren't easy.
Talking with other moms in a classroom setting will help you figure how to read your own kid.

I never really understood cues. Or maybe I did but didn't realize I was doing so. I just sort of guessed.

I tried to feed every couple of hours during the day. So if it had been a couple of hours and he was cranky, I would try food. At 9 months I might even try actual food, especially if he recently slept and I didn't think he was tired. If I thought it was probably close to nap time or evening, I might try feeding a bottle (or nursing) and then settling him down. I don't know, I guess I just tried a few things. I do remember thinking, "This is going to be so much easier when you learn to talk and can tell me what's wrong!" That is true to an extent, but sometimes they don't know what's wrong, either :-)

I was a SAHM when my boys were little, so I had the luxury of not needing them to be on a "schedule." I just tried think, hmm, how long has it been since you last ate or last slept, or maybe it's time to read a book. I just kept trying things until something seemed to have an affect.

To this day (and my boys are 8 & 11), if one of them gets crabby I ask them if they are thirsty or hungry. It's amazing how much food can effect a person's mood!

Can you set up a camera and take video for a day or two then watch in high speed? Sometimes video gives you the distance to see get a clearer understanding of patterns and cues.

Best to you and yours
F. B.

Okay, well I would say start to look for basic cues, like whining, rubbing eyes, putting things in mouth. When those happen, look at the clock and see how long he's been awake and think if it could be time for a nap, a snack, a meal, a different activity, etc. Don't overthink it. If you're tired/hungry/bored maybe the baby is too. 9 month olds eat often. They can't eat a whole bunch at one sitting so I felt like my babies were kind of always eating. He can eat real food cut into small pieces so sometimes that fills them up more and also keeps them busier longer. The good thing about babies is they won't eat if they aren't hungry (this is something that is learned as you get older) so if you're really not sure, offer a small snack and see what happens. If he eats it, he's probably hungry. If he plays with it, he's probably not. And I agree with Gidget that hunger and tiredness really affect the whole mood, even when they get older, so figuring those things out first will make life easier.

If you don't have a regular outing try and find one. Try and make friends with other moms/parents who stay at home so that you can observe their babies and also have another mom to just talk about stuff with. I found that was one of the biggest things was just to have support and feel like you weren't crazy and to see other kids doing the exact same thing your kid was doing. Library story times, Kindermusik (or other similar programs), baby gyms or stroller fitness classes are all great ways to find a group of moms.