Who Knows the Answer?

If CPS ever found out she would be in danger of losing her children!! The age is 12 years old to be left alone. I am shocked and very concerned for those children... you as a friend need to report that.

L.,

You are not overreacting. Your strong emotion to this shows that you care about the safety of these two little boys.
I dont' know if their is a legal age at which children can be left alone or the length of time they can be left alone. Maybe you can research that as well.
I personally feel that children under the age of at least 10 are best left in the care of responsible adults. I hate to use the "what if this or that happens" or make decisions out of fear, but I do believe that the well being and safety of our little ones should be the responsibility of the adult.
That said.....I am sure that your friend is doing the best that she can with the resources and she has right now. I am sure that she loves her boys as much as any mother loves her child. And I'm sure she doesn't want any harm to happen to them. Possilby your friend needs some more support in this situation. Sometimes it is really hard to bring up things that might offend someone, or is a touchy subject. You don't want to make your freind feel that she is a bad mother. However, sometimes we need to take action if it means helping someone out. As long as you approach her out of love and respect, you can't be responsible for her reaction or response.
First ask yourself. Are the boys really safe? Do they at least know how to use the phone? ARe there strict rules in the home regarding safety? Even though they are very young, are they mature for their age?

Then have a heart to heart with your friend. Tell her that you know she is doing the best she can right now about the boys childcare, but you feel concerned or uncomfortable knowing they are home alone at such a young age. Then help her brainstorm for all possible ideas. After school programs...she might be able to qualify for some kind of financial aid if her finances are limited. Other parents in the area she could rely on and do some trading with? Maybe watch the other kids for a couple of hours on the weekend.
Is there a responsible teenager or college student at a Community college nearby who can watch the kids for a couple of hours every day? They would expect compensation for their time, but it is cheaper than traditional day care.
Does she have flexibility in her job? Maybe she can talk to her boss about more flex time. Does she have a job she can do some work from home? If she can get together a sound logical plan to take to her boss why it would benefit her AND her work to have a flexible schedule -perhaps they will work with her.

There are almost always many sides to a situation. There is the thought that young children left alone after school don't do as well in school, are not as emotionally healthy, not as physically healthy, less responsible for their actions because there isn't an adult to guide them. (these are things that I have read, not my own thoughts). Then there is the thought that "latch-key" children are more independent and responsible, just as well behaved etc. (Again, not my thoughts). My thoughts are this: It really is best for young children to be in the care of a responsible adult, or at least a responsible teenager. I really do feel that they are better off....IF -big if- the person and the environment is safe, nurturing, loving, and healthy. However, I know that there are TONS of children all over the place and throughout history that have been left alone for a short or long time and they are fine. Maybe they learn to become very self sufficient children and adults. Maybe they learn how to follow their own instincts better and have more confindence. I don't know, every child, parent, and situation is unique. But I do know that we are all doing the best we can with the knowledge, support, and resources we have.
I hope this helps you a bit. It sounds like you are not sure whether to approach your friend or not, but your words, emtotions, and thoughts want to do something to help her...so let your actions harmonize with your thoughts and feelings. Remember to let your decisions be led by love and not fear, then you have to let it go -not be attached to the outcome. These are your friends children, not yours. Yes, it takes a village to raise a child - a supportive village - but ultimately it is the responsiblity of the adult to make their own decisions and be accountable for their actions.

In peace,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting mentor
www.birthingfromwiwthin.com

This is so crazy!!!!!!!!!!! She could pay for afterschool care. Most schools even have those these days. Could she maybe swtich her hours at work and come in earlier, maybe not take a lunch to leave even earlier.

Oh my goodness!
Can you imagine the level of responsibility that is being placed on the 6 year old! Six years old!
He is responsible for his brother's behavior and controlling him for two hours!
I can't even begin to imagine the safety issues involved here beyond the innappropriate dynamic of placing one child in charge of another that long!

If you are a "good friend" you need to wake this girl up (even in the face of loosing the friendship). If you place an anonymous call then what are you going to do; click your tongue in sympathy when she tells you about the investigation or are you going to own it and say "I think you are wrong and don't think your children are safe".

Sometimes being a friend means telling the truth even if it makes the other person mad.

God bless you for caring more about these kids than she does. I understand circumstances can be tough sometimes but she is placing them in DANGER!

Take care.

Those children are way to young to be home alone. What if something happened and they didn't know how to respond? Those children could be seriously harmed. I have to agree with one of the other mom's and if your friend can't find someone to watch them then an anonymous call to Child Protective Services should be done.

I know you will feel terrible, but how would you feel if you didn't call and something happened to those kids? You could be saving a life by making that call.

Good luck and God Bless.

I am a mother of 4 and would not let even my most responsible child be at home alone until she was 12. Even then I was calling to check up on her and going home for lunch just so I could make sure she was ok.

Those children are way too young to stay home alone. She has to have someone there to watch these kids. She needs to put them in daycare or see if there is someone like a neighbor that can watch them for her. I am scared that something is going to happen and these poor children are going to get hurt.

If you are not in a position to help her by watching them for her .... Then if it was me in my heart I would have to call in an anonymous report. I would feel horrible calling but I would feel even worse if something happened and I did nothing to protect them.

She needs to try a little harder to find afterschool care. 6 is way to young to be a lone and caring for a younger sibling :( Have her look into afterschool programs at the school itself or even the PAC program, it may not be at the kids school but its at a school and if she can talke the time to drop tham off at a grandparents house she can take the time to take them to another school to be safe. PAC is very, very inexpensive. This link will take you right to the website, just click programs and search after school programs
http://online.activecommunities.com/phoenix/Start/Start.a...#

Also there are many home daycares that take after school kids. If she gets caught leaving those 2 boys alone she is going to get them taking away.

What about the 3 year old, where does he go? Cant she work something out with the person or place that cares for him?

My older daughter is 11 and I leave her by herself only for short periods of time ( an hour at most). My younger daughter is 9, but I won't leave her by herself yet. They are both responsible, but I don't feel like I should leave her alone yet. Having your friend give a 6 year old the responsibility of watching a 3 & 5 year old when they don't have the emotional development yet is crazy. Doesn't she have a neighbor or friend that could watch them for 2 hours ??? Maybe she could trade watching a friends kids on a weekend evening or something if she's tight on money. There's always another option.

It's not safe.

I grew up as a latch-key kid of a single mom. I can remember walking home by myself and being alone after school when I was only in the first grade. I was a pretty well behaved kid, and thankfully I didn't have any siblings to take care of at the time, but looking back I know that I was in a LOT of situations that could have turned-out tragically, if not for the grace of God. In my time alone when I was only 6, I accidentally suffocated my pet kitten :(, by carrying him around in a plastic box when I was playing with him and I spilt boiling water on myself. I still have physical and emotional scars from these and other incidents. I was actually a really well-behaved kid, but I was only 6, and 6 year-olds have very little impulse control or understanding of the greater world around them. Such young children should never be left in a situation where they are the only authority around.

Even if your friend has very concrete rules in place to try to keep the kids safe while they are alone, having been in the situation as a child and now having a 6 year-old of my own, I can tell you that children of that age do not have the cognitive ability to consistantly make good decisions to keep themselves safe. Young kids (and often even older ones) live in a fantasy world and think that they are indestructable. Even when the dangers have been explained, they still cannot comprehend what could be very serious repercussions for their actions.

Your friend may believe that she is using her only option, but she is not. This isn't an option at all. As a fellow mother and a friend, you need to voice your concerns to her. Maybe present her with any options that you can think of, like the after-school programs mentioned or a friend who could keep the boys for a couple of hours each day. If she doesn't figure out a way to provide care for her young children during those hours, she's running a serious risk of having them removed from her custody, or even worse. If I were in your situation, I would wait to see if she corrected the situation in a VERY timely fashion, and if not, I would contact CPS right away.

That is very dangerous and wrong. I'm not sure what the law is, but it is probably closer to 12. Those kids should not be left alone! I would speak to her about it and then, if you can't offer to take them yourself or she can't find anyone else, or doesn't even try, then report them.

I do not know the age for sure but I am pretty sure it is not 6! I also know that the age to babysit any younger children [as the older of the two boys is doing] is 12 but only for 2 hours.
No you are not over reacting. However, I understand the position of thinking there is no one else to watch them. However there is! There are tons of stay-at-home moms who watch kids for just a few hours, right here on this website, They are not terrible expensive and you can interview them ahead of time and watch for a few hours if you feel uncomfortable.
Your friends probably isn't doing this lightly and probably has some great kids to trust them. Make sure you let her know you understand that before you spring on your concerns. Express that it comes from love and care for her and her boys. Make sure you don't back her into a corner by saying She has to do what you are suggesting. Tell her how you feel, but understand she is their mother and in the end she has the final say. If you are really concerned about their safety you take the steps you feel are necessary.
I understand your position, Good Luck!

I work with CPS & these children would definately be removed from your friend's care & put with family or foster care if CPS knew. She needs to come up with a different plan. I know you care about the children so you need to protect them. If that means calling 1-888-SOS-CHILD that is ok, it can be anonymous so she won't know its you. There are other options for the kids - does the school provide after care? Or a close daycare that picks the kids up? DES will pay for this if she qualifies. www.arizonachildcare.org or 1-800-308-9000. Who took care of the kids during the summer, before school started? Can she change her work schedule? Again it is our jobs as adults & moms to protect our children - you have to do this for them if their mom isn't. Please, please take action. Talk to her or call the hotline.

The typical age that a child is considered responsible is 10, 4th grade. I would call the city of phoenix for a referral for child care. In scottsdale it is Vista Del Camino. They are a wealth of help and information. Than can provide food, money, and assistance (call them for phoenix if needed). the other option is the community infomation referal line on the inside of your phone book. There is a wealth of help out there--Just tap into it and pass the information on. If your friend does not act-consider taking her hand as a child and helping her do it. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE TO WATCH THEM--IT JUST TAKES ALOT OF EFFORT TO FIND THEM. You are a great friend and are to be commended for seeking help. My one child who is 11 now goes to an afterschool program with the school that is free if you register. check with thier school too. Some pre-schools offer daycare too.

This is against the law and yes you should report it.
Those children are not safe. The oldest is 6!!

middle of the day, 2 hrs, 10 years old if very mature.