My heart is breaking. For the last few months we have known that one of our ex family members has not been making the best choices when it comes to her 8 year old son. She works a night shift at a hospital. 6am to 6pm and while she is working, she leaves her son alone at home to cook for himself, to bathe himself, get himself ready for bed, sleep alone and then get up and get himself ready for school. By the time she gets to the house she has enough time to take him to school and then goes back home to sleep. We just recently found out that she has even been leaving him alone when she has the night off and goes out. Thank God she doesn't stay out all night but still, this is unacceptable. We have even tried to intervene by offering some of the other cousins to take the little boy overnight while she works and she refuses. The father of her little boy is in our blood family. They are divorced so we think the reason why she doesn't want our help is because the dad is related to us and the divorce was horrible. He left her for another woman and now lives about 400 miles away with his new wife and step kids. We have called the dad numerous times to let him know and he acts like he doesn't care. My question is, when do we have to step in and call CPS? This is not right! I am sorry but an 8 year old little boy is not old enough to stay alone 3-4 times, sometimes 5 days a week by himself! We know this is not a made up story or rumors because about a week ago, one of our cousins purposely went to the house and the little boy answered the door and when she asked where his mom was he said working. She asked him how many times he stays alone and he said all the time. What do you suggest??
ps. when our cousin went to the house, we asked how the house was and if there was food in the fridge...etc. She said the house was a mess but nothing to really be concerned about. She said the fridge was empty but the little boy told her that his mom buys food and he will cook it that night for dinner. What do you think??
UPDATE: I don't mind being the one to call, but will I remain anonymous? and if I have to, I would gladly take this child instead of him going into foster care. IMO he needs to remain with family. this is such a sad situation. makes me sick to my stomach, but I know it has to be done!
Thank you everyone! I have been in contact with my cousin (the one who went to the house). She is going to call since she was the one that actually went to the house. She figures that Mason (little boy) already told his mom she was there. And then I am going to call after her and report "what I know" about this situation. Please keep us in your prayers (if you are the praying kind) and cross your fingers for us!
I'd report it now.
Her son is being neglected.
She needs to arrange child care for him - it's what parents do - and she's not doing it.
Should have been reported the minute you knew , and being anonymous should really not be near as much of a concern as the little boys safety.
I'd call now too. If you want to take him in, why why anonymous? Chances are that the mother will know that someone in the family called CPS anyway. But yes, you can be anonymous.
This cannot wait. This is a dangerous situation, and the child can harm himself (unintentionally) while cooking. Or, what happens if there is an emergency, like a fire, or a break-in while the child is alone? Some parents believe that just because it's nighttime and children are asleep, everything is safe and ok. That is wrong. Bad things can and do go wrong at night.
Please step up and help this child. I can't speak to you getting custody, but he needs help now, regardless. Good luck.
This breaks my heart to read. I have an 8 year old son and no way could I leave him by himself for 12 hours, he couldn't fix anything to eat or give himself a bath, I'd be worried sick the whole time.
I know this woman right now doesn't want anyone's help, but I think if you or your cousin just says, "Hey, we are family and we are here for you, it's not for your ex-husband, but for Mason, he's our family and so are you. We want to help out on the nights you go to work, if you do not have a sitter or place to take him, leave him with us. If we hear or see he's alone, you give us on choice than to call CPS."
She may re-think it all, especially with her being a nurse, she could lose her license to practice I think. Give her a chance to accept your help before calling CPS. I don't like things done behind my back, and I don't know too many people that do. Then you really don't want help from those people, if if they did it for the best of reasons. Tell her to her face, to allow you to be family to both of them. You are not like her ex-husband, you care about her and Mason. Little Mason probably loves his mommy to pieces, so even though she is doing wrong, he will look at all of you as the bad ones, who took him from his momma. Please confront her before call CPS.
Praying for everyone,
Please, please call today. This is so dangerous. Be the courageous adult who takes a stand. Who cares if it's anonymous?
My youngest is 8 years old and the thought of him being home alone for 10 minutes, never mind all night and cooking dinner for himself, would break my heart. Please report this today, and offer to take him into your home if necessary.
I think it's sad that you will not/have not talked to this mom before calling CPS. Please go to her & tell her your concerns and give her some options but DON'T have her child taken away without doing this first!!!!!
You cannot 100% guarantee that this poor child will be placed with relatives. He will likely be placed in the foster care system for a while.
You also run the risk that when she does get him back, which she will, that she will move far away from you guys and no one will be able to check on him or have a relationship with him
Good for you for doing the right thing, but shame on you for not talking to her first.
I'd call now - it should be the cousin who observed the situation, as well as others with a first-hand knowledge. Let CPS know there is an extended family but that the father is out of the picture. State that you have sympathy for the mother but she is refusing help. An 8 year old should not be in charge of cooking meals and staying safe in the home alone. It's probably common knowledge that he's home alone, and that's a risk factor too. Make it clear that you want to help and you don't want this child going into foster care, but that there is a neglect and safety issue.
S.,
This IS heartbreaking. Hard to imagine this sweet little boy waking in the middle of the night sick, scared, or in pain and needing someone to help him, but no one is there. Hard to imagine him managing his own care every day while trying to do his best to keep up with his studies and just be a regular kid. Hard to imagine what it feels like to be abandoned by dad, cut off from other extended family, and seemingly have no involvement with same-age friends and normal childhood activities. It paints a sad picture.
It is admirable that the mother wants to work so hard to provide for her son, but providing for our children isn't just a financial matter. It also involves appropriate supervision and guidance, love and attention, and just being there doing those things that parents must do for children.
It's likely that the your cousin has already called CPS, and a case will be opened. As you know, just because a case is opened does not mean automatic removal of the child. Make sure that CPS knows there are family members who are willing to help and even provide temporary placement for this little boy. No one wants to see a child go into foster care, and most state systems are already overflowing with more children than there are safe homes for them.
I would also contact the mother and humbly and sincerely offer whatever you can do to help her keep her job AND her son. If she rebuffs your offers, persist. She may be more receptive now that she is on the CPS radar. Show her with your actions that you intend to be there and be specific about what you can do to help.
Please update us.
J. F.
ouch. tough situation.
This is "normal' for the kid. If he gets pulled into Foster Care by CPS - this will totally change his world. He's already lost his dad...now he might lose his mom too.
What I would do? I would tell my family - just because you are divorced does NOT mean I/we stop caring. If you live close enough to help - let her know he can come to your home and you will take care of him while she is working.
The boy should have NEVER answered the door - sorry - but family or not - my kids KNOW they are NOT to open a door to ANYONE and they are 12 and 14.
The mom needs help. The child needs to be a CHILD and not a mini adult. That's a LOT of responsibility for an 8 year old. Before calling CPS - GO to the mom. TALK WITH HER...let her know you are ON HER SIDE and are NOT trying to hurt her - but to help her.
Also - to take note - while it is RECOMMENDED that no child under the age of 12 be left alone - Missouri does NOT have a state law on minimum age...
I know calling CPS isn't a bad idea, but you could try to offer help again. It's possible she doesn't know/trust the other cousins you mention as potential babysitters. If you would "gladly take the child", why not offer to have him come to your home every night she works?
If your offer is without condemnation or judgement and more in the tone of actually wanting to help, maybe she will be more willing to trust the situation. I would start off by saying you know her ex did something horrible and unforgivable when he walked out on his family, and because he left her alone as a parent you want to help.
Good luck.
I don't think you should report it. I think you and other relatives should confront her and give her a chance to fix it or have the boy moved to a relative's house at night. It sounds like she's kind of stuck financially and the boy surely doesn't want to be taken from his mother.
Let her know that either she fixes it or you will follow through with the authorities.
Wow, while I agree that an 8 year old should not be on his own so much I think it would be WAY WORSE for him to be taken away from his home and mother!!! And what makes you think CPS would turn him over to you anyway? The poor child could end up in a foster home with strangers, people who may or may not take good care of him.
I would do my best to keep reaching out to his mom, offering support without judgement. It's bad enough his own father has abandoned him. Please think long and hard about this. I was on my own a lot at that age too, and while it was not ideal I would have been terrified if I was taken away by strangers, no matter how well meaning they may have been.
What a tough situation. I know she said she doesn't want your help, but what about helping her find appropriate child care? It does not sound like she is abusive or neglectful, just that she has been put in a really tough situation. Maybe you could help her to find services in the area, at the very least, set up a next door neighbor who can check in on him each evening. Or, maybe she qualifies financially for care.
Im not opposed to calling child services, but I don't think, and would hope they wouldn't remove him from his home. Children are much better off remaining with their parents and being placed in your home or foster care would be extremely traumatic for him. Also, you can always remain anonymous when calling, I just think considering finding any other way to help would be a better choice.
Dave CPS as a last resort please. Maybe you can check on him, offer to take him to dinner. Start like that. Any help she will take. Try anything before calling CPS
You WILL remain anonymous.... and, sadly enough, the statistics say that the mother is most often the one that is at fault in CPS cases... either through neglect as in this case, or by allowing a child to stay in a dangerous situation (by staying with an abusive partner).
If he is removed from the home, I am sure that they would make every effort to have the child go to a family member as soon as possible. If he is removed in an emergency situation, he would go to a foster situation for a short time, while they find a family member.
Good luck with the whole situation... and kudos for you for being willing to do something about it!
Most CPS agencies have an 'Intact Family Unit'.
It is for families that are at risk for bad things to happen, but haven't really yet.
This mother's only fault, per your report, is that she does not have an adequate care plan for her child while at work (or out).
Most likely she would be referred to this unit to work with her on parenting skills, safety and care plans.
It's highly unlikely an eight- year- old would be removed from the home and put into foster care bc the parent did not have an adequate care plan.
Unless of course there is more to the story.
Please update us.
ETA: I like the idea of talking with her, working with her, and giving a deadline that if she doesn't get a care plan and maintain it you will call CPS.
Whomever calls needs to do so with full knowledge that their actions may be sending this child into the foster care system. Do not call anonymously. Tell them exactly who you are. Who your cousin is. And offer to open your home to the child.
Also know that in Missouri (I'm not sure if the child is in MO, but it's where you and I live), there are no laws stating a minimum age for a child to stay home alone. Discretion is left to the parents to decide if the child is responsible enough. So, even though you mean well, it may be that CPS will find the child is not in danger.
This is a tough one. I totally hear your concern. I really do.
Since you seem to have good intentions for the child, I would call and consult with CPS. Just because you call, doesn't mean that they are going to open the case. They will obviously have to investigate it a bit further to determine if the child is being neglected. That's why the agency is there =)
I'm sorry he's being forced to grow up so fast. That's the sad part to me. He is probably learning very quickly to take care of himself and to be independent. While that may be good in some ways, it sounds like it's probably a lonely place to be for him.
I'm with Sallye.
Call CPS if the mom will not comply, or maybe call at the same time that you confront, but approach IN HUMILITY stating, "I realize this is 100% OUR RELATIVE'S FAULT for deserting you guys. I am ASHAMED BEYOND BELIEF OF HIM. But your son cannot be left home alone so we have called CPS. We are willing to take your son nights so he does not go into the system.."
I would HATE if my no good ex's family wanted to intervene in my parenting. But I would not be leaving my kids home alone no matter what so...this is a hard one.
But yes, do call and confront. Sorry :(.
For the record, my brother and I were latch key kids who got ourselves to school most of the time when parents shifts overlapped, and came home to empty house, did our homework and chores until someone got home... But not full nights alone. I have an 8 year old. Technically she "could" handle it. But the sadness she would feel?!!!!
Glad someone is going to do something.
I gotta say: what kind of "father" would allow this to continue?
AN option is to have the cousin call the police when the mom is out of the house. The police can do a welfare check if they have information that the child is alone. They will contact the proper authorities. Frankly, an eight year old home alone overnight is an emergency, not something that I would be agonizing over whether or not I should do something.
Yes, it's time. I'm glad you are willing to take him in.
Report. Yes, you can remain anonymous!
Now. It can be anonymous. Sad.
