When to Start Trying for Another Baby

One week after my son's first birthday I found out I am pregnant again! I personally would rather have them close in age so they can share things, be in the same schools, share friends and I don't want to have one out of or almost out of diapers and have to start all over again, or have one that sleeps through the night and then have a newborn who wakes up all the time. My brother & I are close in age and we are great friends.

I have 4 kiddo's a 5yr old a 2yr old and twin 1yr olds. I would say if i could do it all over again they would all be close in age like my last 3. my youngest 3 get along so well and are all the best of friends. But its nice to have the older child who can help out a bit too.

It doesn't matter. They fight no matter how close or far apart they are.

Whether your children are 1 year apart or 5 years apart you are taking attention away from your first! My children are 20 months apart. I got pregnant the week I went off the pill. We figured if it happens, it happens and it did. That was right after my sons first birthday. I feel that 20 months was too close for me and I had a hard time, especially when my daughter was born in December so we couldn't get out and play. But for you, 20 months may be ideal. All children go through an adjustment to a new baby and my son did well, it was hard trying to entertain him and care for her. Maybe if there was a few more months between them, things would've been easier for me.

My 2 children are 13 months apart. They are great together. There's really no advice that I can give you. Both my husband and I give the children the attention they need or want. We are also expecting our 3rd child in the next 2 months. The 3rd will be 2 1/2 years younger than the other 2.

Hey M.,

I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and a 1 month old boy. I can't imagine having them any closer in age because my 2 1/2 year old is struggling for more attention due to the new baby. Plus, he is very helpfull. He'll get diapers if I need them, rock the basinett if the baby is crying. I think 2 years is a good age to start for another. ( Although I will be waiting 3 years on my next one cause of the potty training issue.) It all depends on your boy and how independant he is. Good luck though! And try to keep in mind that since you've had a baby already you are more fertile!! I got pregnant the first try this time around... it took 4 months last time!

Hi M.!
I read your post and just wanted to respond, not to give you advice but to tell you about my situation. I have a 7 year old son and then a 20 month old daughter and a 3 month old son. So I had my first two five and a half years apart and the last two 17 months apart. I loved the time I had with my older son with him being the only child for so long. I do have to admit it was much easier because he was in school when I had my daughter so I had time for just her too. With my third it is so crazy right now to be honest but I keep hearing it will get easier and it will be easier when they can play with each other. I was my older son's playmate a lot of the time because he was the only child. I'm sorry if I'm not helpful but I think whatever you decide to do will be the right choice for your family. Oh yeah, your son will still get plenty of attention and will also have a brother or sister to grow up with so I say if you want to have your children close in age than go for it, have fun and good luck =)

Hi. I started trying for my first and it took my husband and I a year to concieve. When my son turned 11 months old we decided we wanted them like 2 years apart. We figured it would take another year to concieve again. Low and behold, we concieved on the first try. I found out on my son's 1st birthday I was indeed pregnant again. They are almost 20 months apart. My son is so active. He'll be 3 in September. He's teaching his 14 month old sister how to climb and walk all over the place.

I have 2 kids that are irish twins ( 9 days short of a year apart) my son does not remember life with out his sister.. They were so close as babies and still are.. They squabble from time to time as most kids do but they get along great and go to bat for each other when ever needed.. They are going to be 9 and 10 this month and my daughter looks forward to those short lived 9 days every year that they are the same age and her brother to her is not older than her..lol.. Kids are great... My husband and i dsguss having 2 more.. It took us 9 years to get pregnant with my son and my daughter came right after.. We lost a baby due to miscaraige shortly after my daughter and havnt had no luck getting pregnant again since.. If we ever do have the chance to have 2 more we want them less than a year apart again.. If you make your first child all apart of the new baby it works out great.. When ever i could i fed my daughter while sitting on the couch so my son could come cuddle beside me while i held her and cuddled him.. He felt included and thats what counts.. Good luck to you in what ever you decide.. It is a personal choice for you and your husband to make... I feel it was the right one for us.. Good luck and best wishes.. Dont blink they grow oh so quickly..

We started trying for our second baby on our daughter's first birthday. We got pregnant right away (it took almost a year the first time around), the girls are 21 months apart (Oct 2004, July 2006)
We had a rough start introducing a new baby right at the start of the terrible twos, but our first was a high maintenance gal from the beginning, so why should I expect any different :) Now that the baby is almost a year, they get along great. They are peas in a pod.
I love having them close in age, because I know they will be close for their whole lives.

Waiting to see how your son will be when he hits his two's may make things easier on you, but having them close and seeing them behaving like best friends already at ages 1 and 3, so worth it.

good luck
K.

M.,

It took my husband and I almost 4 years to have our first baby, and that was with help of a fertility specialist. We wanted to have a sibling for our son but didn't want to go years again before having another. Not knowing how long it would take we started early. We needed to do invitro fertilization with our 2nd baby so we started that process when our son was 8 months old. IVF doesn't always work....so we were prepared to do a few cycles, however, it worked the first time - we were very lucky!!!!! We celebrated our son's first birthday and I was 3 months pregnant! Our boys are 18 months apart and it's been great. The little one grew right into all the baby stuff - swings, bouncy seats, toys, etc. Two in diapers, etc. Yes, it's a lot of work but on the other hand our older son never knew any different. He loved his brother from the get-go. He is a great role model for the little one. Our second son is growing and learning so much smply because he thinks he can do whatever his big brother can do. There is plenty of love and affection to go around. Our first son in no way was lacking for care or attention. And already at 2 and 3 1/2 years old the two of them are buddies.

Of course this is all my husband and I know. Some friends have waited 2-3 years between children and there are pros/cons both ways. It's great to have so much time to devote to one child for a few years. But then you start over again with the diapers, baby toys, etc. I think that would have been a bigger adjustment for our first child - overtaking his world with all that baby stuff. We had our 2nd child while the first was still using all that stuff. They learned to share early on too. I don't think there is a right or wrong for how to space out the age of your kids. Children need to be loved and feel secure. Either way it's whatever you are ready for. It's hard to imagine loving another child as much as you love your first but after you have him/her you realize how you could love 10 kids equally. Each is a special gift and unique in their own way.

Whenever you and your husband feel it's time...best of luck!

Hi M.
I have two that are 22 months apart and I was able to spend equal amounts of time with both and they are so close I wouldn't have changed anything for the world!

M.,
I had my kids 2 years and 1 month apart. I loved it. It is really great as they grow up. My kids are now almost 10 and 8 and when we do things as a family, having them so close is nice because they are still into similar things. The one thing I would suggest since your son is born in August (same as mine) try to make sure the next one comes after September of his second birthday. This may sound strange but in most public schools this will make 3 school years between them. THis way if you decided to hold out your son (I did not, but alot of mom's do with boys with summer birthdays) there will be still 2 school years between them. THis way they will not be competing for similar friends. It makes it nice they both will feel like they have their own place in the world with out having to feel like the other sibling is trying to invade. Also on the flip side all the attention your son got when he was an only child, the second child will get when the first goes to college or what ever he decides to do after high school. I have had friend with alot of years between siblings and it seems like the kids interested never coinside with eachother. I love it that the kids like to do things with each other and with mom and dad!!!

It is entirely up to you to decide when you're ready and what you can manage. I only have one child and plan to wait until she is out of diapers before trying for another (if we do). I know others who have trouble managing with two so close together and others who wouldn't change it for the world.

Some practical things to consider for yourself:
1. Is your body ready for another pregnancy? Doctors usually recommend a certain period of time between pregnancies. I'm not sure what that period of time is.
2. Can you manage it financially?
3. Can you manage it emotionally? Do you have a lot of support from your husband/family? Are you a high energy person? Consider how much a high-energy toddler & demanding newborn will affect you & your ability to parent effectively.
4. Do you feel strongly about having your kids close together? Consider the reasons, as well as the benefits & drawbacks, as well as how much those benefits & drawbacks mean to you. You might also do a little research (babycenter.com has a lot of articles that might help shed some clinical light on child spacing).

It might sound too analytical, but I find that listing the pros & cons of each path helps me to focus on my personal opinions/feelings and removes the emotional reaction to other people's advice. It could help you decide what's best.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

I have brothers in my daycare who are only 15 mos apart. Number two was a surprise, and their parents were really concerned that the boys would both suffer from being so close. It's totally the opposite...these little guys are absolutely best buds and completely enhance eachothers lives! Goodluck to you!

My kids are 15 months apart and I wouldn't change it if I could. I love having them close together. They enjoy the same toys, movies, books, games and friends. Having two children will always be more difficult than having only one no matter what their ages. And no one is ever really finacially or emotionally prepared for children...really. And no matter how much planning we try to do, we don't decide how far apart our children will be. It'll happen when it happens. Go for it. If it's meant to be then you'll get pregnant right away. If it's meant to wait a while then it will take a little longer. Either way...good luck!

When my first daughter was 6 months old I found out I was pregnant with my second child. My oldest daughter is now 2 1/2 and my youngest is 14 months. I stay at home with them during the day and for the first 6-9 months it was extremely difficult for me. Both my kids had colic and with the second one it was extremely tiring not to be able to rest when they rested. It was also hard because the oldest isn't self sufficient in any way while your trying to nurse or feed your newborn. For me it was like having 2 babies in the house. Both needed me equally in different ways. However, now that they are older and are so close in age it's been wonderful. They have started playing together and play games in the car during longer trips. It's nice that they use the same toys and basically are on the same schedule now. If I had to do it all again I would probably wait until the oldest was 1 before I got pregnant. On the other hand, it was nice because she was so young there was never any jeoulosy issues because she didn't get what was going on. Sorry just to go on....hope that helps!

M.,

It is completely up to you and your husband when to have your children and what you think will be best for your family. I just had a baby in November of 2006 and actually am currently 23 weeks pregnant with our second, meaning yes, they will be "Irish Twins". They will be approximately 50 weeks apart and yes, at first, I was completely scared out of my mind and cried when I found out. But now that I know what I'm having and have come to terms as to this is what was meant to be, my husband and I couldn't be more happier! We're so excited and can't wait. Yes, I worry about not giving the attention to my first but I believe that I have enough love to give to them both equally. Hope this helped...and just remember...it's completely up to you and your husband.

i have a little boy that will be turning 5 this month and a girl that just turned 3 the end of feb. It was difficult having them so close in age because they were in diapers at the same time and went through the terrible's at the same time(he was a little late with it and she was early). You get the older one to stop doing certain things and then he sees the younger one start to do and he thinks "hey i'll give that another go". Its a lot of hard work and I tell people that next time around i would wait until the first is out of diapers before i'd want a second. On the up side i'm very glad they are close in age. If you can get through the toddler stuff I think having them close in age is a good benefit for them as they get older. They have each other to play with when no one else is around and i hope as they are teenagers they have each other to confide in when they cant in me, and someone to watch their back. You just have to decide for yourselfs what your reasons are for having another so soon and follow that. Good luck :O)