When to Introduce Kids

I wouldn't do it. It is much too soon and it sounds like you have only been single for a few months. Divorce is not easy for children of any age. Your little girls are way too young to tell you if any thing is bothering them or to protect themselves should the need should arise, whether that be emotionally or physically. You can have grandma watch them for a few hours while you are on dates. From some of the dating scenarios I have seen with divorced friends, I wouldn't expose children to any partners unless you have at least a year of dating behind you. You need to make sure you know this person well enough to know if they "really" have the values you want to teach your daughters. This probably isn't want you wanted to hear, but personally if I got divorced, I would not bring another man into my home until they were off to college. I would; however, allow my daughters to meet a man once I felt he could be trusted, which takes time. In today's age, I'd probably do a background check too. There will likely be more liberal opinions out there, but when it comes to my daughters, I get pretty conservative!

Good luck and I hope you find happiness with your new single life!

CK

Hi J.!
I have been remarried since Feb. 14 of '07 (almost a year!)so I went through the single mom stuff, dating/etc. My 2 girls are now 4 1/2 and almost 9. When my divorce happened, the oldest was 4 and the youngest was only 5 months. I always wanted to be careful to not introduce the girls to the guy real quick because I did not want them to get confused. But they (my oldest esp. since she was old enough to sorta understand) met a guy who I dated once(which didn't last) and I had always said he was my friend, and didn't show PDA in front of them. That really made me feel better about it. That way, they could get to know him, yet since he was just my 'friend' it wasn't odd or confusing to them when we split up. I did the same thing with my now-husband when we were dating, and he did the same thing with his daughter with me. I think that depending on the age of your kids, and how they feel about the situation it's ok to keep them informed on your relationship as it gets more serious, esp. if you get engaged. But if you are ever unsure of what to do, DO LESS! When it comes to your kids, it's important they feel comfortable. Besides, if the relationship is meant to be, things will happen in time; there's no rush! And if the guy is truly a good guy, he will understand and be patient. Take time for yourself: to heal from the divorce, and to enjoy yourself, and be 100% sure of what you want/don't want. I hope it all goes well for you! Take care...

When you do decide that the time is right, I would be more inclined to go back to the college style of "group dating". Starting with dinner at your house sounds a little formal, and intimidating to everyone. However, I day when you have a group of friends doing something socially, and he's just another friend along, would ease everyone into it. Plus, you could see how they interact without your kids even knowing he might be a special friend. Even if you have to create these gatherings on your own' a groupd dynamic is much more comfortable, and telling.

I was once in ur place. My girls were 5 and 7. I didn't jump right into introducing them to guys every time i went on a date. I kept my life with them separate but at the same time... I enjoyed my life too. Meaning I would go on dates and out with friends. I agree with the whole trust ur mother insticts. My girls met my current husband after 3 months of actually dating. I also knew how he felt about my kids before hand. We chatted online for hours about my girls even when my oldest daughter was in the hospital having surgery on her heart. It seemed like even though he didn't know them he was still there. I think meeting them as friends not in the home is a good idea. Keep it simple go to a kid friendly place, like mcdonalds play scape lol And then add more time on different things. Like goin to the park. That way u can get a feeling of how he feels about the whole situation plus ur kids reaction to things will tell u how they feel. They have good character sense. GOOD LUCK AND GO WITH UR GUTT FEELING.

Hmmmmmm.....Mixed messages already posted but here is what I think.....

I don't see any real harm in letting your children meet him, I like your idea of keeping it just friendly in the beginning, I do however think you might want to limit the amount of exposure, keep it to a just "here and there" kinda thing until you to are real sure about how you are going to proceed. They are just young enough that you have some wiggle room, if they were older I would say to wait at least 3-4 monthd before introducing them. I think children need to see how to handle situations, people do come and go in our lives, but it is in how we handle them that they learn how to handle it as they get older. I am not sure if I am making a lot of sence but good luck no matter what you decide....do what is right for you and your girls.

I have been single/getting divorced for the same amount of time...so anyway, I feel your loneliness :) Sometimes I just want someone to talk to! I would wait awhile...I mean I know it's tough, especially if you don't get much of a break and it would be awesome to have someone to go to the park with you guys, etc and have him enjoy that part of your life with you. But, as they say, you don't ever really end up with your rebound guy (even if you think you will, it rarely happens) Just relax, enjoy your time with him for awhile.

On another note, my parents divorced when I was one and I never saw my mom date. EVER. And it was wierd. Especially as I got older. Consequently, I had no concept of what the relationship between a man & a woman should be. I only saw it from the outside, so I didn't understand that everyone fights, has hard times, etc until after I had been married for years. My mom thought it would be better if I didn't think it was okay to go from one man to the next, to the next. And yes that was good, but I wish she wouldn't have hidden everything from me. So there are definitely two extremes! You just have to find the middle ground that is right for your family.

I am with Cheryl on this. One of my best friends has done what I call "taking her kids dating" with her. Results...her daughters have met guys who after the newness of the relationship wears off, have not been what my friend thought they were. Her girls have met these guys and started forming bonds with them only to lose them when things go south. Give it time, if he's worth meeting and exposing your beautiful girls to, then he will be around. Know what I mean? For your girls' sakes, make darn well sure that this is very long term, don't let them get attached and then three months down the road wonder where he went! I remember that from my own childhood. I did not introduce my older kids to their stepdad until we'd been dating over six months and I knew he'd be in their lives. Mom dates. Kids don't. Congratulations on finding someone, though. To intro my kids, I let them meet him in a neutral place and they did not see any physical interaction until about 9 months after we'd started dating.

This is a good question, and one I stuggle with myself. When I started dating 3 years ago, I introduced people as My friend so & so. We would go the park or somewhere child friendly but, I kept everything OUT of the home, and simply platonic. My then, 4 year old son was REALLY wanting me to date so he would have the man in his life as well. As for my current beau- I brought him into the home after the first date, but we also dated 20 years ago, and he is simply a man I adore and certainly see a future with. Also- my son is a pretty good judge of character_ like a good dog or cat can be- he will tell me if he doesn't like someone- and I almost always listen.
I say use your maternal instinct- there is no "right" way to do this, And as far as some of the responses go- there is NOTHING that says you can't do a background check on this, or anyother man you meet. And seeing what some of my friends have been through in this miserable world of dating- It certainly is in the best interest of you and your children.
Good luck!

I just have to share my life experience with my step dad.
My parents devorced when I was 3.
My mom came home when I was almost 5, this is your new daddy!
I didn't meet him before then. He turned out to be a little abusive, but not bad enough to were I was ever seriously injured. My mom and him are still together. He has since apologized for how he punished me and told me he wishes he had had more patience for me and my sis. He is now a really great grandpa.
In my opinion I think your plan is good, if you think he is going to be in the pic long term.