Dating Again After a Long Break

I have 2 children and date a bit. I don't plan to introduce anyone to my children unless we've dated for a while (ideally a year - I haven't dated anyone very long). I also don't want people coming in and out of their lives. If/when I do introduce someone I will ask them to keep it very casual at first.

It's a good idea to not bring anyone new into her life. I suggest that you let him know you'd like to have a date. Then get to know him very well before you bring him home to be with your daughter. Date but do not include your daughter in your dates. Date long enough that you are confident that your relationship feels secure. Then only gradually include her in a casual way.

Because you've been concerned about what is best for your daughter, I suggest that you will know when it's time to include her. Do take your relationship with him slowly. It is easy, and I speak from experience, to want to rush the relationship once you've found someone that you like after having been without for a long time.

LATER: After reading Laurie D.'s answer I want to add that most of my several dating relationships lasted around 3 months. That seems to be the length of time for reality to set in.

First off, you don't have to bring your daughter around this guy at all...........get a sitter.....have a family member watch her on occasion so you can go out.....maybe get them to take her for a weekend............

I agree with not having men come around her........for lots of reasons........some men are abusive.........and you have a little girl that is very vulnerable.......so until you feel completely trust worthy of someone, don't bring them around her...........or until you know it might go somewhere.........be cautious....

It's OK to have a life too, and he's only 10 years younger.....in 10 more years, no one will care......and if they do, who cares!!! If he is right for you and you for him, then love is love.......age is not what matters as long as you get along and love each other.....and are faithful and committed....

Good Luck and take care.......

I would just say, take it slow with this guy. Don't let him meet your daughter until after you have been dating him for several months (ideally 6 months or more) and you are pretty sure of what his intentions are and what type of guy he is, and you are pretty sure that you really like him and want him to be a regular part of your life.

The age difference may not be an issue but 24 is still quite young and he may not be ready to settle down quite yet. Before he meets your daugther, also, I would ask him about what he wants from a relationship, does he want children, does he like children, yada yada yada. There are a lot of guys out there that will say anything that they think that you want to hear or whatever sounds good to them at the moment without putting a lot of thought into it, during the initial stages of your relationship (usually during the first 3 months), because they are driven by their hormones and their desire to pursue you. Don't take anything they say seriously until after the first 3-months. That's just my rule of thumb.

Anyway, happy dating to you!

i hear ya, i have been afraid to date as well, i have been divorced for 4 years. Its scary having at the thought of it happening again. I suggest find someone in their 30's. And only date him, without your child around for a while. Its hard when the child is used to someone then you break up. My ex boyfriend and I are still friends, and he still comes to her birthday parties for HER. We see each other as friends, without her around, so she doesnt get her hopes up. But im not dating anyone, so that is ok. Once i am, I dont know how to handle that. But he would be supportive. He wants me to find someone, but he knows im not for him.

how old are you? reason asking a 24 year old guy may not be interested in same future as you.
as for dating, you should start dating. you will know when the time is right to introduce your daughter to a guy. i love the fact that you have your daughter's best interest at heart. so many moms jump into the dating world just because they don't want to be alone, thus, kids suffer by having people come and go from their lives.
time to date mama :)

F.,

I have not met many “mature” 24 year old men (good job or not) and with a 10 year age difference you are probably asking for trouble and possible heartbreak and/or disappointment when it ends. (I don’t want to sound harsh but a 24 year old male probably looks at a 34 year old divorcee as a needy, “older” woman who he can do a big favor). I suspect you are probably a very pretty woman, so that ad’s the HOT “older” woman factor.

You are certainly entitled to date this younger man if you want, but I would keep it on a very casual basis and let him know up front that you intend to date others as you reestablish an adult social life. I would not involve your child until you meet someone closer to your own age and even then I wouldn’t introduce her to anyone that you are not serious with.

Whatever you decide, make sure you go out with men who respect you and the fact that you are a mother too. (Sounds like that didn’t happen the first time around).

Blessings…..

I don't really think it should be a problem. If you want to date, then do it. Just don't bring the guy into your life just yet. Get a babysitter for a night out, and if and when things heat up let you duaghter have sleepovers at grandparents house or similar.
I think if you wait for 6 months to a year to introduce this guy into your life, you will know where your relationship is headed and feel a little more secure. If he is really into you, he will be fine waiting!
Good luck!

What I did as a single mom was to "go out with friends". I met my dates away from my home. If I dated someone for awhile they got to come meet my kids and hang out as a "friend", no affection in front of my girls. After a couple months of that, if all was going well, my girls were allowed to know we were dating. Most men did not make it to stage three. My girls were amazed after they were grown to know I dated as much as I did, they knew I was social, and I had friends, they didn't know I dated some of those friends. In that manner there was no confusion for the kids, no mixed messages about dating (important when they are teens), etc... It took months for someone to "come into" our lives as anything more than a family friend, and it usually took a couple of months to become a "family friend". The couple of men who passed that barrier and became "boyfriends" and one a husband did not get that role for at least six months to a year. Hope this helps.

I say go out and have fun with the guy just don't bring him home! He's 24, maybe the greatest guy in the world, but chances are that he's not ready to be married with children. Even if he is ... do you really want to "train" a young husband right now? If not, then there is no reason for your daughter to know about him.

My parents were divorced when I was 6. I NEVER met my father's girlfriends until I was 19 - when he re-married.

I'm not saying don't have fun and have a life. I'm just saying, do it away from your daughter. Have a casual relationship - enjoy his company - but go home to your baby girl all by yourself.

My brother dates women with children, because he loves children. Not is a wierd way, but he likes kids. On 3 different occasions, the kids have fallen in love with my bro, but things didn't work out with Mom. So, Mom has broken hearted kids (and probably a broken heart herself). Don't let your kids meet your boyfriend. I personally would let any stranger around my kids until I had dated them one year.

I think Jaleen A from Jacksonville had the best idea. Be social, not dating in front of your kids.

S.

I say go for it! who cares about the age difference. if you like him that's all that matters! you have nothing to lose. heck even though i'm only 28 i say get them younger so you can TRAIN THEM!!! LMAO! GOOD LUCK!

Just my two cents but a 24 yr old guy is not ready for a ready made family. Unless he is some unusual person, in the long run this is probably not going to turn out great anyway so why start it. Things may seem great in the beginning but 6-7-10 years down the road, I see things happening with the age gap and the fact that this family came on suddenly. You don't truly know who you are till your late 20's. Wait and find someone who is your age and from your generation. Also let your daughter gently know that you are a person adn not just a mother so she is prepared for someone taking your time and attention away from her. This is healthy for both of you.

I was in a similar situation as you, but my son is only 4 1/2. Almost 2 years ago, I met a man 10 years my junior (I'm now 37, he's 27), and he is the most mature, dependable, loving man I've known. We are now engaged and looking forward to expanding our family. No training required. If you had asked me before I met him if I'd ever consider dating a 20-something, I would have laughed, rather hysterically, in your face at the ridiculousness of the suggestion, as we all KNOW that guys in their twenties are mere babies, and in no way ready for any of the responsibilities of the real world, or better yet, a family.

All I can say is, I stand corrected. :)

Keep your daughter's needs in the forefront of your mind. Trust your instincts. And live your life the best way you can for your family.

Best wishes!! I'll be hoping for you that your 20-something is as good as mine!