When Should You Meet Your Adult Child's Current BF/GF?

I am about to be 27 and a single mom myself of a 7 year old. She has only met one guy I have ever dated since she has been born. I dont want to just bring anyone in her life... and i feel bad for the kids for her doing that too them... kids get attached way to easily!

She doest seem to be very private about any of her business....

I havent dated anyone very serious since having my daughter as she is still young and growing but i would definitely say wait till it is serious for real.

I would never bring my bf to my parents unless i know that it was.

Wow. I'm surprised that she wants her Dad to know about all of these half relationships.

However, you can't have it both ways. You could enact the trimester rule. Once she's dated someone for 3m then she can bring them to family functions as her special someone. If she comes over with the kids for dinner, it would be rude of her to tell the guy that he can't come.

Thanksgiving is just a day. If she does decide to go out of town this year, just plan another day for a family dinner. Once she does settle down, even with a guy that has family in town, you might not get to see them ON each holiday. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but would call dibs now on Christmas!

M.

Sorry - I can't understand why you wouldn't want to meet them. What if you saw something in them that she didn't (love is blind) that could help keep her and her children safe? You even get the opportunity to see how the man interacts with the children. I too have older step children, and I always feel very privileged when they feel comfortable to bring anyone over. It allows me to get a be a part of their lives. They invite friends and "friends" to holiday events. I think sometimes it allows them to see how well their guest fits in with the rest of the gang. I think you are very fortunate that she is reaching out to you, and trying to include you in her life. She must really have a special place for you in her heart, to want to share this personal aspect of her life with you. I can think of many mothers who would love to meet the person(s) their daughters are dating. I hope you will reconsider, and be the anchor your step-daughter would obviously like you to be.

i think its not a bad thing that she wants you to meet them, as long as she isnt bringing "bad" people into your life such as alcoholics, drug users, prior criminals, ect. there are many reasons she may be doing this- looking for approval, trying to "show" you how great a guy she met, push the relationship to a more serious level by involving families, or show you a person who is a better "choice" than her past ones. i dont think these reasons are malicious or anything. it just sounds a little immature. i think its reasonable to want to spend holidays and such with your current boyfriend. she may even want to show you guys off to him.

now all that aside, i think it is very bad she exposes her children to the different men in her life. you should never introduce your "serious" person every 3 months, her definition should be higher than "serious" when it comes to her children. she shouldnt involve her children until she is engaged!!! she is introducing her children to men she cannot really know in that short time, and may be bringing men with bad intentions into their life. she is constantly making her children bond with people that later disappear from their life. she is making her children think adult relationships do not last, and is teaching them a very negative outlook on life.

your only concern should be the effect this has on the children. unfortunately, from your description, i dont know if she is capable of understanding the negative impact her lifestyle has on them. if you and/or your husband mention it, i dont know if it will sever your relationship. if i were you, i would separate the negative behaviours from the annoying behaviours, and then address only what is truley a problem.

for the current issue, i would have her father discuss his hurt that he wont see his grandkids, and not focus on her life or his anger. when children are involved, you need to only address the big issues. good luck. it does sound like she is desperately trying to find someone. hopefully, she will find someone good, and she can finally start to be a grown up.

I can understand how you feel. She sounds like a complete flake.
That said, she is practically a 30 yr old woman. I would rather meet these "flings" and have a chance to take a look at them , just so I would get some type of idea who the grand kids are around.. Than not to know.. If you feel like any of these men could be dangerous.be sure to let her know or try to keep them even closer to keep an eye on these situations.. . just get used to this. No judgments, just accepting..

Change your perspective and just look at them as her "gentlemen friends", not as a future husband. Many people do not get married any more.. and maybe in this case that is a good idea..

It is her choice where she and the kids will spend their holidays, your husband is allowed to tell her he is disappointed not to have the kids spend the holidays with all of you, but the more you all criticize and push or pull her, the more she will begin to avoid telling you anything..

She is an adult and allowed to make the choices she wishes to make, all you can do is not allow the uninvited men into your home, ensure her children are safe and allow her to screw up on her own terms. If you think the children are in any danger step in otherwise deal with it b/c she is not going to change.

Sounds like immaturity to me, and something you just have to put up with to sustain the relationship.

Have you talked to her about this? I don't think that it is necessarily a problem for you to meet them or if she is bringing a date to something, but not just bring them over for a meet the parents after a week of dating, unless she is asking and accepting opinions. Is there a problem with her bringing a date to family functions? If you don't want him there, then you should accept that she won't be there.

While it might annoy you, I think it is the worst for her children. They shouldn't have men traipsed through their lives like it is their next daddy. She is setting a very bad example.

You've rcvd some great responses here. If she didn't have children I would say, whats the harm in bringing her "friends" to family occiasions. BUT since there are children involved I don't agree at all. I have never been in her sitution but being a mom of three girls, I would never and I do mean NEVER bring anyone into my childrens lives that was my "bf" unless there was some serious commentment. Has she thought about what she is teaching them? No stability....it's ok to have several partners...no commentment...etc. Sounds like she falls hard for the guys that she dates but she needs to look at the big picture and do whats right for her children.
What I am trying to say is, it's not about her. It's about the kids. She needs to understand that and put them first. If she did that she wouldn't be bringing every Tom Dick and Harry to every family gathering and social event.
Is she attending church? Maybe this would be a place to start. They have lots of single moms support groups and parenting classes.
Good luck!

I agree with you & your husband that you only need to meet him if they are truly serious.

During the holidays though, I'm not sure. I think I'd be ok with her bringing him to family stuff, but not to change her own family plans to go to his only.

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