If your kids are at your parents' house or your husband's parents' house for the night or the weekend, do you call them? If you do, is it because you miss them or because you want to check up on how they're getting along without you? Or maybe you call to say good night or good morning?
Just curious...when my husband and I drop the kids off with family, we generally don't call. We kiss the kids, leave, and don't speak to them again until we pick them up. Compare and contrast to my husband's brother and his wife, who seem to call about once every two hours or so.
On the flip side, if you were the family member watching the kids, would you care one way or the other if the parents called? Would you think the parents who don't call are indifferent and uncaring, or that the parents that did call were more loving or more hovering?
We don't call much. We know they know how to reach us by phone and/or text. I don't want to call if my mom is in the middle of feeding my son or giving him a bath just for her to say they're fine. My sister calls every 30 minutes--no joke!
When I drop him off or leave him with someone I am NOT THE MAMMA for however long the time of being w/out my kiddo is. Now if I were leaving him for the weekend I may call or text depending on who it was just to follow up ... but really if I do not trust them to take care of him for that length of time then I would not have dropped him off in the first place.
Matters, if I felt it was a lack of trust on your part, I would be offended, but if it was to say, "I love you, good night" then I would be fine with it.
I call each night just to see how their day went and to make sure they are not causing too much ruckus. Its partly because I miss them, but also partly to make sure that they are not trying to pull any fast ones over on anyone. Its also for me to offer up any tips or suggestions if there is a problem. I try not to talk to my kids just so there is no upset from them missing being home though. I had that happen once and I felt horrible once the crying started. As long as you are comfortable not calling, I don't see a problem at all. Enjoy yourself while you are child free and love them even more when they get home!!
My husband and I do not call. The family we leave our kids with... Are fully trusted and if we talk to our kids on the phone, it just makes them cranky. I don't care if someone called me.... Once in a while. If it were all friggen evening, every hour or two... I'd say something about if they didn't trust me, then stop leaving your kid(s) with me.
I usually text once a day when my daughter is with her grandparents. I do it to be sure that my in-laws aren't having any trouble with her. She's only 2 and doesn't talk on the phone yet so I can't speak with her. I trust that they're taking good care of her and she's having fun. I'm grateful for some time off and knowing that she's in good hands so I don't have to worry.
Personally, I don't understand those parents who call every few hours. If I was watching the child of someone who did that I would probably decline if they asked me to watch their kid again. I would feel like they don't trust me and it would get in the way of me having fun with their kid. Trust that I'm taking care of your child and if I need you I know how to reach you. If the parents didn't call I would think they trust me and are getting some much needed time away and are having a good time. I'll call if I need you. I wouldn't think those parents were uncaring AT ALL!!!
i would tell the boys to call if they missed us or wanted to talk, but they rarely did. they were generally having too much fun. when they were very small we might have them put on the phone if we called for another reason (to change pick-up plans or something) but it wasn't a big deal.
we've always been a place where other kids liked to sleep over, so i'm used to moms calling to check up on their kids, touch base or say goodnight and i'm fine with it. it never really occurred to me to overthink the motives of the parents. there have been some that were kind of annoying about calling a LOT, but not many.
i just think people are different, they parent differently, and they react to their kids being gone differently. it would take a blatantly neglectful/indifferent parent to make me feel negatively about them. i don't think it's bad not to call in and of itself. parents who call obsessively would bug me, but i've never really had to deal with that much.
khairete
S.
Our kids are at our ex's every other weekend and we don't call at all. We have only called the kids when we are away on a vacation, just to say HI so they know we are ok and we know they are ok. :o)
I do just to see how things are going. My kids can be a handful. They are high energy all the time. My mom and dad are pretty good with them. My mil, when she has them, I always check in and see how things are. I usually kick myself cause the end of the conversation is..''so when are coming to get them'' If i dont call though she gets mad too. So it is a catch 22.
I try and only leave my oldest with her now. I will take my younger two to my moms house...thank god they literally live a block away from each other.
I used to call when my daughter was an infant, now not so much. But I have also never left her overnight with anyone, not yet anyway. I figure if my folks need me for anything they would call. :)
Yes I call, but because I am worry bunch of nervous, I even call the camp when she went over night camp, my husband almost took the phone away, lol.
If she was staying just for a few hours, like for us to go to the movies I wouldn't but if she was staying over night I probably would.
When friends have stay over to our house I didn't thought bad of the parents if they call or not, unless they are calling more then twice without a reason.
I would call two or three times during the weekend to see how everything was going, etc.
My daughter (5) has never spent a night away from me except when I was giving birth to my son. My son (3) never has. They do both go to daycare. When we had to change sitters last month, I would text the first couple of days just to make sure everything was good. Occasionally, I will still text just to make sure they are behaving (especially if they had an exceptionally rough morning). All three sitters that we have used have always been really good about keeping me informed. Mostly through text messages. That way the kids don't know that we are talking :)
I have always wondered if they think (especially in the beginning) that I am indifferent or uncaring, but I feel that if I am calling every hour or so, it lessens their bond and authority with the children.
My kids know that they can always call me, so if they really need something they have that security. (they never have though). And they NEVER stay at Grandparent's house without one of us there.....long story
I call to tell goodnight, and various times throughout the day check on them. I'm sure with some kids it would make matters worse to call and speak to them, but I can't imagine not calling to check in on things.
My wife and I call once. Then to the babysitter (or mom or dad or aunt or uncle) only. I want them to be able to ask any question and set their minds at ease.
The only time we talk to the kids is if they were misbehaving and need further instructions.
Good luck to you and yours.
I always think no one takes care of your child better than you do. So yes, I do call when he's not with us. But I am a super worry wart and wish I wasn't that way!
Sure I call them.
Why not?
But I am not a pest about it.
If I want to call, why not? I am the Mom.
Or, my kids also call me. They know how. They will tell their relative, they want to call Mommy. Its fine.
Assuming a parent is indifferent or uncaring just because they do not call... is just assuming. It is not fact.
Just as, a parent who does call, should not be assumed to be 'hovering.' Unless they are that way all the time.
We call. Always to our parents but I try not to call when my oldest is at his friends house. I don't want to embarass him. We just call to check and see how the kids are behaving. They never want to talk to us though and thats fine. My BIL and SIL will call if my nephew is over. The first time my sons BFF slept over he came over at around noon and no one called all day to check on him. He had to call his parents at 7 to ask to sleep over I thought he already had(I had told him to and even handed him the phone) but he hadn't and no one called to check on him all day and they didn't really know us well yet. Then the next day I had to have him call his parents at around 3 to come and get him because we were leaving. I thought they were uncaring it only takes a minute to call a check on your kid and they didn't really know us he had only been over once before. Their parenting style is way too relaxed for me but I now know they are not uncaring just glad when they have one less kid.They have 5 boys. I don't think its a big deal if you don't call your parents or inlaws you trust them that they would call you if something was wrong.
every other weekend my daughter goes to her dad's house. while she's there i do not call, it kills me, but i don't. they need their time together. however, when she stays the night with my parents or my sister or anyone else, i call in the morning, to see how she went to bed and various things like that, then i also call to tell her goodnight. so i'll call twice a day. if they need anything besides that, they know how to get ahold of me. also, while at my mom's house at least once a day my daughter decides she wants to talk to mommy, so she'll have my mom call me. :) that's always the best, is when she calls me :)
I only call if she is sick or is having a hard time being left. Other then that I will text my mom and ask her how she is doing. If my daughter knows that I am calling then she screams to come home. Sometimes we just need some US time and it feels good to be alone.
If it were me that had the kids and they kept calling it would make me feel like they didn't trust me and was checking on me and what we are doing.
