When Do Kids Start Hearing the Word "Don't"?

I very much agree with Lisa, but the one thing is, don't take food or drinks away, kids need those! But as far as consequences go, my 16 month old knows the word don't and she knows what time-out is! Children need to know that if they don't listen, there will be a punishment! With him taking ice out of his glass, I would give him a sippy cup, or you hold the cup while he is drinking, show him that he must be a big boy and not play in his drinks! Don't take it away completely! I don't think time-out is appropriate for this situation, try explaining that it makes a mess, he gets sticky, and you don't approve of him doing this!

Hi A.,
Try telling him what TO do instead. "Seth, please leave the ice cubes in your drink." It is normal for kids to do what you tell them not to do... their little brains just fixate on everything but the don't part! Try reading "Parenting with Love and Logic." They have a whole section on the art of enforceable statements.
Good luck!
P.

My husband and I use the suggestions from Parenting with Love and Logic. They have a book called Parenting Magic for Early Childhood. You can get it at the library or www.loveandlogic.com What we love is how EASY and FUN it is and how it gives practical, instantly useful suggestions for kindly and lovingly dealing with toddlers. "Don't" is a work they "don't" suggest using. You will LOVE it. I constantly think when I read it or listen to one of their cd's "Oh! Of course! Why didn't I think of that!" Hope that helps!

i heard somewhere that it's good to tell your kids what they SHOULD do, rather than SHOULDN'T. I don't know if this works, but it's something I'm going to try when my little girl is old enough. So instead of saying "don't take the ice out of the glass" you say "leave the ice in the glass". Again, I'm not sure how helpful, but I like the idea of limiting the "don'ts" and trying to be positive with what would otherwise be a correction.

My three year old does the same thing--it's almost like if you tell them "don't" do something, they figure it must have interesting results and they better try it just to see what happens anyway. (If it's forbidden, it must be fun!) They are testing WHY they shouldn't be doing something by doing it anyway and seeing what happens. At this age, they are beginning to learn about cause and effect relationships the way they learn best and begin to understand that is by doing things and seeing what happens--good or bad results be darned! I have learned to not give the "don't" command immediately but to give our daughter the benefit of the doubt that she won't do something and then if she does to explain that I would like her to stop and why. (For example in your situation, I would give her the OJ with ice and expect that she will drink it without playing with the ice--then if she plays with it, ask her to stop and explain why because it makes a mess etc.) That seems to get us better results than immediately telling her not to do something, which seems to ensure that she will! 3-year olds are mini scientists, always on the move to "discover" what things do, how they work and what will happen in every situation...it's part of how they learna nd grow--patience is key! Good luck :)

Well, three year olds are perfectly able to hear the word "don't" ( in fact, mine hears it a LOT ;) ). It's not really an issue of being able to hear, he's just choosing to ignore you. I'm not sure of your discipline policies, but that might be the issue. Anyway, if you're really concerned about his hearing then have it tested, but I assure you that three year olds are old enough to know the difference between "don't" and "do". And if he can hear all of your other words,you might want to look elsewhere for the problem.
Good luck!

Hi A.,

Don't be discouraged, you can overcome the miscommunication between you and your son. My 13 year old son does the exact same thing and started doing it around the age of 3.

My husband and I have had to change the way we ask JJ to stop doing something. Instead of using the word "don't" try coming up with a positive statement. For example instead of saying "Don't take the ice out of the glass" maybe you could say something like, "Mommie put special ice in your juice glass and your juice will taste better if we leave the ice in the glass."

It will take time to turn the "don't" statements into something positive but with practice you can do it and should have a positive impact on the situation.

I know you might be discouraged that it could take years to break the habit with my son being 13...but our son has Asperger's Syndrom (high functioning autism) and almost everything takes longer with him. I am in no way suggesting that your son could have AS but if it works for special needs kids it just might work for your child as well.

I suggest that you take some quiet time and write down all the "don't" situations and then re-write them with a positive spin. Then when a situation arises you have a positive response to draw on.

Good luck

W. Q

Our Little One is just over 2 and we started telling her "no" and "don't" when she was 2 months, more just for us to get used to saying it to her! She reacts to no and "Not for you" pretty well. But I have to tell you, after the fact that she has heard it for two years, she STILL PURPOSLY does not LISTEN. I believe your boy hears you, just has not listen, yet! Hang in there, I really hope this helps. Good LUCK!!
Mom of the TERRIBLE TWOS :)

A.-

It seems like you have gotten a lot of advise already but I thought I would put my two in as well. I used to work for Head Start as a behavioral coach. They trained us to work with three to six year olds. The best approach is to get down on their level and get their attention. Then say, "I asked you....Did you hear my words?" then ask the child to repeat your words. It works very well. I still use this technique on my daughter and she's 10.