DH and I have been married 15 years. We have three daughters ages 14, 5, and 7 months. MIL and have had quite the history. Tolerated each other during the best times. Recently DH and I had a big falling out with his parents. We live five hours away from them. MIL emailed DH and said some very horrible things about me, most of which were untrue. We also found out that MIL has been talking badly about me to other family members and she admitted it to be true. This happened about 6 weeks ago. DH pretty much told his mother that he would not tolerate this behavior from her. Up until last week they had not spoken when she instant messaged him to let him know they would be coming down to see my oldest dance in the Nutcracker Ballet. He told me he was surprised they were coming after the things she said about me. Anyway, they are coming to the show tomorrow night. DH has to work and he did not ask off from work and he does not care to see them. They are driving in right before the ballet starts staying at a hotel and driving back home the next morning.
This is my dilemma: Tomorrow night I have to work backstage in the dressing room so I am bound to run into the in-laws after the show when I gather my daughter up to take her home. I will also have my baby with me whom they have never seen. How do I act towards these people? Do I completely ignore them? Do I say hello as I pass by and tell my oldest that we are leaving? What if they want to hold the baby? I am pretty sure they will completely ignore me, as it has happened before. What if MIL walks up to me and tries to take the baby from me? My oldest does know some of the drama that has gone on. My MIL causes my blood pressure to rise like no other person. I hate the way she has treated my husband and hurt him and just being in the same room with her makes me shake.
What would you do?
Thanks,
L.
Also, as my children get older and become adults we will explain to them about the grandparents. They have done some very horrible things, some aganist the law, and they will be encouraged not to have a relationship with them. My oldest already does not want anything to do with them simply from witnessing their behavior. I am not sure of the motivation of them coming. MIL did say she cleaned out her attic and is dropping DH's crap as she put it off to him at his work. We have lived here for 8 years and they have come down maybe three times.
UPDATE:
Thank you all for your responses. After thinking a lot about it I decided that the best thing to do would be to ignore them. I am not very good at being nice to people that have said such hurtful things about me and to me. And after 15 years I am tired of it. So, after the ballet was over I sent my 14 year old to the lobby to say hello and thank you for coming and I following a few minutes later with my baby in her sling. They were standing near the door and as I walked by I told my oldest it was time to go. And then I walked outside and went to my car. My daughter followed me and when we got in the car she said that as I was going out side my MIL glared at me and said in front of my daughter about me, “well she sure does think she’s something else.” My FIL then said the same thing.
When my DH got home from work he told me that his parents called him at work after they left the theatre yelling and screaming at him about me. Not sure what all was said but he had to tell them he was at work and it was very inappropriate for them to call and give him trouble while he was at work. And he told them that he was not surprised I ignored them after everything they have said about me. So, that was that.
Yucky situation!
The only helpful thought that came to mind is, if you can wear the baby (Moby wrap/Bjorn/Ergo) when you know you'll be seeing her/them at the performance maybe they wont reach for the baby.
Gosh! Good luck with that!
Honestly, I would be the bigger person in the most passive-aggressive way possible. Smile, say hello, even introduce the baby and offer to let them hold her. She is expecting you to ignore her or treat her coldly. If you do the exact oposite, not only are you throwing her for a loop, but you are also setting an excellent example for your oldest daughter. She is old enough to realize what is happening between everyone, and will see that you are trying and MIL is...well...herself.
I completely understand..
I now have not spoken with my MIL in about 3 years..
I have decided if I ever encounter her to be gracious and courteous and then move on..
You can too. Just follow your own manners and it will be fine.. Talk about the show, about how hard your daughter has worked on the ballet.. If they ask to hold the baby and you feel safe with that, it is fine.. If not, you can say baby is not comfortable around others..
I am sending you strength.. DO NOT let this worry you. It is what it is and she brought this on.. You live your life and just let her go on with hers.. Do not let her have power over you..
I would act "neutral" which is the term one of my friend's uses. Be polite, say nothing positive, nor negative. Control the encounter (if there is any) by steering the conversation toward the children. If they say "hello" you can say "Hello, look children, it's your grandparents."
Children are perceptive. They won't need you to "encourage" or "discourage" anything. They will figure it out on their own.
Yes, they make your blood boil! I can understand! But at least by controlling the conversation and cutting it off with a polite "it was so nice of you to come but I have to get the baby home now" when YOU are ready, you'll feel better about yourself and everything else!
Honestly, I would ignore the bad situation for the night and let them see the kids if they are being mature enough to come up to you and want to see the kids. I COMPLETELY understand your situation but sometimes it is best for the children if they don't see any of the problems. Be sweet as pie while the kids are around even if you makes you sick! You never know maybe one day this will all blow over and maybe, just maybe she might feel bad one day and apologize, you wouldn't want your kids to miss out on their grandparents if in the end things get better. I know it will probably be the hardest thing to do but it would be the best for your children. Also being nice to them might actually tick them off more!! ;)
You remain as civil as you possibly can so that you can salvage some semblance of a relationship with their grand parents for your kids. No matter what she has done or will do in the future, it is nice that she wants to drive all that way to watch her granddaughter on such a special day.
No need to be phony Suzy Sunshine when you see them. Simply extend the same distant civility you would give to a stranger you might strike up a conversation with in the grocery check-out line. For the rest...Like introducing the new baby...Let your DH know he has to take the lead.
When you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation it would always behoove you to take the high road.
If you run into her, say "yes....wasn't Suzy wonderful? This is Mary, would you like to hold her?" ETC.
Also, I find it disturbing that you write your kids "will be encouraged not to have a relationship with them. My oldest already does not want anything to do with them simply from witnessing their behavior." See? Kids can figure it all out on their own..eventually. Do you really want to be "that" mom/woman that bad talks other people? Your kids will eventually see the situation for what it is. Don't stoop to that level. Be respectful and polite--even if she is a witch with a "b"! That way, you'll have no regrets later on.....good luck.
Lisa,
I would ask my husband what he wants me to do. It is his mother. Then, respect his wishes and go from there. I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I would also make it as nice for your daughter as possible. These people apparently love her and want to see her perform. This is a very good thing for her. Just as a mother shouldn't bad mouth a child's father when they are divorced, so you should give a similar respect to them in regards to your daughter. They are her grandparents. I hope it goes well for all of you, and that there is no drama involved. I know this must be so hard!
Be courteous. Smile, say hello and then go about gathering up your daughter and her things. Unless you're concerned that they will take the baby away from you, let her hold your daughter. Often, grandchildren enable grandparents to soften their attitude. This will be awkward but best handled in a courteous manner.
You can control only your own actions. Give yourself a pep talk. Remind yourself of who you are and how you don't want to go down to their level, if they try to start something. If they do, just turn and walk away.
Same goes for your blood pressure. You can choose to not react in such an intense way with them. Over time, you can recognize the buttons that they're pushing and turn them off. Counseling could help you do this. I suggest that it would be helpful for you if you find someone to talk with about your feelings about your in-laws. It is understandable to be upset with them but you're only hurting yourself and your family if you take their actions personally. Yes, they mean them personally but you don't have to accept them in that way. Talk to yourself. Remind yourself that you're a good person with a good family and that you're not dependent on how they feel or how they treat you. You don't have to be with them. Just get thru this night and then find a way to desensitize yourself so that they're not such a big influence on how you feel.
Tomorrow night, start with courteous using a superficial friendliness that you would use with strangers. It might help for you to think of them as stringers. Don't keep thinking of who they are and what they've done. "They're strangers!"
If they respond with hostility, calmly tell them that you have to go and leave. If they respond with hostility, do not let them hold the baby. It's important to just leave. If she tries to take the baby calmly tell her no; that she needs to talk with her son about the kind of relationship she's to have with the baby and then quickly turn, breaking her touch and leave.
The 15 yo daughter can manage for herself or even run interference as you leave by standing in between you and the baby and them. However, the 5 yo may need some help. I'd talk the situation over with both girls, tell them that you expect all of you, including the in-laws, to be civil but to immediately leave if they aren't. The older daughter can take the younger daughter's hand and leave first, would be one plan.
If possible, take a friend with you. Friends can sometimes run interference better than relatives. They don't have as much at stake. A friend can be the cordial one to set the tone for the brief visit.
You want as much as possible to make this a pleasant experience for your children, especially the oldest who is performing. It might help to start a conversation about how well she's done and limit conversation to the ballet as you get ready to leave.
This will go much better if you could find a way to relax somewhat. This might be a time to take a Valium or other anti-anxiety medication if you have some. Give yourself pep talks about how this will work out and be alright. Focus on yourself and your children as you make small talk with your in-laws. And if they're hostile, leave.
Think thru various possible scenerios and make tentative plans on what to do with each one, keeping courtesy and if possible graciousness as your goal. Show everyone that you are the better person who will not allow another person to control you by making you angry.
Most of all remember, that it takes two people or more for drama to occur. If they want drama, they'll work at making it happen but if you don't respond You won't be a part of it. There will be other people around and so I doubt that they'll do anything. It is possible that they just want to see their granddaughter perform. Sounds like they might want to give you a piece of their mind too but if you leave they can't do that. If they yell after you they're only making themselves look crazy.
I used to call my MIL my Monster in law. She passed away the week I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child. They'll never know how HORRIBLE she was to me. If fact, other than my husband, no one knew how I felt about her and would never have guessed the pain and hurt she caused me. I treated her with respect (she was older and my husband's mother) and just because she acted badly didn't give me the permission to do so in return. I can't say I loved her with anything more than tolerance, but I never excluded her, spoke unkind to her or let her know how she made me feel. I also didn't dwell on it - that would have only let HER win. Let it go - if you see them so little, what difference does it make? Let the kids make up their own minds. Breath deep, keep focused on the performance and worrying about what will happen is an unnecessary burden for your heart, soul and mind. Who knows, they may not even show up!!! Then you'll have wasted all that energy. Use it in more productive ways.
EDIT after your "what happened". My only concern now would be for your kids to be able to develop relationships with their own "inlaws" some day. Just do what you need to do to make sure they dont automatically think ALL inlaws are BAD from the get go. It's already sad that they don't have a functioning relationship with a set of their grandparents :(
If they are caring enough to drive up to see their granddaughter dance, you have to give them some credit.
You already know they have a hotel room for the night. I think it would be best to try your hardest to treat her like your childrens grandma for the few moments you might have to tolerate her.
People can change, maybe she is wanting to do that?
Be the bigger more mature person and give your inlaws the benefit of the doubt ... just pretend nothing bad has ever happened. Don't let the past destroy the present. Stay cool, let her hold the baby if she wants. Make a little bit of small talk. If you do the "right" thing you will feel better afterwards, do not add more fuel to an apparently already burning building.
Prep the kids in a positive way... "Grandma and Grandpa are coming to see the dance, we havent seen them in a while so you girls be sweet, okay?"
The kids definitely dont need to see grandma drama. Keep that in mind....
I found my MIL has talked about me many of times. I am certain it is all that she just doesn't like this or that about me, but don't believe it has been anything that would hurt anything other than my feelings.
You don't mention in what way she talked about you. Is it something that could hurt your marriage? Something to hurt your reputation? Or something that we just brush off and roll our eyes at?
It is unfortunate you are in this situation. When I see my In-Laws after a fall out, I usually greet them with respect, hug them and ask them in and then keep busy. So in your case, I am sure you will be busy. If they want to hold the baby, let them unless there is some reason you feel threatened they would hurt the baby or run with him.
If things should get uncomfortable, time to cut it short and help your daughter in back. Thank them for coming and carry on!
Two things: I'm sorry your having to deal with all this & way to go hubby for sticking up for you!! Don't let her have the "Power". The best possible thing you can do is know that you are better than her. Be polite, sounds like their really only acquantinces to your daughters. Your baby doesn't know them so she'll probably shy away from going to them.
In the long run just know that your an awesome mom to awesome kids with a good family---it's her loss! She sounds very toxic.
Good luck,
DH
I didn't read all the responses but I have to chime in. In my family it is MY parents that we are at an impass with. MY mother is the one who has said horrible things about me, called me a bad mother, etc, simply b/c I won't do things the way she wants me to do them (and don't get me started on what kind of role model she was for me). Because of that, we have avoided them.. If they showed up to something like this, I think I would act politely and then get away as soon as possible. DO NOT feel obligated to let them hold the baby, if they ask be polite but in a hurry. And if there is any way possible, enlist another mom, friend, whatever to be at your side. You don't need to go into all the details, just tell them you need them to help you make a quick escape. Most people, I'm finding, understand family drama.
My 3 year old will meet my parents for the first time next weekend at my niece's birthday party. My husband doesn't want me to go, but I just can't miss her birthday. I've talked to my sister and told her that if I all of a sudden need to make a quick escape that will be why. . . . but I'm feeling your pain!
One thing I would caution you about. Please be honest and forthright with your kids about their grandparents and shelter them as long as you can, but don't discourage a relationship for when they are older. And try to give them information without too much emotion. That could come back and bite you. Like you said, they will see their behavior and be turned off. You are raising your kids right and setting good examples. Let them make their own decisions and you will never have to be the bad guy in that.
Good luck! Feel free to MM me if you want to vent, because believe me, I get it!!!
My dad's mom was a horrible woman and very mean and disrespectful to my mom. So, in speaking on behalf of your kids....believe me that they will see her for what she really is one day and won't wish to have contact with her....That's how I felt about my dad's mom. I didn't view her as a grandmother. I recognized on my own that she was anevil and insensitive person who tried to manipulate people to her benefit only. Much as my mom tried to encourage a relationship (trying to be the bigger person) I refused because she never earned that type of respect.
I don't understand why people think you should be nice/polite/civil to this woman. People can only treat you badly so many times before you have to finally say "enough is enough" and cut them off all together. By being civil and polite, you only open the door to more mistreatment. As for her attempting to hold your little one....simply say that baby isn't comfortable with strangers.....pretty much to the point statement that doesn't give her a chance to get her hands on the baby. I also tend to think she DOES have alterior motives to coming to the play for your daughter....and it has NOTHING to do with "love". She sounds like someone who just likes to stir the pot and keep the drama going. And she knows that by making an appearance, she can do just that. Too bad there can't be some kind of "not allowed in" list that you can add her to! LOL I would say completely ignore her (as she has done to you and your hubby and family or some time now). You don't "owe" her anything at this point and maybe a taste of her own medicine is precisely what she needs!
Well, if they ignore you, then why would you entertain the thought of them holding your baby, someone they have never met before??? Seems to me they have emotional issues and control issues. You are not obligated to them, respect is mutual. Overbearing MILs are nothing but troublemakers. Thank goodness you have a husband with a spine!!!!! My soon to be ex was seriously weak in the area of holding his mother accountable. He always said I'm going to speak to her, I will speak to her and NEVER did and that empowered her to be a busy body! You did the right thing...Be well!
The best thing to do in these situations is to be the bigger person. Be as calm as possible, be polite. Go about your business as you would with anyone and behave normally. Don't let them control you, and don't let them see they get to you. If you have anyone there who is a good friend to you, explain the situation and ask them to help with the baby.
Good luck with this, I know its hard.
i would most likely not play into there drama and add too it. i would disscuss these things with your dh and ask him if he is ok with them holding the baby and the other things mentioned. if he is alright with them interacting then for a few mins allow it. i am sure you will be very busy and will have to leave quickly. if he is not ok with you all interacting then simply say so to the inlaws. tell them your husband requested that you both go your seperate ways until these matters can be resolved and tonight is not the time for that to happen. basicaly i would try my best to give them no reason to gossip about any drama even if they make things up. never a good idea to fule the fire.
Glad you updated with what happened. I think you handled the situation appropriately. In the future, if you find out they are coming to somthing (especially if your daughter is not comfortable with them either) I would have your husband ask them not to come. I know that sounds harsh, but obviously there are issues there and your children don't need to be around such angry and hostile people. I know what it's like to deal with toxic family members! Good luck dealing with them in the future!
I am so sorry that you ended up with these in-laws. It's heart-breaking, I know. But it sounds like you are doing the best you can in the situation.
I always try to be the "bigger person" but it's become clear to me that certain kinds of people read that as a "kick me" sign. I will continue to be nice, because that's me, but it's important for us to respect who WE are when we are trying to figure out how to deal with people who ought to love us but have decided to hate us.
hugs to you.
Sorry you had to go through that, it does not seem like your children are missing out on much by living far from the MIL. It is a shame she felt the need to go and make a production, especially on someone special's big night! I had many issues I was dealing with when it came to a parent and from being exposed to a certain way of dealing with conflict, I brought this into our marriage. In counseling, I was told that the wounded wound others. Hopefully your husband can find healing from that past and from all the other trash he was exposed to. Good luck :)
Hi,
Wow, read your post. You poor thing! I have advice for you that I think will help you.
1. you teach people how to treat you--no matter who they are! Until they meet YOUR standard of respect, etc. you don't deal with them period.
2.family or not, anyone who treats you or your loved ones with disrespect doesn't deserve the pleasure of your company!
3. if mil is this way, of course you can and should refuse that she hold your baby! I wouldn't let ANYONE family/not hold my baby if I am not comfortable. Do not let her take the baby from you. All you have to do is be firm, look her in the eye and say NO! Since you can't act like an adult and be cordial with me- I don't want you to touch me or my family. Stay away from us!
4. Tell your oldest that MIL may come by backstage and you will do your best to keep her out of there and not make her feel uncomfortable. prepare her for problems though---
5. let one of your closest stagemoms in on the potential problem and ask her to help you if she sees things get out of hand. she could tell your mil to leave or take the daughter away from the drama.
Good luck to you. I wish you the best with this and just remember that just because she is your MIL doesn't mean she can walk all over you and be horrible. Teach her how she MUST treat you. If she can't hold to that standard, ignore her until she does.
Molly
First, CONGRATULATIONS about your daughter's ballet performance.
Next, GOOD FOR YOU being a behind-the-scenes mom
while ALSO keeping baby with you.
A lot more than many moms can manage gracefully.
And NOW . . . . . . WHAT HAPPENED?
TELL US.
PLEASE.
Unless they apologize, I would ignore them. If there is any type of security at this place, I would ask them to not allow the in-laws backstage.
I would also tell your daughter that her grandparents are going to be there. And that as soon as she's done with the show, you all are out of there because you do not want any type of confrontation with them.
Deep breaths, mama! Good luck and let us know what happens.
You handled yourself perfectly. People like your ILs are going to talk badly about you no matter what - whether you are kind and courteous, civil, ignore them, or are outright mean. I would say given your situation, ignoring them was the right thing to do. There is nothing you can ever do to soften them up, so why bother trying anymore?
As for the people who suggested you "be a bigger person" and treat this miserable woman with kindness - I do believe we should forgive people, if only for our own peace of mind - however no one should be forced to endure what you have over and over again in the name of "family." Just because they share a bloodline with your husband and kids does not give them license to treat your nuclear family poorly. I was especially appalled with the person who suggested that you drug yourself (valium) in order to deal with this vile woman. Numbing your mind is not the answer.
Make sure you do not alert them to any future events, so they will not be able to intrude on a special time like this again!
Do you have a friend you could leave the baby with? OR have come with you to hold baby while you gather the other children? (And help you if situation turns ugly? Otherwise, ask one of the other moms to hold baby while you grab other daughter (if grandparents are by her.)
I would prep your daughter and let her know that you need to leave quickly. Have her meet you in a designated spot and be ready and waiting asap.
I would completely ignore them. I dont understand how someone claims to love the children but have absolutely ro respect for the person that gave them life. Im sure if your children were old enough, and knew the way she treated their mom, they wouldnt want anything to do with her either. And Im not saying that the children should never be in the middle of it, Im just giving an example. She doesnt have to like you, but given you are the mother of her grandchildren and her sons wife, that demands respect. How could they possibly care about you guys if they will cause so much drama and pain in your family. I would cut them off. Life is too short to let miserable people run your life. Good luck, sorry about your situation.
Tough situation! I feel for you. Personally - I think hubby should take the night off and be there. They are his parents and he should be dealing with ALL of this. Granted - he has taken your side and stood up for you which is great.
You - be nice and be the bigger person. Smile, say hello. Keep it simple. I hope she doesn't just grab your baby from you but if she does, maybe say - oh, did you want to hold her? OK. And just let her... she is leaving asap. If it were me - my baby would be in my Ergo or similiar carrier so she couldn't just grab. She'd have to ask. Other than that - just think of your daughters. They will pick up on the stress - and they will notice if Mom is naughty or nice :-) Thankfully for you, they are 5 hrs away and you don't have to see them often. Take a deep breath when you feel yourself getting upset and just remind yourself in your mind - it's just a quick visit... it's just a quick visit....
OR
Ignore them! Honestly - you have the right to either. It's just tough with the kids :-( Sorry you have to go through this!
Didn't read the other responses, so maybe a repeat.
First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
I would suggest smiling and saying hello but no "how are you?" If they talk to your daughter, hopefully paying her a complement, let her say thank you and then tell her it's time to go.
Are you friends with any of the other moms involved in the production or going? Personally, I would call one of them, explain the situation if they don't already know, and ask if they wouldn't mind holding the baby for a few minutes while you gather up your oldest. That way the baby won't be right there, hopefully avoiding the whole "can I hold her" situation. I know I would jump at the chance to support a friend in that way.
Best of luck.
What would I do? Let me tell you. Today is Saturday, so it might be too late, but you and your husband should NOT allow your MIL to come to your daughter's dance recital!!! Who does she think she is to trash talk you to the family AND think she has the right to come see your daughter's dance recital? She cannot have her cake and eat it too!!! You and your husband should NOT be allowing this! You and your husband are enabling your MIL to behave this way. She must know that whenever she trash talks about you, she will lose her grandchildren privileges! By allowing her to visit your kids and see your daughter's recital, it is like you are telling her it is okay to trash talk about you. She must be punished - no grandkids for a few months. And if she continues to disgrace you, then no grandkids for 6 months, and if she still continues to disgrace you - no grandkids for ONE WHOLE YEAR. This must caese NOW. Stop enabling her! Ridiculous.
Yuck, what a sticky situation. I think it is best to take the high road and be on your best behavior for the sake of your child. If your oldest would not be there, I would have said ignore her. But, since she will be there, I would give a "hello" with a half-smile and ask casually how she was doing and did she enjoy the show.Then I would quickly give my oldest a hug and kiss, love you, see you later. I would not even mention my infant daughter unless your MIL says something, and only if she asks to hold the baby, I would let her for a minute or two, and then after 2-3 minutes, mention, I am sorry but I really need to get going now.
Well, if your own husband does not want to see them, that tells you a lot right there. They have no rights to you, their son, or your children. I would not tolerate another minute of this nonsense, as it not only effects you and hubby, but the children as well. If you see them, tell them that none of you will be spending any time with them that night or any other until they decide to treat your entire family with respect and love. They are not going to be allowed to pull things then get to see the kids. No way, no how. It changes now or there is no talking or visiting. Since hubby will be working, it is up to you to tell them this and be firm. You are trying to protect your family, and being relatives does not give them an automatic pass to be involved in your lives. They have to earn that right at this point.
Regardless of what has happened in the past, how would you feel if your mother came, and your husband completely ignored her and refused to let her see the baby? He may be unhappy with her, but she is still his mother and he loves her. Causing more trouble with her will only hurt your husband in the end. I hope you can think about him and your kids and put your own hurt feelings to the side for the sake of your family's happiness. But I would also let mil know (at a different time, when you can really talk) that what she did really hurt you, and you will not tolerate being disrespected, especially in front of your children.
Ok I have a question related to your question. In my case my parents were always nasty to my family, including my children. Growing up they were only nice to people that were doing something for them. When my sister and I begain families, my parents moved 2 hours away saying they were not going to babysit kids.
At the same time we were expected to spend every holiday and event with them or my children did not receive a gift, card or a phone call for birthdays or Christmas. Since by this time Iwas raising my children alone we visited alot because I thought my children would benefit knowing their grandparents.
My parents never came to my children's activities like plays, graduations, ball games..... and they consistently ran me down in front of my children about me using the wrong detergent and not being married. (I was married for 15 years)
At one point my Dad called each of us girls to tell us over the telephone that we were being disowned and my brother who lives near them was getting everything. I was hurt but I continued to call to check up on them.
Now that my parents are in bad health, my sister and brother expect me to spend time with my parents to help out with the 24 hour care they need. I work two jobs and I have been dealing with cancer for 12 years. I feel like a bad daughter, but I do not have the energy or the time to spend extended periods with them. I morned their loss when they openly disowned me in favor of my brother. What can I do and still have a life?
I wouldn't concern myself with them at all if I were you, I would just ignore them. And I think your older child, and even middle, are old enough to understand if you explain by saying that grandma and grandpa are not nice people. They will learn, if they haven't already, that some people in the world are just not nice. Not that your children should be allowed to be disrespectful to them, or that you and your husband should be either, but if/when your kids ask about everything that's going on. Good luck!
