I am proud of YOU!!!!
Stop being a door mat for this lazy man. Don't do anything but feed your child and yourself and only feed the animals. Do not clean the litter box, do not clean the bathroom do not do laundry except to make sure you and your daughter have clean underwear and such but leave everything not essential to the next few days attire, do not do the dishes, do not take out the trash, do not run any errands, let him pay the bills, they take a few minutes and can be put on the mailbox for the next days mail delivery, etc....
Do this for 1 week minimum and he will see what a blessing you truly are.
I have a cousin that I love dearly, we went to stay with her family a few times several years back. She had married a man who had a son. She had raised him since he was about 8-9 years old. The last visit was when he was an older teen, still in high school and just starting to drive.
I was helping her one day while she had gone to run an errand. I was emptying her dish washer and asked her step son where stuff went. He truly had no idea even where the glasses went. My cousin had always been the one to ask him if he wanted something to drink, she got the glass down and handed him a full drink, she loaded the dishwasher, she put the dishes up, hubby didn't even know where stuff went.
That is really repulsive to me....that poor child's future wife will be expected to be a servant to him because he has been taught to be dependent on a woman for even a drink of water out of the fridge...that is truly sad. I asked her why she did this, I really really really didn't understand. She said it made her feel loved and needed. They cared about her because they were always asking her to do stuff for them. In my book it should be the other way around, they love her so much they want to be helpers to her and show her how much they appreciate and love her by helping her have free time to do something for herself.
Many women make this mistake. They think it is their job to supply every service that a man or child may need. That is so terribly sad. She is setting these children up to be selfish and uncompromising in their future relationships.
So go on strike but do it right. Do nothing that is not for yourself or your child. Feed the animals but that's all. Don't do anything else. Let him cook, let him sit in the bathroom with a dirty toilet. Show him exactly what you are worth.
Once he realizes what you are, and that is NOT A SERVANT, then you can talk to him about assigned chores.
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I sat down with hubby one time and had been having issues with him not helping. I decided to show him the way a man needs to be shown, they are quite visual.
I got on the computer and googled a lot of sites about chores and housework. I had a super long list of daily, every few days, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, every 3 months, twice per year, and yearly chores.
I typed them all out on a ton of sheets of paper. I cut them into strips. I put each time frame in a different box. I had one labeled daily, one box labeled for each time frame.
Then I sat him down at the table with me, I explained what was going to happen. I told him he was going to draw one out of each box. Then I was going to draw one out of each box and we would be assigned that chore for 1 year. That way it would be fair to him and to me. Neither of us would be overworked or expected to do too much with our work schedules.
He was appalled, told me it was my job to do the house. I told him to choose, be a helper or a hindrance but either way I was not his bond-servant, chattel,
workhorse, that I had worth as a person and would not be treated as anything less.
He started drawing slips out. Once we were done he was shocked at how many he had. I was really glad to offer him a deal once we were done. There are some chores that he got that I really enjoy such as laundry, I really didn't want him to do the laundry. I can't handle the static when he decides there is no need for dryer sheets since he doesn't like the smell. I did change to Bounce Free after a while just for him though.
So we compromised and I took some chores he did not want and I gave him some that I could not see myself ever doing.
I did tell him that he had his list now and that they were expected to be done on time. I did not care if he paid someone to do them for him. If he didn't want to mow the yard himself then he could pay someone out of his own spending money to provide that service, it did not come out of family money but his own assigned spending money.
This worked for us for several years. I did do some compromising but once they see you fold they do try to take advantage of that.
Now that he is on disability and I am retired we both do stuff around the house. He did dishes today and swept and mopped the kitchen while I took a nap. I have been running a fever and coughing up green pus so I needed the rest. He fed the grand kids lunch and snack, he cleaned up after himself, and he even cleaned out the fridge.
Life is pretty good once you re-train them to think outside their box of childhood learning. He is a good man that just needed to understand life is different when a woman is working outside the home, she is equal in the relationship nowadays instead of June Cleaver.