Will Hubby Do Dishes If You Ask or on His Own?

I'm anal about how my dishwasher is loaded and how clean dishes are put in the drying rack, so no, my hubby does NOT do the dishes. Well, that's not entirely true. Every once in a while, he'll load the dishwasher. And I'll just unload and RE-load it...the *correct* way. He thinks he's helping me, and I love him for that.

Yes, my husband will do dishes, both if I ask, and often just because they need to be done.

He also does almost all of the laundry for the family, and will often spend an evening cleaning if it needs to be done.

When I start to feel guilty about how much he does around the house after a full day of work, he says that I'm doing just as much here watching three kids, and that what I'm doing is more important and probably more exhausting than what he's doing, and he's fine with me relaxing while he cleans. He also kind of enjoys it -- it relaxes him.

I'm a very lucky woman.

Whoever sees it first takes care of it. Often I'll start the dishes and he'll finish them for me. We're old school, we have to wash by hand!

Um...we kind of each do what needs to be done when we see it needs done. Your husband is being childish and his family is unrealistic.

We do what needs to be done - dishes, laundry, what ever, when ever.
When we were first married and living in a tiny apartment he had this thing where he'd leave dirty dishes in the sink - the dishwasher was right next to it but it was like he was blind that it was there.
So as an experiment I stopped loading the dishwasher.
Three days goes by - the sink pile is getting higher.
Finally he looks in the cupboard and there are no dishes left.
"Honey? Where did all the dishes go?".
I walk into the kitchen trying so hard to keep a straight face.
Gently turn him around to face the sink and did a little 'wah lah' wave with my hands.
"Oh".
By now I'm just laughing so hard I could hardly keep from crying but we loaded the dishwasher together, and put them away together once they were washed.
And it hasn't been a problem since then! :-)

Hmm. I am a sahm, and my husband does on occasion, without being asked, wash the dishes in the sink. Or load the dishwasher. Or run a load or 2 of laundry, dry and fold it (well, lay it out on the sofa so it won't wrinkle). He has a few times run the vacuum cleaner too. He'll even wipe down his own bathroom sink. He's not perfect, though. None of us are. I do appreciate his willingness to help sometimes though. Even if, like another poster mentioned, I have to re-do whatever he did. ;)

Maybe I'm wrong, but from a cursory read of your post, it sounds like the two of you have been doing a lot of complaining about the other to your families.... that is not helpful. My husband and I have disagreements like every husband and wife, but we keep them private, like they should be. It doesn't do anything to build up our relationship if we go complaining to people outside it.

My husband and I work opposite schedules, so our family time is precious. We know that things have to be done so we can enjoy our "free" time. Now that he's figured it out, he simply does the dishes, and other jobs that are routine and he can easily do. We do the harder stuff together.

My husband knows that there is nothing sexier than a man who is doing dishes or vacuuming. And he often works 6 days a week, 4 of those days are double shifts. The days he has off we clean together, amongst other things ;) And he takes over dinner, homework, and bedtime every night he is home.
So, yes, if I asked him to do the dishes, he always says yes. In our younger years, it was more difficult to get him to be more of a participant, but he always cooked when he was home and took care of the kids at least as well as I did. It took a little while for him to help more, but we've both matured a lot since those early days and don't fight over the little things any more.

How do you divvy up the chores in general? What is the break down? Or ... does he help at all? Is he in charge of the yard/outside, etc.?

My husband has taken on the task of emptying the dishwasher. But I had to ask over and over -- and then poof! A light went on. Now he does it on his own. In general, although I work full-time now, I do the bulk of the housekeeping. I tried splitting it 50/50 after I went back to work, but I got tired of nagging him to uphold his end of it. Our standards of clean are different, what can I say. Now if I could just get my husband to put his dishes IN the dishwasher, that would be great. He puts them in the sink. The dishwasher is LITERALLY two inches from the sink. Just open the door and pop 'em IN!!! *Sigh*

Anyway, to me, asking for help with the dishes seems reasonable. Especially since he has an extra day off and you also work full-time.

YES, my husband will.

The thing is: A MAN/HUSBAND/DAD... is a PART of the home and family too. There are responsibilities, of BOTH Spouses. You are both a 'team.'
A Man, is NOT EXEMPT, from household chores or needs, nor child needs.
He is a grown up.
Not a hotel guest.
HE lives, IN the house too.

It is NOT your fault.
A man, CAN DO ANYTHING... a woman does, except, breastfeed.

YOUR Husband, is being lazy and has no sense of responsibility, for his home/upkeep and daily chores.
He CAN do it... he just doesn't want to and feels he doesn't have to and is being absurd.

I say: GO ON STRIKE. Don't do "His" things... ie: laundry, cooking, chores etc. Let him do his, himself. Since, he has a gender problem with who does what. And if highly, unfair and that is a bit Chauvinistic...

My husband will just do the dishes without being asked. Or in the morning before he goes to work he will empty the dishwasher some days. We don't think of it as my job. When he is home we both do stuff around the house. Yes, I do the majority of it. But on weekends/evenings he will do dishes, laundry, and vaccume. Sometimes he cooks dinner.

Both. If he sees them he does them. Anything I ask him to help me with he does without complaint. He works on the assumption he lives there too. :)

We never ask each other to do anything specific. We both just pick up and clean, as we see things are needed. If my husband wakes up early for work and sees dishes out, he will just do them. If I see some laundry, I'll throw it in. We almost never even talk about cleaning. We just do it. I know if I'm spending a ton of time cleaning, he will take time and do something else I didn't have time for. We don't keep score.

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My husband does the dishes but that's because his mother trained him to do the dishes when she asked him to. He was never under the impression that any particular chore was "woman's work". When we moved in together we talked about all the chores that go along with keeping a house running and he said he hated to clean toilets, sinks, counters, mirrors, dust or mop. I told him I hated doing the dishes and putting away the clothes but I didn't mind washing them. So we divided up the chores a long time ago so we could avoid the ones we hated the most. He also hates putting the laundry away so we've agreed to do it together.

Him
Dishes
Garbage
Lawn
Filthy stinking cat box

Me
Cooking
Clutter Control
Dusting
Sweeping
Mopping
Vacuuming
Anything to do with bathrooms (toilets, sinks, counters, mirrors, showers, tubs etc)
Washing the Laundry

Joint
Folding the freaking mound of laundry and putting it away

Though there was a contingency clause in our chore split that deals with sickness or getting stuck working overtime. If a job outside the home calls for overtime we always take it because we need the cash so the one working over time is relived of house duties for that day. If someone falls sick, of course they are not expected to clean anything up and the other person tows the line. We're partners. I'm not his mother and he's not my father. Your husband sounds like he wants a mommy, not a wife.

yes, my hub will do dishes. When asked and even when not.

He does the dishes when I cook. I do the dishes when he cooks. It comes out about 50:50. I would sit down and have a real discussion about it. You should not be 'asking him to help' he should be doing his share of the work to keep the household running.

My husband works swing shift and is only home wed and thurs evening ~ he cooks AND cleans the kitchen on those nights and lets me hang out and relax and play with our boys. We both work full time and we both do housework and yardwork. We're a team. He hates dusting, so I dust. I don't like to change the oil in the cars, so he does it. We have a few things that we each regularly do but most of the time we both do what needs done.

My hubby will do dishes if I ask him but usually he sees a need and looks for ways he can help out. He helps so much around the house and with kids...even though I am home full time.

I am not sure if you are looking for advice or just wanting to know about dish duty in my home.

Good luck and best wishes!!

Mine does them on his own. He hates a messy kitchen. I love it! He's usually washing things while I'm preparing dinner. That's when we talk about our day and compare notes.

MOST of the time (5 out of 7 days?) he'll do dinner dishes on his own. It's part of the little system we worked out. Everyone (even little guys) bring dishes to the sink after every meal. I do dishes during the day, but since I'm cooking dinner, he usually cleans the dishes after dinner. Sometimes, he's just totally beat and wants to shower and lay down. I tell him if he lays on the bed and cuddles and reads to the boys, I'll do dishes on those nights.

Only when he's looking to get laid.....

Nope. I cook and do the laundry, he cleans the kitchen and vacuums. We pretty much share the rest. It hasn't always been this way. When I stayed home I did it all and always felt a little resentful because I was always cleaning, working and he would come home from his 8-10 hrs and sit and read while I was still doing it all. When I went back to work, I told him what I expected of him, to share the household responsibilities and he's been a champ. Sometimes he leaves the dishes for a day, but sometimes I leave the laundry for a week...so I don't complain.

My advice to you, if he doesn't help, just leave it. Don't do his laundry, don't do his dishes, and don't complain about it. Just let it sit until he can't take it anymore. Fight fire with fire. He can't physically make you clean, you can't physically make him clean. Just be a bit selfish for a while until he starts to appreciate what you do....or he can call his mommy to come clean up after him.

I think it's funny how many say they will not put up with it, but what are you going to do? Argue everyday about it till your divorced?

My husband usually does half of them on his own, or a few random ones here and there. I sometimes have to nudge him to do the rest, but he's sweet about it, and I do them most of the time anyway. I think your husband definitely needs to help out if he's got a whole day. Does he really just sit and watch tv, or is he too busy to do the dishes because he's doing so much other housework? :) If it's the former, his a$$ needs to get busy!

I hate doing dishes. I hate doing dishes. I hate doing dishes. But I dearly love my wife and I have done dishes on my own and because she asks me. She doesn't see what the big deal is so she never appreciates what I do, but I do do the dishes occasionally.

When I retired we had a dishwasher and so I "do the dishes" more often. I don't mind putting the dishes in this appliance and taking them out again.

Marriage is a partnership. I do things she wants me to do and she does things I want her to do even though both of us would rather not at times.

I do 99% of the cooking, shopping, trash out, and gardening.

Good luck to you and yours

if there are dishes in dishwasher or table, my husband will take care of them. but then again he is OCD so if i don't do something, he will do it,plus if i do something which isn't up to par with his OCD he will redo what I have done. i am happy:)

If I haven't gotten to the dishes by the time it's bedtime for the kids, they're always done by the time I'm done getting them to sleep - I *never* have to ask. If he sees that the dishes (or laundry, sweeping, whatever) needs to be done and I'm busy with the kids or another chore, my husband just does 'em.

It's OUR home and family and we both contibute equally, but differently. I'm a SAHM to 3 girls; he works m-f 7-4....but we *both* take care of our girls, our home and each other.

Definitely HAVE to ask. But I don't get any problem if I do. I have to ask for anything I want done around here!

my hubby does all the dishes (except during the early spring and late fall when I can't leave any dishes in the sink because of ants or mice) I hate doing dishes, I would rather scrub the bathroom! It is the only chore he does except for taking out the trash so he doesn't complain.

Hubby used to be give me hard time about doing dishes, but not anymore. 9 times out of 10 I do need to ask him but at least he doesn't give me in any flak. The other 10% of the time he does them without me having to say anything (and we are talking about all the times I don't do them myself). Maybe it's the difference between a man being 34 and 44.

Of course his family wants to defend him, but seems like Mom did too much for him and didn't expect him to do more for himself. He's your husband now, and it's none of their business how you guys conduct your marriage. He's a grown man, not a baby, he can wash a dish or two - especially if he's off on Fridays and you aren't. I would drive that point home with him if you haven't already.

My hubby and I share common chores that the entire family messes up such as the kitchen, family room and laundry. My hubby actually does the dishes every night, it's what he said he could take on to help out with the house. He also does all weekend laundry that has accumulated since I did all of it from Thursday. If I haven't got to the kids yet at the end of each night, he'll bring everyone together, including the 2yo and do a team clean so we don't live in a cluttered space before we all go to bed. This works really well for us, but I'm also fortunate that my husband was raised by parents that were strict when it comes to work ethic and pulling your own weight. It's only fair. GL!

He's lucky that you dont ask him to do ALL the housework. Tell him to deal and that if he wants his dinner cooked, his laundry washed and folded then he better start being nicer or he is going to find out how much work you really do, and without help.

Men right? It's that Y chromosome I always say!

No he doesn't do dishes nor do i expect him to. He used to when I was working and just to help, but now that I am home ALL DAY there's no excuse for me not to do them. I'm sure if unasked he would but there's hardly ever a dish in the sink. I feel lazy asking him to do much around the house...

he will do most things if i ask....but he prefers not to do the kitchen or bathroom (thanks...the dirtiest rooms in the house!) i don't mind it too much, i just ask him to do other things. it's a bearable compromise for some help :)

Oh no way would I put up with that!
Chores are shared around here. If someone sees it needs to get done and they are free to do so then they get it done. There are only a couple things that we don't share. My husband is responsible for the yard. If I so much as try to mow the lawn I break out in a horrible itchy rash because of allergies, I've tried, also sets off my asthma. I don't ask for help with the laundry above asking for help carrying it up and down the stairs sometimes and the general collecting of it. I do the washing/drying.
The kids have things they are to help with depending on their age. My oldest is supposed to help with the dishes but he can't put them all away because he can't reach everything. My youngest son is responsible for taking a garbage bags and emptying out all the small trashcans in the bathrooms & bedrooms. My 2 year old will help put her toys back in the box. Everyone is supposed to put laundry away, not always theirs. My 2 year old loves putting her brother's socks away in their drawers ;)
When my kids make comments like all I do is ask them to clean clean clean I tell them that if they did it when it needed to get done I wouldn't be pestering them to do it. They know laundry goes in the hamper, trash in the bin, dishes in the sink etc. If they choose to not do it as they go or as needed then it turns into a huge production that I'm going to pester them about until it gets done.

Why would you be in charge of all the cleaning and housework? Why would you be expected to go to work and do all of the chores? That's an expectation that needs to have not been set at all. Let him know that this is not his momma's house and you don't expect to spend all of your time off doing housework while his lazy butt is in front of the t.v. He needs to understand that he is not "helping" you with your chores, he is doing what needs to be done in his home and these things are not women's work, just as you are not "helping out" or doing him a favor by going out and earning a living. My husband never had this type of attitude but it used to get on my nerves when the kids were babies/little and everyone thought it was wonderful that dh "helped." Ummm, taking care of his own kids isn't helping, it's parenting just like I wasn't helping by working to provide food, clothing and health insurance. Good luck,

For one, you are NOT his Mother! Secondly women have every right to be more assertive about SHARING the domestic duties in the household even if she is a SAHM.

Tell him to grow up and start helping out with the daily chores of your joint household! He's whining like a child and even whines to his family! What a jerk!

My husband will NOT do the dishes, we actually made an agreement, he does floors I do dishes... Every once in a BLUE moon, he'll put them away for me, other than that, he'll use all the dishes in the house before ever washing them. But he will wash out a pot if he really needs it...

He gets mad at me because I let them pile up, I work full time, he stays home and sometimes I'm too tired to do them. I will eat off paper plates instead of having to do the dishes. He surely doesn't do the floors every day, but I'm expected to do the dishes... unfair, but I really have no problem letting them pile up for a few days, even did it for a week because I just didn't want to do them. But it sure sucked when I finally got around to doing them... I know how you feel, I even felt like leaving him a few times because of it... then I usually start my period... LOL

If he doesn't want to help with the dishes, then perhaps you shouldn't cook for him. Ungrateful man there. My hubby will do the dishes on his own and if I ask him to. He's awesome. I wish your hubby appreciated you more and appreciated having a home to live in, children around him, dishes to eat food off of...This annoys the heck out of me of how ungrateful he is of you and he needs to buck up and take some responsibility. The household chores are not just for the women to do. The men live there to, therefore they need to help keep up the house in order to have a clean decent home to live in. Well good for his mama for doing it all for him as he grew up. Some women do, and that's fine. If that is their comfort zone, and what they want to do, it's perfectly fine. But majority of us here are not June Cleaver. :-) The husband and wife don't have 'separate' roles in the household when it comes to cleaning. Everyone should pitch in, including the kids and the mamas and papas are the role models that help teach children that they have to take care of the things they have.

Tell your hubby if he wants a maid, then he can get another job in order to provide one for you because if he doesn't want to help with the chores, and especially dishes, then I guess he doesn't get his food cooked for him. :-)

I have a specific role here in my home, and that is, that I'm the cook. My husband can cook some easy things, but I do the main cooking. So I take that on myself and I don't expect him to. He does most of the yard/pool work, but I help him with that, and vice versa...he helps me with housework. Even though I'm a stay at home mom, he doesn't mind at all helping. After all, he lives here too. There are some chores that I ask him to help with, and a few that he does on his own.
I do laundry, but he'll put away the clothes for me. He and the kids pick up toys, while I vacuum everywhere. I clean the bathrooms majority of the time and I always dust. I never ask him to do those things. What he helps with is great.
You and the kids eat and wash up your dishes. If your husband is hungry, tell him to fix his own dinner and do up his own dishes. Maybe he'll get the hint that way. :-) It's a bit rude I know, but perhaps then he'll understand where you're coming from.
Also, express that you all are a 'team' as a family, and as a team, we work as a team with all the chores.
Hope this helps. I feel for you.

Mine never does them but I'm a SAHM so I have plenty of time (not really but you know what i mean).... and teens..LOL In your situation with you working during the week and busy on the weekends, I'd hire a house keeper. Good luck to you!!

If I cook, I don't do the dishes. That's how it works in our house. If one of us cooks something just for ourselves, that person does the dishes. I rarely do any dishes in my house, and if I have to, he hears about it!

He also does all the vacuuming. I've never used his Dyson, and we've had it for at least 3 years.

I also don't dust. If any dusting gets done in our house, it's not by me.

So I'd say we share the chores. On "clean the house weekend" the weekend we devote one whole day to cleaning as opposed to spot cleaning (like tonight we clean the bathrooms, etc) I start at one end of the house and he starts at the other and we meet in the middle, with our DD picking up her room and her toys. I could never live in a house where it was my job to do all of the cleaning while I worked a full time job as well.

My hubby does help with the dishes without being asked. Not every day, mind you, but at least a couple of nights a week. He also does all the laundry (washing/drying and folding/put away) and mops. If I am working side job over the weekend, I can count on him to do dusting and vacuuming as well. About the only thing he NEVER touches are the bathrooms!

My husband would eventually do the dishes--that is about a week of it piling out of the sink--so I guess that's a no. I don't know if I could blame him, I guess that's the only chore as a kid he and his sister had. It wasn't until 2 yrs ago his parents finally got a dishwasher. Even then his Mom told me he waited until the very last minute to complete them too....

With that said it still bugs me that he can bring the dishes to the counter, sometimes even rinse, and then not open the dishwasher door and just put them in (really how hard is it). I use to complain to him how much simpler it would be if everyone just put their own darn dishes away! He obviously didn't care...

So at any rate, I told my hubby he doesn't help out the dishes, I'm not matching/folding his socks. I said the day he puts the dishes in the dishwasher will be the day I'll fold his socks. Ha, still haven't matched/folded socks in the 6 yrs we've been married. I hate matching socks when the kids came along, that was 3x's the matching--I figured he could help out with some type of house care. To this day he only does the trash, which is fine by me, but once I go back to work we'll probably have to do a little bit more compromising.....

My hubby will do dishes sometimes, and he does all the laundry for all five of us. Your hubby should be helping if he has three days off!

I have to ask. Hubby and his dad think that if you want something you should have to ask. Him and his dad don't ask, they just assume you know what they want. Even when I ask, he says no. We don't have a dishwasher.

Mine does them all the time. Especially since I have kind of gone on strike over the past several months. I cook and clean up and do the launry etc. he used to go lay on the couch and watch TV if he was in the house. Now, the dishes are usually done--at least most of them. Sometimes he leaves the pots but at least the sink is not full when I get home from work.

My husband (and my two teen boys) do not even know dishes exist. I don't think any of them would do them without being asked and probably would not notice them sitting and sitting for days on end. I ask. Sometimes I tell. I don't mind pestering because that means I don't have to do them. In fact, I haven't washed the dishes in years. If the boys don't do them on their night, they are all sudsed up in the sink waiting for them bright and early in the morning, lol!

Most of the time he will do it on his own. Sometimes a gentle nudge is needed but otherwise we've beena good tag team since we both work fulltime.