Too Many Chores for an 11-Year Old?

I work FT and to be honest I don't think my oldest had that many chores at age 11.

Is it too many chores for an eleven year old? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. It depends on her other responsibilities. Also, is it possible that her father would rather she spend her evenings bonding with the family b/c she is gone every weekend?

I agree with some of the other responders that you should take into consideration, if you haven't already, her chore expectations at her mother's home as well as her homework/project load. And keep in mind she is in school all day so she's probably tired, just like you.

What has helped me is to have everyone do their own laundry and then everyone helps with towels.

It also helps to use paper plates so there are not as many dishes to deal with.

I don't think so. My son does more than that. He doesn't do the bathrooms or his room weekly but he does the dishes and most of the laundry and he's 13 and has been doing most of that since he was 11. He also did the trash till his brother got old enough to gather it around the house. He still takes it to the dumpster cause the youngest is too short to get it in there. House work is good for kids. I work full time and there is no way I could do all of it myself. My husband helps with house work too.

Since you homeschool, why don't you make this a lesson. Have her write down every single job that each person does in the house. She can shadow that person or interview them. You can have her then interview other adults and kids to see what jobs they have. Don't forget stuff like sweeping, taking out the garbage, clearing clutter from the table so you can eat on it, fixing dinner, putting left overs away, etc. Have her chart these by person who does them and graph who has how many etc. THEN you can say to her and hubby that all these chores are unfairly distributed and redistribute them.

At 11 she can do her own laundry, my kids started when they were 8 and 11. I would have started earlier but even then they needed a step stool cause they are so tiny. LOL.

Does she have alot of homework every night? Is she is sports and any other after school activities? If she has alot of free time on her hands on the weekdays, then no that is not too much, but if she does have lots of homeworks and after school activities it may be. I know in out house during sports (which is most of the school year) my kids barely have time for homework and practices, on these days I dont ask as much of them. On days they have no sports and expect a little more help. Clearing the table isnt that hard nor does it take that long,she should be able to help with that no problem.

It will be a different answer for everyone but my opinion is that she is doing enough. I bet she has school and outside interests too. I made mine occasionally switch stuff in the laundry and at about the summer before 12 th grade they start doing all their own laundry.
Of course, if she has time to get in trouble, she has time to clean.

I think what she is doing right now as being a member of your family is enough. However, these additional chores could be something (and I would) entice her with $$.
$X per week for a list of chores, or a-la-carte of $X per chore, per week.

That current amount may be just right or even a lot -- depending on her biggest unpaid job: Homework. You make no mention at all of how much she has; if it increases a lot at times (projects due, tests coming up to study for); and so on. That is a huge factor, and if you increase her daily chores but don't account for homework -- especially in weeks when it ramps up temporarily -- yes, she could end up overworked some weeks. My daughter just came off a week with two tests and a large project due, and though she worked well in advance on all of them, there just is always extra pressure and extra work time in weeks like that. You really need to account for those kinds of weeks as well as what her weekly homework is, and you need to realize that her homework will increase, not decrease, each school year.

I'm all for chores but you and she and dad ALL need to sit down and talk about it. Schoolwork is the priority.

I would probably add letting her clear the entire table but I wouldn't have her then wash all the dishes every night. Set up a roster so all of you have turns -- not just her.

If she's doing laundry, vacuuming, doing dishes and clearing, doing her room and bathroom -- that sounds like a lot if she also has nightly and weekend homework plus projects etc. I would have her maybe only fold, not wash, or only vacuum that extra room every other week or whatever.

But I think you're looking to lay on a bit much without considering the homework load and the fact that it can change a lot from week to week. Are you going to be flexible about letting her "have off" on tough school weeks or not?

I like the idea of asking both your stepdaughter AND her dad to take on just a few more chores. I don't see in your post what he's helping with...

When I was 11 and growing up on a farm, I was in charge of several animals. That meant feeding, watering, forking up the manure, everything. I'm sure my dad checked in to see the animals were taken care of properly, but I got up before school every day to do this, then again after school. So no, I don't think washing a few dishes or folding some laundry is too much for an 11 year-old...

No. It's not.
I would suggest, also, that husband can help some, too. If there are only 3 of you, then you could all work together to clean up dinner, or he and daughter could do it together since you worked to prepare it all. Good bonding time. :)

Rather than make her do more stuff of "hers"... let everyone do more stuff that help "the family's" needs be met. EVERYONE can help with laundry-- taking it to the laundry room, sorting, moving from washer to dryer, folding, putting away. Everyone can run the vacuum... maybe you clean her bathroom, and your bathroom, and she vacuums the entire house. Then You vacuum the entire house and SHE does both bathrooms. Etc.

It just seems a little odd to me that she washes one place setting. That would never fly at my house.

Why not just hire a maid?

It's not necessarily too much, but if your husband disagrees, and it's going to be a fight, it might not be worth pushing the issue.

How many minutes will it save you to have her do the extra chores?

Also, does she seem to have enough free time after she's done with her schoolwork?

I'd say, if she seems to have enough free time after homework, and dad isn't going to fight you on it, then yes, it's fine to ask her to help. You shouldn't have to slave away all day and night while she parties.

Kids can do a lot more than they are usually asked to do. But, schoolwork has to come first.

We have two daughters...

The 10 year old-
Feeds/Water pets
Empty Dishwasher
Set Table/Get beverages
Keep Room/Clean Put away laundry

Just Turned 14 year old-
Keep Room Clean
Clean Kids Bathroom
Clean Floor in Room
Dust and sweep lower level once a week
Put away laundry

The oldest also cooks dinner about once a week and bakes for events or just for fun. I do ask her to do the dishes occasionally.

I think it really depends on what else is going on in their lives. Is she really busy? I find between homework, activities and social there isn't a lot of time for any more chores. Maybe your husband should do more if he thinks she has enough on her plate.

I think you're asking the wrong chores of her, honestly.

If it were me (this is just my suggestion), I would have her CLEAN her room...not just "clear a path", as well as other things you mentioned...changing her sheets, putting her laundry away, cleaning her private bathroom (not just wiping the sink...really cleaning it.)

Instead of having her clean just HER plate...which kind of gives the impression that we're not working together but each working for ourselves...you wash, and have her dry, etc.

I don't think it's too much to ask for her help in cleaning other rooms of the house, but don't ask too much out of that. Maybe have her vacuum all the carpet once a week, and you do it on the in between days.

How many children are in your household? If it's just the one, I can't imagine being swamped with housework, honestly, unless you've just fallen behind (happens to all of us!!) :) A great plan to get on top is to have everyone help out and do a REALLY thorough cleaning of the house. Once you're on top of it, you'll find it only takes a few minutes a day to keep it going. If you clean while your house is already clean (my mom taught me this) it takes almost no effort at all. I dust several times a week, and it only takes a few minutes because there's really no dust. I clean the bathroom twice a week and because it hasn't had a chance to get dirty, it again only takes a few minutes...super easy to clean when you don't have to scrub soap scum, etc.

My 10 yo son takes out the kitchen trash daily and the cans to the street and back on trash days. My 13 yo dtr unloads the dishwasher every day. They both wash, dry and put away their own laundry. And they both clear the dinner table after we eat and put everything in the kitchen so I can put it away. We have just started having them clean their bathroom they share.

I don't think kids should be our little slaves. I was an only child to a single mom and I felt like that growing up and I still remember it today. We all live in this house together and we ALL need to work at keeping it up. I think it makes good habits for the kids when they get older and are on their own. Just my opinion. Good luck!

Not too much. Here is what I expect my 8 year old son & 5 year old daughter to do.

Weekly:
Daughter - swiffer under furniture, help with laundry, get sheets off her own bed
Son - Help pick up, wipe all knobs, get sheets off his own bed
My husband and I vaccuum and do laundry. I usually clean the bathroom. We have cleaning day on Saturday morning where everyone helps out.

Daily (for both):
Throw dirty clothes down laundry shute
Help set the table
Help clear the table and put own dishes in dishwasher
Clean up room before bed
Help get the pets food/water as needed
Let the dog in/out as needed
Son - Take out trash/recycling as needed and put the cans at the street night before pick-up

So looks like I have my kids (who are younger) do as much if not more. My kids do get an allowance to the extra chores the do weekly. They both get $3/week.

That is definitely not too much for an 11 yo. I wonder why he's concerned about her being overworked. Does he not realize that maintaining a home is a family job. Everyone should jump in and do their share. Does he have any chores? Perhaps he's feeling guilty because he doesn't have chores and therefore doesn't want his daughter to have chores. It might help to have a family meeting during which everyone can choose chores.

Rather than her wash everyone's laundry, consider having her wash all her own laundry - piggybacking on putting her laundry away that she already does. My aunt thought it was a great idea and told my mom, so when I was 12, I started doing laundry. Somewhere in the 12-13 yr old range, we gave that chore to my sks as well.

I would look for things that would teach her independence vs things that seem punitive. For example, "So you don't have to wait on me every week, I'm going to teach you to do laundry. It will now be your responsibility to wash, dry and put away your clothes." But then you really have to let HER do it. That said, if she's really in a bind, help her out. I've tossed jeans in my load to ensure HW gets done first. I also asked my SD to help with communal laundry, like towels. I sorted them out for her and she folded and put them away. This was added when she was 16 or so.

Your SD does more than mine did at that age, FWIW. I don't necessarily think it's too much, but I do think you need to slowly add things and do so in a way that she doesn't feel like Cinderella. One of the things we did was tell the sks that part of getting a bump in allowance was more responsibilities. So they got a bump in middle school and HS but they were expected to do more at home. HW came first. If they really needed to punt a chore, they needed to discuss it with us. And we allowed things like "clean your room" (we required 2x a month for the cleaning lady) to take up to the time our cleaning lady arrived. So you might say "vacuum" but let it be sometime over the weekend. I wouldn't at this point add another room to her list.

The other thing is, if he doesn't feel the need to add more (valid), then how will he help you? Men can vacuum and do dishes, too.

I think she is doing enough. If you add more work, pay her. She is not there to just work. What is your husband doing to help out?

I know I'll be in the minority but I don't think I even did as much as an 11 year old as she'd doing and I'm very successful professionally - graduate degree from top school etc and keep a very clean home and basically am always busy. I say that bc so many people say that if you don't give kids chores, they end up lazy, irresponsible and incapable and that's not true. So my kids are younger but I'm not planning to give them a lot of chores. They didn't ask to be born and only get to be kids once. Having said all that, seems like she could help clear the dinner table... That's kind of family time. I did keep my room clean but I never did laundry or vacuumed. My mother said that was her job. I work full time btw.

ETA: after your ETA, I can see more why you're so busy and the fact that you're home schooling your SD is commendable. And since she has no homework, she could help more. I still don't agree with people who say why should they as mothers have to do other people's laundry then? BC YOU CHOSE TO HAVE CHILDREN... And you're an adult and they're kids... I think your husband should help more and you shoudl explain to your SD that since yo'ure homeschooling her and working PT, it's a lot on you and she needs to help a bit more. If your husband gives you a hard time, I'd be tempted to say "ok, I'll put her in the public school and then I'll have way more time."

I think it depends on the kid and how busy she is already. Chores do take time, which I am sure you know well! If she has lots of free time and is just hanging around the house for hours a day, then I think she could help out more. If she only really gets one hour to herself after homework, dinner, and bathing, I would say no. Everyone needs some time to unwind from their day. I might not go so far as to call them chores. At least at first. Give it a trial run. Ask for some help while you are working with the laundry etc. For example, while you are sorting laundry, you can ask her to put one load in the washer, that she doesn't feel like she is doing it all. If things go well, you can add a chore or 2 to her list, but I would add them one at a time so as to not overwhelm her . . . or start a fight between the two of them.

I don't think it's too much to add those things to her workload. My boys (9 and 11) have been doing all that you mentioned, PLUS washing and folding their own laundry for a couple of years now.

On Saturdays, one of them does all of the dusting and the other vacuums. And I mean the entire house. T deep cleans the kitchen and H deep cleans their bathroom and the main bathroom. They also clear the table after dinner, rinse the dishes and load the dishwasher (the person who cooks should clean up a bit as she goes, but should never have to do the dishes or wipe the counters...those who ate the meal she cooked should be doing that). They wipe the counters and take out the trash too.

We don't call these chores, it's simply "family work." It's what we have to do as a family to keep the house running.

There's no such thing as "overworking" an 11 year old. Family work is healthy. That work builds character and thoughtfulness.

In my opinion, having her only do things that pertain directly to her is a recipe for selfishness and a "me, me, me" attitude. Only rinsing her own dish and vacuumig her own room and cleaning her own bathroom...while you clean the rest of the house? Does she only use those rooms and no others?

Don't be shocked to hear "I didn't make that mess/use that, why should I have to clean it?" She'll need some retraining to learn how to contribute on a larger scale.

You might start to add little things that cause her to consider the needs of others. Have her start asking each family member what they want to drink with dinner and get it. If she gets up to get something for herself, it's polite to ask if anyone else wants something. If there are no forks on the table, she should get one for everyone. Stuff like that to build a habit of not only thinkng about herself.

Good luck.

I think my 5 year old does more than she does. It takes everyone to run a house, and there is no reason everyone can't help. Hubby sounds like he needs to either take up the slack he doesn't want his daughter to do, or he needs to support you in asking her to do more.

That sounds about right- but I don't think adding another thing or two will break her, either. My daughter just turned 12 last month and she does about the same amount of chores as this, plus walks the dog several times a day, feeds the fish and dog, and helps with other chores as I ask her to (including straightening shoes in the foyer, clearing table after dinner, folding/putting away clothes, starting/switching laundry.)

It really does help to have them do more, IMO. You can always try for a month and cut back if it's really tiring her out.

Besides wanting your SD to help out more... what is your HUSBAND doing, daily, per "chores" in the house????
I think, HE can, and should be... doing things too, daily, in the house and per helping his daughter, too.

I have 2 kids who are 6 and 10.
My 10 year old, can do what you want your SD to do.
But I don't have her do it everyday. She gets tons of homework daily and has other after school classes.
My 6 year old, could do those things too, but he is 6 and he gets homework too.
And per my kids, I like for them to also, have downtime. They are in school all day and get homework, and we also like to have a spot of family time, nightly.

I am a SAHM and also work part-time.
I know how you feel.
But for me, depending on the how the day is going, I may have my kids do everything, but never more than they can handle. Or I give them a break. They are mostly good about things, but some days, they are very bogged down with school things and we are busy after school, too. We are not just staying home everyday after school.

Again, I think, your HUSBAND can be and should be, doing more things around the house, too. Not only your SD.

With my kids, I do not make them do the laundry and fold it and change their sheets. I do it. I prefer to do it myself.
My Mom, who lives with us, she herself has a HARD time changing the bedding on her bed... because the mattress is heavy etc. and she has aches.

I think, your SD's daily and weekly chores are fine as it is. And she does seem to clean "her" area.
But, the OTHER thing you can instill in her is: that being a part of the family is NOT just doing things for only your things or only your area... but for the upkeep of the home. Being she lives there too. That is what being a family member is.... HELPING out, in the home, when/if there are other things to do.
My kids have their chores to do, per their age and ability. BUT for me, it can change daily in amount... because, on a daily basis and just per life... sometimes more things need help and on other days, not as much needs to get done. SO I TEACH my kids, that HELPING in the house does not mean, only doing "their" things. Because, if I ask them to do something else in the home to help... I don't want them to tell me "But that's not my job...." I want them to learn... that flexibility is needed, too. Because, life can change everyday and what we as a family, needs to get done.
And I do not expect my kids to be the house "maid." Rather, I teach them to be a PART of the family and home, because THEY are a part of a bigger entity beyond themselves.

Again, why can't your Husband be assigned chores too?
He should be doing something, whether or not he works.
I am a SAHM who works part time, and my Husband works, and HE is expected, to help in the house and with the kids TOO.
He is not off the clock, just because he works and I sort of don't. Being I am part time.
EVERYONE in a family... HELPS in the house and its upkeep. IT IS everyone's... home. That is what I teach my kids, about "chores."
They are not "Cinderella", but they need to help. AND show initiative about it too.

First of all, I would consider whether or not she has chores at her mom's house. It might be hard on her to double up on those weekly chores like cleaning a bathroom. What you already have her doing is pretty close to what I did at that age and it was totally fine. I had plenty of play time. When I was 13 my mom was single so my brother and I had to take on more and it was closer to the work load you are thinking of adding for your daughter, plus we traded off cooking dinner and washing dinner dishes. What felt like too much for me at that time was the washing dinner dishes. It cut into the time that I wanted to sit and relax in the evening. My mom's argument was that she was very tired too and needed to delegate more of the work. My argument was that I had to go to bed earlier so my evenings were shorter. Of course she eventually won, but I was not happy to be cleaning anything after dinner. We always did our weekly chores on Saturday-- bathrooms, laundry, vacuuming. So if she is at her mom's house for the weekend, when does she do those kinds of jobs?

My 10 year old - weekly chores are 1. clean her bathroom 2. clean her room (vaccum, dust, pick up floor) her daily chores are 1. sweep the living room, hall and kitchen (we have 2 dogs) 2. put away any clean dishes that are in the drainer (we don't have a dishwasher and i do not want her washing dishes) I think I could add a couple more. But we just started the "daily" chores a few months ago. She does put her own clothes away but that is a couple times a week when I do laundry.

I think you should enlist help from all family members of a capable age, including hubby and not just SD. She's eleven and what you want her to do is a bit much and you don't mention the ages of the other children in the house (if any). You could show her how to wash, dry and fold her own clothes and that can become an added chore. I showed my 14 year old how to do this about 1.5 years ago and it's wonderful. She is responsible for washing her own clothes. Teach her and the others how to clean up behind themselves. Is there a reason the other people in the family are not involved in helping with these chores?

Especially since you are homeschooling I think it would be more than okay to start teaching her to take on more chores :) My own children are younger, but we are also homeschooling, and they have to make their beds each morning and bring their dirty laundry down the washer each morning. They are also responsible for keeping their rooms "clean" daily and they help clear the dishes. At 11 your SD can probably handle vacuuming another room and clearing the table after all meals. Emptying the dishwasher still but I'm not sure about loading it/doing dishes. As far as laundry goes I would only add one of those additional tasks to her chore list and since folding is the most time consuming I would suggest she help you with that.

Kids are never to young to learn, they will have to do it some day on their own, why not teach them at home what they need to learn in the real life. My daughter had to learn early being a single parent, she could load and unload the dishwasher, load the washer and dryer, vac the house and wash dishes and clean her room, and take out the trash at the age of 10, she also had to help me mow the lawn, pushed some of it. It doesn't get any better than it does right now. People think it is too much for kids, no, it just makes them realize what has to be done to function in life. It's a teaching for life.

Yes, to clearing the table, maybe help dry and put them away with you? Perhaps have her bring her laundry and separate it into loads for you. Do you have bathroom laundry? Towels and wash clothes? She can wash, dry, fold and put away those. If she does well she can be upgraded to helping you with the other laundry.

By the time I was her age I was expected to keep one of two bathrooms clean, dust and vacuum the living room, dust and vacuum the family room, do dinner dishes ( during school year - summers and days off help with dishes from all meals) meal prep. As well as keep my room clean, fold and put away laundry and always always always keep my stuff picked up.

Keeping your hime clean and preparing meals and cleaning up after them is a privilage. Not everyone has a home or food to eat.

I like to keep in mind how much actual time it takes to do what I have asked...don't want them spending tons of time on chores, ya know?

I also make sure that I and everyone else in the house are up doing my/our own chores at the same time, so no one feels like a maid...like I did as a kid!

~I do not think you are asking too much and I would probably add moving laundry from washer to dryer (I like to start the washer but I am controlling or so I have been told) and then out of dryer & help with folding (if you guys fold together, it gives you time to talk and it gets done in seconds) and then yes to un-loading or loading the dishwasher 1x a day.

Since she is the only kid, I would try to relax on washing the dishes EVERY NIGHT, that gets SO OLD and most kids HATE it...but she could rotate un-loading and loading...that sounds fair to me.

I agree she should help clear the table after dinner (we all do it together). I don't have my son wash clothes because I have too many things that I am particular about how they are washed and sorted, but he does know how to switch them from the washer to the drier if I ask him too. Again, I only do it if it is a load that will ALL go in the drier on regular heat - no delicates or anything. I have him help me fold laundry, but I usually do my own and his shirts. They got too wrinkly if he does it. But he can do his jeans, towels, washcloths, etc.

He is not on a schedule to vacuum, but he does it if I ask him to.

I believe that she should be helping out more. IMHO she should be:

clearing the table after dinner

helping to make dinner,

helping to put groceries away after grocery shopping,

cleaning the toilet in her bathroom as well as the sink and mirror and emptying the garbage

If she is home all day, she shouldn't be "overworked" by doing a few more things. Dad is going to regret this because if she doesn't learn to do this stuff as a child and she feels like she is entitled to have someone do it for her, that is not going to change when she gets older. As a result, her house is going to be a filthy mess! I know. I didn't want to "overwork" my daughter either. Now as an adult she doesn't get that housework is HER responsibility!

BTW, if she only keeps a walking path clear in her bedroom, how does she vaccuum?

I think it is OK to have the kids helping in the house. What I tell my kids is that this is THEIR house as well, and all of us want to have our HOME clean and nice. This is not about a matter of hiring a maid or being "too strict", kids will be grown ups and they need,boys and girls, to take care of themselves and their places. Having to do a chore is just part of teaching the kids to be responsible. They DO have time to play and exercise. They do know that working as a team works for everyone H., and then each of us will have more time to play, rest or have fun.
My kids are 6 and 12. I home school too....from (8:30 to 2:00)
Both have the following chores:
Vacuums their room, and keep it clean i.e.: clean up toys, books, clothes, etc. (The little one uses a little vacuum and I supervise him)
Set the table
Clear the table after meals and load the the dishwasher
Empty the dishwasher,
Bring their clothes to the laundry room at the end of the week. They sort it out and put the laundry on the "kids' basket";
Help to take care the garden (weeding-we use vinegar-, store the hose, etc).
Help with groceries after we do the shopping,
The little one takes the recyclables out to the recycle bin;
The older one helps with taking the kitchen trash out and replace the bag daily;
The older one cleans the fish tank with daddy;
The little one feeds the fish;
Kudos for you!