Age Appropriate Responsibilities...

These are some things I did at that age: set the table at dinnertime, fold clean towels & put away, keep her room clean.

Hello Stepahine,

Amazing what parents expect from thier children. I would say that clearing the dishes from the table after eating, helping with putting away the dishes after they have been washed. Making her bed in the morning. I would keep them somewhat simple on the other hand if she wants to do more chores then there is proabably no harm in that. Good Luck.
K.

My 10 y/o daughter has been doing the following chores since she was about 8: cleans her room, sets/clears the table, helps me fold and put away the laundry, cleans her bathroom, and feeds the cat. We also request she do other chores when asked by either parent such as straighten the play room and family room, bring up/down the dirty/clean laundry baskets, help unload the dishwasher. We do not pay her for any of these chores as they are expected as part of the family. We only pay her to do things we consider above and beyond like wash the car, pull weeds, haul mulch to flower beds, wash windows. When she does these things we pay her an agreed upon price, yet also give her a tip usually 50 cents to $3. extra which relates to her attitude/disposition and how long she worked on the job. Good luck!!

Hi S.,

There is a web site that may be helpful for you.

http://www.allthedaze.com/9.html

Hope this helps. Good luck. You are a very caring person to nurture your step-daughter. Hats off to you. D.

I think that it really depends on the child but the average nine year old child should make there beds in the morning as well as place all dirty and clean clothes in the appropriate places and basic picking up after herself. You have to remember that your job is to help her become a wonderful young lady in the future. I also think its good that she assist you with house hold duties but minimun help. Other than the basic assisting, she should be a typical little nine year old and enjoy life as an innocent child. If the money is available you may want to set her up in a sport or dance class just to help her out with her transition.

I think you are on the right track with the responsibilities you have in mind. Although 9 is a young age for children to be taking on the responsibilities this little one has, I think at the age of 9 is when children should start to learn the responsibilities of cleaning, cooking etc. BUT NOT TO HAVE TO TAKE CONTROL OF THESE RESPONSIBILITIES. (BABY SITTING IS OUT). Since this child has already been doing the cleaning etc, I think the best thing to do in this case, instead of stripping these things from her, you should enhance your 9 year old to learn to do some of the things your step daughter has been doing and in return incorporate your step daughter into the life style that your 9 year old has become accustomed to and therefore, the three of you can build a well rounded team, thus they will grow up to be extremely responsibile adults. But take to the time to make the changes between the two they can actually learn from each other.

Hi S.. My daughter is 11, I understand you wanting your 9 year old to enjoy being 9 years old! Our society pushes little girls to grow up way to fast. At least we do have control in our own homes to allow them to be the children that they are!

We don't do a chore chart, but we do encourage our daughter to take care of her personal hygiene such as brushing her teeth, etc. I've really been encouraging her to take good care of her skin...if they learn to do this now, they will be so grateful that they learned to do it before the complexion problems hit.

We also encourage her to keep her room neat -- not perfect, but presentable.

We ask her to chip in around the house and pick up after her self.

But most of all we encourage her to forge friendships and just be a kid and have fun! :)

my 8 year old has to take care of her own heigene like you mentioned, put dishes away, help bring groceries in when we get home from grocerie shopping and sometimes i ask her to gether the laundry. other than that i basically just ask her to do a fe things to help me out during the day like go fetch your sisters shoes or could you fill her cup for me but it's not her responsibiility. i think it ould be very nice if she was given the sumer "off". of course she must keep herself clean but if she didnt have to worry about anyone else or a house to keep clean i'm sure it would do her a world of good.

Definitely bathing and brushing her teeth should be among daily responsibilities....

Besides that I think a 9 year old should be able to keep her room clean which includes making her bed...

Also perhaps setting the table 2-3 nights a week alternating with clearing the table. (Ex - set MWF, clear T Th Sat - off on Sun). And then maybe alternating loading/unloading dishwasher????

If you have a pet, feeding the pet each night...

Just some ideas...

Good luck to you, enjoy your summer!!!!

Thats great that you taking the time to think this through and have everything in black and white for her. Here are some ideas.. making her bed, setting the table for dinner, getting the mail, feeding pets (if you have them) folding or putting her laundry away. And of course putting her toys away.

S.,
I think it is wonderful that you are sensative about this issue. I have three boys ranging from 5-11. My 9 year old shares responsibility with my 11 year old and does the following outside of the personal care: vacuums stairs, cleans own room, puts own laundry away, cleans own bathroom including complete toilet, sink and tub, and also the rest of the tiolet bowls w/ the brush in the house (he actually likes to do this one). Now him and his brother will take turns picking up dog poop outside, emptying the dish washer, mowing the grass, etc. Now we do pay our children for "working" and if they do not do their chores correctingly the first time (since they have been taight for a while now) or with a good attitude, they do not get paid. Just like a job. I think it teaches them good ethics. Our 5 year also has chores - cleaning his room and toyroom although he rather vacuum the stairs which he does trade every now and then. I don't mind. He just doesn't get paid as much since he doesn't do as much. Hope we are a help to you!
A.

When I was that age, I helped to set and clear the table at meals and was also expected to keep my room tidy and make my bed each day. I think that I occasionally also pitched in with little "chores" like helping my mom to plant or water flowers in the garden. None of it was strenuous, and I think it all sounds pretty age-appropriate.

Enjoy your summer together.

I have 3 kids ages 8-12 that are each responsible for their own stuff: vitamins, teeth, hair, clothes (dressing, into the hamper, into the drawers after washed), rooms, dirty dishes etc.

We believe it is imperative that each member of the house participates in the daily upkeep. This is for more than just practical purposes but in order for them to feel valuable, like they have a purpose and to take ownership of our home as a team. So each day they have a job (clean dishes are put away by the oldest; the middle wipes down the counter/table after meals; youngest picks up the living/family room each morning). They all pick up the common areas of anything that is theirs.

Over the summer, we will all do the 15 minute deep cleaning thing each day in a room, then outside in the yard and on the summer assignments for school. So just about 1 hour of "work" each day - then all PLAY!

Not sure how one can define "normal" LOL!
At 8 years old my daughter was working for me, doing bookkeeping work, she also knew how to do laundry, cook, clean and we all worked as a team to get things done so that we all had time for fun!

I would suggest that you talk with her about the things she wants or likes to do and what things she would like to learn to do. Remember that these are life skills that we all must learn and home maintenance is a skill and a necessity. When everyone does there part, it is much more fun and makes for more fun time.

If she has been doing all the house maintenance and taking care of siblings it may be that she has learned that this is how you show love and by taking it away she may feel unable to show love in another way or feel loved.

I adopted twins at age 10, they were shown love by receiving little trinkets (gifts). Teaching them how to take of themselves (brushing teeth, eating, dressing, showering, etc.) didn't feel like love to them. My birth kids felt love from those things and more as in reading them a story and tucking them into bed, playing with them, teaching and just being there for them, but these young girls never had that so it didn't feel like the kind of love that they had received.

You may want to start with the question "what makes you feel loved" or "how do you know that you are loved?, what does your Mom do to show that she loves you?" That will give you a good starting point.

The only other thing I suggest is that you keep your judgement of how she has been raised to yourself because it is all she has ever known and she won't appreciate it.

At 9 she is still teachable...once she hits 12-13 years of age, you won't be able to make much of a difference, her thoughts and beliefs will have been already completed (the know it all age!).

Everyone has their own idea about what "normal" is, careful how you communicate with her, you wouldn't want her to think she is anything but normal, would you?

Be blessed and be a blessing.

S.,
First, thank YOU for caring so much about making this a special summer for your stepdaughter! It sounds like you will be giving your SD the gift of love, of time, and of the healthy childhood play that is so important! I think you're right to have a little list of a few daily jobs (set table? make bed? empty dishwasher?) and perhaps a few Saturday chores as well. I would encourage her to use her free time in any creative activities she would like--drawing, music, making things, playing with dolls or stuffed animals, playing dress-ups w/ friends--all those imaginative activities that teach children so much and develop their creativity. Share whatever talents you have w/ her--sewing, scrapbooking, etc.
My youngest (of 5) just turned 10.
Have a great summer! M.

Wow reading this made me feel like I was looking in a mirror. We have/had the same situation with my stepdaughter as well. She now lives with us but I can tell you in the beginning it will be hard to break her of it. We still have that issue with my stepdaughter, she will think that she can do what every adult can. As a stepmom it at point can become very trying for me. To answer your question though I think the above is good - my stepdaughter wasnt brushing teeth everday, shower, deodorant, etc. so I would have to remind her. A chart is a great idea, we started easing her into things like clearing off the dishes after dinner, taking her laundry to the laundry room, etc. If you have any ?'s let me know!

hi
well to start with, dont rock the boat too much being a parent at 9 she should not be! but cleaning parts of the house is a good thing, by rocking the boat i mean undermine the bio mother.

she should be able to set the table for dinner, clear the table and load the dish waser. sort the laundry/fold laundry. keep her room tidy. pick up after herself before she goes to bed,
personal hygeine is not a chore it is a must do!!!!!

dont make her baby sit but if she wants to play with younger children then let her.
having her do chores is a good thing it helps build responsibility, reliabilty and consequences. but set reasonable time limits as in give her 2 or 3 chores to do a day and then make the rest fun. tell her to go out and play . but dont baby her other wiese when she goes back to bio mum she will have a tough time adjusting.
in the short run you would be fun in the long run you would cause her problems.

do some of the chores with her too.!!!!

hope this helps.

i have a 9 year old daughter and a few of her chores are making her bed cleaning her room and bringing her laundry to the washer although i do her wash because i dont think she i ready for that she prefers to put her clothes away when they are done also she helps set the table and walks her puppy peanut i hope this helps and good luck with her in the future i have a step daughter also and it was hard at first for her to make the change from living with her mom to living with me we butted heads alot in the beginning but it did get better and we are as close as ever i hope all will be well for you

god luck and god bless
L.

I took care of all of my own hygiene by that age, for sure, and was able to make myself simple meals (scrambled eggs, etc.) and I had a few chores that were my responsiblity--dusting, pet care and laundry were the most prevalent. The perk for doing laundry was that I was allowed to keep any money I found in pockets. A great incentive to check all of the pockets to make sure they were empty before starting a load! Every child is different but this was a fine level of responsibility for me at that age and I think feeling as if you really contribute to the household is a great thing, though you are right that it sounds as if her other home experiences was far too high expectations for a 9 year old.

S.,

First of all - thank goodness this little girl is finally going to be living with people who will allow her to be a little girl and not a house maid! Way to go!

Appropriate responsibilities for a 9 year old could include:
1. Making her bed everyday
2. Cleaning up after herself (such as putting toys away, putting dirty clothes in hamper. etc)
3. taking responsibility for her personal hygiene
4. sitting the table and helping clear it after meals
5. reading a story each day to your 2 year old (take the 9 year old to the library and let her choose some books to read to the younger child)
6. if she has been cleaning the whole house at her mom's - then she knows a lot about cleaning - you could ask her what ONE OR two cleaninc chores she likes to do best - encourage her to choose simple chores like sweeping, dusting one room, taking the trash out, unloading the dishwasher, etc

The important thing is to let her know that she is a valued member of YOUR FAMILY and that family works together to accomplish goals and get the chores done. Make sure she knows that it is important that her day includes time for play and relaxation as well as helping with the chores,

At the age of nine 9 there are alot of age appropriate chores- It just depends on how much you want to place on her. Her mother probably over does it, if she is doing everything you say she is. However- While she is in your home she should be responsible for certain things not everything.

Your on the right track especially with the brush teeth, comb hair, shower stuff... but take the time to let her know those are things we do for ourselves to make us feel good and stay healthy... not really chores.

On the chore side she should be responsible for her things (toys, cloths, laundry pick up and put away) without question and then help you with a couple of things. In my home growing up we were responsible for cleaning one room in the house other then our own or all the vacuming, the moping... but these things rotated weekly so we learned how to do more then one chore and also so we didn't get bored with it.... With a 9 year old it may be fun to have her help you plan and prepare the meals- it can be a great bonding experience.

Another thing with chores is that most of them can be done by a certain time each day (say 10:00 for most things) then there is the rest of the day to play and cook. It is not really "slave driving" it is just lets get done early so we can play and enjoy the day.

Have fun this summer- go to the park, swimming, and for walks/hikes, let her choose fun activities to do so she feels involved. And I agree with the post about a class of some kind if you have a little extra money-(it would be something special and a little something for for personal time). If she isn't into dance and sports go with pottery or music- Pottery tend to be an easy one day activity here and there if you don't want to make a firm daily/regular commitment to some classes- also it may be less expensive also but that kinda depends on the project she might choose.

Good Luck-
L.

My daughter is 8 1/2 years old. She is responsible for making her bed every day. She also empties the trash from her floor of the house. She loves washing dishes, so I gladly let her do it. Since we do have a dishwasher, she doesn't do it a lot. And she uses a stepladder at the sink. Just check carefully behind your stepdaughter that she didn't leave anything still dirty.
Also, she is required to water some blackberry bushes we have in the backyard daily. She loves blackberries!
She brushes her teeth nightly on her own. And she takes a shower on her own every other day. Sometimes, she'll sort the laundry for me or fold clothes. She still needs practice at this.
Occasionally, I have her to clean her bathroom (it's very small). My husband thinks it's not a good idea to let her handle toilet bowl cleaner, so I spray it and put it away. And she always organizes her own room, almost daily. I guess I'm lucky in that respect. Hope this gives you some good ideas! Sometimes, I feel like we don't expect enough of her. However, she seems to like having daily chores expected of her. Good luck!

First of all, DO NOT say anything bad about her mother, including all the responsibilities she has put on her child. Do not say a child shouldn't have those to do all that. It will mean the same thing to the girl and could cause her to resent YOU and to rebel as she gets older. Give her lots of love and be sure she still has responsibilities. She can take out the trash, dust, vacuum, set the table, fold clothes, help with dinner, normal things like that. Depending on how you and her Dad present them, they may not be "taken" as chores, but as being an integral part of the family. As in, we could really use your help and thank you so much! Remember the hugs and the one on one special time with board games and ice cream sundaes at home! J.

Tina F sums it up wonderfully. We have to be careful and make sure our kids do learn the life skills they need.

And what you feel about her birth mom or how she raises her should be kept to yourself. These children grow up and their eyes will see what yours do.

She should be made to feel special that she has two sets of caring parents. Afterall, she is lucky!

Good luck...

At nine, she can do things like loading/unloading the dishwasher, helping sort and/or fold laundry, helping with gardening (might be a nice bonding time), feeding pets, keeping her things picked up. I also agree that getting her to learn how to take care of herself is important, especially if her mom has neglected this in favor of your SD babysitting.

You might also want to tie the chore/responsibility chart to a reward. If she showers and brushes her teeth daily and helps out around the house without too much nagging, she can earn an outing on the weekend. You might also look into programs for kids her age to help her get some social time where she can just be a kid and make new friends.