What Would You Do? Daughter and Dance Class

Five is way too young to understand what it means to make a commitment. Give it a few years and if she still wants to dance, try again.

shes 5, give her a break... if you keep forcing her to go then she will HATE it... why make her finish something that she hates?

Since she's JUST five, I don't think you should be so concerned about her quitting something that she has started... It really isn't a lesson for her. Also, considering she started when she was so young, that it was YOU who knew what she'd be getting into, not HER. ALSO, it isn't as if she's just started, and it was all her decision- NOTHING like that is all a child's decision at 5, or it shouldn't be...

What would I do? Find out why her side hurt that first time and find out why she's crying every time. If it was a fixable situation, I'd fix it... if not, I'd take her out of dance classes. I'd also speak to her instructor and see what her/his perspective on that would be.

I have four daughters that have all been in dance at some point, So I'm not giving my opinion based on nothing.

Good luck

I'm a gymnastics teacher so I have to say it depends on why your daughter is crying. I had a 5-year old who cried every day for a whole year. The tears started as soon as her mom and dad left her in the gym (they would go out of sight but still be available) and the tears would stop about 5 minutes into it. She cried because she didn't want to be away from her mom. Fast forward 5 years and she's still in our program and one of our top gymnasts.

Kids cry for various reasons, some you need to push them through and some you need to listen to and stop. If she hates the teacher, if she's bored, unable to understand what's going on, tired or doesn't like it then quitting is the right thing. If it's because she has separation anxiety then you need to judge what the right action is--some kids need to be pushed through it and some need to be kept by mommy and daddy a little longer.

It's possible that she did some kind of stretch that hurt her side and now she's afraid of hurting herself again. That happens all the time in gymnastics. In that case, I usually recommend pushing the child through--gently--and helping them overcome their fears. Some of my kids fall and hurt themselves and won't ever try again. We do push them to try again to show them that you may fall, but you get up and try once more.

The lesson of "following through" is lost on a 5-year old. I wouldn't keep her in just for that. Also, two times a week? 45 minutes? That seems like an awful lot. Our 5-year olds go once a week and that's plenty. It could be you're overdoing it.

I would talk to her, and bring her to class and talk with the teacher. You need to find out what's wrong before you can make a decision on what to do.

Good luck!

You say she gets herself all worked up. Worked up over what and why? Darn...if she doesn't like the classes...don't take her. Ask her what she wants to do...dance or not dance. To make her continue would just make all involved miserable if indeed she continued on this way. I was just never a firm believer that everything has to be a lesson.

Have you asked her why she is crying?

Have you asked her to tell you what is upsetting her?
At 5 she should feel safe enough to tell you.

Have you told her that you have already paid for the classes but once they are all over, if she does not want to take them any more you will let her stop going?

You need to ask the dance teacher how your daughter is acting in class. Is she ok once she gets inside or is it a continual cry-fest? Is there a stretch that hurts her that she is unable to do?

I am a dance teacher, and in my opinion, two classes per week for a 5 year old is a lot for that age and maturity level. If she is tired from school and then having to go and exert energy twice a week for dance, she may be too tired to enjoy it. Growth spurts can affect energy levels and how kids feel as well.

Sometimes it is just too much too soon. Talk to your daughter about what is upsetting her and definitely talk to the teacher. I think you need to hear from the instructor what is going on during class to make your final decision. If she continues to cry every week, is it really worth it to make her continue and you have to endure the drama? She is only 5, and there will be plenty of opportunity for her to have to "stick it out" when she gets older and can understand better. Even if she stops dance now, it doesn't mean she won't ever want to do it again. She might just need some downtime.

Good luck!

Gosh, she might just be tired. Did she start kindergarten this year? My son is 5 and in 1/2 day K. He is EXHAUSTED when I pick him up. Twice a week sounds like a lot.... maybe she just needs to scale back and have mire unstructured time. I know that would be too much for my son.

I personally would attempt to talk to her about it and understand what she is feeling..... She may not be able to vocalize it though.... So, I would go with my gut and cut her some slack if she was showing signs of burnout. I agree with the poster that said not everything has to be a lesson. It's not like she is going to be a lifetime quitter if you stop dance. If she loves it, she will return to it. If anything you listening to her and validating her
....allowing her to take a break, will teach her that she can trust you and count on you. Being a hardass to a 5 year old doesn't always make sense.....they don't get that you paid for lessons already or that you need to stick to things.... They just don't have that perspective yet. Ultimately, If she isn't happy, I say take a break.

My daughter did this with gymnastics and I had to let her quit. She was so relieved.

Dancing is supposed to be fun. If an activity that was supposed to be fun resulted in my child crying every time, I would pull her out.

Try rewarding her for finishing without crying. I had this problem with swim lessons. I believe all kids should know how to swim as young as possible. If she did a good job and didn't cry, I gave her a fruit snack with some theme (i.e. Barbie, My little pony). It was simple, but it worked.

No more tears and she faced her fears...she was so happy to be rewarded for a job well done too.

I would sit down with her and ask her about it.
For instance: Sweetie, do you not like going to the dance classes anymore?
I have noticed that you are not having fun lately, is there a reason dancing is not as fun for you as it used to be?
Like Mommy B said quitting something at the age of 5 is not a big concern.
I signed my daughter up for ballet when she was 3. She really wanted to do it because her cousin did ballet. The first day she went was ok, the next time she needed a little reassuring and did cry a little, the third time she did not want to go in the classroom at all. So I did not push. I took her home, asked her if she was not ready to be in ballet and she is alright. I do not think pushing your kids at a young age to do something they may no longer like is a good idea. Kids should be kids. But that is just my Honest opinion and you will do whatever you decide is right for your daughter.

Well, since she takes 2 classes a week, you can do both things at once - let her drop out of one class, but keep the other one going till the end of the year. And, I'd say, let her choose which one to drop out of (if possible). With dance classes, I think they're usually pretty flexible about letting you add/drop classes.... she may change her mind in a week & want to take the class again, so you should let the owner know what you're doing & why. Also, if there's a recital in June... you'll need to figure out very soon which class(es) she'll be in.

Also, teachers are used to kids crying... they're usually pretty adept at getting them distracted & dancing again.... let them help!

Take her to the school, drop her off, then leave. Let the teacher deal with her. If she sits the whole time crying the teacher may be able to get out of her what is going on.

the notion that kids have to follow through with things they hate in order to learn perseverance gets way too much traction. she's FIVE! do you really think that forcing her to dance when she doesn't want to is going to help her get a better job in 15 years?
there's something behind this resistance. you are her mother, do some digging and figure it out. is she genuinely in pain? is she over-tired? hungry? is one of the other kids picking on her? does she think the teacher doesn't like her? is there something else she'd rather be doing?
no, you shouldn't just let her cry, and no, you shouldn't just yank her out. find out what the underlying problem is and address THAT.
khairete
S.

Don't just stop cold until you really find out what's going on here. She's crying AT dance but that may or may not mean it's ABOUT dance. As others noted: She may simply be very tired, especially if she started all-day kindergarten this fall. Some questions to ask yourself as you look at this:

Do her dance classes fall on a school day? Is she going to these classes after a full day of school? That could mean she's worn out. Is she getting at least a good snack and drink before each class or is she rushing to them from school? Could she be cranky from hunger that she's not expressing? Low blood sugar can make kids very testy.

Can you find different dance classes that are not close to school hours?

Are these two classes the same class, twice a week, or two different types of dance - in other words, are they two separate classes, or are they two classes she must take to "keep up" with one type of dance? I agree with the person who said that at age five, two classes a week is a bit much. If it's two separate classes, consider dropping one and keeping the other. Or consider changing to a dance school with a less rigorous requirement, if the current school says she "must" take two classes a week to be at some desired level. The only requirement at her age should be that she have fun and get exercise, not that she take X number of classes a week so she's ready for some next performance.

Can you observe her classes without her seeing you? Many dance schools have two-way mirrors (you can see them but they can't see you) or at least have windows into the classrooms so parents can see. Be sure to stick around for several classes and observe everything, preferably from an angle where she cannot see you -- she will act differently if she knows you are watching! Observe and ask: Is she happily participating during class and only breaks down late? Does she go in and quickly want to come out? Does she seem "lost," as if she thinks the other kids are doing things she can't? Does she at least try and make an effort, or does she hang back from the very start? (In which case, dance may not be her thing right now and she may need some variety -- you may want to try her in a totally different activity for while so she can find what she really likes best, and that may not be dance.)

Talk to the teacher. The teacher likely has seen this before and may be able to assure you it's fine, or may be able to say, yes, she might want a break. If the only activity your child has had since age 2 is dance, she might just need variety. (And I say this as the mom of a dancer who started dancing at about 3 and now is up to four classes a week and shows, so I love and believe in dance, but kids as young as yours need to try other kinds of things too.)

Be sure there is not something else going on outside dance, like frustrations with school that might be spilling over and coming out at dance time.

There is no shame in letting her leave at this point. She does need to stick with things -- all kids do need to learn that -- but she also is very young and if the cryiing continues and you can't nail down a clearer cause, it won't teach her a bad lesson if you pull her. If she were a bit older I'd say yes, she should stick out the year, maybe in ONE class instead of two, but pulling her out now seems OK if you really need to.

I think first and foremost I'd see about going to just one class a week and making sure it's on a day and at a time when she is not tired and hungry. That alone may end the crying and have her loving dance.

Kids go through natural periods of Separation Anxiety throughout their young life's...and even into teen/adult years.

Something in her brain has tipped her off to not wanting to be at class. Maybe it was something one of the other students said...Even just under their breath.

I started dance at her age.....I went back and forth until I was about seven. At seven though dance changed for me. and became my life. And I was the shy misjudged girl in the class until I came out of my shell around ten or eleven. so for a few years I was miserably good at what I did because I had no friends.

Do have her finish up the year. UNLESS it starts causing her physical symptoms at home. say if she starts getting that way before you take her. Then you need to rethink how safe and fair it is to MAKE her finish...because she really is not having any fun with it...

Good luck! My oldest(who is a boy)tried a ballet class out when he was about four. He loved being in with the girls....but hated being the only boy so when he started ''NOT'' wanting to go because he did not feel good...we saw this as a sign that he was done and pulled him out. Because he did start showing the anxiety at home ahead of time.

We just learned unless he is older and truly dedicated we would NOt pay for dance lessons again:)

good luck...this is a pickle!

Exactly what Christina N. said.

What is the point of being in an activity if it is so dreaded it produces tears?

I would reassure your DD that this class was for her to enjoy. If she is not enjoying it and it is causing her this much stress, she never has to go back. But you would like to hear the truth about why she is crying. Once she knows she has your support, she may open up and tell you why she's acting up. After she talks to you about it, it may be something you can help her to resolve to she enjoys dance again.

I do think some of these dance schools are too much pressure. My niece quit at age 5, when she moved up to 2 classes/week, after 2 years of preschool dance. It seemed they were really grooming them to for competition, and although she was talented, she just started not liking it anymore. Her parents allowed her to quit and now she has other activites instead.

Hi! My daughter is a dancer and demonstrates for "the little ones". When she comes home she always has a story about at least one of them melting down, wandering attention, and taking outright leaps of the planet (sometimes she has to call and tap them just to get their attention even when she is kneeling in front of them). She has come to believe a lot of the time they are just tired or hungry or both. Oh, and she is a firm believer in the full moon theory! At the beginning of the year there are lots of other issues but by now it is other stuff going on with them. She LOVES all her little people, I would definitely talk to the teacher and/or demonstrator to see what they think. But if she just doesn't want to go anymore I wouldn't make her, there is no point in her being miserable . But talk to your daughter and see if she can tell you what is going on in dance class. If you believe her side really hurt try doing some stretches and see if she has any pain.