Ballet Crisis Please Help Moms

Hi Lilly,

I posted a long response previously, but after reading all the other responses, I think you can draw from them all you need. Good luck!

Sincerely,
P.J.
mother of Delilah (4) and step mom of Elijah (11)

Hi Lilly, Hope this helps but my experience with dance school has been the older the children get the more competitive the teachers get. Your 3 yr old has no business in a class with 5 and 6 yr olds. There is too much of a maturity level difference. My rule has always been if you start the year you finish the year. I didn't want my daughter the learn to start something and not finish it. When you moved your daughter up in class and put her with older kids that intimidate her you took all the fun out if it and the new teachers are only looking for compitition material. As for the money I woould write it off as a lesson learned. To put your daughter in a class with children 2 and 3 yrs older than her would be like putting a newborn child in the same room and expect them all to do the same thing. iT JUST DOESN'T WORK.

A little about me: I'm a first time mom of a beautiful 9 mo. old who is the product of the miracle of invitro. I'm married to a wonderful man and I place foreign exchange students with host families in the Houston area.

I would take her out immediatly. Anytime a child is intimidated you don't know how it is going to effect their self esteem or how they are going to interpret it. I would take her out and demand a pro-rated reimbursement. You were under the impression that the previous teacher was going to be instructing the class and she would continue with the same positive influence and benefits she was gaining. They have not only changed teachers but they have changed the experience and the atmosphere. This is not what you paid for and not what was originally represented.
Tell your daughter that you will replace the activity with something else. Even if its a weekly trip to the park she really just needs a place to express herself.

Support her... let her be in that recital... What did the teachers say when you brought up that issue of her not having fun any more. Go to the source, the owner or manager of the company. Let them know how much potential her child has and how much she loves to dance. She had discovered DANCING and she has come to enjoy it, dont let one experiance be the end of something good. Show these woman that they are dealing with children and not adults, show then that youare not just one of those push over mothers that will stand there and take it. Let her go to the class and once then start being rough with the children make eye contact with the teacher to show her that you dissaprove. If little things like that dont work I would really think of taking it higher. Like I said these are children not soilders in the military. They have come to this class to have fun, let them have FUN. Good luck
T.

Hi, Lilly. I'm a little confused. Are the owners/new instructors refusing to let your little girl go back down to her previous class? If so, I would remove her and ask for part of your money back. If they refuse, then take your precious little girl elsewhere IF she still wants to dance. I hope these harsh women haven't spoiled the whole dancing scene for Audrey. If she doesn't want to dance, just give her some time. Perhaps there will be another opportunity down the road that is much more relaxed and child-oriented. Few children who take dance lessons are planning on being professional dancers. Some of these women need to loosen up and remember what it is like to enjoy living like a child does! Three years old is much too young to understand the kinds of rules they were trying to enforce.

Hi Lilly, I am a mom of 1 2yr old girl. I am one tough cookie. I would go in and discuss it with the women. I would demand my money back, very nicely of course, and if they refuse I would tell them I will sit in there all day if I had to and tell every mother that came in the place what has gone on with my child. Ballet is a very strict and structured dance, but not for a 3 yr old. It makes my heart sink to picture any child being treated that way. Absolutely protect your child even if you have to fight a bear with a buzz saw. Good luck and I sure hope you will let me know how this turns out. Your child will know that you are on her side.

K.

I say you demand a refund. No child should be yelled at and pulled by the arm back to the middle of the room.It may not qualify as physical abuse, but it does as mental abuse, certainly according to early childhood teaching standards. I say pull her out of the school and get a pro-rated refund. Find a low key age-appropriate dance school at a different location, and help your girl have fun again.

I danced for many years. I remember my preschool classes as being fun and fanciful. By the seventh grade my ballet teachers seemed downright cruel. I could not look them in the eye without crying, so I did my pirouettes with a glazed look on my face. Dance teachers can really go overboard, just like coaches or anyone else. Never be afraid to yank your toddler or teenager out of a situation with an adult who does not have your child's happiness and welfare foremost in their actions.

I think you absolutely did the right thing. Don't take her back to that school, and tell her that adults should not treat children that way.

Lilly:

The day you rescued your daughter from the ballet Nazis, you had your answer!

I would talk to them about getting your money back. If they are the same instructors for the younger class, little will change. They have broken your daughter's trust by taking what was fun- and should be for goodness sake- and turned it into training for the New York Ballet!Following instructions, waiting your turn and participating are all important for children to learn, and a certain amount of that shoudl be expected and put into practice. However, it sounds to me like they crossed the line.

The day you took your crying, miserable, vulnerable daughter out of that class was the day you told her what mommies do: protect at all costs! And if that means losing a deposit and fee money to women who don't get that these are children, then that is what it means. (and I'm a SAHM so I understand losing money while living on one income)

You go girl!

While dancing should be fun... there is a reason why the new instructors are being strict. It is to teach the children that not everything in life is fun/games. It is called structure/discipline/rules.

Move the child back to the lower class and then try and find another dance school.

Keep in mind you are there to protect your children but also you need to allow them to face/tackle "safe" problems.

Please, please whatever you do stand up for your child. You're her mother and she relies on you to do what's right. And, don't ruin any future love of dance by making her go through with this class and be abused by those teachers. My mother never stood up for me while growing up, and I'll never get over the sadness and abandonment I felt each time she let me down by not supporting me or going to bat for me when adults and other children treated me improperly or unfairly. I'd request my money back and try somewhere else. I'd also write a review on City Search and possibly the BBB. They're just kids; they shouldn't be treated like this. It's not worth waiting for a recital while any love your child had for the class or dancing is lost. Give your daughter a big hug, tell her you love her and move her somewhere where she's loved and will enjoy her dancing.

I think that what you did was the right thing. I would have done the same. I would have asked to have the unused portion of my money returned. But if they would let her move back to the other group that she had fun with and both of you are ok with that the that is great too. In the mean time I would ask around and find a dance studio that is there for children to have fun, not to condition the next generation of prima ballerinas. I would explain to the new studios what the problem is with the old studio for two reasons. First they will know if their program will fit into what you are looking for, and not looking for. Second they may offer a discount to switch, or at least a free trial class. At this age it is all about having fun. This is always my biggest fear when choosing a place for my little one to do activities.

Hi Lilly,
Paid money or not, I would remove her from a voluntary situation where there is no joy. I would keep it fun and light until she has the emotional maturity for rigorous discipline.
Take care and good luck in making your decision.

A. -mom to Dominic (10) and Julian (7)

It sounds like they are running the class like a class for kids who are serious about learning to dance. If you are looking for more of a "just fun time" maybe there is another school that would be better suited for your daughter. I guess it all depends on what your purpose is in having her in this class; if you want to make a ballet dancer out of her, then she needs a structured class that she'll learn in, if you just want her to have fun with other kids then she needs to be in a class that is that way.

It also sounds like your daughter is too young to be in this class. 5 and 6 year olds are alot more mature than 4 year olds and perhaps ready for a more structured environment. Maybe you can request she be moved back down to the younger class.

My daughter is 5 years old. She is in a lot of activities b/c she is a very high energy kid. She is in her third season of soccer. I do not want to over dramatize but saturday is a very painful day for me. She is that kid that follows behind and cheers on the other players. (I do think it is very cute.) She is there for the snack. Every so often she kicks the ball and gets in the fray but that only lasts for a second. I have tried a lot of different angles but now we are just finishing the season. She has asked to quit.She is old enough to understand that she needs to participate and that she has other people counting on her to play for her team. A three year old in a dance class is a whole different story. My daughter has also been doing dance for a long time. We have seen little ones come into her class that just did not thrive. Dance is supposed to be fun. You are there to protect her and I think you were completely right in taking her out of the class. If you don't feel good about what is happening, save her. There is something to be said about conquering her fears but she was obviously not getting anything from the class at that point. I would try going back to the other class and see where it goes from there. Do not let the money guide your mommy plan. $100 is not worth your child's happiness. Good job!! You did the right thing!

Hi Lilly,
Definitely remove Audrey from this class if she is that upset. Bring her costume home-if you've paid for it-and let her dance/dress-up in it. Maybe that would bring back some of her dancing joy. This lady(the owner should take into consideration how young she is and that the change of teachers is very hard for her right now. My baby girl(4) just started ballet this Jan. and it has been such a blessing!!If she had been upset, I would have taken her out. I started ballet at 4 and had a similiar experience to Audrey -only it was the 1st lesson and I was terrified and cried and they put me in the corner and left me! I had never been in a situation like that and I NEVER went back. I would have loved to take ballet-but that just put me off from then on.There are too many ballet & dance places now, to put up with that. Find some where else and take her there. Don't worry about it another minute-just do what your gut tells you!!
Blessings!~
S.

If she the lower level class is not fun/challenging, I would ask for my money back. It may be non-refundable, but these were circumstances no one could control. You did not sign up for what your child is now getting. I would be very upset if the teachers treated my child this way, when the teacher before treated her & the whole situation differently. Demand that money back if you have to. OR if you really like the school, just not those teachers or they absolutely refuse to give the money back, ask for it to be used for next year. That would give you time to find the teacher you like better and figure out what class really is better for her.

You sound like a very good mom. Don't be so hard on yourself thinking that you're not protecting her. She's 3 years old and is experiencing life. You can't protect your child from living. All you can do is be there to support her. I know that she's only 3 years old, but you need to ask her what makes her happy. Ask her if she still wants to dance. Even give her the option of dancing at another school. Don't pressure her. If she's not happy, leave the school. Money is money. You can't put a price on your child's happiness or self esteem. Keep up the good work.

ahh, the Ballet word caught my eye....I'm a SAHM of 18 years now.(4 kids) ..Our oldest dances professional ballet now. She grew up here in The Woodlands, trained at three different studios here, and at Houston Ballet Academy.

I've seen it all, been through it all. Your daughter is VERY young....to have that kind of pressure on her. Do you even have memories of when you were 3? I have hardly any if at all.

There is PLENTY of time for serious ballet training. My adivce, CHANGE STUDIOS..or levels or teachers. You are the parent. You may have to take her out all together right now so she can get her mind focused on anything else. Our daughter danced on and off when she was little. She took a few years and took child gymnastics classes also. (Something I highly recommend for large motor coordination, and kids LOVE them...they are free there) Our daughter didn't get serious until she was in 5th grade. That is when she fell in love with ballet and there was no stopping her.

Hope that helps :)

M. B

If you are near The Woodlands, Payne Academy of Ballet is my suggestion.

So far it sounds like you have done everything right -- you found something your daughter likes, fostered it, and listened to the suggestions of the teachers about her placement. When that placement caused your daughter distress, you intervened in a very direct way. Why not place her back in the first group, if she is okay with that? I mean, if she says "no, no more combo class!!" that's one thing, but if she is game to go back to the fun class, why not let her? If the change in staffing has negatively affected the first class too, you'll figure it out right away, since you're watching closely. At that point I think you would easily see that it would be better to sacrifice the money than to cause your daughter distress -- if I were you, if the fun really has been spoiled (and I see much reason to hope it hasn't), I would ask for a full refund. They might not give it, but it sounds like they really messed up with your daughter's placement, and perhaps that and fear of you complaining to the Better Business Bureau will persuade them to refund the money for any classes you daughter will not be attending.

Best wishes!
M.

pull her from the class. She is obviously not having fun. Tell the owner you are pulling her b/c of how she treated your child and you want a refund on the recital fee and costume fee.
I teach gymnastics to small kids and NO ONe should be treated like your daughter has.
I would pull her from that dance school.It would be worth losing the fees to have my child happy.
Good luck and update us on what ya'll decide.

Lilly;
I think that you did the exact right thing. Observe Audrey in the lower level class now to see how it goes. If she doesn't like it, pull her out and go elsewhere. The point is to have fun and she obviously isn't I would also talk to Audrey to rehabilitate her desire to dance: why do we dance, how does it make us feel, etc. Explain that dancing is an art form and there are a lot of people who try to make art not fun, so sometimes you have to get away from those guys and find nicer ones.

Lilly I to think that you made a wise choice moving her back down to her age group girls. I have a daughter that is 3 also and we had actually did the exact same thing that you did. My daughter hated the class once she was moved with the older ones b/c like your daughter it was way too structured for her at that time in her life. So we moved her back down but she still wouldn't participate in the class so we ultimately had to drop out and we will try again in another yr. I think that with them only being 3 there is time for them to try alittle bit of everything to find the one thing that they really enjoy.

Good luck to the both of you.

Maybe consider placing her back in the age-appropriate class and see if the school will work with you on crediting the money you paid for the recital toward next year's program. She has had long enough to get used to the teachers and the structure of the class and she is still upset. That class is not for her, so don't feel weird about making an adjustment.

I think it is strange the instructors have not made the suggestion themselves!

Dance, especially at your daughter's age, should be about joy and being free-spirited- having fun! It is at later ages when it is more disciplined and focused attention is needed. Your daughter has talent which qualified her for an advanced class, but her emotions have not yet caught up with her abilities.

It is important to keep dance fun right now, so just relax and place her where she is happy. You may need to find an entirely different program which carries fun through many of the early years.

I know that in many schools, Jazz and Tap are a bit more free-spirited than ballet. If you do not plan on your daughter trying out for the Bolshoi when she is of age, figure out what type of dance best suits her personality and make a change.

Keep in mind that often, not ALWAYS, but often, dance can be very hard on a girl's self-image, especially in a disciplined and structured program.

I was in dance (I preferred Jazz) through middle school and high school and I saw many girls struggle with bulimia and anorexia to fit the 'dancer profile'- especially the ballerinas. I would talk with the instructors or the head of the school to see their stance on body-types and body image and how that is handled...what is encouraged? Does it matter there?

This year, maybe hold your own recital at home with several of her little friends. Make it a real party with fun foods afterward and send 'flowers' etc. Create a stage area, and play her favorite music and have it ALL be free-form with costumes, etc....she can still have a recital experience without the misery.

Best of luck!!
S.

If see is haveing fun again in her own age group I would let her stay if not I wouldn't make her stay. It's not right to make her go through that if she is going to cry the whole time. You wouldn't stay in a place that made you upset? Why should she?(There is something wrong there no child should cry like that in a place that's ment to be fun.)

If your daughter is not having fun then it's not worth putting her through that stress. She'll eventually end up hating dance. If it doesn't work out with her in the orginal class then I would ask for my money back pro-rated. The structure of the class has changed and this is not what you paid for. Simple. After you get your money back then I would look for another school that the focus is on fun.

Hi Lilly,

I have a daughter who has been dancing at Becky's Academy of Dance off Mason Rd since she was 3 years also. She is now 12 and competes with their company. She loves dance and always has. If your daughter is not participating in class, she is unhappy with the structure being too strict for her age. She should stay with her age group for many reasons. They are not developed in their muscles and their minds do not think the same as the older ones do. She should be having total fun right now. I would take her out and find something else to do until the new dance season begins. Don't worry about the recital, it could be a total nightmare for you if she is up on stage crying. There are fun dance classes in the summer all over the place. Dance is an awesome thing you can do for your child, just don't let others rush her into it. Let her go at her own pace, you will know when she is ready to learn more and move up! Trust your instincts. I hope this helps! K.

Lily -

Wow, I was planning on putting my 3 year old daughter in ballet as well. I suggest you try a three-prong approach: 1. Ask to move her back with the younger class and check to see if they are less strict;
2. Discuss your concerns with the owner of the school and explain your concern for your daughter to see if they can lighten up or refund your fees; or
3. If neither of the above works pull her out immediately even if you have to refund the fees and not put her in another class.
She is too young for that kind of regimen. A course like that would be fine if she chose it and wanted to be a prima ballerina. However, it sounds to me like she doesn't want to be in the class.

I would appreciate it if you would send me a private message with the name of this dance school becaue I guarantee that I do not want my daughter in that kind of environment.

I also agree that moving her back to the beginner class was a good move. After this class is finished though I would strongly reccomend switching schools. Her teacher do not sound well equipped to handle different children. As a former dance teacher I feel very strongly that instead of strict structure you need to nuture and encourage. You can still teach the important postures and basic moves without being mean. I agree that it should be a fun experience and the children whould be able to express themselves artistically. It should not be a stifling experience. You may have to check a few schools to find the one that is right for you daughter. I am sure you will find it there are a ton of them out there. Don't give up I am sure your daughter will blossom at the right school!

One other note I think you did a geat job protecting your daughter by reacting quickly and moving her down. Experiences like this, although heartbreaking, will only make your daughter stronger. You probably handled it better than me I probably would have made a big scene lol. (I'm a hothead!)

That is your baby and she is little. You did the right thing pulling her out. If you don't care if she is ever a prima ballerina, then move her back to the class she was having fun with. You have already paid. If those "ladies" are upset then ask for a refund and find another class geared more towards fun and exercise. You are your child's advocate. If something is that upsetting to her, it is your right to "save" her. I applaud your calm, I might have started a fist fight over making my kid cry. CB

I think you made the right move my moving her back into her age group. I would recommend finishing the year and if she is having fun, great, continue on. If she's still crying about going to class that I would find a new studio. I am a competitive gymnastics coach and I see many little ones being pushed too soon too early and then they end up quitting and hating the sport. My daughter will be 2 in May, and although she is gifted in the sport of gymnastics and her teacher recommended that we move her in with the 3 and 4 year olds, I know that mentally she is not ready for the more structured class and will keep her with the kids her age until she is 2 1/2 or 3. I think you were right to pull her out of the class and place her back with kids her age. There is plenty of time when she is older to be placed with the more advanced kids. For now, just let her have fun.

Find her a new class or talk to the director. A child should never be scared to participate in an activity such as dance. My daughter was in ballet when she was 2 we then moved her to a cheer school at 3 1/2, she was very intimidated because she could see the high school cheerleaders, and I think she was overwhelmed. We moved her back to a ballet class when she was 4 at a different school, and she didn't like it at all. She is now 5 and has been at the same tumbling school for about 8 mo. and she loves it. Either find her a new school/class or talk with the director about how the new teacher is treating your child. Best of luck. I live out in the La Porte area, and can give you a few references to places out here if you need.

All 5 of my older kids have played sports but only those that they thoroughly enjoyed. A 3 yr old has NO business in a class with 5 / 6 yr olds. That is to big of an age gap. She needs to be in a class with her own age. Then she will enjoy herself. Some dance studios are to interested in "finding talent" than having fun. If she is having fun, her talent will bloom.

I would put her back in the class she enjoyed IF SHE STILL ENJOYS IT. If not, I would ask for a refund and find another studio. I would definately keep her going with classes for a while so she doesn't end on a sour note and remember that for a long time. That can make getting her started in any other sport very hard. Good luck.

Talk to the instructor and explain your concerns. You are paying for a service and they need to make every attempt at making your little girl feel welcome and participatory. It is not uncommon for your little one to act like this...it may even happen in her own age-group. Make sure that you don't make a big deal about dropping her off and get out as soon as you can. Kids throw drama shows for their parents (a sign that they love you) but are usually fine when you leave. Have her dress up in her recital costume and see how pretty it is...get her excited about it. Make a big deal about her showing you her dances at home and praise her for how well she is doing. Tell her she needs to keep practicing at dance to make sure it is great for the performance. Good luck.

My small two cents?
It's not fun for her. It's not fun for you. Let it go. Find something else that is fun. At this age, I don't think you need to teach the lesson of "sticking" with it or seeing it through to the end... that can come when she's a little older.

As a former ballet teacher/studio owner, I commend you for sticking with this class for so long. I have seen many mothers remove their child after having just one class that their child did not enjoy. Children at this age need several weeks to become comfortable with the teacher and what is expected in the class.

With that said, I do believe 2 to 3 months is plenty of time for that adjustment. It was right for you to request that your daughter be put back in the younger class. Definitely wait to see if she goes back to enjoying the younger class every week before you pull her out all together. The younger class may be just what she needed to enjoy the lessons again.

If I were the dance teacher in your situation, I would have recommended putting her back into the younger class over a month ago, instead of waiting for you to get upset and request it. Remember, there are some things in dance that 3 year olds can learn to do well, and their teacher should be using proper terminology and proper technique, but overall a dance class for a 3 year old should be fun!!! Hope this helps!

Try looking into The Little Gym. It's a franchise and there are locations all over the country. My 3 yr old takes ballet, tap and tumbling there and just loves it. It's a non-competitive environment and teaches the kids the basics and having fun at the same time. The Little Gym offers many different classes to choose from. Check it out...its a great place. They even offer a free trial class to see if your child and you are going to enjoy it before spending the money. They have a website...I think it's www.thelittlegym.com if not then just google it.

Lilly,

Your job as a mother is to look out for the best interest of your child. I think you did the right thing by taking her out of the class that day to comfort her. In 10 years, the teachers may not even remember your child but your child will remember the feeling of helplessness. I would move her to another class where she is comfortable or another dance studio. When you pay someone for a service, you are the boss.

Hi Lilly,
I would put her back in the class that makes her happy. you paid for the costume already so just keep it and she'll have it for dress up or whatever. If the owner is diffucult about your decision then I'd think about trying a new school. The important thing is to keep her having a positive outlook about dance. If she stays in that other class it will discourage her too much. The owner should slow down and consider each dancer as an individual and their needs.

If you little one is not having fun anymore in her class, take her out. She is still a little young to pay full attention in an older class. She might have the skills but she is not mature to that age level. I have a three year old and I still think of him as my baby. Move her to the class she was in before and watch her. If she engages again and is having fun, she is where she needs to be. Otherwise, find another studio. I have to remind myself in these situations, it's not about the money, it is about my child having fun while learning.

I would sit down and have a face to face conversation with the two instructors and make them aware that you demand she be put back in the class where she was having fun in. Right now she is too young to be subjected to that kind of pressure when this is just something "fun" for her to do. If they give you are hard time, I would suggest you also demand the remainder of your money back because you are not satisfied with them. IF not, cut your losses and find another dance school to take your daughter to. I would be afraid that if she continued in this class, she would lose interest entirely.

Hi Lilly,

I am a dance instructor and I work with children as young as three, up to teenagers, and even adults. First of all, your sweet 3-year-old should never have been placed in a class with 5/6-year-olds. Her cognitive development is not the same as the older kids, therefore she cannot grasp the same concepts as the older children. A dance class for her age should be structured, but mostly it should be fun, imaginitive, and encouraging.
That being said, I can also tell you that at a recital oriented studio this time of year is crunch time. The instructors are trying to get the students ready for a performance that SHOULD be fun, but also reflects on the studio as a whole. More is expected from the children as they age (this is why Audrey should be in a class with kids her own age). As an instructor it is frustrating to have students with different ability levels in the same class. You absolutely must teach to the majority. This can leave some children feeling left behind.
Please do not think that I am taking up for these instructors. They should not have placed her in the class to begin with, and they certainly should have talked to you about moving her after they took over for the other teacher.
Also, if she was crying during class (for any reason) they should have hugged her, and then brought her to sit with you until she was ready to return to class. They should be encouraging her, not demeaning her.
If you want her to participate in the recital, I would talk to the instructors about moving her back to her old class. Audrey will feel more confident when she is mastering the skills being taught, and will then probably WANT to participate in the class. You definetly need to move her now, since the recital is coming up in June. I don't think that I would personally send my child back to this studio in the fall, however. I question their judgement in placing students in classes, and their discipline tactics. You could try looking for an education based studio (no recitals/competitions), or just find another studio that you feel more comfortable with. Remember also that most studios will let you observe classes before signing up! Good luck with whatever you decide!
S.

Try the younger class again. No matter her skill, she should be where she's most comfortable. You are right that this should be fun for her, not demanding. She is 3, for goodness sakes. Nothing should be work for her yet! She will probably do better with kids of her own age. It rarely works out well when kids are moved up solely based on their skill or acedemic level. They aren't ready to socialize with the older students (and she shouldn't) and teachers expect much more from them.

My sister had the same situation when she will little...and she started hiding during classes...If I were you I would just put her back into the little kids class so she can be top dancer untill she's ready to move on. Pushing kids can be soooo hard on them. You might even want to see if there is another class at some other studio...

My sister quit her favorite activity and never went back to it...and it made her very uncomfortable in all social situations.
-R.

My two youngest daughters, now 16yrs and 22yrs went through many variations of what you described in their younger years.
Alyssa, the 22yr old, is an award winning choreographer and instructor, loves all the forms of dance except ballroom because she has a hard time not leading. When she was 3 she was shy but I didn't push her. At 4 we had moved to another city and there were many interests to explore, such as tiny tots tennis, soccer, t-ball,swimming, music and song as well as dance that the city parks and rec offered. She enjoyed all but preferred dance. It was not until she was 7 that we tried a formal ballet academy. The fierce competition and brutality exibited by the parents and reflected by the little girls was shocking to us so we stuck out the year(for the recital) and then gladly reconnected with her teachers from the city that had now opened their own private studio. They learned how to compete as a team,(encouraging and helping each other), therefore making the whole dance experience more rewarding and maturing from little girls to secure young ladies. By then of course my youngest was following her older sister's path but at her own pace. She took a year break when she was between 6 and 7. Her biggest complaint was that she was tired. What I learned is, unless your child is going to be an Olympic athlete, or you want the particular activity they are in, (golf if you are raising another Tiger Woods for example)to be their lifelong career, let your child enjoy being a child and if it isn't fun anymore, take a step back or a break altogether and explore other interests.
Marjorie B. has the same outlook and experience as mine. There is no need for fighting or looking at instructors in the eye to show disapproval as some moms recommended. As other moms advised, find a better fit and studio or try the parks and rec for now, the fees are less. When she is a little older, like fourth and fifth grade, you and your daughter will have a better feel for what she likes.

Lilly P
I think you can never go wrong if your instincts are telling you that your daughter is unhappy in any situation and you need to make changes or help her make changes, based on her age and level of development. That is the growing/learning part of being a parent...we have the tools, we just don't always know how to use them.

You made a financial decision based on the recommendations of the instructor to move your daughter to a higher level class. Because the instructor is considered to be an "expert" in this area, you took her advice and she owns part of this problem. I recommend you have a discussion with the instructor about your concerns and ask for some readjustment in fees or partial return on your expenses. Most businesses want to keep you as a customer and are willing to negotiate a problem instead of losing you and your good will.

How fortunate your children are to have such caring, concerned parents. Good Luck

I rhink you are absolutely right to move her out of that class. As you said, this is supposed to be fun, and if it is not, then this is not doing her any good at all, and is actually harming her. She is only 3 - this isn't a career move. Also, remember that YOU are the client here - if the dance school won't work with you, then you can take your business elsewhere to a more accomadating place. You may need to speak directly to the owner or to the site manager to get your point across, and if that doesn't work, then withdraw. I know it's hard to walk away when you have already paid your fees, but that may be what you have to do.

I used to teach ballet ages 3-18 and my experience is that if she was in a class with older girls and crying..its hard for the teacher to just stop class and cater to the one student. However the school should not have moved her if she wasnt ready yet to be that disciplined. Ballet at that age should still be more of creative movement while learning basic concepts and etiquette. I would see if she enjoys going back down to her level. If not I may discuss it with the director who could be partly to blame for the situation. At 3 the teacher should understand that she is a young child and has a short attention span and needs to learn the basics in a fun way.

I would move on. Check with the director and see if there is a 30 day out clause. Sometimes there is and they don't tell you about it. That way you would only be out for one month's tuition. Find another program that isn't so serious. It is not worth tramatizing your 3 year old!

I understand where you are coming from. Did you talk to the director? I would move her back to her age group and see if that is better. If you have talked to the director and moving her does not work, then I would remove her and go somewhere else. I was going to enroll my daughter when she was 3 and same thing happened. She had been home with me and this was her first time in anything. The teachers complained that she would not stand in line and she would not participate and they were going to need help if she was in the class etc. This was after just a few times in the classes. I taught 3 year olds in a private school,so I knew they did not have enough kids in the class to complain about my daughter. I took her out!

She went to a private school when she was 4 and they had a ballet class so she took it there for 2 years and loved it.

C.

I think moving her back into her age group was the right thing to do. The owner and the new teacher should let you move her into the younger class free of charge. I do NOT think it is fair for the owner and new teacher to expect Audrey to act anything but her age and if they are scaring her by being so strict, they should lighten up! They should want to help you and Audrey be comfortable if for no other reason than they could loose a paying customer. Is there still enough time for Audrey to learn the steps for the recital in the younger class? Has she already gotten her costume or could they put the money towards a costume for the younger class? Have you asked Audrey if she wants to continue dancing? Maybe she just needs a break. Personally, I think her happiness is more important than the money. Granted, I think it's important to teach children to not give up so easily, but it sounds like she (and you) have been putting up with the new teachers a while. If she's had three (or more) classes with the new instructors and haven't been able to cope, then move her back to her age group or pull her completely from classes.
Oh, one more thought, have you tried to get time with the owner, new teacher and Audrey to sit down and talk about the problem?
Good luck. I hope you find a solution. I was in dance when I was younger and enjoyed myself immensely (and I was also in classes with older people than myself).

Move her back down to her age level class, where she was having fun. That's too much of an age difference. Hopefully, she's not too traumatized by the unhappiness with the other class, that she will be able to relax and enjoy it again in her original class at the same place.
If she isn't able to have fun again, ask for a refund since you were following their "expert" advice.

Yes! "Run Forrest, Run!!!" I would highly recommend that you get her out of there! Dance should be fun!!! If it is not fun, change her dance school ASAP, before she is robbed of her love of dance! I had a simular situation with my daughter. I was a dancer from 3-14, my love of the art lossed drive, when I too had an overly strict teacher! Dance should be fun, so search for that fun till you find what she likes.
I also recommend that you look into WHCS (West Houston Charter School), a charter school for Fine Arts. It is located on 11th at B in old Katy. Your daughter will love it! The school only goes from K-8th grade. Check it out! You may still want a "Dance academy" for now,since she is so young,but looking into her future is important! As for dance academies in the area, go to them all & ask lots of questions! Make sure you tell them about your current situation. BTW, I would also demand my money back from the current school. Good Luck!

Wow. so much to say and so little time. My daughter has been dancing since she was 2. Kids have to know that this is for fun. It sounds like the studio that you are at is preparing her for performing and competitions. Kids at her age take this good and bad. My daughter did fine. She got a little annoyed at the strict teachers and yelling but wanted to do better for herself. It sounds like your daughter just isn't ready for that. She wants to have fun and dance and be a little girl. I definately suggest you move her down until SHE is ready. Not the teacher. You are doing a great job. Don't stress out. It also will help her to give her the option. She needs to learn how to deal with difficulties and this applies to her so she may feel more apt to dancing if she makes the decision. Each dance studio comes with some sort of drama. None of them are free from it. If the director will work with you then great. If not, find somewhere else.

K.

This is hard b/c kids their ages are just having fun and its too much to be so hard on them. I think you should ask for your $$ back and tell them you aren't happy. If they won't, then try the younger class and see if they are more flexible with the kids. My daughter is 3 and she takes from the owner and she's not that bad but definitely not as fun as some of the younger ones. I'm very tempted to move her to another class too b/c she always asks for different teachers and doesn't really like the owner. Its hard to see someone treating your child like that at this age, especially when you are paying to do this. There are lots of dance studios around though. If you live in south Austin and need some recommendations on other places, let me know. GOOD LUCK!