What Would You Do? - Crystal Lake,IL

Let it go as you husband says. Find some new "real" friends and should you run into the person (who is not a friend), simply be polite, and keep moving. There is no need for confrontation, some times it is just time to move on...same for you child. Don't make a big deal of it and neither will she.

Blessings.....

Nothing you can do. If someone decides they don't want to be your friend, you just have to move on.

I had some "friends" like this a couple of years ago. Really made for an uncomfortable situation with my children not understanding why all their friends (the children of my "friends") were going to birthday parties or getting together at the park and not us. I couldn't tell them that these "friends" had decided that we were no longer friends anymore even though we had never really had any issues with one another.

I do have to say though, them dropping me like this was actually a blessing in disguise. Looking back, I could see how these "friends" were really the sourpuss girls -- always complaining about something, putting other's down and looking to exclude this person and that from the group. Just never thought they would do the same to me but, why not? But now that my time was no longer taken up with their negativity, it actually did open up my life to meeting a bunch of better quality friends. The friends I have now and the "friends" I had then are like night and day.

If you feel that you must confront your friend to get some closure, then that is what you have to do. Sometimes a person needs to state their piece and move on. It's for you to decide if that's what you need to do. If you do decide to go this route, try to let the whole matter go after you have said what you have had to say. There's nothing worse for your emotional and physical health than to hold onto old grudges. Ideally though, it would probably be better for you to just see your friend for who she really is (not really a friend, not really all that great) and move on without engaging in any conflict.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best and that you are able to find some sense of peace very soon.

I'd just let it go. This woman obviously doesn't respect you enough to give you any kind of reason for her ending the friendship. Don't waste any further time or energy on her - she's not worth it!

Also, keep your child out of it. If she's not getting invited somewhere then let her invited a friend over to your house or something. This is not something your child needs to be aware of, let alone caught up in.

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Define Friend. Write it down, what it truly means to you. does his person have those qualities, have they treated you according to your definition of friend, if so fight for it, go and be direct and ask for her to be direct. However if you find your definition doesn't fit this person, now is the time to let go and understand not all people fit like puzzle pieces and should be together and this is how you explain it to your child too.

My definition of a friend: someone who if you called them in the middle of the night for help, they will help to the best of their capabilities. Someone you can call and laugh with, cry with. Someone you can not talk to for a few months and pick up right where you left off. Someone who you know that will tell you when you have something on your tooth or tell you that what your feeling at any given moment is valid. They'll give you a hug when you need it and a swift kick in the pants when you need it. They are the family you choose, but like family won't go away just cause today was a bad day.

You have to define a friend to yourself, but from what I see, she doesn't fit my own friend definition. I have some fabulous friends, not alot, but fabulous.

Good luck in helping your daughter understand about what friendship is and being okay with having someone either be or not be a friend. It is an education that will help her for her lifetime.

it's very difficult when you're a talk-it-out person and the former friend is a move-on-no-discussion-necessary type. but not much you can do.
i believe in honesty with kids but they don't need full disclosure. in this case i'd keep the kids out of the middle altogether.
confrontation will not bring you anything but perhaps some fleeting satisfaction. the adrenaline rush might feel good at the time but ultimately won't fix anything or create a more harmonious atmosphere for the kids.
i'm with your husband, except i DO understand why you're upset.
khairete
S.

i think it will be better if you ask her.. visit her and have a heart to heart talk since your kids are affected by this change in your relationship... be calm and objective...

I would screw her and forget it...not worth the childish fight.

So hard to let it go but I know that I have confronted people and oftentimes the worst happens, they claim nothing happened. When we clearly know it did. It depends on which works at least for your value system. I have tried at times and really don't understand why people grow cold. Sometimes their husbands tell them something stupid, like 'oh she's cute' and they hate you forever and don't know it. Sometimes their little ones accidently tripped on your little one and said they were pushed and mom doesn't talk about it. I'd venture my first one (about hubby) has ruined more marriages, I know many a guy would shut up if they knew they had broken a friendship up. At any rate, time to grieve perhaps and then move onto other friendships. I am sorry -it really does hurt.

Same thing happened to us when my husband lost his job and now he does something else and we don't make as much money. I feel you. I feel like I don't belong here sometimes.

I had the same thing happen to me, in two different situations. One with a friend who I became friends with because my husband and hers were good friends who hung out. They had two kids, we had none. I got pregnant, had my baby and boom, a month later she started ignoring me at get-togethers. I don't know what happened and she claimed nothing was wrong. Finally my husband told her to pi$$ off.We are still friends w/her husband, though they are now separated. The other situation involved a couple who lived down the street from us. We both experienced fertility problems. They got pregnant and lost the baby. We had never been pregnant. We chatted and got together for dinner a couple of times and even went to a nascar race together and had what I thought was a fun time. Then every time we would invite them for a cookout or whatever, there was some excuse. When my baby was born, they never once came to see us or even say congrats. The problem is people don't have the guts to stand up and say "hey, you made me mad when you...." or whatever. You can confront her and be blunt and if you don't get anywhere, let it go.

Wow. If she was a true friend, she would tell you what's on her mind. You should ask her what the change in attitude. I would.

I hope things work out.

I have gone through this before, being on both sides of it. My one "friend" called the cops on my husband because he hugged her - you read it right, he hugged her and she called the police. She said that was all that happened. I think she did that because she was watching my boys for about 4 weeks and it was NOT working out - they were MISERBALE and we had my sister come back to watch them. She did not understand why I had no desire to still be friends with her. Our kids are the same ages, BUT, they were so ill-behaved and it had gotten to the point that I was tired of telling my kids that the behavior they were emmulating from the neighbors was NOT going to fly in my house.It would have ended anyways, but MAN! A LOT of things can cause it to happen, and honeslty, let it go. I felt like my old "friend" and I were in a hs relationship and she was the one that didn't want it to end, and would not leave me alone! She would corner me at the bus stop, email me at work, text my phone - REALLY?!?!? I just wanted to be done with her. So I would leave it alone and find new friends.