Is It Me?

I think the key point in all of this is something you said back at the beginning:

"...she's still very close with all of the people we were both friends with there, but I am not."

She can't help that you are not as close with a former group than she is. She also can't help is she gets invited out by those same people that she is closer with more than you do. It's also quite rare that an invitation includes a "plus 1" unless it's a formal affair. AKA if she's asked out for drinks/ coffee/ dinner/ meet up for biking/ hike/ etc... SHE'S the one being invited. It's typically rude to ask to bring someone else unless you're dating or married to that other person.

Why would you cut HER off as a friend because her other friends don't invite you? And why would you hold her responsible for their actions?

Asking "why I wasn't invited along" is pretty high schoolish...and confrontational. I would have just invited one of them or all of them out for lunch or drinks instead.

I've come to learn that people are in our lives for a season and a season only. I had to stop trying to make lifetime relationships out of seasonal relationships. Once taking that perspective, it no longer hurt when people started doing crazy things.

If you are as friendly as you say you are then there's no doubt you will make new friends. Or shall I say, new acquaintances. I say that because not everyone is worthy to be called "friend". I have many, many acquaintances, but there's really only one person I call friend. She and I don't talk daily. We may talk 2x a year and when we do, it's just like we talked yesterday.

Don't worry about Kris and the other girls.

On some level, this is you. You cried over this, and you want more than these friends have to give you. Try some new activities and find some new friends - and don't expect them to invite you to things - YOU do the inviting & see who reciprocates. And then go from there.

Some people will invite you to everything. Some won't. It is usually NOT about you.

I have a DEAR friend who was often hurt that his work friends didn't want to spend time with him like he wanted to spend time with them. I told him, when you start to feel hurt and/or annoyed by people, STOP reaching out. Reel back until you are giving what doesn't hurt....

Not everyone has the same things to give back in a friendship. Try not to dwell on this. You'll find your friends.

hugs.

Stacy,

I LITERALLY feel your pain. I have been SOOOOOO disappointed by people in my life, it is scary. It truly stings when you are hurt by people that you believed were your real friends, and only to tramautically (if that's a word) find out that in reality, they are only your fake, phony two-faced friends. I had something so devastating and tramautic happen to me, that it had me question EVERYONE in my life, wondering who I can trust, if anyone. It is so terrible when people you think are your real friends aren't. I know exactly how you feel and I am so sorry!!!! For whatever reason (or for no reason at all), Kris and the other girls don't like you. That is obvious. So forget them! You are better than them! Find yourself new friends by:
1) joining a mommy and me class (if you have young kids)
2) or whatever activites you take your kids to, try to develop new friendships with the other moms that are there
3) join a moms club (www.momsclubinternational.org) I think that's the website. Just google international moms club - it exists all over the county - I am in one and like it
4) If you go to church, join a connections or bible study group to meet other women
5) what about double dating with your husband friends and their wives? Maybe you will become friends with these wives.

Please don't let Kris and these other mean ladies hurt you any longer. All the best!

I've had that experience too in two ways. I have a friend who I went to high school with (what...30+ years ago) who has become closer to a woman I introduced her to. They talk almost daily and if I invite my hs friend, she'll say, "let me see what so-and-so is doing."

Also, there were 7 of us who bonded in hs together and there is one I was closer to than the others. For years after we went our separate ways I was unable to form satisfying friendships, and felt the same way, lonely and alienated. Then I realized that the space that I was holding for friendship was completely occupied by the affection and connection I had with my hs BFF. So I had to expand that space and make room for other people, and when I did that I was able to make some new solid friendships. I just had to stop holding on to that one so tightly. My hs BFF and I are still close, and when we talk maybe once a year it feels like yesterday, but now I have others.

Make room and be open to what comes.

*****
On your new question: I don't think you necessarily need to unfriend Kris, afterall, mom always said, don't burn your bridges. Just place less emphasis and importance on it and move on with your life. You might need her one day -- or vice versa.

It is hard to say why they pulled away. I have been in a similar situation, but one thing to remember is that you can not blame kris for the behavior of the others, or expect her to lose friendships she cares about to stand up for you, it is your job to stand up for yourself. Sometimes people just do not stay close, no real reason. I would let this one go and move on.

sounds like you have said or done something, or worn something, or whatever. These sound like shallow people to me. I think you will need to find some different friends, I wouldn't even bother with them any more, if they invite you, dont go. I know it hurts, I am not a very popular person, I don't have a lot of friends, just a few that I know I can trust.
join some clubs, or go to a nice church.

Just playing devil's advocate, here, but do you think that you may offend people sometimes? I have a friend, whom I reached out to because my son wanted to have a playdate with hers. She was so receptive to me and we got to know each other, etc. She would talk about her two sister n laws. And how they gave her the cold shoulder at times, etc. Or how she spent a day with another mom biking at the beach, etc, only to never hear from her, again. So this went on until I realized that my new friend had diarrhea of the mouth, sometimes and could seriously offend without realizing. Anyways, I'm not saying that's you, but sometimes we don't realize that we are too blunt and can hurt peoples feelings.

I have found that if you have to work really hard to keep a friendship, then the friendship is doomed.
Not to say that it is not worth having friends - but if you find yourself having to change yourself to fit in, or 'settling' for when they have time to spend, or just feeling like you are the only one that worries about reaching out to contact the other - then maybe that friendship needs to be let go of.

A friend that lasts a long time is someone who you can be yourself with, who is not trying to change you (and therefore accepting of who you are), and is someone who has enough in common to have many things to talk about. (That does not mean that you have EVERYTHING in common, just enough to have things to say that you both can appreciate.)

As to where to go from here? What do you enjoy doing? Go out, and be self confident about trying new things, and meeting new people. Don't try to fill the space immediately - take time to get to know you - and get to know other people. When you are confident about yourself, then you will not feel as dependent on outside friendships for acknowledgment of your self worth. When you are confident you attract different people, as they can see that confidence. Be yourself - there will be someone who thinks that person is pretty cool. :) That is the person(s) you want to be friends with. :)

I like what Michelle said. People will come and go into your life with little explanation. Sometimes it happens.
I do believe that things happen for a reason.
When I was in grad school, I had an awesome boyfriend. We did a lot together and he was very fun and we got along well.
One day, out of the blue, he told me he was thinking about moving out of state. He talked about this for weeks. I was crushed.
Turns out, he decide not to move but then quit calling....quit coming by work like he used to.
We had been broken up for six months when I met my now husband.
Had I still been mourning the loss of other boyfriend and beating myself up over our break up, I would have missed the man I would marry and who is great husband and father!!!

Maybe, there are better friends for you out there---maybe even close by. But you will have to let the dissolving relationship go to see what's in store!

Riley nailed another O.! Read her response again.

Maybe I didn't read this clearly enough, but it seems as though you "broke up" with Kris because she didn't always invite you/find ways to include you whenever she did things with mutual friends. Is that the case? It seems as though you were hurt not only that you weren't invited to the wedding, but that Kris either didn't tell you that you weren't invited or didn't pressure the bride to include you?

If I am reading that correctly, I think that you put way to much pressure on Kris. I am very good friends with a woman I work with, and, through her, have become very friendly with some other women. But she is better friends with them, and, while I admit that I sometimes feel a twinge of jealousy when she does stuff with them without me, I don't always have to be included to validate our friendship. Just like I don't always include her. We don't owe each other explanations; we're not married, we're friends. Honestly, if she started wondering and asking why she wasn't invited to every event that involved mutual friends, I would find her "clingy and desperate" to use your words.

While I do believe that you can cultivate friendships, deep, meaningful, lasting friendships are both organic and wax and wane. If you head out into the world looking for a "best friend" you are going to put too much pressure on the relationship and it is going to collapse. Instead, try to make lots of friends. Yes, it is more time consuming to meet lots of people and spread yourself over all of them, but then you have lots of people to do GNO's with, talk about families, etc. Who knows? Maybe some of them will become BFFs, and maybe not. But I think that confidence in your ability to make and keep friendships would do both you and your friendships a world of good.

Good luck.

I'm just curious if you ever initiated a lunch etc with all of them. I don't think this is Kris' fault either and maybe they got the impression you didn't like them all that much, just wanted to be with Kris etc. It's possible they felt a bit slighted so they didn't bother inviting you either.

not for nothing, i swear to you - i was actually told by one of my best "friends" at the time, that they (the group) all REALLY wanted me to come to a certain (couples) party, but not my husband. and was that okay?? all because they just don't like him. he never did a thing to them.

some people are just RUDE and not good friends. i'm sorry this has happened to you...do you have a mom or a sister? those, i find, are much better bets for TRUE friends. i hope you find one.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have many friends either and I would love to have a few close friends. These woman sound shallow, the fact that they couldn't even tell you why they wanted to stop the friendship and they called you high school. I agree that people come into your life for a season. I hope you can move on without it hurting. Don't let this stop you from being social and trying to meet new people.

When we moved into our new neighborhood, our street was brand new. I wanted to include Ann who I was just getting to know. I asked if it was ok to invite her too when we neighbors had get togethers.

I learned the hard way that people think it is very rude to ask if someone else can come and that over half the invitations never panned out after I asked to bring Ann. Others saw her true self before I did and they didn't want her around so I missed out on some relationships because they thought I had no manners for asking.

I have been trying to hang onto a friend who moved away and I am doing all the work. It finally got to the point where I faced the fact that she moved on and I needed to do the same. I am sorry because It does hurt.

Some people just distance different ways or aren't good friends. I'd feel left out too. I'd say they just didn't think about it or other excuses but a bridal shower and wedding it sounds rude if they're supposed to be your friends. I had a friend like this... me and her would go dancing all the time together with a group of friends I worked with and her husband worked with... she started not calling me or texting back or going dancing or out to dinner. Come to find out this guy I worked with was part of our group (me and him were cool at work) but when we ate a sports bar I looked at him probably two times the whole time (I looked at the waitress more) and his fiance said I was staring at him all night. She basically said I was a homewrecker for looking at her fiance (who always cheats on her, I don't go after dogs or people with someone). So my friend would ignore me... not a very good friend.. so I moved on.
Try to meet people through your kids (other parents) or join a club or gym class (zumba or kick boxing). I have the same problem cuz I go to college all day and I always make friends with married people for some reason (Im a single mom) so I get that 3rd wheel feeling... I have like 1 or 2 single friends lol. It sucks... I wish they had a single mom play group here.

i know exactly where you are coming from thats exactly how i felt when i moved and i depended on my sister n law to include me with her circle of friends and never did. i was so depressed and i hated living there. she never invited me anywhere. so we moved here. what i did was go back to school to maybe gain some friends. i did but its mostly only at school that we hang out. i also miss girls night out and things of that nature. i spend almost most my time with my boyfriend but that can get old. its not you belive me i guess with me is that im not the one to initiate an invite and maybe thats why. so with that said i live in Mesquite and if you need a friend im glad to be one ok;]] message me anytime you never know it could be the start of us gaining a good friendship with each other and whoever else needs a freind!!!