What Was Your "Aha" Moment..

I knew I was done when I decided to get pregnant with my one and only child. I had an easy time getting pregnant, had a super easy and enjoyable pregnancy and easy delivery. I was really good at being pregnant (never would have guessed this in advance in a million years). But I never had a moment's desire for a second child. I actually had the authorization for a tubal ligation signed in my wallet weeks before I delivered - in case I needed a C-section and had had any meds that might in any way prevent giving informed consent. I also feel strongly (have since I was in elementary school) that there are way too many people for the earth to support and the most responsible thing one can do is to have 0,1 or maximally 2 children (per couple).

Mine happened the day child #2 was potty trained. I thought, "I never have to change another diaper AGAIN! As long as I live!" Now that my kids are 8 and 11, I truly can't imagine adding a baby to the mix. I'd say give it a year and see if you still want another. ;)

I knew I was done trying to biologically have any additional children after my ectopic pregnancy. The 3 miscarriages were bad, but the ectopic put me over the edge, for some reason. I just knew having another child biologically wasn't in it for me. It was a feeling I got.

However, we will get our license to become foster parents on the 16th of this month and that feels really right to me, my husband and my 13 year old daughter. So, I guess I don't feel "done" yet with expanding our family. it will just be expanded in a different way.

i don't think we ever really had one. in fact, my husband asked me just the other night 'did we ever decide to stop at 2? or did it just happen?'
and we both had to sit there, scratching our heads like chimps.
both of us thought we'd have a bigger family, but the financial challenges we faced as young parents with two kids just precluded it. as it was, our boys spent too much time in daycare, and i missed too many christmases and mothers' days because i was working. so we never had an aha moment, we just also never had a 'let's go for it!' one either.
we did get pregnant when i was in my 40s, and after the initial shock, got cautiously excited. wasn't to be, though.
and i don't think we're unusual. i think all but a few lucky folks simply have to be mature and learn how to be happy with what both luck AND good planning produce for them.
khairete
S.

We knew from the get go that our family was complete with our daughter.

I never had an urge to have another child. I feel blessed with my daughter and fortunate to be able to give her a solid family life both emotionally and financially.

She's 18.5 and just moved into her new condo yesterday. She's on top of the moon with happiness and all set to begin her college education this month.

I love her dearly and I knew early on that I'd never have an urge for another. I felt 100% complete and still do.

my aha moment was when I lost what would have been our third child to miscarriage. The pregnancy was not planned, i was on the fence and bemoaning the fact that I was going to have to go through it all over again. But when we went in for a regular check up and dr. could not find a heart beat, i was sent in for a stat ultrasound with the technician in the hospital. I knew from the images I was able to glean that there was no baby (blighted ovum). Initially I felt done. I had had two other miscarriages and that one made for thee. Just didn't feel I could go through it again. But in time I realized my intense disappointment and that helped me solidify the feeing that I truly did want one more, even though one more was also a scary prospect. My husband never had any doubts about wanting to grow our family. He'd have another I think if it weren't for our age. And perhaps I would too if we were younger. I think the reason its so black and white for me to have a third was the emotions of losing my third combined with my age knowing it was now or never. My third baby is just over two weeks old and tomorrow I turn 38. I am in the throws of "doing it all over again". But boy am I glad to have that last pregnancy behind me. Ultimately for me the fear of regretting not going for one more was so large we went ahead even though part of us felt done. I would say we "erred" on the side of too many. It was impossible for me to feel 100% certain, but the miscarriage tipped the scales for me.

My husband and I talked in basketball terms: one-on-one defense versus zone defense. I decided that my family was complete because we could handle two children together easily. I also thought of college expenses, which are very expensive. I have never regretted it. Perhaps my "girl" will be my granddaughter. If not, my two sons are enough.

Just remember that they only stay babies for a little while. Using your head rather than your baby yearnings will help you figure out if you really want a 3rd child.

I don't think it was one moment, but more that my husband and I had already made peace with it just being the two of us. I'd had a history of miscarriage and was not trying, not not trying, but it took five years of being together for me to actually get pregnant enough to miscarry again, then actually for-real prego with our son.

No aha moment, just a knowledge that this was a bonus, a blessing, for us. Frankly, I never want to get pregnant again and we've taken measures. We've also concluded that one child was enough for us to be a happy little family and to be able to afford the things we knew we'd need going forward. We don't live extravagantly, but our current situation allows me to stay home with our son, who is six now and such a joy. I've never wanted to have a second child. I think you know when you know, if you know what I mean.

I had two babies planned, for as long as I can remember. Once I had them, a girl and a boy, I felt done. Of course I had moments of longing for another little one, and still do, but I know my family is complete. I think if I gave into that longing for an infant, I'd have 12 by now.

Probably about 10 minutes after my only was born!
Viola! Complete. :)

No aha moment here... After much effort, we have three lovely angels. We are done, and my brain knows that. That doesn't stop the little twinges or patters in my heart when I hold someone else's baby in my arms. That doesn't stop my wondering what it would be like with another. That doesn't stop me from asking God if we are meant to be adoptive or foster parents at some pooint in the future.

I guess I just wanted to share that not everyone has an aha moment, that not everyone plans it all down to a tee, and that there isn't always a cut and dried answer to this complex question. In our lives, we've come to terms with the fact that we both love babies, yearn to hold babies, even feel confident in the way that we raised our babies, but that doesn't mean that we need loads of 'em :)

Good luck with this tough decision and may you find peace with whatever you decide...

I went to visit a friend with a new baby and in my head as I was looking at the adorable bundle of joy I just thought to myself "gosh I don't miss this AT ALL." Sure babies are wonderful but I really love that we are done with naps and can travel easily and I'm not wiping bottoms all day (for the most part!). Give it some more time - 18 months is still pretty young and make sure your partner is on board. I know couples who were meant to have 3+ - it's second nature and then there are the couples who had the 3rd and aren't doing so well....

I was almost 45 when I had my dd....thought I was infertile, but then surprise!

I've always been happy with one. ( Maybe because of my age.) I'm glad I don't have more because I feel like it's all I can handle. I see people with 3-4 kids and they really are struggling. Two seems to be a manageable number.

Mama:

When I had two miscarriages in one year. I knew I could not handle getting pregnant again - no matter how much we wanted two more. My husband was on board as well - as the miscarriages hurt him as well. It was a really stressful year.

Do you have any friends that have infants? If so - go visit them. If you hold a baby and get that TUG...I would venture to guess you are not done having babies.

Good luck! Hope you find that balance and what you are looking for!

We have three, and I feel so blessed because after #2, my husband was done. I did not feel complete and we had many discussions, and I said many prayers. My wish came true and we had our youngest four years ago tomorrow!

While I felt pretty complete after having our third, I had times that I wished I could have another. Then to our surprise, we did have an oops in October, but I miscarried at the end of November. My husband felt it wasn't meant to be, and a blessing in disguise that we lost the baby.

The baby would have been due at the end of June. It's been a rough summer for me. I am looking forward to school starting and getting back into the routine. I need to keep busy and focus on moving on.

Due to many factors, my health being a big one-I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and borderline diabetes this summer. And the other one being a change of insurance in June from an HMO to a high deductible PPO with no maternity coverage, I know we will not try to have any more children.

I would say if you really want another, and your husband is on board, you should do it. And soon! Your kids are still very young, your youngest is only 18 mos. You're not that far removed from the infant stage! You should do it soon so they are all close. This will make it easier as they get older as well. If I could do it over (and still have the same kids I have) I would have had them closer in age. There is 7 years between my oldest and youngest. They're not on the same page at all. This summer has shown me how challenging it is to find activities that please an 11 yr old and a 3 yr old. It's also very difficult to drag an infant all over town to a million sporting events. I feel like he spent his entire infancy in the car!

Best wishes!

I didn't feel complete after our second, but after this third, it just feels different. She is super easy, a great sleeper, and so adorable, but our family feels complete and whole now.

After our second was born I was adamant that we were done..except...there was always comments being made about we're certainly not trying and we'd prefer not to have another but if it happens we'll figure it out. Part of that was because our birth control method is family planning, which means an "oops" is not out of the question but can be avoided. We could never commit to something permanent like my husband getting snipped or anything.
So 3 1/2 years I think it was I found myself pregnant with not exactly an "oops" but not exactly planned either. My initial reaction I must admit was not the best, but we just said OK, whatever and accepted it. I miscarried at 8 weeks. That's when I realized having one more was not something I was actually against. We did wait a while because, quite frankly, that exact moment in time it was not what we wanted.
A year and a half later I got pregnant, I had my third child 9 months later.
Now that I have my 3 I know I don't want any more. If an "oops" happens than we'd just deal and I'm sure I'd be just fine with it but we're certainly not trying.
After my third we don't say the "if it happens" type comments we said after our second. I think that's how we know we're good.

My aha moment was when my spouse decided he was happy with who and what we've got. I am too but wanted one more. However it takes both parents to want more. End of my story. Sounds like you need to ask your spouse and discuss.

I knew when my 2nd was born. I have a girl and a boy and they are 2 years 4 months apart. My husband also knew. I still feel complete although sometimes I do have a thought of adopting a baby. My husband had a vascetomy when our 2nd was 4 months old. I've talked to him about adopting but we both know we can't afford it. Either way, I would be happy with another baby someday (adopting), but I am also very happy and I do feel complete with just the 4 of us. Next on my list is to buy a home and then I know my life will be fully complete :)

Our "aha" moment was a practical one for financial and healthy reasons, along with our ages. My husband was, but I was never 100% sure. I LOVE my two children and have a wonderful family and fulfilled life. BUT...... I will alway have a teenie part of me that wonders whether we should have had more. I don't think that feeling would have gone away if I had more children. Just Me.

I didn't know for sure until my youngest went to 1st grade. I thought I would be so sad to not have a child to do things with most of the day (preschool and kindergarten were only about 2 1/2hr/day) but then I ended up loving the freedom I had with my kids in school all day and knew I was completely happy raising our 2 girls. (My middle child, my son, passed away).

I just made a rational choice that I wanted 2 kids. With 2 we can afford to travel. With 2 we can afford college. We aren't stressed with time (just thinking of 3 or more kids in after school activities makes me feel stressed!). We can afford the swim lessons, soccer, piano lessons, ski team, dance, etc. (No, our kids don't do all those things at once!). Yes, when my 2nd was about 1 I had baby cravings. I love babies! I think it was hormonal though. I think families with 3 and 4 kids are wonderful and I love our friends families with so many. I don't want that though. There was no aha moment. It was a decision that was based on 1. financial reasons and 2. my own sanity! :)