3 Miscarriages later.....how Do You Keep Trying?

It was hard! The thing that got me through was that I knew that it was healthy for a women to carry a child to term and I felt that if I couldn't do it then I must not be healthy. I found a wonderful doctor that tracked my hormone levels and found the problem. I had a thyroid issue and my progesterone was way way to low. We worked to straighten those issues out. I got pregnant again and all through the pregnancy my doctor monitored my hormone levels and supplemented when they dropped into levels that may cause problems. Had it not been for this cutting edge doctor my youngest daughter would not be here.

I am so deeply sorry for your losses. I think you need to see a fertility specialist. Even if you decide to not try again, it may help to get some answers or have some tests run so you can make an informed decision on how to proceed with your family planning. There could be a multitude of issues from genetic/chromosomal abnormalities making these pregnancies not viable to hormone imbalances. If you are armed with the right knowledge, I'm confident you'll feel better moving forward however you choose to do so.

Hi I am going to approach this from a totally different angle for you to give you other options. I just added my fourth child to our family through adoption. It eliminates any pregnancy woes and adds what you truly are hoping for, another beautiful child to your family.
We adopted a healthy infant girl from Ethiopia and she is incredible. I love her just as much as my biological children and she really completes our family. There are an estimated 147 million orphans in the world. If growing your family through pregnancy is proving so heartbreaking you can always turn this around and make a difference in the life of a child who needs a mommy and daddy to love them so badly.
Just a suggestion:-) I know it's different as I said but it would eliminate all your hesitancy about adding to your family and provide you with the end result of 4 happy healthy and very loved children.
Best of luck to you!
M.

having been thru the loss of our daughter during her 2nd day of heart surgery & a miscarriage prior.....my heart goes out to you. Miscarriage is difficult, & it does change your perspective.

For me, it's not a case of staying positive & keep trying. For me, it's all about embracing what you have. Being sure to rejoice in the life around you. That is how I survived the death of our daughter. I remembered that I had a son to care for, to love, & to "Mom".

Conception was difficult for me. Avoiding miscarriage was a challenge in all 4 pregnancies. My children were born in 87, 93, & 96. I had a miscarriage in 89. My younger son was the only baby to come home as scheduled. (my oldest stayed 2 days longer than I did. My daughter never came home.) I cried all the way home....all 2 hours of the drive. I knew I was done. :)

& I do want to share what my MIL said following my miscarriage: "well, we now have one in Heaven". Her words helped heal me.

I am so sorry for your losses!

Two pieces of advice-- first hormones and grief are a VERY, VERY powerful comination and should be treated with caution and plenty of time!

Second, I found the book _Pregnancy After Loss_ (http://tinyurl.com/7uzms27) VERY helpful-- it had been 9 years between my third miscarriage and my surprise (and only successful!) pregnancy, but ALL those feelings came rushing back, and this book was VERY helpful, not written by an expert- just a mm who's been there, done that. It might be helpful in helping you decide what you want to do!

I'm so sorry. No matter how many children you have, a miscarriage hurts and you'll always wonder and look foward to meeting those chiidren in heaven some day. I had six miscarriages, once with twins at four months. I have six beautiful, wonderful children. I finally, for the first time ever feel done.I know what you mean about feeling as if someone is missing. I felt that way for a very long time. I encourage you to try again. I dont think its good to end with a miscarriage. Not that one baby replaces another, but, I couldnt begin to heal until I had another baby.I wish you all the best in whatever you and your husband decide.

well, first off you probably need to wait until this fresh tragedy is further behind you before you decide for sure. i'm SO sorry. i've only had this happen once, and it rocked me off my center for a long time.
as for how you know when you're family is complete- wouldn't it be nice if it were cut and dried? it's just not. some people just 'know' after one, or six, or go into parenthood with a firm plan that never alters. others never have a clear idea, and others have plans that change as they go along. many many people would have welcomed more children, but are whole and happy with the ones they have.
i hope the final option is where you end up if indeed no more children are forthcoming for you.
my prayers go out to you and your family.
khairete
S.

I don't know, I'm so sorry you have gone through this.
I had 3 & felt like I could lose my mind after the 3rd I was so sad.

I went on to have another baby but it was so so difficult to stay positive. Like anything that hurts you just keep moving forward & walk through the pain.
Love and hugs

All I can suggest is to give your body a break - take a month off of intamacy if you can (for yourself). See a therepist or in my case a hpnotherepist really helped. Find a way to honor each pregnancy, for me it was via tattoo for you - who knows the possibilities are endless. I personally allowed nature to take its course after I nurtured myself and it has worked out well for me. I could be wrong, but I think you need to find closure on each miscarriage before you know if your family is complete. That is why I think the Duggers held a funeral for their miscarriaged child - it was their way to honor her and get closure. I figured out my way via therepy and it was the best thing I did for myself regarding that situation.

I'm so sorry! Miscarriages are so hard and heartbreaking. I've had a couple, plus a loss of a twin. I so want to have more children. Yet, each time I think I might be pregnant, I get fearful because I don't want the heartache again. But, if we do have another baby, it will be worth the fear and heartbreak. I feel that I just need to trust the Lord more, and know that He knows all things, and that whatever comes to pass is His will. Nothing happens outside of His perfect will. Even the death of my babies. So hard, yet, such a comfort. I heard it said that we are privileged to carry a baby that dies in the womb. A soul has been born into eternity through the days or weeks (or months) that we carried him or her. Had we not carried that baby, then it wouldn't exist. Our arms are empty, but they exist. That helps me to remember that. I find that I grow in faith when I have lost a baby to miscarriage. I am strengthened, matured, and have more compassion and heart for other people who suffer loss. I get it more now. I would never chose to stop welcoming children into our family. They bless me so much. I pray that you will find peace, and that you will find the confidence to trust that the Lord will bless you as He sees fit in His perfect timing.

I agree....give your body a break....maybe a year...then one more try...you may be successful!

It's hard...really hard! But with the help and support of my husband and my doctorswe were able to have 4 wonderful children. We started out wanting 6 but after the first few miscarriages we both knew that wouldn't happen. For each of our children the number they were in the family was how many pregnancies it took us to,get them here. For those who don't want to do the math, it took us 10 pregnancies to get our 4 children here. I may not know why I had to go through this but maybe my experiences will help someone else. Surround yourself with supportive people!

I couldn't. I had a child in 2001. I had a surprise pregnancy in 2005. My first notice that something was wrong was that the dates didn't match up with the growth. Dr. prepared me that it would probably ended in miscarriage. I was very shaken when it did. 4 months later I got pregnant again and was a nervous wreck the whole pregnancy. I was able to deliver a healthly baby. At my 6w checkup I asked for a ligation. I knew mentally that I couldn't take another pregnancy.

Have you considered being a foster parent or adopting to complete your family?

You have some really great advice from everyone here. I just want to say I am so sorry for your loss. I agree that you should give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally. You need to grieve your loss before jumping into another pregnancy. Having a child is very stressful and the stress of loosing one is a huge burden for most people. You want to be healthy in all ways if you decide to try again. If you can find one, osteopathic doctors treat the whole body. They can tell what is going on sometimes without a lot of invasive procedures. There's a great one near Akron but I'm sure there has to be one near Columbus.

Have you had any tests done to find out why you are miscarrying?

I had at least two confirmed miscarriages (I had a D&C done with them) and I suspect a third miscarriage but I don't know for sure (REALLY REALLY HEAVY Bleeding) before I had my son. After going through all of that and close to four years of trying to have a baby I'm happy with my son. If he is all I can have I am happy for that. But at the same time I wouldn't mind having more kids but I'm in a similar spot as you are. I don't know if I can keep trying and keep trying only to have miscarriages. It takes a lot out of you. Even through my son is only 3 months old, I still want more kids and I understand how you feel. My family doesn't feel complete.

But I guess in the end it is up to you. What do you want more? If you really feel like there's this empty void in you then give it a try. I was REALLY spiteful after my first miscarriage. I knew I lost the baby before my doctors did for my second one. I remember praying to God to either let my baby be all right or to help me to move on and get past it.

My husband says he never really wanted kids but knew he'd have them because I wanted kids. He's also very happy with our son but he can't think about having more kids right now. But that he will support me.

I know after my 2 confirmed miscarriages I told him that If I didn't get pregnant and stay pregnant that I would see a genetist and see what was going on. Turns out my blood work showed some kind of inconsistency and I had to take baby aspirin every day/every other day for the first 5 months of my pregnancy to thin the blood. I also took 200mcg folic acid. And poof I had a healthy boy.

Was that what did the trick? I'd like to think so, but you never know. I guess my thinking now is: If God wants me to have another child I will. I'll do what I can to stay pregnant-like the aspirin and such but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and in the end I have a beautiful son.

My first 2 pregnancies ended in miscarriages. My daughter was born in '81, my son in 83, another miscarriage and my daughter was born in 87. In those days they didn't do much of the hormone testing but I did have genetic testing before first child was born. And other tests revealed a bicornuate uterus and it was presumed that the pg losses were due to this. I knew I wanted more kids so I just figured we would keep on trying till we got one to "stick" in there. It did hurt to have the losses but I figured that if that was what i had to do in order to have my kids I would go through it. After my 3rd child I just knew I was done. Had I had more miscarriages I may have felt differently about keeping on trying but you just have to know what you can stand to go through.
I am sorry for your loss and I do hope you are able to come to a decision about more pgs or not that is right for you.