What to Tell People

Hi! Everyone had great tips! I totally agree that you don't have to go into a lot of detail, people understand now with the economy. Also, I work from home. I started 2 years ago to help my husband out with the bills so I could stay home with my son. Now I have 3 kids and I am single mom and I still work from home. I love it. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that if you guys could really use an extra $500 a month PLEASE let me know, I would love to help you guys earn that from home. It is easy, fun, and I promise you will love it! No inventory or delivering products, so you don't have to spend money to make money!! Send me a message if you want some more information.

Good Luck!

I want you to know you are not alone. There have been several times in my life with my husband that one of us has lost a job or run into other problems.

1) Let your husband know that you love him no matter what. Let him know that you will work together to get through this. He needs to know that you don't think any less of him.
2) As what to tell your friends, you have to go with what is comfortable for you. If it were me, I would say something along the lines of "We have a few set backs and that is not in our budget right now. Can we postpone our get together until we get things back in order?"

I hope that everything works out for you and your family. Good luck! You are not alone.

I say tell people the limited truth as listed below. Like "we are really taking a financial hit with all the gas prices and higher groceries. To stay on budget we are having to make some drastic changes. Although we can't eat out and things like that, we would love to have you over for game night instead of breaking our budget." Then bake some cookies or something, make smoothies, make coffeee, make a cake. Serve some veggies and ranch. It is great to play board games. Especially with your adult friends. I always think, now why aren't we doing more of that.
As for the birthday party. I would just say that our schedule didn't work out and we regrettfully can't join you. And technically, your schedule didn't work out, your schedule for money. Schedules are more than for time.
As for your hubby, men aren't just told by society they are the providers. It is an innate reflex to provide for and protect his family. Many men have self esteem issues, depression and anger over not being able to provide adequately for their families. It is part of who they are. Not just what society thinks, but how they are made and wired. God made them that way.
THere is a book called "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. L. Schlessinger. It talks about this feeling of providing for the family that leads some men to be workaholics among other things. It is a very good book. It might help you understand and cope with his feelings and help you to help him. It is geared towards wives wanting to better care for and tend to their husbands, on many levels.
I would also reinforce with your husband that providing for the family financially is great but it is not the only thing he contributes. That he is important for that and does a wonderful job. And he can't control the economy. But that he also provides a stable home environment, moral compass, presents a good example of a good work ethic, provides for your emotional well being, and your physical well-being (and he is a millionaire in that category--GIGGLE), is a great dad to the kids. This is also a good time to teach them how to handle adversity. Whether it will make you or break you...or your marriage. Remember the kids are watching that also, especially if they are older. Younger ones may only feel the tension.
You could also look at it this way. Now you guys can spend some more time together doing inexpensive but family bonding activities. Projects that you are always meaning to do but never have time, like pruning trees, weeding flower beds, planting seeds, go to the library, the park, nature walks, games in the evenings. I would also tell my husband that since we are no longer spending money for entertainment, then he will now be my entertainment and it starts right after the kids are in bed. That should reinforce that he still has something desirable that you want and admire him for.
Anyway, I think we are in this boat at some spot or another. I always tell my friends that I can't do something because it just isn't in my budget, and then substitute what is.
Good luck,
L.

I can totally understand. My husband felt the same way when he lost his job. It was explained to me by someone that men have this internal urge to supply for the family. They feel like a "failure" if they are not meeting that need for the family even if the woman tries to help. Just be patient and understanding. PRAY. <><

I think you should use an excuse about the birthday party. Sometimes it is easier to just avoid the subject of money.

As for the dinner invite, maybe you could invite them to your home for a "bring your own meat" BBQ. You could tell them later that that fits your budget better.

I highly recommend you listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio. Google him for his website. He is the author of the Financial Peace University (I took the class and it made a WORLD of difference in our finances).

Hope it helps. :o)

Blessigs,

P. <><

Everyone go through tough times, in one way or another. True friends will understand and those that don't well.... I see you are a SAHM, just say something like becuase we chose for me to be a SAHM to bond more with our kids etc....we are on a strict budget right now becuase of the current economy situation so are having to forgo a few parties and get togethers right, Lets plan to do something later. Again, true friends would understand and true will know that a party is not about all the gift giving.

Just be a little honest. Tell them that you and your husband are on a budget and you need to watch your spending. About the birthday party, just tell them that right now you wish you were able to go however, your family is on a tight budget and you have to watch your spending especially on extra trips b/c gas prices are so high you are only going places that are absolutely necessary. I too am a proud person when it comes to my personal business. When everyone else is trapped w/ high credit card debt yours will be for daily living expenses and not unnecessary spending. Just stick w/ the basics and nothing extra when it comes to your spending.

We're having to cut way back due to the economy - I'd love to have you guys over for spaghetti (or brownies - something cheap and fun) though.

S.

I'll have to agree with Pamela on this one. For the Bday party I wouldn't go into details about things being hard. People don't need to know why, just a simple I'm sorry we won't be able to make it. Send a homemade card instead letting them know you are still thinking of the birthday girl/boy on his special day. I personally would feel akward if I invited someone and they started telling me they couldn't come because of money, etc. Not that I wouldn't be understanding, but I would feel compelled to help. In the end, I guess it really depends on how well you know them.

Tell the truth....you don't have to tell all the gory details...just say "things are a litte tight right now and we are really cutting back on everything" and then offer an alternative to meeting for dinner....invite them over to your house for coffee, et. your social life doesn't have to end, you're just going to have to be inventive. stay strong during this difficult time...I've done it and it's not easy , I know! but remember, it will pass....just hang on!!!

Y.,

Most people are in the same situation your family is in so they understand.

BUT if you believe in God.. He provides a way for everything. AND ultimately you may be blocking someone elses blessing. He maybe trying to use someone else to bless you.

I know I've had plenty of times that I was not able to do something because I did not have the gas money. It happens. Right now it is pretty much happening to everyone.

I would just tell your friends that right now things are kind of tight so you're having to scale back. But thanks for the offer. When things get back on track you'll be looking forward to doing more with them again.

I hope this helps.

God bless

Your husband is saying he's afraid they'll try to give you money, but there is probably a part of him that doesn't want them to know at all. Mainly, because men tend to feel the weight of finances, including owning a house, car, etc. upon their shoulders.

I am not saying that this is actually the case, but it may be. Our society tends to place the role of "bread-winner" upon men, and they tend to feel that pressure...especially with their families.

Now, don't lie to your friends, but I agree...they don't need all of the details. But if you're very close, then, I'm sure they would understand, and if they want to help out, then just let them and be gracious about it. Everyone needs help sometimes, and we need to allow others to bless our lives, too, just as we'd want them to allow us to bless theirs. :)

Lorie was right as were a few others. You can tell the truth without giving all the gory details. Plus, the economy being what it is, with gas prices and food prices so high, you're probably not the only ones, and who knows, your honesty may make someone else feel better about their situation. Your friends want to spend time with you - it doesn't matter where you meet. Maybe you'll start a trend of relaxing times at each others homes chatting, munching, watching movies, barbequeing. That's really what it's all about anyway. Good luck!

Lorie is right! Just tell the truth. Things are tight for a lot of people. The grocery store and the gas pump are hurting everyone. We haven't had to watch our pennies in years, and lately it has been a different story. Your friends may even be in the same boat you are, or at least can sympathize. By all means, cut back, change the way you do business, change the lifestyle that got you into this mess. Dave Ramsay is a gifted financial advisor and has written several books to help people out of financial trouble. Go check out "The Total Money Makeover" from the libraby. It will change your life.

I would definitely tell them the truth. Just tell them that before you tell them anything you want them to promise that they won't try to help. I am sorry to hear this. I hope things turn around for your family soon.